A Marriage in Trouble

Back at work, Mark couldn't get past his concerns, or lack of trust. Liz invited him over for dinner on a Wednesday night, and although it started awkwardly, it ended spectacularly. The sex was two starving animals feeding. The morning was something similar.

While they were together, all Mark's fears were mollified. It was when he was away from her, he worried. What if she decided to have another affair? When he thought about it, he realized she may already be dating somebody else.

He had nothing else to do. He pulled back. He was busy when she invited him for dinner, or he had to work late.

Liz sensed his withdrawal, it was hard to miss. He went from not being able to get around fast enough to not being available. She talked to her friends, but they couldn't really help because they didn't know the reasons behind the divorce. She did talk to her therapist and she suggested. "Maybe he's nervous about going back. From what you said, you guys are good together. Give him some time, but you need to talk him, get him to open up."

Saturday, Mark couldn't escape another invitation. Dinner was nice, but it was back to being awkward, the conversation stilted and uncomfortable.

In the end, Liz had to ask, "What the hell is going on? Everything seemed to be going so well. Now you're too busy."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I have been thinking about us, and the future."

She nodded. "Sweetheart, we are only dating. I'm not asking you for a commitment. Just that we have fun."

"Yeah, I know, but that's me. I have this fear. Things have been amazing, and I thought, What happens if we moved back in together?" Mark tried to keep the fear out of his voice as he explained.

"What fear?"

"That the same thing would happen all over again. Once bitten."

"I see," she said softly. "What makes you think it would?"

"Okay, you want to drag all that back up? Lets see, you lied to me, you cheated on me for two years. Then when I found out about it, you decided that I was overreacting. You were almost proud of your affair. I mean, who's to say you aren't seeing other men right now?"

"Wow, you can't let go can you! I know the affair was hard for you, and I will always be sorry for hurting you. It was a one time thing, I don't know how I convince you, but I assure you this, I would never hurt you again."

"Are you still dating other men at the moment?"

"Mark, it might be hard to believe, but since we divorced. I have dated the grand total of six men, and had sex with only two of them. We haven't made any promises, but I can say I haven't dated anybody since the cruise."

"I know this is my issue, not yours. You've done nothing to make me doubt you or your intentions. I can't seem to clear out all those old images."

"Mark, can we take this slowly? I love you, and I want you back in my life full time, but it can't happen until you feel some level of trust for me. You have turned down therapy, or counseling, but I have been seeing a therapist and she has helped me immensely. She already knows our story. I would encourage you to talk to her."

They didn't see so much of each other over the next few weeks, but when they did, it was always passionate and furious. The sex was so urgent and impulsive. Their appetites were in sync. Their bodies knew, even if their minds were conflicted.

Mark did a fair bit of reading on how to establish trust again after infidelity. His problem was, he knew she was being honest with him now. The girls, who kept in constant touch with them both, told him that Liz wasn't dating anybody. It was just all in his head.

He sat down with a bottle of scotch and analyzed how his future could pan out.

He might get lucky enough to meet somebody new, exciting and who was interested in him. It might happen, but he had no confidence his new partner could reach the lofty heights of his relationship with Liz...

He could end up a bitter old man, alone and unhappy.

He could throw himself back into his relationship with Liz and hope and pray she didn't repeat her actions.

He could suggest a change in their relationship. They could investigate an open marriage of some sorts. That one at least meant she could be honest. Not that he thought he could live with it.

It was a mess. Nothing seemed to work. The bottle was almost empty when there was a light tap on the door. He staggered to answer it.

There stood Liz, a pizza and a bottle of wine. "I was wondering whether you might like some company?"

He stepped aside and waved her through. She saw the bottle on the coffee table, and quickly glanced at him. "Would you prefer to be alone?"

"No, That damn pizza smells good." He flopped back in his chair and Liz rushed around getting plates and a glass.

"Having a party, huh?" she asked whimsically.

"Nope, just pondering my future," he rasped.

She saw the notebook on the table which he had been scribbling his options down on. She reached for it. "Can I take a look?"

"Yeah, it affects you as well." He poured another large glass of scotch.

She glanced at it. "Wow, you really think you can find somebody who loves you more than me, who knows you like I do? Who will accept all your strange habits?"

He shrugged non-comittally. "Don't know. I haven't had much luck so far. The sex is always okay, but there's no connection, no emotional bond. Putting it plainly, it's just fucking."

She reached over and clinked the rum of her wine glass against his. "I'm with you there. You're a hard man to replace, Mr. Webster."

He took a large bite of the pizza, the pepperoni warming his mouth. "Yeah, I'm fucking wonderful, right?"

"Yes, you are," she replied with her mouth full.

"Mark, I don't want you to grow old, alone and bitter."

"That was just scribble. I was trying to do a pros and cons list."

"Open marriage!" She gasped. "Oh my god, please tell me you're joking?"

"It sort of makes sense. That way, at least if you felt the urge you could be honest about it, and I could try to arrange a date, as well."

"God almighty, Mark. The affair was a one time thing. I'm not looking for anybody else."

"Were you looking for it last time?"

"That was different, I was at a low point in my life. I was on the verge of suicide."

"What? You never said that before."

"I was embarrassed, depressed, felt alone. I have never experienced anything like those dark places or thoughts since."

"Why couldn't you talk to me, why did you have to go to him?"

"I never went to him. He found me. I couldn't talk to you because I was embarrassed and ashamed. A grown woman feeling that way because her children left home? I felt like a fool, afraid. I knew it was in my head, and you were being so wonderful. Damon just came out of the blue and lifted me up."

They both chomped away at the pizza, drinking their respective drinks. It was Mark who asked, "What happens next time you're feeling blue?"

"I come to you. I know now that I can do that. Mark, I've always loved you. You were a fantastic father for the girls, an incredible provider, and husband. You gave me everything, you were supportive and loving. But sometimes you could be hard to talk to about such things. You sort of laughed at the people who needed my services. You openly made fun of some of the couples who I helped with counseling. That made it hard for me to talk to you. I know now that it was silly. I should have gone to you."

"Okay, even if I buy that, why did it go on for two years, and let's not forget. It would still be going on if I hadn't busted you."

"It lasted the two years because I liked it. Damon was nice, and excellent lover, thoughtful. Would it have lasted longer than it did? No it wouldn't. We were already seeing less and less of each other. I think it would have ended not long after you found out, anyway."

"You liked it," he said sarcastically. "He was a good lover, huh? Gave you things I couldn't. That's what worries me. The next time we go into a slump for whatever reason, you're going to be out the door looking for another Damon."

"That's not true, and I'm sure you know it. We have both learned lessons through this. I would never do that too you again," Liz spluttered.

"Why do it the first time?"

"Because I convinced myself that it wasn't harming our marriage, but was in fact helping it," she said.

"Then why wouldn't you do it again?"

Because you can't do things in isolation. When you're married, everything you do affects your partner."

They finished the drinks, and with Liz in his arms, they moved to the bedroom where they made love tenderly and intimately.

It wasn't some magical moment, it didn't happen overnight, but it did happen. It took over a year before Mark moved back home. It was a celebration, the girls were home, and noticed Mark's stuff was spread all over the house again.

"Dad, have you moved in?" Kate asked with a huge smile on her face.

Liz moved close to Mark, kissed him passionately. "Yes, he is back where he belongs."

"Thank god." Melanie sighed. "I was beginning to lose hope." She turned to her mother, and with a rather harsh tone said firmly. "Don't fuck it up again, please."

Liz gasped open-mouthed, but Melanie added quickly. "Don't say it, Mom. We supported you this time. Not sure I would be so supportive again. Dad is giving you something a lot of men wouldn't. Don't take that for granted."

Liz looked at Mark imploringly, and he responded. "Girls, we are all human and we all make mistakes. What happened is in the past. We will never speak of it again. We love you, but I won't accept disrespect."

Liz hugged him. "I'm a lucky woman. I won't forget that."

Life moves on, and the road of life never runs straight or smooth.

The end.