All Comments on 'A Man of Honor Ch. 02'

Joined the mafia? Dipshit should have kept running.

I appreciate the update. After all this is free entertainment. But really, we could have guessed all this from a few lines in the next chapter. Although Nina’s declaration was sweet. Yet we know you’ve set her up as the cheater so...

You really think understanding the structure and organization of a mafia family is needed or makes your story more interesting? You really think harping on your character's cowardice and temerity makes him more endearing or interesting?

If his wife is cheating on him its because she probably, finally, needed a MAN in her life.

So far this story is about a 2. I am waiting to rate the whole thing because there simply isn't enough story presented yet to know for sure.

I really hope you make this worth reading. I intend to stop until its finished so I can read the whole thing. The pieces are getting painful.

greasy inadequate, murdering,pimping,drug dealing, peadophilic, incestuous momas boys.

seriously? mafia, cowards, making money from extortion, other peoples misery yet people still like to glorify it. fuck them all and the ugly gold digging skanks they call mothers sisters and wives.

until you break the part about him working all his life for the FBI and taking down his FIL and the entire family.

either you have been reading a different story or I have. I could have sworn this was about an 'Honorable Man" not all the things you wrote. In chapter on we found out that yes his wife is having an affair but were led to believe that her father 'Vitto' wasn't happy with her. If back filling is needed to understand whats going on then so be it (wait til it's finished). My only complaint would be that it is taking two weeks not two days to get each chapter.

With that said I say 'Carry on Dan'.

What was this rambling? I’m sure you had a point to reach but you failed miserably!

Mob? You thought this would help the story how?

Then post them . Good story but way to many days between post

I expected so much more from you. But I read your other stories and I see a pattern .Stop with the back fill and write the story. Maybe your should finish one story before you start another. Your waiting to long between them.

Where is this story going, why not tell like she doent know her father is a mob boss. No glory there. He kills and steals to make money. He wimps out and now she controls him. Why would he join a killing ,stealing, beating you up organized crime family. Your last sentence. One page you got to be kidding ,I'm not going to wait to read anymore of this non story. She is going to cheat on him ,you know the father will not off her. Maybe the lover. This story so far is going in the wrong direction,n

What the hell was that last paragraph? The story was rolling along. Perhaps a tad too much "Godfather" but still it was entertaining. Then Nina threatens him. And he thinks it's charming? So just as you're getting to the good part where the coward turns tail and runs for it, you try to wrap up the story in a single paragraph! That was AWFUL!

Wait until you have a story to post.

What a great last sentence! Eleven words that could turn this from a short story to a multi-Chapter epic of Anthonthy’s growth, finding his balls and fitting into the family... why else would Vito out his daughter? I’m looking forward to many good, and hopefully longer, chapters. Ignore the naysayers, Dan.

Give it a chance to develop. I think I'll wait, and go back to the beginning after more is posted, so I can maintain some continuity in following plot. I don't mind the slow burn though if the payoff is there at the conclusion. Thanks for posting. I look forward to more.

Well we learnt all about Joey Mangano the guy Nina obviously has an affair with... but rather than just having Vitto spam out a bunch of exposition, maybe you could've filled that in via Tony meeting the guy or something?

I'd also write larger chapters. Not much happened in that one, then you skipped a bunch of stuff in the last paragraph which made it feel rushed.

Longer chapters would be better, if we.have to wait so long for the next one. This looks interesting, but I don't want to go back each time and re-read previous chapters to refresh the story.

It reads as an interesting story developing but the principle problem is too little at one time and too slow. I'll lost concentration and memory before Ch. 4 or 8.

T.T.

Three more episodes wrapped up into two paragraphs and we're left wondering why we bothered reading this far...

The writing is just not good. The submission comes off as nonsensical ramblings and fragments without ever leading to an event. Even as a narrative it’s disconnected.

The last paragraph should have been noted as an epilogue that would end this incomplete tale.

The whole mobster premise doesn’t add to the story..perhaps try again with a very simple story with basic characters and a simple plot, then allow it to grow.

It would be difficult to even rate this...

he is a Italian LAWYER if he doesn't know the score by now, Sera Sera, TK U MLJ LV NV

Waiting for the next several chapters.

I wait with baited breath! ( who makes up that shit:- when I was a kid bait or baited was smelly rotten meat on a fishing hook! ) .... Anyway I can't wait for the next installment of this gripping story!.....Yeah I really truly like this here story!...★★★★★ WOOF!

only gave it a 4. too short of a chapter for this kind of story

Honestly, this should have been with the first chapter - nothing that happened here has much connection to the story.

It's just fillers for the sake of filling. 'More time the author gets to the actual story.

Oh, and another thing, danoctober: MAN, PICK A PRONOUN ALREADY. Seriously, how do you manage to go from first person to third person in a single paged text without realizing it!? You give us 5 pages, I can ignore this easily, but not even a full page, yet you're still unable to catch yourself doing it? See, this is why editors exist...

If you can make Anthony the narrator, then go third person all the way, Dan - it shouldn't hurt your story at all... whenever you decide to write one!

(I'm withholding my vote 'til the end of this series.)

Taking too long to get to something (anything). OK so set the stage, just not in multiple chapters. Might be good when complete. Taking a long time to get the next installment. Why not wait and do it all at once?

Get on with it!

Bait is still that smelly stuff you use to catch fish, or perhaps less smelly to catch wandering spouses, but it rarely has much connection to breathing.

Perhaps try 'bated' from the old 'bate' to restrain.

As a general rule, an old dog's breath is better when bated than it is when said hound has been at the bait bucket.

Lue

Did you just conclude the story in the last paragraph? I see no point in this chapter at all.

Plus when did LW become the non-erotic, non-married, non-extramarital no-fun category?

This story reads like something I once read in The Reader's Digest. Everything you have written so far could have been written on one page. At this rate, it will be 15 pages before anyone utters the word "sex".

About 2 stars worth.

Too short.

Also implied Nina didn't know her father was in the "business". If that is where this is, makes the story a bit far fetched. Anthony figured it out in about 2 seconds, why wouldn't Nina?

shit or get off the pot man, damn. that dude is going to be walking on egg shells the rest of his life. a smart person would run lol. so how many ch. are there going to be so i can just wait till they are all out?

But the brevity of this installment is troubling.

Way way way to much set up with the mob stuff. We got it in the first chapter no need to keep going on it over half this chapter a east of time.

And discretion is the better part of valour. Get while thevrttings good.

the ending here seems awful rushed,,like the author got tired of writing

If there is a part 3 this is a 4*. If not, it is a 2*.

This isn't an erotic story, it is just a bunch of Godfather expressions and legends thrown together. Are you going to write a story sometime soon???

Seems to me I read this tale already several years ago. I am not sure if these are the same character names, but it is the same plot and character relationships. The young man, perhaps he was a lawyer, hooks up with a daughter of mafiosa, who eventually cheats on him. Then there is a very involved plot for how he exacts revenge on the daughter while finessing daddy-in-law. I will say no more to that. But am wondering if this is the same author, under new pen name or another, borrowing heavily? Is this the same story exactly? or is this a rewrite with new details? or will the plot diverge into new territory? If this is just the same story, then I feel I remember it well enough to forgo further reading. It was a good tale with some surprises along the way.

Abolutely nothing is happening, no one is stealing, dying or f__ing.

You build your characters with a minimum of words and make good use of dialogue.

A little long and then rushed. Done with one page. I know what's happening. From experience. So please continue. And not so long this time.

Five Stars for my people

You've made 4 submissions in October, 3 of which are 1 pagers with very little advancement of the story and the 4th is poetry (I haven't read it).

It would be better to concentrate on them one at a time and produce a decent quality (a 2nd pair or eyes or walk away for a couple of days and re-read) and decent length (1 page "may" be enough, if you advance the story well) addition.

Sorry but bits and bobs just frustrate rather than tease.

I agree that longer chapters would work better. Not knowing your process, can’t say whether a more focused approach is a great idea. Consider using a ‘buffer’ to keep them flowing, nobody likes when a good story goes stale waiting for the next chapter to post. Maybe line up a couple of pre-post proofreaders, to help sharpen details and find any remaining errors.

This story has a lot of potential, could run quite a few chapters if done properly.

I gave you four stars because you started a story that I would've greatly enjoyed. The ending was a complete shock and rushed. It made no sense to end there when the tension was just beginning to light up.I felt this was more of a premise to a story than a story in itself. What prompted me to rate you so high was your dialogue and perfect structure. The ending was too abrupt and left out way too much that could've been.

Seems like you couldn't end it fast enough. What's up with that?

Where is the rest of the story?

loved him, she would've left the mafiosi; she belongs to family of criminals; criminals they are in the eyes of the law; they weren't caught, it is another matter. She has no right to have any righteous indignation, and left with him; instead of becoming a white-collar Anglo criminal. No pussy is worth it if it is gonna get you shot. One can get shot for love, to save the girl, to be a hero, but not to marry a girl from a shady family.

Incomplete, pointless story. Nearly incomprehensible and desperately in need of an editor.

anonjerry

Chapter 1srarted off with the information that his wife was cheating on him, as informed by his father-in-law. Chapter 2 ended with marriage and him joining the "family "

To me the story is obviously not finished, so "please" do so.

Thank you in advance?7fbj5i

Sadly truncated and disjointed. This story needs 'ironing out' The original plot summary of cheating wife has been lost in a misguided effort to illustrate mafia fathers' treatment of boyfriends rather than the duty any father has (mafia or not) to teach his daughter how to properly respect and treat a man who cares for her.

This story has possibilities but it went wrong, badly wrong and looks like it is lost with little chance of saving, please try... I have read other of your stories I really enjoyed, get his one together and finish it. Thank You.

Please finish the story - it started well then lost its way.

Will it ever be finished?

I love this story's beginning. Your on a roll here with the first 2 chapters. Don't stop. 5 stars for future installments. BTW - your ending to your other story with the interracial thing was a flop. I could handle the grammar errors, but that ending took a nose dive in the last couple of chapters. Don't do that with this story. This story could be gold if you do it right.

Please continue with this one.

Head and shoulders - this is your best work. And one of the best I have read on LW.

Please continue.

Now that Anthony had caught Joey Mangano making a cuckold of him. he pulled out his penis and peed on them both.

Forget the hurtful crap Anon's post, this story is really good. danoctober, please keep writing and add another chapter to this story. Don't take to heart the garbage the Anon's post here. It's not just you, but a lot of writers here catch abuse for the stories they post here. Don't take the stuff here personally. If anything, these Anon's are ruining this site with nonconstructive criticism that are simply wrong. I liked your story a lot, don't be discouraged by the Anon's. 5 stars for chapter 3.

Clearly the story is incomplete. Any plans to continue?

This story started out so well it would be a sin not to continue. I was absolutely gob smacked when the second chapter ended. Please keep up the good work.

Finish the story or don't stat it.

so where is the ending of the story you started come on give more

What is with stories that part of the name is "Honor" that never get finished?

Only rate upon completion....

Enjoy the Mafia stuff, but still waiting for cheating or man of honor. You promised more than you delivered.

Went where?

I won't rate this until I see what the payoff is for the beginning chapter. The father in law told him that his wife was cheating and something about honor. Why dangle that hook if the story was going nowhere?

What can I say? A beginning but no end. You cannot Call this heap of Words a story. Its Words leading to nowhere.

ARRRRRGH!

That was it? Where's the rest of the story? Did suddenly, the author suffer a fatal heart attack? What the heck happened?

On 05/15/19 in a comment you posted after FTDS's 'Does Honesty Pay? Yes, a High Price' Chapter 2, a sequel to hansbwl's series 'Does Honesty Pay?' you said:

"Over the top?!!"

"Hell yeah! FTDS is one the writers that inspired me to jump into the ring with a few stories of my own. 'A Man of Honor' is a personal nod to FTDS. (Though the violence in that story is still to come in Chapter 3 and/or 4) 5 stars to a terrific add on Chaper. *****"

So just where is the honor in not finishing your ode to FTDS? Signed: BTW

Danoctober submitted work to Literotica for another year after posting this chapter.

Wish I knew why he chose not to finish it.

Despite too much of mafia crap, I enjoyed the beginning. then it had one paragraph tying up future years at the end and then nothing. (2 for incomplete)

It seems like the author just got tired of writing and wrote "The End". 2* for incomplete.

Opened with infidelity as alerted by father-in-law. Elaborated how they met and married. Then a black hole. What happened to the marriage and resolution. Never read anything so incomplete. Was this WIP? Are new chapters in the works. Loss of time reading it.

pointless.

Wow!

what the hell happened?

I really thought that story was gonna be great ,But what a disappointment 👎

will there be a part ?

part 3?

I'm disappointed. You write well, and have some good ideas. But you don't seem to have much staying power when it comes to your writing. I've read two series of chapters of yours, and they both ended with "Trouble, heartache, emotional pain, oh and then they all lived happily ever after." Not much of a structure really.

Perhaps you should finish all the chapters, let it rest for a while, then reread it and see if you enjoy it all the way through. Then get an editor to get a red pencil to it, as you tend to leave out words now and again. And then post it all at once. I don't want to read your third and longest series, because I don't want to invest all that time in something that once again ends with a WTF? And I never read endings first.

As I said, you are a good writer and you build the story well, leading your readers carefully up a well-built and attractive staircase, but then leaving us teetering on the edge of the top step in mid-air with nowhere to go but all the way back down without seeing the view from the summit is just unpleasant.

SUCKED!!! He just turned into another piece of shit murdering thief.

Was a good story until you got too lazy to finish it.

This was just a huge disappointment. What a pile of Krap! ( not worth a C) after the first chapter I thought it might be redeemable but it was all down hill. Either you realized it was beyond salvation and just quit or you need to figure out a plot line before you start. Not worth the effort to put stars on this.

Where's the LW story? Interesting beginning to what could have been a neat tale..I thought for sure all the background about Joey Mangano was introducing him as the antagonist who steals Nina from Anthony while trying to takeover Vito's position in the family that would surely lead to war and enabling the

rath of the mob boss?? it was a natural fit for a familia war! but sadly not to be...YET

Ending?

You need another chapter for sure and keep the boy an honest lawyer and daughter learn what her dad really is and maby have daddy straighten up.

I hate people that don't finish the damn story.

This started with the MC learning his wife cheated from his father in law. That was the premise. The premise, and story, were abandoned. No point at all.

WTF WAS THIS!! WASTE PF TIME READING THIS SHIT!!

THIS LOOKS LIKE A CUCK WRITER EHO WRITES CUCK STORIES OF STUPID WEAK WIMPY MCs

rofl wow never seen an author disrespect their own work before

What happened to the theme of the story ? (eg cheating wife) spelling and grammatical errors

I proof reader would help you.

As a story line this was terrific, however why did you stop midstream.

With a story like this THAT IS A REAL NO NO. For the sake of gaining a readership following DON'T EVER make that mistake again.

4 years and it still needs an ending. Wish FTDS was still around.

That was a g8 story. But you need to continue it. You can't leave it like that. Dave

An interesting story so far but unfortunately the author like Tony Gallo seems to have disappeared.

What a waste of time, just getting into it and bam no ending why start and never finish.

On this last Part you dropped a Star for one simple reason NO ENDING! I get really pissed when reading a story and I get to the ending and there is none!

Kinda abrupt wrap-up but Vitto wouldn't allow him to mob up - except as an Oscar Goodman-like criminal defense attorney.

He's Nina's and had better grow some "balls" because Vitto & Family expect many little Italian grandkids.

Have you quit writing? This story is 5-1/2 years old and unfinished.

3 Stars because of no ending.

Nice ending.

Oh, wait.

There was none.