All Comments on 'A Man Alone'

Great story!

5

Nice story with good character development rignt up to the last half page…then it became a cardboard cliche. Too bad…you were doing so well.

FYI, Marines don’t wear “fatigues” — they wear “utilities”…which are called variously called “utes”, cammies, marpats, or digis or digimons. but never fatigues, Also Marines don’t “re-enlist” — they “ship over”

Next, sometimes Sullivan is a Sergeant, sometimes a Staff Sergeant. Based on his age, Sergeant makes more sense. Lastly, when Adeela is promoted to Sergeant, she would have referred to her new rank as “chevrons” not “stripes.” (These are nits, but there are cultural distinctions between Marines and Soldiers that matter…to,Marines.)

Because it ends on such a down note 3 stars, I hate romances that end in bitterness.

OUCH!

Loved the story, but ouch the ending sucked. Voted 5's anyway. Thanks for the story.

Stunning. Well written and thought out.

Comments

Thank you to all who have provided comments, especially anon who provided details on Marine terms that I didn't find during my research online. One thing of note regarding Sgt and Staff Sgt Sullivan--I advanced his rank based upon meritorious promotion from his first tour in Afghanistan to his second. I understood that still happens just as it did with Adeela. If I'm wrong on that account that would be worth knowing too. I will make the appropriate changes to the story and repost it later. Again, my thanks for those comments.

Regarding the Empire Strikes Back, sorry I don't ever remember that one. When I write, the story just comes to me and I don't make reference to what I've seen in a movie or read in a story somewhere. In fact, to be truthful, I didn't expect the story to end as it did.

This story was meant to stir emotions and I hope it did that. And, frankly, I have to agree with JayDiver--it did suck. Big time! But cardboard cliche? That one I will have to think about.

Rachel

Wonderful story!

Ridiculous way to end after reading thru the whole thing for 17 pages

WoW, what a story. Very well written and kept my interest throughout. I was surprised and shocked by the ending but, hey, it's your story to tell.

Thanks for a supurb effort.

Damnit, I hate when an author yanks tears out of my eyes at the end. Especially this unexpected ending. Five well deserved Stars, and Thank you for it. Semper Fi from this old Marine.

Please consider writing and posting an alternate heart warming ending with Bruce being overjoyed he will become a father.

Well written but I wasn't ready for the ending

I'll write a comment later. That ending just tore this old NAVY Petty Officer's hart out!

Mo cheers this time!

SAGE

very well done

I really enjoyed this story. However, I hate that Bruce died. I think after all his losses, he deserved to live a full life with Adeela and their child. There were some mistakes with typos and the ranks being Sargeant then Staff Sargeant, but you know what? It doesn't take away from a good story. The characters were relatable and I can't help but love them. A well deserved 5 stars.

-Diane

I really enjoyed the story - until the ending. I hated that ending

Gutsy tough story and while several comments said they hated the ending it was obviously how you saw this unfolding, and you have to be true to that vision. I had well meaning folks tell me that about my story “Jaguar Blues” as well, but it was where the story went. I loved it. thanks

Agree with most comments, just want to add that the bacon and eggs was a mistake too. The girls may have cooked it for their man but would have never have eaten bacon.

I have to agree the ending was bad. It didn’t even have emotional impact because it just through me out of the story. The rest was well written and I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing your work.

Wow.. loved the story but what an ending, most unexpected. Sad too. I respect the author’s choice in their story, doesn’t mean I have to like it though. I’m just a sucker for happy endings.

I certainly didn't see that coming. Great story!!

Loved it. But hated the last couple of paragraphs. Great story. 👍

Well Rachel, I finished reading this wonderful story 2 days ago and had to put it aside as the ending was so surprising I couldn't believe it. OK, I'm a total HEA romantic when it comes into this category and that's where I though you were going. Looking back I should have read the signs but I simply enjoyed the ride.

Anyway another blliant story from you fully deserving the top rating.

Very well written, even if a bit lenghty at times. No, the ending is not nice, but: From a wrtiting perspective it is brillant, because it comes unexpectedly and throws you off. It is thus utter nonsense to say the ending is bad. Whether you like it or not: it is much, much better than the „happy end with no end“ of all the stories whose writers dare nothing, can’t come to a conclusion and summarize the next fifty years of the couple in a two paragraph „epilogue“.

Took too long to develop, and I finally began to hate some of the prime characters, especially Acela.

A greek tragedy, a rare story. We all like a happy ending but this is a well told story. Well done. Life is not a Disney ending.

This is an amazing story. Having spent a couple years in Pakistan and being married to an Indian lady, I am pleased to see the cultural sensitivity in this storey. It will help neighbors of Afghan refuges to read stories like this so they can better appreciate the many cultural differences they must overcome. Good romance too!

Well...

5 stars, but not quite the ending I expected. Life isn't a bed of roses, and this story proves it. Definitely kept me interested throughout the whole story. Looking guard to more from this author!

Great story, crappie ending didn’t like it much

Hi. I read your stories with pleasure. Just one thing... Female circumsicion/mutilation is not practised in Afghanistan. It's an African thing, and not limited to muslims. Thank you for sharing your work.

Thank you for your comments. Female circumcision is conducted most often in areas near the border with Pakistan in Afghanistan. Some family groups continue the practice despite it not being practiced by the majority of people in a region. Even some immigrant families in the US have attempted to continue the practice. Blanket statements don't reflect the reality of most aspects of human behavior, this included.

Liked the story until the end, it felt unnecessarily heavy and disappointing to end their love story in that manner. Would be nice to see happy endings these days.

But the many violins had sticky stuff all over them in the end...

And the least you could have done was

sucked Steve down over the falls with him.

Firstly, a gripping at times story, it drifted occasionally and a bit of editing might have cut a page or two, but the ending is quite frankly rubbish. You have us invested in the evolving relationship between the principals and then subject us to an ending like that? Not good enough, there seems to be a growing trend amongst authors, that a HEA is in some way not fashionable or too predictable, or in some way not “Serious” enough. If I want broken hearts I’ll look at the real world.

FYI, romance is about hope, goodness and redemption. If you can’t write that way go elsewhere.

Ppfzz.

That is one helluva story that I now wish I didn't read...

Good story, very crappy ending.

I am now hesitant to read your other stories what a shame.

I’ve always loved sitting down for a good long read. I’ve read a few of the 30 page novellas on here and was happy to have spent the time but this is the first time I’ve been absolutely disappointed by wasting a chunk of time.

Great story ruined by an absolute crap ending.

DON'T BOTHER READING THIS STORY AS THE MC DIES IN THE END......UTTER WASTE OF TIME!!!!

17 PAGES OF BULLSHIT TO HIS DEATH