All Comments on 'A Mafia Family Ch. 01'

The story has me hooked, even though organized crime isn't my usual preference.

My only issue is that the wording is a little off. Is it possible that English isn't your first language? Don't take this wrong. I've read stories by writers whose first language is English, but their grammar and writing style are a blight on the reader's eyes.

Please keep writing.

If you're taking suggestions, I would selfishly like for Tony to "remove" Vanessa's husband. Nothing blatant. Maybe Ray knows a way to fake a brain aneurism or something. The guy would just get in the way of Tony and Vanessa's loving sibling bonding, and if she just likes really good sex, Tony can provide it while satisfying the genre.

I've always liked the man of the house plot line, with the mother and sister(s) as the harem. Although, Tony's stated goals of not acquiring any liabilities, such as a family or love interest, are already being set aside with meeting his mother. The fact that no one knows they are related might keep them safe.

As much as Tony doesn't want a family, he will need an heir one day. I am curious if your story will address that before its conclusion. I am looking forward to reading it.

Even though there wasn't too much sex i like the story so far, it definitely got me interested, i look forward to reading the rest.

Looking forward to next parts

it is fucking interesting story...

and i m one of that person who like long story but with good storyline.... and you have got that in your first part...

and your character build up skills are really good. all the characters are interesting.

you said that you r just beginner, and here you r with one amazing part of the story.

don't rush.. take your time...

and complete the whole series PLEASE..

Waiting for more

Loved it! Gave it a 5 man!! Good stuff can’t wait for part 2!!

Great story can't wait to read more 5 star.

Excellent story and a great start with a lot of promise. Good job!!

I hope there's more soon

You no have your mother where you want her, directly in from of your cock. Hope that she gets not only what you want but also what her mouth wants, a big load.

Anticipation. Reads like a perfect fit for adventure, planning, killing and incestuous family. Love it. More please

Please get a very good proofreader/editor. The grammatical and syntactical errors make reading your otherwise well constructed story a struggle rather than a pleasure.

A plot with endless possibilities; definitely worth the time invested. I look forward to the rest of the story.

You have the beginning of an excellent series. Don't make us wait to long for next installment.

Good stuff

When will you continue all your "ch. 01" ???

This is the kind of work that would do good for the beginning scripts of a movie. Your fans anxiously await your next chapters.

And you have obvious talent. Please get a proofreader (or a better proofreader). The 6-8 mistakes I picked out take away from your skill. Not your fault, not your job just get a good proofreader. Please continue.

Am I the only blonde here?

I'm already dreading reading chapter 2, because I see no other chapters coming after it. This is really good, it reads like a John le Carre's spy novel.

Please give us more!

Enjoying this story a lot. Are you still writing?

5/5

Your command of the English language is very poor. You don't know what tense of a word to use. Your story rambled and was hard to follow as you tried to introduce too many components. Proof read your work more

I love this, ignore the person below saying your english is bad, but you ahve made some grammar mistakes here and there. If you out this through grammarly or get somebody (even me) to check and show you the mistakes, it's easily recitified.