A Merry Christmas Gift - 001

Moving about the small but comfortable ranch style home in the older neighborhood, Donald wondered what the hell had happened to his life. He had spent the better part of it providing a home that lacked very little for his wife of 27 years and his two children. He had spent a career as an insurance agent, making sure other couples and families were protected and secure, providing for healthy retirements. He was proud of his work. It had provided a comfortable income that allowed his wife to be a stay-at-home mom. His kids hadn't lacked for much.

Now, things looked a little bleak in Donald's world. As he sat in the well-used recliner in the den of his home, he looked at the blank screen on the television. It came to his mind that all of his careful planning over the years for their retirement was, it seemed, all for naught. He had planned to use the best methods he knew, based on the best financial advice that was available. The problem as he saw it was a flaw in the assumptions. All of the experts and analysts predicted their planning on a stable, functioning, family and marriage from start to finish in a relationship. None of them allowed for a failure in the marriage. That was the flaw and what he was now facing.

His thoughts turned to his wife. He had met her almost 30 years ago during his senior year in college. Donald knew he was no studly male figure. He was slightly built, standing only about 5' 9" tall and weighing about 170 lbs. He was no sports star. He was no brilliant outstanding student. In every sense of the word, he was average. He had dated in high school and in college. The women he tended to have the most luck with were those just like him.

He had met Julia at a concert. No, it wasn't a rock concert. It was a small gathering in the Music Department of the college. His dorm roommate was having a piano recital. His roommate was a music major on his way to becoming a high school band director. I had found myself sitting near the back of the recital hall next to a rather nice-looking young woman. As we waited for the recital to start, we chatted pleasantly. I learned her name was Julia Komanski and that she was only a semester away from graduating with a degree in child development.

I remember that night vividly. She was not wildly beautiful or exotic. She was nice to look at for sure, but she certainly wasn't the sort for which the fraternity brothers were constantly scouting. That chance meeting at the recital led to some sporadic dates. She graduated a semester ahead of me and we managed to keep in touch. She had taken a job with the local school system as a counselor at a local high school.

I graduated with my degree in general business and found a job with a local insurance agency as a trainee agent. That simply meant that until I could study and gain my licenses, I was a virtual slave living on the leanest of budgets. I spent countless hours studying and finally passed all of my license exams and was then a fully licensed insurance and investment agent. I got a modest raise and the chance to build my client base without starving, hopefully.

During that first year, with a small raise in my pocket, Julia and I began to date more. Dates were often at one of our apartments, eating something we had cooked, and then talking about our jobs and our days. It was comfortable and we were having fun. We did all the free things available to young people our age. A year later, we were married in a small civil ceremony at the courthouse. Neither of us had family.

I was steadily working my way up the agency ladder. I had a knack for finding the needs in people's lives and finding ways to fill those needs. I was a good salesman and many of my clients also became friends. Eighteen months after our marriage, our first child was born. We named her Amanda. We soon decided that it was costing us more in childcare than Julia was making as a school counselor, so she quit to stay home and keep the baby. It set the pattern.

Jimmy was born about two years later. My income was continuing to climb. With the commissions and the residuals, I was now one of the top earners in the agency. I continued working hard and trying my best to stay active with my growing family. Over the next 16 years we had a happy and fulfilled family life.

Let me tell you here that I was mostly an at home dad. I worked a normal workweek. There was some evening work but that diminished as my client list matured. I was home weekends except for once to twice a year when I would attend a companywide conference. With no grandparents in the picture, we found it hard for Julia to go with me on these trips.

If you could find a typical suburban family, it would have to be ours. Now, our two kids are off at college. My planning was paying off as they were both fully funded with college investment accounts that should pay for their education and actually leave them a little left over after graduation. Julia and I were secure. I retired from the agency as a full partner, keeping our income level steady. I kept my investment licenses and continued to trade in the market. I anticipated that in a year or two our income would meet or exceed what I was making when I was actively working.

So, I believed that Julia and I were set for a happy retirement. I was anticipating being able to travel with her, do all the things we had talked about all those years and live comfortably in our paid for home. It was about six months after Jimmy graduated from high school. We had taken him to university, seen him safely moved into his dorm, and headed home. During that two-hour drive, Julia had been unusually quiet. Two days after we got home, the bottom dropped out of my world.

No, there was no discovery in the master bedroom. There was no PI involved, no video's, photos, or intercepted emails. No drama at all really. Julia had simply told me that she had a lover. She had explained that it had been going on for almost five years. She wouldn't tell me who it was. I think she feared I would do something violent. She explained that until I had retired, they had met twice a week and had their trysts in the guest bedroom of our home. After I retired and was home every day, it had cramped their style a bit and now, they wanted to get back to a regular schedule.

To her credit, she avoided almost all the traditional cliches that you expect. There was no argument that it was just sex. She said she did love me but also indicated she loved her paramour as well. She didn't say anything about it being a temporary thing. She did tell me that she thought we could continue as we had been for the last five years. I shouldn't see any change in our relationship.

That pretty much brings me up to date. Sitting in the dark den, I was still trying to wrap my head around the whole situation. To say I was a little numb was an understatement. I really didn't have any idea what I wanted to do. I don't drink so there was no drive to go to the local bar. Hell, I didn't even know if we had a local bar. I don't keep alcohol in the house so that was a non-starter. I had no inclination to find the guy and kick his ass. Unless he was the proverbial 98-pound weakling I didn't stand a chance. I was stalled.

I stayed stalled for almost three days. I sat at home, in the dark, and just existed. Julia seemed perfectly normal. She kept the house, she did laundry, she cooked, and she was pleasant. As she had promised, there didn't seem to be any change, with the exception of her Tuesday and Thursday routines. She now would disappear from about 11 am until about 3 pm. She was upfront and without remorse or apparent guilt. She plainly told me when I asked that she was going to meet her lover for lunch, and they were going to spend a couple of hours in a hotel. She would be home in plenty of time to fix dinner. That had been the case for the last three weeks.

Julia did mention that I seemed depressed and expressed concern that I should find some activities to keep me busy. I explained to her that her revelation about her love affair outside our marriage was the cause of my depression. She nodded, hugged me affectionately and assured me that she still loved me and that she was not going to change that at all.

Today I was sitting on the patio watching a robin working through the flower beds in our yard. It at least kept me from brooding on the situation. I was still stalled with no idea what to do, or even, what I wanted to do. I had briefly considered filing for divorce. That's where the problem arose. We live in a no-fault state. Adultery would never even be considered. Since the kids were gone from the house and their college funds were secured, I knew that it would be a straight fifty-fifty split on the assets. Since Julia had been a stay-at-home mom and had no income from a job or a retirement account, I would, most certainly, be on the hook for some kind of support payments. The house was free and clear. It would need to be sold since Julia could not afford to buy out my half and I had no inclination to buy her out. Stalemate.

I heard the front door open and close. I wondered what Julia was doing home early. Perhaps something had happened, and her affair was over. I saw my daughter, Amanda. Come through the door and it was apparent she was on a mission. She came out on the patio, thumped her purse on the table, and plopped down in the chair next to me.

"What the hell is this about mom having an affair?"

You have to understand that Amanda has always been a Daddy's girl. If there was a problem, she didn't go to her mother, she came to me. Julia was always the other parent. I looked at her and she could read my face.

"So, it is true."

"If you must know, for the last five years, apparently your mother has cuckolded me on a regular basis."

"How many men?"

"Just one as far as I know. I seem to be a very stable relationship."

Amanda made some rather rude noises before she continued.

"I assume you are going to file for divorce?"

"I can't really. Financially it would ruin both of us. I never planned for this eventuality, and I don't see any way to protect myself. The family court system in this state is heavily weighted toward the wife, even when there are no kids to consider. I would probably be lucky to come out with a 50/50 split."

Amanda slumped back in her chair.

"I can't believe that she has been able to get away with this for five years without anyone knowing."

I shrugged.

"I was certain that she was happy and trusted her to live up to her promises. Maybe I am gullible, but I thought that was what a good marriage was about."

"How did you find out?"

"She told me, straight up. Since I retired and am at home all the time, I guess I sort of cramped their style."

Amanda's eyes got huge.

"You mean she was carrying on like this in our home?"

I nodded.

"In your bed?"

I shook my head.

"She says she always used the guest room."

Amanda sat shaking her head.

"Dad. You can't just live with this. Look at you. It's tearing you apart. You have to do something."

"Amanda. I appreciate your concern. You know that I am smart enough to look at all the possibilities. Right now, I just don't see how I can do anything other than let this go on and try to live with it."

I saw the anger rise in Amanda's eyes. For the first time in my life, I heard her use words that would have gotten her mouth washed out with soap when she was younger.

"Bullshit Dad. What she has done to you is unforgivable. You sit here at home tearing yourself apart and she is out slutting around with her boyfriend and flaunting it in your face. That's not you dad. You never backed down from anything. Why are you acting like a spineless wimp now?"

I had no answer and I just looked at her. I could feel tears leaking down my face.

I watched Amanda's face and saw her anger morph into a steely determined look.

"We aren't going to let this continue. I am going to talk to Jimmy tonight. There has to be something we can do."

She got up and left, grabbing her purse, before I could protest. I had no idea what was in her plan. I was also not convinced that her talking to her brother was the best route to take with this matter. I was soon proved right.

Amanda called me later that afternoon. I answered my phone quickly, interested in hearing what her brother's reaction had been to what she had told him.

"Hello"

"Dad. Is my mom home?"

"Yes. She is in the kitchen getting dinner ready."

"I talked to Jimmy. I am furious. He already knew. He has known since before he left for college."

I listened. It wasn't all that surprising. Like Amanda has always been closer to me than her mother, Jimmy was Julia's favorite child. She doted on him and almost always took his side.

"Does that surprise you? Jimmy has always been his mother's child."

"No, not really, but it infuriates me that he kept her secret."

"He is just trying to protect his mother."

I actually heard Amanda growl.

"God Dad. I wish you would do something. You should be angry. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Amanda, I love you mother and I always have. I have tried to resolve this in my own mind. I have tried to find something that I have done that led to this. All I can think of is that I just wasn't man enough for you mother."

Amanda exploded through the phone.

"DAMMIT DAD. This isn't your fault. You did everything you could possibly do to be a good husband, a good father, and a good provider. She is the one who made the conscious decision to forget her wedding vows and make you a cuckold. Grow some balls and deal with this head on like you have done countless times."

To say I was surprised by my daughter's tirade would be an understatement. When I heard her tell me to grow some balls, it shook me to my core. For the first time since this had begun, I realized that I needed to focus more on taking care of myself than trying to mitigate the situation to keep everyone happy.

"Ok. Let me think about this. I see your point and it has made me realize I need to stop just letting things slide by."

"That's what I wanted to hear, Dad. Don't be long. Call me."

With a different sense of my situation, I sat and thought about what I wanted to do. I decided that the first thing was to get this all out in the open. I was also certain of my own feelings and how I wanted to approach it. I did want the entire family present, so I called my son.

"Hey Dad. What's up."

"Jimmy. I won't beat around the bush. Something has happened that affects all of us and I think it is serious enough that we all need to be present for the discussion. Can you drive home Friday afternoon and spend the weekend?"

"Is this about what Amanda called me about?"

"Yes."

"Dad. I don't think it is that big of a deal. You are happy, Mom is happy. This has been going on for a while and you haven't noticed anything different. Let it lie. Go on with your life."

That angered me almost as much as Julia's revelation about her five-year affair. For the first time my anger came through.

"Jimmy. You don't have the understanding or the experience to judge who is happy or what is right. I want you here this weekend. Is that clear?"

"Ok ok Dad. I'll be there late Friday evening."

"Make it as early as possible."

"I'll try."

My next call was to Amanda. I told her what I intended to do.

"Amanda. I talked to Jimmy. He will be her Friday evening. Saturday morning, I intend to hit this situation head on. I want both of you hear Saturday morning.""

"What did Jimmy say to you?"

"He basically wanted me to just roll over and let things go on as they have been."

"He will protect mom to the end I think."

"He may. But that remains to be seen. Please make arrangements to be here by 9am."

"No problem. I'll be there."

My next call was to my attorney, Richard Stanford. His secretary put me through, and I told him, in brief, the situation. He was silent for a minute. We had been friends as well as colleagues for many years. He and his wife had been in our home socially many times and conversely.

"Donald. Can you come to my office this afternoon? I want to talk to you privately."

Sure. Today is Tuesday. Julia will be busy all afternoon."

It was silent on the other end of the phone for several seconds.

"Good. I'll see you then."

As I expected, Julia left at about 11. She breezed in wearing an attractive skirt and blouse. She leaned over where I was sitting, put her hand on my shoulder and kissed me on the lips. She told me she would be back this afternoon and bounced toward the garage. I heard the door go up, her car start and then the garage door go back down.

I got up, showered, dressed and went to find some lunch. There is a Chili's on the way to Richard's office. I stopped and had one of their signature lunches. It was good and I enjoyed it, surprisingly. I headed downtown to Richard's office.

We sat in his office. He questioned me about the situation and shook his head.

"You had no idea?"

"Not a clue. It hit me like a 10 ton anvil. I have been in a fog since then. I told Amanda and she went ballistic. She called Jimmy and found out he had known for a while. It was Amanda that finally got through to me that I had to do something."

"What do you want to do?"

"I need to know how bad this could be if I decide to file for divorce. If that is my strategy, I also need to know what I should do to get ready. If you have any other ideas, I will listen to them as well."

Richard took a deep breath. He told me much of what I already knew. The way I had our finances structured, I would take a bath on a property settlement. My income would probably be cut by two thirds. Julia would come out with half the value of the house, her car, half of all the other assets and a nice monthly support payment until she remarried.

The other option he explained was to accept the situation, learn to deal with it, and go on as we were.

I nodded.

"What should I do if I want to prepare for the divorce option?"

"Split the assets in half. Do it fairly and above board. Don't try to hide anything. If you get caught doing that, it will not be good for you. Payoff and cancel any joint credit cards. Have new ones issued in each of your names on separate accounts. Do the same with any joint banking or investment accounts. SInce adultery in this state is not a real issue, don't spend money on a PI. It would be wasted."

I was listening carefully. I knew that the family laws in our state were grossly unfair for husbands. There seemed to be no recourse. RIchard considered me carefully.

"This is a big decision. One that impacts every aspect of your life and your relationships. Move cautiously. Taking the high moral ground is always tempting. Just think about what that will mean. The way you have described things will probably drive a wedge between you and your son that may not survive. I suspect that Julia and Amanda's relationship is already on very thin ice. You have to decide what you are willing to sacrifice if pride is the only thing at stake."

I left the Richards office with lots on my mind. I knew I could deal with the financial setback. My needs were pretty simple. That wasn't the problem. I was trying to reconcile breaking apart my family and disrupting several lives over what Richard had pointed out was a matter of my own pride and feelings. I headed home with my mind reeling and trying to get back to center.

Julia was home and busy in the kitchen. I came in without saying hello, kissing her, or even acknowledging her. I headed to my study, my sanctuary in the house, and closed the door. I had some serious thinking to do. It was as if my daughter was clairvoyant. She called almost the minute I shut the door.

"Is mom where she can hear?"

"No. I'm in my study. Why?"