A Marine Called Jason Pt. 02

I was at the lowest ebb of my life. I did my job like a zombie, without feeling. I ate and slept and I drank beer at Toby's. Too much beer, sometimes. A couple of times I got a room at the Trent and just lay there watching the ceiling fan while I drank myself into a stupor. Those turned out to be the best times. I went back to Ling once but it was no good. Oh, it was good, but it left me yearning for the only thing that could satisfy me. I began to have panic attacks as I faced the realization that Jason might not come back.

Toby was the guy I leaned on most. He didn't have to say anything and most times he didn't. It was enough to walk in to see him behind the bar, smiling, and have him shove a beer at me. Sometimes we talked, but it was usually about everything but Jason. I don't know which of us was avoiding it.

I was making circles on the bar with the bottom of my beer, creating a pattern.

"Look, the Olympic rings," I said.

He laughed.

Without looking up, I said, "What if he doesn't come back, Toby?"

I looked up when he didn't say anything, and he was just looking at me.

"You can't talk like that," he said.

"What if he doesn't?" I asked again.

"I don't know."

"When did you know?" I asked.

"About what?"

"Me. And Jason."

"Pretty early on," he said.

"Am I that easy to spot? I know he isn't," I said.

"No. But with all the guys who come in here, I've got a trained eye. You would be surprised. Others would be just as surprised about you."

"What about Jason? What do you see there?"

"I see him on a one-way street," he said.

"You do have a good eye," I said. "He's straight as a ram-rod."

"Ram-rods can be bent," he said with a grin and a twinkle in his eye.

"Not this one," I said.

He laughed.

"Do you see something I don't see?" I asked.

"You know him better than I do," he replied.

"Do you see something I don't see?" I asked again.

"I see that he cares an awful lot about you. I don't know if it's like a brother on his part, or what, but wherever he is, I'll bet you're on his mind right now as much as he's on yours. And I know if there's any way on God's green earth, he will make it back….."

"You didn't finish," I said.

"I don't think I have to……do I?"

I shook my head.

The probabilities were waning but my hope stayed alive. I supposed I would maintain hope as long as I lived. I didn't go back to the church right away. If the good saint hadn't heard me, or chose not to do anything, I wasn't going back to beg. But I did, finally. I knelt in the back of the church and prayed and cried and begged till it felt like my heart had been ripped out. I started at a hand on my shoulder. In a split second I imagined it would be Jason standing there when I turned around. But it wasn't. It was a priest.

"Son, is there something I can help you with?" he asked in perfect English that the Vietnamese speak so beautifully.

I shook my head.

"Don't try to handle it alone," he said in a kindly tone as he knelt down behind me. "I'll pray with you, for whatever it is. You don't have to tell me."

"It won't do any good," I said, swiping the wet from my eyes with my thumbs.

"Then why are you here, praying?"

"I don't know. It's…..it's a place to be," I replied. "I've prayed to the saints and nobody listened."

"You don't know that. Sometimes you have to give these things time. Those things don't happen on our time."

"How much time does it take for a saint? He's up there with the powers that be. He should have an in."

He laughed softly. "Would you like to tell me what I'm praying for?" he asked.

"You wouldn't want to know," I said. I laughed softly. "If I told you, you would want me to go to Confession."

"Confession is your decision. Just as being here is your decision."

"If I told you what you were praying for, father, you wouldn't pray for it," I said. "You couldn't."

"Then I would pray for your wisdom and guidance," he said. "Trust me, son, I've heard it all."

"I'm not going to ask you to pray for it, father, but I will tell you why I'm here. I'm praying for a buddy. He's a Navy Seal….a sniper…..and he hasn't come back."

"That's more common than you think, for one soldier to pray for another."

"I'm a marine, father," I said.

"Marines pray for each other, too," he said. "It's more common than they'll admit. If all the prayers stopped, war really would be more a hell than it already is."

"But I…..I'm praying for his safe return, but for some of the wrong reasons."

"What could possibly be a wrong reason, unless you wish to do him harm yourself, and I don't believe that."

"He's….he's more than just a buddy, father. He's……I love him." Even through my choked voice, the words rolled off my tongue with such ease that it shocked me. I couldn't believe I'd said it, especially to a priest. I tightened inside, waiting for the priest's response.

"No greater love……"

"No, father," I cut in. "Not that kind of love. I love him….as a man. We have sex together."

There was quiet for a long moment before the priest responded.

"I don't know the true meaning behind "no greater love" but I will tell you something that should ease your mind. In the confessional, there is never a week goes by that I don't have a soldier or sailor or marine or maybe even a Seal, telling me how they feel about a fellow GI."

"And what do you do? What do you say?"

"I give them absolution, guidance, advice, encouragement; whatever I think they need."

"I couldn't confess, father, because when he comes back, we're going to be together again. So, no absolution. What advice or encouragement would you give?"

"Officially, as a priest, I would advise you to get your life back on track and encourage you to refrain from all of this. Unofficially, as a priest and a man, I would remind you that God made you what you are. You are in His image."

"You think God is gay?"

"No. I don't think God is a sexual being at all. He has no need for it; he passed that on to man. Nobody knows what that image is, but we must know that God understands, because he created your emotions, and the feelings you have for this man."

"I don't know whether to be confused or relieved," I said. "You tell me, father."

"You must decide that for yourself," he said. "Just know that I believe this man….this Navy Seal…..is extremely fortunate to have someone who cares about him so deeply."

I thought about that for a several minutes and when I half-turned to say some-thing else, the priest was gone. I sat alone with my thoughts for a long time. I prayed some more and I felt relief that I wasn't ashamed of what I was praying for. In those moments I laid all my cards on the table; if it was the wrong thing to pray for, then Jason wouldn't come back. Maybe I was signing his death warrant but that's the way it was.

I was lying on my bunk after chow after having lost nearly all of my money in a poker game. Payday was four days away so I wouldn't be going on pass.

"Courson, there's a phone call for you in the orderly room."

Suddenly I couldn't breath. I got up and walked….half stumbled….down to the orderly room, my legs like jelly.

"Hello," I said timidly. I was scared out of my wits who might be on the other end.

"Brad!"

"J-Jason?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, My Godd," I gasped. I couldn't find my voice for a moment.

"Something wrong?" the orderly asked. The orderly was the same guy who was on guard duty the night Jason had showed up in his full combat gear and I'd told him Jason was my brother. "Your brother? You wanta take this privately?" he asked, pointing to the COs office.

I went into the office and picked up the phone.

"You still there?" Jason asked.

"Yes, he let me take it in the CO's office. Where are you? What happened? Where have you been? Are you all right?"

"Whoa. Whoa. Hey, slow down. One question at a time," he said. "Can you get out?"

"I…..I…..yes. Yeah, even if I have to go AWOL."

"Well, stop laying there beating your meat, get some clothes on and get your sorry ass down to Toby's."

"You're there?"

"Yeah. Waiting on you, buddy."

My hand trembled so bad that the phone rattled when I hung it up. I couldn't function for a moment. I stood there in a daze till the orderly came in.

"I'm sorry but I listened in. I'm glad your brother is all right."

"Can you get me a pass?" I asked.

"Fuckin' A," he said. "Shit, I can't let you go AWOL."

The unlimited passes had been curtailed because of too many guys being gone at one time, but he came back with a pass signed by Sgt. Brown…..two passes, actually….but I wasn't sure if Brown had actually signed either of them. I half expected that the orderly signed them himself.

"No three-days, colonel's orders," he said. "But here's an overnight for the rest of tonight, and another one for tomorrow night."

"Thanks."

"No problem. Tell your brother I said hey."

I showered and shaved and got ready. Very ready. It'd been months since I'd seen Jason and I wanted to be perfect for him. I was dressed and checking my back pocket for my wallet.

"Shit!"

"What's the matter?" one of the guys asked.

"I got a pass and I just realized I'm flat broke."

Without a word, two guys dug money out of the pockets and handed it to me. Shit, I wanted to cry. I headed out of the gate with a new bounce to my step, like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I reminded myself to go back to the church and thank saint what's-his-name for listening and taking some action. I guess it wasn't wrong that I prayed for him. I was nervous as hell as I walked into Toby's. I went to the bar, looking for Jason but he was nowhere to be seen.

"He left," Toby said.

My heart sank, and I even felt a surge of anger. Why would he leave?

"He just called me. Did he say where he was going?" I asked.

"Yes. He went to the Trent. He said to meet him there. He didn't want to stick around in full uniform. Room two-thirty. You want a beer first?" Toby asked.

"No, thanks."

"Good enough, he took a six pack with him," he said.

I stepped away from the bar but my hand was still on it. "Toby, is he….. okay?" I asked.

"He's great," Toby assured me.

I half ran the distance to the hotel. I took the back stairs because I didn't want to appear so anxious going in the front. I walked down the hallway to room two-thirty-eight. I paused, my stomach in knots, my hand raised to knock. But I tried the door instead. It wasn't locked. I opened it a crack, half afraid to go in, afraid it might be all a dream that could suddenly turn into a nightmare if he wasn't really there and maybe my imagination was playing tricks on me. It was dark inside except for the soft light coming in the alley window. I could hear the soft whirring of the ceiling fan. I opened the door a little more.

"Hey." It was Jason's voice.

I went inside and closed the door.

"Better bolt it," he said.

He was sitting slouched down in the chair, still in full combat uniform. He looked so damned handsome and sexy in the dim light, truly like a hero warrior returned from battle. I bolted the door. I couldn't move. He got up and came toward me. We went into each other's arms; for him, it was buddy-meeting-buddy, a bear-hug. It was more than that for me. I hugged him tight, drawing on the feel of his hard body beneath the uniform.

"Sorry I came like this but they just released me and I didn't want to take time to change. I reported in then had them drop me off," he said.

"You look….great…as always," I said. I wanted to know what had happened, where he'd been, but I was afraid to ask. I imagined that it had been so horrible that I would wait till he wanted to talk about.

"Well, you said you like to see me dressed like this," he said.

"Yes, I do. I like to see you dressed in anything…..or not in anything."

"We'll get to that," he said with a chuckle. "But first….." He dug into a pack lying beside the chair and brought out a camera. "You said you wanted pictures. I bought you this. Picked it off a….." He cut his words off as if he thought I wouldn't approve.

"Yeah, I heard they're setting up PXs out in the jungle," I said.

"Yeah."

"Thanks." I was still so nervous I was breathless.

"Hey, you're so nervous." he said.

"I've been so afraid you wouldn't come back," I choked.

"I'm back," he said, as he pulled me into his arms again.

"Are you? I'm afraid to believe it."

"I can prove it," he said as he smashed loins hard against me. He crooked his finger under my chin and tilted my face up. "Do you need some real proof?" he asked.

I was stunned at his show of emotion, afraid to believe what he was going to do. Then he tilted his head and touched his lips to mine. We both whimpered as the touch quickly turned to a hard, passionate kiss. Even his lips were strong; I knew I was being kissed by a man. It was a long kiss that left us breathless.

"I'm back, okay?" he declared again.

"Yes, are you ever," I gasped.

"So, do you want to take pictures first?" he asked. "I'm going to be taking this uniform off anyway, you could get all the pictures you want while I'm doing it."

"Can I keep on taking pictures, after you've taken it all off?" I asked.

"I told you before, take all the pictures you want. Take pictures till the film runs out."

I could barely hold the camera as he took off his combat gear. It was such a sensual thing to see. He was shirtless, still wearing his pants and boots and his web equipment belt and I told him to pose for me. He was awkward at it but that only added to the pose. I took pictures of him in his briefs. By the time he pulled them off I was mesmerized to weakness.

"Don't you want any of me like this?" Jason asked, standing there naked.

"Oh, yes," I said and quickly snapped some more pictures. That's when I

noticed the marks and bruises. "What are those marks? They look like…..burns."

"I got detained for awhile and they thought I ought to know something," he said.

"You were captured?" I gasped.

"It was nothing serious," he said, shrugging it off. "Hell, I got away. Bunch of dumb-asses."

I wanted to ask more questions….how long he'd been a prisoner, what they did to him….it looked like cigarette burns….but it would've been a waste of time. I knew he wouldn't talk about it. To him, it truly was nothing serious.

"Now you," he said as he took the camera from my hand.

"You want pictures of me?" I asked.

"I don't need pictures of you. I've got those burned in my mind. I meant it's your turn to get naked."

I hadn't gotten all the pictures I wanted but it didn't matter. I started to tug my shirt out of my jeans but he stopped me with his powerful grip around my wrist.

"Huh-uh. I'll do it."

I couldn't believe he was undressing me and it made me light-headed. By the time I was naked we were both hard.

"Now I definitely want some pictures of that," I said as I picked up the camera again.

He laughed and began posing, making sure each one showed off his huge cock to its best advantage.

"Shit, I need a wide-angle lens," I joked.

"Something to show your grandchildren," he joked back.

For a couple of shots he wrapped his hand around his cock as if he was stroking it. I also got pictures of him from the back. His last pose, he was sitting on the chair, legs spread out wide, his heavy balls hanging low. He pressed his thumb against the base of his cock to make it stand straight and tall. When I took the last shot on the roll Jason didn't get up. He stayed in the chair, stroking his cock.

"Why don't you come over and have a seat?" he said.

I trembled inside as I laid the camera down and approached him.

"I should shower first; I just got in……." He started to get up.

"No," I said. "You're fine just the way you are."

"You might not think so……."

I pressed my hand to his chest. He slouched down so his butt was on the edge of the chair. I straddled his hips but couldn't raise up high enough to sit on his cock. I had to hunker forward and take it at an angle. The time we'd been apart, my ass had tightened up and it was a hard, slow entry. But even the pain felt good, because it was Jason's pain that he was giving to me. When I finally sat on his thighs, it felt like he was up inside me deeper than he'd ever been. We both held still till I got used to his size then I began to squirm around. He put his hands around my waist and urged me up so I had only about half of his cock in me. My legs weren't long enough for me to raise all the way up. He urged me back down.

"Ohh, Fuck, that feels so good!" he moaned. "It's been so fuckin' long."

I laid my head back, my eyes closed, and sucked in deep breaths of air as he began fucking me. I fucked him back, but he was in charge.

"How do you like having the best seat in the house?" he asked.

"Aw, fuck, I can't describe it," I said.

"You wanta keep doing it this way? Let me know if you want to get on the bed," he said.

"Any way you want it," I told him.

He fucked me sitting on the chair for awhile but he kept slipping down and the chair was pretty rickety.

"We'd better move to the bed, this thing's going to collapse under us," he said.

I started to raise up but he brought me down tight against his loins and locked one arm around my waist. He stood up and I locked my legs around his hips. He walked us to the bed.

"Ohhh….Ohhhhh…Ohhhh….Ohhhhh," I cried softly with each step.

"That feel good?" he asked.

"Awww, Yess, it feels great when you walk," I said.

"Well, then, let's go for a walk," he said, laughing.

He walked around the room, his big cock lobbing back and forth with each step. At the edge of the bed he bounced up and down on the balls of his feet.

"AWwwhhh…..Awwhhh….Ohhhh…..Ohhhh, Fuck!" I moaned.

"I think I could make you come this way," he said.

"You know it."

"Dam, how come we never thought of this before?"

After awhile he laid me down across the bed and began fucking me for his own pleasure. I was glad he didn't shower. Always before he smelled like aftershave, or deodorant or body splash. Now he smelled of sweat and male musk and the smells of combat. Unlike most other times, he didn't get off and keep going. He kept holding off. When he did let go it was a hard come. He needed it desperately and I was glad that he could intensify his pleasure by using me. I didn't think he would ever stop coming. He filled me up so that his come was gushing back and running out around his cock. It was so intense that his arms were too weak to hold him up and he let his muscular weight down on top of me.

"Goddam, I don't think I ever came like that before in my life!" he said. "Thanks, man."

I cocked my head aside. "Thanks? Where'd that come from?"

"Thanks, that's all," he said. "It was unbelievable, I just wanted you to know that."

"Okay, but don't ever thank me again," I said.

"Okay, if you're gonna get testy about it," he said.

"I just want you to understand that I get as much out of it as you. Probably more."

"No, you couldn't," he gasped, shaking his head.

"You don't know what a stud you are," I said. "Just like what you do, it's nothing to you."

"Oh, that's not true," he said. "That sure as hell wasn't nothing."

"You know what I mean; you don't realize what effect you have."

"I'm getting heavy," he said as he started to push himself up.

"No," I said as I wrapped my arms around his lower back and held him tight. "You're not heavy."

We lay in silence for a moment. He was heavy but I didn't want him to move. I wanted to feel his muscular weight bearing down on me, and his cock inside me. It hadn't gone down completely and I could feel it swelling again. Jason gave me a few gentle strokes with it then began to slowly pull out.

"You don't need this again so soon," he said as rolled off and lay beside me. "Shit, that was great!"