A Matter of Blood Pt. 06

"So we got married. Tyr told me the 'truth' about how you betrayed him and tried to kill him. A little part of me found the idea of a fight breaking out plausible because...well, because you act before you think sometimes. But trying to murder your own brother in cold blood? In the sanctuary? Never."

Her eyes grew teary and she couldn't meet mine.

"He finally bedded me that night. I didn't resist him. He was...not gentle, and almost as insatiable as you. He also had...unhealthy interests. Things he liked that...gods, were unpleasant. I'll tell you if you ask, but I won't pretend to want to talk about it. Until I got with child he spent all of his energy on me. I hated those first months. Gods help me sometimes I tried to like it, sometimes I even came, mostly I didn't. I began to have these awful dreams of you. All you would do is stare at me, and you looked so sad. I always woke up crying. And then I fell pregnant."

Merwyd looked at me now, her eyes feverish. I saw reflected back at me her fear, her expectation of my rage. I saw it and silently thanked Raisa for her cruel trick. Although I still held some anger, my resentment for Merwyd was gone, as if it never existed at all. Instead I saw a woman who, like my mother, had to do many things that she did not wish to in order to survive and protect her own child, not to mention her impulsive lover. Things that I might well have done. She wasn't finished, however.

"I didn't want her. Gods help me, I hated her from the moment I vomited for the first time. I considered ways to rid myself of her. Tyr's seed was how I thought of her. His awful spawn had infected me. I considered my options, weighed them carefully. I even made several concoctions that would do the job. Then my mother and yours came to see me. They knew what I was thinking of doing, although they never said so. They merely pointed out that once I had a child, boy or girl, Tyr's virility would be proven and his final victory over you would be demonstrated. He would probably move on to Adewyn, who all knew he still favored, or possibly even Raisa, who did such a good job of concealing her feelings that he regarded her as his most loyal sister. Then, I would be left largely alone, with some degree of authority as his First Wife. Whereas if I lost a child, he would just try again. Over and over. And, your mother quite adeptly noted that if I didn't want to raise Gwyn myself that I wouldn't be the first Pureblood woman to feel that way. There were always nannies and wet nurses and her grandmothers would assist as well. So, despite it feeling like the ultimate betrayal of you, I bore Tyr's child."

"Most unexpectedly I loved Gwyn from the second she was born. Now things were worse for me in a way, because Tyr had a handle on me. He threatened to take her away if I wasn't compliant, and wherever I was he made sure that someone was always watching our child. And so, on the surface, I was quite agreeable. I did everything I was told and I did it well. I appeared the dutiful wife. I even put Adewyn in her place a few times, quite like a good First Wife should. And my resentment and hatred for both Tyr and father grew. As did my understanding that, at some point, I'd need to be free of them."

"Much happened, but it isn't what you need to know just now. Tyr went north with Bayrd around two years ago, the two had become inseparable, and came back changed. Cruel. He started to spank Gwyn for the smallest infraction. I couldn't do anything about it at first. Then, when he was enraged about some perceived slight, he hit me, knocking me to the floor. Just once. This violated my sovereign right of sanctity. Father had disappeared by now but there were enough witnesses that things started to get ugly. Servants spoke of rebellion. My mother and her sisters went to Tyr directly and told him what happened to Pureblood men who beat their First Wives. He never hit me again, and largely left me alone. I felt quite proud of myself. Before she left I found out that he had simply turned his new violent inclinations on Adewyn instead. So, once again I betrayed a family member despite my intentions."

"Then you came back from the dead, and saved us all. Adewyn rode out as soon as she could. Raisa got me a message through her network of servants in the castle, explaining everything. We communicated back and forth like that. She insisted that you might mean harm to Gwyn and I, which...I understood, if I had a hard time believing. I knew that you wouldn't hurt me or a child, especially my child, once you saw us. So we waited, and planned. I packed bags, including dye for our hair and food and clothes that made us look like simple travelers. Tyr marched north. Your mother disappeared next. I think she wanted to take us with her but there was no way to avoid our guards. Then, perhaps out of paranoia, Tyr sent for us to join him at the front. I felt it, in my gut. This was the opportunity we'd been waiting for. At the same time I knew, I just knew that I would be reunited with you soon, Finn."

"We slipped away easily during a night spent at a roadside inn. We only had four guards, and they weren't the best men. My plans were changed a bit when we found two armies between us and you. But one of them Raisa had told me about, the Three Sisters Company. She gave me names and details that they would know, like the name you fought under, Seath, and things you'd said to Parla or Bartles. I took Gwyn straight into their camp. No one questioned us until we reached Parla's tent. I explained everything as best I could. At the end she just laughed and said that she should thank me. I asked her why. She said that I was the one who broke your heart, which is why you joined them in the first place. I didn't find the humor in that, but they treated me well. Especially Bartles. She watched Gwyn and played with her all the time, and answered our questions about you."

"And that's how I got here. I don't know how to make all this up to you. I was...used by a man who tried to kill you. I allowed it, because I couldn't think of a better path. Gwyn is a blessing but I still feel so stained in your presence. Like I can never be clean enough for you to be inside me again."

I turned and looked at her, stroking her cheek. God, she looked so beautiful. Age and difficulty had weathered her, but not broken her. I wish that I could make her see what I did. There was nothing unclean about this woman. There was a purity to her that had never left, that couldn't be taken away by a lustful and possessive madman. I held her eyes as I leaned in and kissed her, soft and slow, exactly like we did after I carried her home on my back that day over a decade ago. I conveyed all of my feelings in that kiss, and I felt her understand in her response.

"Oh," was all Merwyd said when we finished. We heard a snort of laughter from the entrance to my tent.

"Gods," Raisa said, "it didn't take you very long to get him back into bed, did it?"

Merwyd blushed adorably, as she always did. I, however, did not care whether Raisa's words were intended to shame me. I sprung from bed, like a boy on his birthday, ran over to her, picked her up and kissed her. After I set her down I looked into her eyes for a few moments. She was blushing now as well.

"I should save your life more often," Raisa said.

"You've done enough of that," I said, "you don't know what I felt when I saw you laying out there, or how wretched it felt to send someone else to carry you to safety. Gods, you have to stop getting hurt for me."

"Mommy, he's kissing Auntie Raisa too!"

Gwyn had apparently woken up to see me kissing her mother, and now was scandalized to see me doing the same with her aunt. Good for her, she shouldn't tolerate cads like me. I stood back from Raisa so Merwyd and Gwyn could both embrace her. It was clear that there was still great love between the sisters, which I was pleased to see.

I will not share what they said, but there were tears and laughter and stories. Gwyn told her own version of how they escaped and ran and how she met me here in the camp. Her favorite part, clearly, was meeting Bartles. I told Gwyn that the Wyldblood was also my good friend, and I could tell that her estimation of me went up a bit.

Eventually, conversation died down a little. Raisa squeezed my hand and gave me a little wink, which confused me at first.

"Hey Gwyn," Raisa said, "would you like to stay with me tonight? We could go see Aunt Adewyn and Great Aunt Syrlin when they come back. Adewyn is pregnant so you're going to have a new cousin soon!"

"Oh yes! Can I, mommy?"

"Of course you can," Merwyd said, "and I'll get caught up with your uncle."

As she spoke she looked back at me with such heat I was almost burned.

Raisa stepped over to me and kissed me on my cheek.

"Enjoy tonight, love, " Raisa whispered in my ear, "I'll understand if you want to make her First instead of me. It wasn't fair of me to demand that."

"No," I said, "my promises still stand. All of them. You can't get out of your commitments that easily."

Surprise flickered over her face, and then there was just a hint of wetness at her eyes before she regained her composure.

"Come on, Gwyn," Raisa said with a wide smile, "let's go find something to eat."

Then they left, hand in hand.

"She's very good with Gwyn," I observed. Merwyd nodded.

"Raisa would make an excellent mother," she nodded, "I'm surprised she isn't already."

"Not for lack of trying," I said, "but she's sensitive about that. I won't care if we never do though, I love her all the same."

"I'm glad," Merwyd said, reaching out and taking my hand, "although I was a little surprised to find out that you were making her First Wife."

"Surprised or angry?"

"Just surprised. I know you won't mistreat me or abandon me, so being First has no particular appeal. Except for being able to boss my sisters around. Gods I hope you know that Raisa's going to be insufferable with Adewyn and me. There will be a great deal of payback from all of our teasing. We used to make fun of her crush on you. I was especially bad, as I wanted you, too. Now she's going to control who has access to you, and when."

Our eyes met as we stood there in my tent. I intended to speak with her for a while longer and take things slow. I could tell that was what she wanted as well. But the bond between us wasn't dead after all these years. It was alive, and demanding.

I moved into her, kissing her, fiercely, more so than I had as a younger man who was virile but perhaps uncertain. I knew what I wanted and I reached out to take it. I had my hands on her ass, no longer as firm but soft and inviting. I pulled her into me, crushed her so she could feel the hardness of my cock alongside her sex. I felt great heat coming from her, and she moaned into my mouth. I kissed her more fiercely, on her neck.

"Gods. No one else has ever kissed me like that, Finn," she said, gasping.

I put my hand under her shirt, gently held her breast, then felt the need for my skin on hers. I stopped and pulled her shirt off, slowly. She complied with my every movement, smiling. She repeated the action for me, taking mine. I pulled her close to me, feeling her heavy breasts and hard nipples press into my chest. I held her so tightly that she probably had trouble breathing for a moment. She kissed me on my neck and my chest, her warm breath on my skin making my cock practically pulse with need. I was filled with such want for her. I gripped her hair at the base of her neck, and pulled her head back, gently, but firmly. She moaned at my possessive gesture.

"Say that you belong to me," I ordered, my voice calm but firm.

"What?"

"Say it!"

"Yes, Finn. I'm yours. I belong to you."

Her breathing sped up, her flush grew.

"Say that you'll stay with me."

"Yes, Finn. Forever and always."

I pushed her down unto he knees. She didn't resist, and looked up at me with shock at the nature of my desire. I'd always been giving as a lover, and gentle. Today I wouldn't hold back my need. I would take her in a way that she would know she was always mine. Merwyd's gaze turned to hunger as I pulled my own pants off and my cock was revealed, hard and throbbing.

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me what you want. Plead for it."

She licked her lips, and looked up at me. I read worry in her face. Fear that I was toying with her or that I might use her and discard her. I would never do that. This was for both of us, she would see.

"Finn, I want your cock. I need it. Please...please let me suck it. Please let me pleasure you with my mouth and show you how much I love you."

I nodded and she took me in her mouth with eagerness. I placed my hands in her hair but I rested them there, I did not force her. I groaned deeply as she used her tongue, always so clever and quick, to find my sensitive places. Her hands were not idle. One worked on the part of my shaft that she could not easily take, while the other played with my balls, gently. She locked eyes with me and took me as deeply as she could.

"Oh, fuck, Merwyd that feels good."

I felt her throat constrict around the head of my cock, and she gagged but only slightly. She grew more eager with my response, not less. It was obvious that she was gaining great arousal from pleasing me. In fact it was as though she were in the desert and the only water in a thousand miles was going to come from my cock. The intensity and speed of her mouth made delightfully lewd wet noises as she serviced me. Her large breasts swayed as she moved in a way that I found irresistible.

I gripped her hair and stopped her, not harshly, but firmly. She looked up at me, confused, afraid that she had failed me in some way, or that I was rejecting her. I smiled down at her, reassuring.

"Get on the bed," I said.

She did so, quickly, excitedly. I pushed her skirts up but did not remove them, yanking her panties off, stripping her as soldier might take a woman he found while looting. Her ass, now larger after motherhood, jiggled invitingly.

"Merwyd, your panties are soaked. Is this all for me?"

"Yes, Finn. I've been wet since I first saw you. I've wanted you again for...for so long. Please claim me again. Make me yours. I don't want anyone else. Ever."

I put my cock at the entrance to her fine lips, swollen with desire. Her thatch was untrimmed and a bit wild, pure white and soft as down. There's nothing in the world like the sex of a Pureblood woman. I held myself there a moment, barely able to restrain myself.

"Please don't tease me, brother. Make my pussy yours again. I love you and I'll prove it."

I pushed into her, roughly and hard. She moaned, with volume. I began to fuck her, plunging into her wet warmth with abandon. I let my hands roughly feel her full breasts and then began to kiss and suckle at them, taking her nipple between my lips and nipping and squeezing it, hearing her whimpers and moans raised my blood. I felt years of frustration in every stroke, slamming into her, bruising her. But she did not stop me or slow me, rather she encouraged me, drawing me into her with her arms and legs.

"Finn, yesss. Please, punish me with your cock. Please. I'll do anything for you, anything. What Adewyn is too proud for or Raisa too innocent. What you can't bring yourself to do to your mother. If you won't take me for your wife then your concubine. If not that then let me be your whore. As long as I'm yours."

Beneath my passion was that which drove it, what I concealed for fear of being weak. Sorrow, grief, and loss. All the things that I wasn't ready to face years ago when I pulled myself from that cold lake, all alone and dying. I fucked her harder, my own breathing was ragged, I was exerting myself harder than I had in months. She was clinging to me, showing me her love by weathering this storm, rolling her hips into me, grinding.

"Oh fuck Finn. I can't take it...please don't leave me. Please. Please cleanse me. Cleanse me with your seed and claim me again. I don't want to be alone any more, alone and dirty and used and unloved. Please love me. Oh fuck, Finn, I'm cumming on your cock. It's been so long since...ohhhhhh goddssssssss..."

Her words turned to moans, then cries, then screams as her orgasm hit her, hard. It pulsed and shook her, and she clung to me even harder as it punished her at least as hard as I had. It took her like a wave in a rough sea, rolling her under itself, driving her down into the dark beyond light or breath. She was sobbing by the end.

I came, finally, buried to my hilt inside of her, feeling my cum enter her almost in a continuous stream. It was as though my body knew she would be here, and saved much for her. I filled her and more. I imagined it like a river of love pouring into her. I collapsed on top of her. I didn't want to, I couldn't support myself any more, I had no strength left. I had no idea how much time had passed while we were making love. I fell asleep, and it was like falling out of that window all over again.

When I woke, I felt different. I was afraid at first, because I hadn't felt that way in years. It wasn't anger, or grief. It wasn't comfort or relaxation. It was...completeness. With Merwyd here, my family was complete.

I was also pretty sore. At some point, I had, thankfully, rolled off of Merwyd, and was laying on my back. She was awake, and laying on my chest, her small hand playing idly with the hair there. As my breathing changed, she looked up at me, smiling.

"I loved being taken by you, Finn. Will you do that more often?"

I laughed. I missed how kinky she was.

"If I do that too much I won't live much longer."

"Well, not quiet that rough," she said, "I'm going to be sore and bruised for a week at least. But I feel..."

Merwyd trailed off, and I saw that she was crying. She controlled herself, and went on.

"I feel whole. I meant everything I said. It wasn't just the heat of the moment. I'll do anything for this. For you. I know you must hate me for what I've done. I just want a chance to be yours again."

Hate was something that I realized was becoming foreign to me. Rage wasn't. I still felt it all the time. I felt it in battle, I felt it for the wrongs committed against me or those I cared about. But hate? That simmering resentment that I knew I felt in a pure form for Tyr, and in a mixed and confused way for Merwyd. It was gone.

Raisa and Adewyn. My mother. Merwyd and Gwyn. Even the vision of my dead father, who I still felt anger for. Each of them had made me see events in a different light, feel things the way others did. Where I had previously seen pure malignancy I now saw human weakness and selfish and short-sighted decisions and those who were victims of them. They made me angry, yes, but the cancer of hate afflicted me no longer.

"I don't hate you Merwyd. I don't hate you and I won't hurt you or force you away. If you want to stay with me, you can. The only question is one of trust. If I make a mistake and someone I trust betrays me then it won't just be me getting stabbed and going out a window. It will be as good as turning the kingdom and maybe everyone I love over to Bayrd, including you."

"You can trust me! I never wanted...any of this! I wanted you! You should...you should be Gwyn's father! I should have been laying under you, as your wife, not that worthless bastard!"

I believed her. The look in her eyes was one of panic and desperation, almost feverish. I'd never seen it from her before, and it worried me. I held her.

"Merwyd, I love you. I trust and believe you because I've chosen to do so. I need you to understand what it would mean for you be my wife after being Tyr's First. You will always be suspect, and someone will always be watching your behavior, no matter my wishes or orders. You can't assume that it will ever end. If that is something that you are prepared to deal with, then I want you by my side. And of course Gwyn. If you want, I will adopt her. No one will treat her as less than my other children."