All Comments on 'A Maid for Timon'

Trash

"Trash" - as useful and helpful a comment as ever seen. So insightful.

I, like many, come here to look for hope in a future, even if it's a fantasy future. Not views of a slow death.

This is someone who's writing I will now avoid. If I want depressing, I'll watch the news.

different but nice

It's a good story, bit it isn't erotic.

I love this story it's so beautiful! I don't think it's eriotic enough for this site, but a great story. I would read more chapters. Very sad about the ending. Keep writing!

I thought is was a very good story, too bad about the ending I was really hoping for a happy ending

It was a wonderful story up until the end. I had hoped that Naia would turn to Timon instead of the fish man. There needs to be another chapter or chapters to this story.

Enjoyable but the ending didn't fit. Needs more story to explain.

Harsh, sad ending to a well-imagined tale. I’m not sure if it counts as fantasy or post-apocalyptic, or even if there’s a real difference between the two. And it serves as further evidence of the remarkable quality of Tarnished Penny’s writing on this site. Five stars.

The ending really shook me. From start to that point the story promised a tale of a happy day for the MC, and then out of left field came the ending. I’m left with questions and I feel like I got punched in the gut. Honestly I’m regretting reading this and I need to find something else to read to wash out the taste.

Statistically speaking, fairy-tale endings suck for about half the characters.

A beautifully-crafted yet sad story. But these are what make it a success! Part of me is wishing that (at the very least) Naia realizes that sharing something with Timon is more - real than the enthrallment of a red-haired interloper! I think we know what team I'm on :P Thank you for sharing this; it makes you think, which makes you feel - alive :)

When I read you referring to this in the forum, I was very curious to see if perhaps readers rated the tale fairly or merely reacted perhaps in some unjustified fashion.

You establish the village experiencing hard times and appears almost cursed (the surrounding villages inland already died off)--this spreads the tension over the village like a net--and we easily feel the inhabitants nervousness: they're praying and employing even astrology to interpret any sign that might help them. We understand the mermaids are extremely choosy lately and the village indeed requires some kind of divine intervention to survive. Readers should not have missed one of the village elders saw about 48 mermaids leave the island, but tragedy strikes in the form of only 2 choosing their lads. While you name her "Naia," which can simply mean "water nymph," further examining the name (from the Urban dictionary) establishes a female so named is free-spirited and liable to act capriciously. It proves curious that the "tradition" is the mermaid brings the conceived child back in 2 years--BUT the men cannot initiate contact with the mermaids...already implying things develop a razor-thin edge. It concludes (a bit novel, I'd say) that the females control what transpires and can effectively be as unfaithful as they desire (you state Timon knew she'd been with many other males before him). Timon (Spanish for "rudder") guides his experience as best he can--and seemingly impresses Naia in a heretofore unique way (with the comb and with combing her hair)--plus he's tender with her. There's some small implication Timon wins her over because of one extremely valuable gift and one desirable plus completely novel one. However, the redheaded merman drives a stake through all the villager's hearts by his appearance and singlehandedly enchanting (this is assumed) the entire collection of mermaids. Except for the popular saying "red on the head, fire in the bed," we learn nothing of who this sudden interloper is nor why he would doom the village so, only noting that he looked at them "disdainfully."

You structure this to forebode anything but a happy ending and if readers can interpret the breadcrumbs you leave scattered in the story, will expect it will not end well. I hope no one rated the story poorly because of not having an excessively-sweet happy Hallmark ending, as the truest form of the romance genre is to invoke a tragedy where one or both lovers die. Of all the commenters, only 2 alluded to the difficulty in accepting how the tale ends, which is there's no evidence to suggest the merman's motive, nor his hateful action; the only thing that is clear is that none of the men would ever catch him by swimming. Readers could accept this sad ending if they had sufficient reason to: had you written 1 more page (by Lit standards that's a LOT) to somehow craft a story that explained the merman's motive(s), that would make it more palatable. I'm not sure it would require another entire chapter (3-4 more pages) to smooth things over, but it's clear the sudden "hitting the brick wall" at 70 mph leaves many scratching their heads. This story would have deserved 5 with a justifiable ending; without it, it's a 4.

I’d echo Commentarista82 comments re the odd fit between the first 90% of the story and the final 10% ending, it feels like the Neanderthals must have, that they’d unfairly been selected for genetic oblivion and yet virtually no hint of this was written into the story earlier. All in all, this wasn’t a satisfying read, it felt bleak and hinted at extinction. That said, it’s well written and I’ve given it 5⭐️, but it deserves a follow up with some form of explanation as to why the ending is as you’ve made it. Best wishes, Ppfzz.

[20.02.24]

To quote James Douglas Morrison "Five to One"

That's what the last paragraph did to my score!

Also to paraphrase..."no village man gets out alive"

That SUCKED!

-666/10!!!!!