A Man Alone

She looked at me with a grin, "It looks as if Ahlum's cooking is agreeing with you."

"I have gained about five pounds," I admitted.

"You still look lean to me," she laughed, adding, "I mean you look happier."

"I think I owe most of that to you. I'm sorry now I waited so long to see a therapist. She told me after our first visit I had a mild case of PTSD. I wasn't sure there was such a thing, but after the second session two days later I noticed a difference in how relaxed I felt. She asked me why I decided to start therapy and I told her I had promised someone I would. She said it was good I did because the longer you wait the harder it can get. Adeela, thank you. I wouldn't have done if not for you."

"Good, keep up the good work. You know I'm sorry we've had so little time to spend with one another. The time goes by so quickly once I get here, and now I have to leave again. I'm going to be happy to come back to stay."

"A new ranger is supposed to start in two weeks so I should be able to have one day on the weekend free. I don't know yet if I get to pick which day or not."

"It would be nice if you could get Saturday off. That way we could spend the entire day together. That is if you want to. I guess I shouldn't assume you wouldn't want to spend the time with Ahlum, or someone else."

I sat there not knowing what to say. I actually hadn't thought about who I would spend the time with if I were off for the day. I didn't want to tell her I didn't want to see her as that wasn't the case at all. But, I didn't want her to think I was presumptuous by thinking she would want to.

"Adeela, I don't...didn't... think about it. I don't think it would be a good idea for me to assume you would want to spend the time with me. I would like to as there are many places and things we could do together in the park."

"You know, we could always ask Ahlum to go with us, except I think she will be working most weekends too. But it's not like I'm dating anyone and have to work around it."

Adeela's phone rang in her pocket and she took it out and looked at the screen. I expected her to answer it as it might be Ahlum. Instead she put her phone into her pocket with a frown.

"Is everything okay? Does Ahlum need something?"

"It wasn't Ahlum. I can call later. I'll stop at the market and see Ahlum on my way back. So, when do you think you'll know about having a day off on the weekend?"

"Probably in two weeks. You aren't planning on coming home every weekend are you? That's a lot of driving to do. Not that I wouldn't mind if you did."

"I don't know. I guess it will depend on how the week goes. I like the idea of coming home that often, but you're right, it's a lot of miles and fourteen hours of driving. You could drive down to see me if you had two days off in a row--that is if you wanted to. The problem with that is we would only have a few hours in the evening and the rest of the time you would be sitting around bored stiff."

I smiled, "I could always spend my time at a bar trying to pick women up."

She looked at me with a frown, "Really?"

"No. I've never been good at picking women up despite what you may think. I'm a dud because I don't drink and cuss enough I guess."

"You know, there are women who like a man like that."

"Yeah, well if that's the case I haven't met her yet." I looked at my watch--it was time to go back to work. We shared a hug and I was surprised she held me so tight for so long. It felt good and if I hadn't been in uniform and on duty I might have pulled her back. I knew I was going to miss her.

***** Adeela

I walked to my car wishing we would have had more time to talk. I was so pleased to see him looking so good. He was comfortable, relaxed, and well...he looked more delicious to me than the last time I saw him. Then I remembered the text--it was Steve asking when I would be back so we could go out again. The vision of his handsome face and slim body came to me, then an image of the box of condoms on his vanity. Damn, was I really thinking what I was thinking! I realized at the same time my hug with Bruce had warmed me in a wonderful way. Then the night I lay with him on the sofa flooded my mind. My emotions swirled in my mind along with what-ifs. I could go and just have sex with Steve. If he kept it quiet, just between the two of us, it wouldn't hurt anything.

I stopped at the market, told Ahlum I was leaving for base and reminded her to call me if she needed anything. She told me she would and added she and Bruce could watch TV after dark in the evenings. It was then I remembered I had forgotten to tell Bruce I'd had cable installed. Oh well, he would find out soon enough.

I walked out to the Cherokee, went to the gas station next door to get gas, and left El Portal. My weekend was coming to an end and I wondered again if I had made a mistake by going out with Steve. This time I wondered if I trusted him around Ahlum and should have told Bruce. I also knew why I hadn't--I didn't want to reveal I had gone out with him.

I had been back to base a week and everything had gone fine. Ahlum had called me twice just to chat and I felt good about it. She told me she and Bruce had watched TV three times that week after they had taken a short walk. She told me she had visited with a friend the other two nights. I was glad she was finding someone else to spend time with as I was sure Bruce could use a break from watching her.

Two days later I still hadn't texted Steve back and I had since gotten another two texts. I was kind of relieved when the duty roster came out and I saw I had duty on Saturday. I texted Steve and told him I had to remain on base for the weekend. He texted back with a suggestive comment which I didn't respond to immediately. Then he sent a second text saying he would drive down and get us a motel room for Friday night. I had contemplated the possibility again of spending time with him for one reason only--it would be for a single night. The thought crossed my mind I was getting desperate. I had to laugh at myself a few minutes later--over a thousand men surrounded me and I had actually considered traveling seven hours to get laid. The absurdity of it was too hard to ignore. Now it was coming to me--I texted back telling him I was looking forward to seeing him. After all, he must really like me if he was willing to drive all this way to see me.

After evening chow on Friday I got a text from Steve telling me the name of the motel and the room number. I drove the few miles to the motel and knocked on the door. When the door opened he was standing in a pair of cut-offs, bare chested with a huge smile, "Adeela you look so beautiful, I haven't been able to sleep since the last time we were together."

We spent the first half hour talking and I felt as if I had misjudged him. He told me he really wanted to get to know me and thinking of me made him consider settling down. He was incredibly sweet as we started kissing, his touches soon brought me to the point I was thrilled as he unbuttoned my blouse. We fell into hot, long passionate kisses. I was so aroused by the time my panties came off I wanted only one thing. By the time I left to return to base we had gone through three condoms. I was pleased with his performance and his suggestion the trip to see me was well worth it warmed me. We kissed goodbye and Steve told me he could hardly wait until I came home the next weekend.

I showered after getting back and got into bed, it was almost twelve. As I lay in bed I wondered what Bruce's day had been like. I should have known something was wrong--I didn't give much thought to how Steve was doing alone in the motel room without me. I didn't tell Steve I could have stayed with him all night and most of Saturday. I couldn't even explain my decision not to tell him to myself. I had gotten what I thought I wanted during those four hours and didn't feel guilty about what I had done. But, there was something about Steve's profession of wanting a long-term relationship with that rang hollow for some reason. It was just a feeling I couldn't explain any more than I could about my continuing concern for Bruce.

Before going on duty Saturday I called Ahlum, then called Bruce. Bruce was at his apartment and not with Ahlum when I reached him. When we got off the phone I realized we had talked for over an hour--I had five minutes to get to the duty desk and had to double time to get there.

I stood duty in the barracks from 2000 hours Saturday to 0600 hours Sunday. It was a quiet night and I spent most of it reading. I went to the chow hall for breakfast and then to my room to sleep. I hit the rack and didn't hear a thing until about 1100 hours. I went to chow with Cooper and Talbot and found them a little hung-over--they had been out drinking until after two. They had definitely been feeling good when they checked in from liberty.

The remainder of Sunday was quiet and Ahlum hadn't called me until after five in the afternoon. Her first question caught me off-guard.

"What does it mean when you kiss a man and you feel all warm and fuzzy? You know, like...aaahh...electric in body."

Of course, the first question that ran through my mind was--who had she kissed? I gave her an answer and explained it could mean something, or not. First kisses were always exciting if you wanted one. She giggled a little and told me she found I was right. She said she knew she wanted to be kissed and it felt good. She didn't reveal who she had kissed and I decided I wouldn't ask. If she wanted to tell me that was fine, if not then I would have to live with it. I just hoped it wasn't someone she had just met, and then I realized I hoped it wasn't Bruce either. She was very excited, but told me it had been but one kiss when they parted for the evening. Now, I was thinking it was Bruce. The emotions it stirred confounded me in a way I hadn't expected. What did I think was going to happen with the two of them bound so closely together for almost two months?

After we finished talking I called Bruce. I was waiting to see if he would say anything about Ahlum. He only mentioned they had dinner together most of the week, then he had taken her into Mariposa to dinner to give her a break and to thank her for cooking for him. He also said Keith had met them at the restaurant. Since I hadn't met Keith he told me more about him. Once he did I remembered he had mentioned him before. I felt better knowing it wasn't Steve Ahlum was spending time with.

I didn't want Steve anywhere near Ahlum and remembered how he had looked at her while at our house while playing cards. Again, I was afraid I should have told Bruce and found I couldn't do it this time either. I wasn't exactly sure why I didn't want to reveal I had gone out with Steve. I was probably blowing things out of proportion. After all, Steve had asked me for a date, not Ahlum.

Before I knew it we had talked for over an hour again. I intended to tell Bruce I wanted to come home on the upcoming weekend but decided not to. I wanted to spend time with him but knew if I stayed the night with Steve it wouldn't happen. I felt such a rush of mixed emotions after our call ended. That night I had visions of Bruce above me as I pleasured myself--not a single image of Steve appeared. I realized I had a problem of my own making that threatened our relationship. What the hell was wrong with me?

Sunday night after taking a shower and watching TV in the rec room for an hour. I returned to my room for the night. As I lay in bed I thought what it would be like in another month after I got out. I was received notice on Friday my thirty day reenlistment talk would take place Monday at 1400 hours with Gunny Simpson.

Monday afternoon I walked to Gunnery Sergeant Simpson's office and knocked on the door. He motioned me in with a smile and I took a seat across from him. He had my service record on the top of his desk and he told me he had gone over it. He told me he was impressed with my performance reviews. He was definitely low key and asked me if I had given any thought to a making a career of the Marines.

"Gunny, I have a house leased, I've applied to continue my college education, and I have someone to look after. I really have given it some thought, but I don't think it's the right decision for me."

"You know with your record you'll make Staff Sergeant ahead of others with the same time in service. I read over the recommendation from your platoon sergeant and your commanding officer in Afghanistan. They obviously thought highly of you and what you contributed. I've also spoken to those working with you since you arrived in this unit and I've heard nothing but good comments. I'd like you to think about staying in. That is unless you can point me to specific things you dislike. Though I think I know what you'll say. I know it's not easy on WMs in many units and I have to admit I had to change my thinking over the years myself."

"Gunny, I'm not going to say it was easy as it wasn't. I wanted to contribute to my country and I've done that. My recruiter did a good job convincing me to join and I can't say it hasn't made me stronger and more confident. What made it memorable and worthwhile was when I met someone like Staff Sergeant Sullivan who respected me when so many others didn't."

I saw the gunny grow a smile as he looked at me, "That wouldn't happen to be Bruce Sullivan would it? I thought I recognized the name on the recommendation but wasn't sure as he was a sergeant when I had contact with him, not a Staff Sergeant."

"Yes, his name is Bruce. Why did you know him?"

"Never met him, but heard his voice over the radio while I was in Helman Province doing convoy duty about three years ago. We were approaching the south edge of Now Zad when we saw a large plume of smoke ahead of us, then the sound of an explosion. It wasn't hard to tell a large IED had gone off as the shaped charge sent debris high into the air. The radio came on telling us to expect a crater in the road as an IED had just been triggered--though they didn't know exactly how. The report was from Sullivan's squad who were clearing the road ahead of us. When we arrived ten minutes later there were still people from the village milling around, some of the women wailing. It was one hell of a mess."

I watched as the gunny seemed to see the image in his head.

"We had an Afghan interpreter with us and he went to talk to the villagers. They said the Marines were walking down the road when the explosion went off. There had been quite a commotion at first as a young boy was missing. He had gone after a soccer ball that went across the road as the squad was walking towards him. As it turned out, the boy had crossed the road at a run after someone yelled at him to stay away. He was so frightened he hid in a house until we arrived. The explosion scared the shit out of the kid. He was still shaking according to the interpreter."

I sat in stunned silence. It was the story Bruce had told me, only he thought the boy had been blown-up. I looked at the gunny, "You're sure about this?"

"The after action report we submitted has the details. Why? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"Gunny, Sullivan thinks the boy died in the explosion and has been having nightmares about it ever since. He just started getting therapy for it a few weeks ago."

The gunny's eyes went wide. "You know where he's at? That's incredible."

"Yes, he's a park ranger at Yosemite National Park. He lives in employee housing near the El Portal entrance. In fact, I have his contact information on my phone."

Gunny Simpson sat silent for a few moments, "The last I heard the Afghan government wanted to give him a commendation for saving the kid's life. He was the son of a high-ranking Afghan police official. You know it takes a long time for the Afghan government to do anything. It must have it gotten hung up in administrative mumbo jumbo until about nine months ago. From what I heard the Corps lost track of him after he got out. I was asked about it, and of course, I didn't know anything other than what was in our action report."

"Gunny, could I ask a favor of you?"

He looked at me with a smile, "Is it a big enough favor to have you consider shipping-over?"

"Good try Gunny. No, I'm not going to ship-over."

He laughed, "I had to try," then his face went serious, "Now, what is it you want?"

"Would you be willing to call Bruce and tell him what you just told me? I think it might go a long way towards easing his pain if he knew the kid he warned had actually done what he told him."

"I don't know how I could refuse you. Leave his number with me and I'll call him. First, I'll see if I can get hold of someone at Third Marines to see if I can get a copy of the action report. That way I would have the dates, times, and a few names."

"Thank you Gunny. I can't believe this is actually happening. He's a good man and was a good Marine--he took care of all of us and got us home in one piece."

The interview over, we shook hands after I gave him Bruce's phone number. I was just about out the door when he asked, "Sergeant, if you don't mind my asking. What's your relationship with him?

I smiled, "He's kind of a boyfriend."

The rest of the week went along fine and when Friday arrived I packed my bag, placed it in the rear seat, filled the gas tank at the base gas station, and headed north to El Portal. On the way I got a text message--it was Steve. Shit! I had a decision to make. Get laid again or...

***** Bruce

Keith and I were having lunch in the employee break room on Thursday afternoon when Steve walked in. He had a smile on his face that told us we were about to be informed of another one of his conquests. I had just recently learned he considered himself quite the ladies' man and wished I had been aware of it sooner. No wonder he had been so interested in Ahlum and Adeela when he had invited himself over weeks ago to join me at Adeela's house.

"Hi guys, what are both of you up to this weekend?" Steve said casually as he took a seat next to Keith at the table.

Keith told him about his plans, but didn't say who he was taking out. I told him I was working--something he was well aware of. I was working my last Saturday before the new ranger would start the following week. That meant I was on standby Sunday, though I only had to respond to an emergency if the other responders needed assistance. As expected, he started out saying he was looking forward to his date that night.

Then he looked directly at me. "I'm glad Adeela is coming home this weekend. I couldn't get her to stay the night with me when we went out a few weeks ago. But, I'm sure she will this time. That woman is quite the looker--she's hot in bed, too."

I was sure my face showed surprise and quickly took another sip of my soft drink to buy myself some time. I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me. He knew Adeela was a good friend and that we spent time together when we could. Why had he made a point of telling me? I wondered why Adeela hadn't said anything to me about a date with him. I reminded myself there was no reason for her to. She was free to date someone just as I was. I tried to appear as unperturbed as possible despite the fact I thought he was being an overbearing egotistical ass.

"Well, I hope you have a good time," I replied as if it didn't matter.

"I'm sure I will. After all she's a Woman Marine and you know she's experienced when it comes to men. I just wanted you to know because if she stays with me Saturday night she probably won't have time to see you before she leaves to go back."

I didn't say anything and after a few seconds Steve bade us goodbye and walked out the door. The look on Keith's face told me he was just as disgusted as I was. My insides were in turmoil--I hoped Adeela hadn't been taken in by his charm. He had a way with women I had never had and expected I never would. I couldn't help but be a little envious even though I thought he was shallow and self-serving. Then, I felt another emotion and my stomach tighten--what if Adeela...