All Comments on 'A Million to One'

Good story!

5

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Complicated. But the characters came away being understandable and real. Life gets messy in so many ways and this story reveals it.

From a technical stand point there were some rough sentences and places where another word would have worked better; and places where words were missing altogether. Getting someone to do a beta read for you would have helped out a lot..

I will read more of your work.

Enjoyed the story! I'd like to see what happens, if you continued the stories some threads for another tale.

it was lovely and it wrapped up the other series nicely. I do feel like Selene needed a final scene with Mark but it wasn't necessary. That is just my curiosity kicking in. :)

So despite Billie only being 33 when they reconnected, they never had children together? I guess she didn't really love Mark after all...

Oh and adopting each others kids probably cost Mark at least $200k in child support payments from his ex-wife. That money was going in their college fund! He's as stupid as Billie was getting drunk off her ass and letting herself get knocked up by that rapist Mike. She'd never heard of the morning after pill?

I like it. He already had a massive college fund for the boys, so why let greed stand in the way of true love?

Interesting and believable

Really wanted to like this, but the story telling was missing. Sometimes simply telling the story in a linear manner is best. Giving the end point, then explaining how you got there and maintaining any tension is tricky. It did not work here.

Are all of you writers (followers) who insist on using stupid words made up by teenagers stupid enough to eat tide pods too?

I enjoy your work. Thanks

I can see how this would be a RAAC. Her cheating in college din't make sense to me. The guy was described as a pompous ass hitting her. She didn't like him at all. Yet she gets a bit too much to drink and she has unprotected sex? Even drunk she would have fought him off based on her dislike. Had she said he was a nice guy I believe it could have happened. I also don't see her getting married to the guy. Now she is sober, guilt ridden, sad, and pregnant. I see her as living at home and raising the kid and hoping to get Mark back. In time I can see her dating and getting married. This scenario doesn't work for me.

The there thing that I don't get is that neither of them dated much or had any sex since their divorces. Mark was hit on but had a no work relationship deal in his head. I agree with that but there would be others. Busy as crap raining twins but you would still get a woman willing to help and stay over etc. Same with her. If she is a hot young woman she would date and have sex.

Other than that a nice cute story fitting of romance.

I liked the concept of the story, but the flow made it a challenge to keep my interest.

There are a few technical issues with dialog not always clearly identifying who is speaking, and I found myself having to go back and re-read some areas because of this. Characters got misplaced at times, for example, on page three:

"I found Markie getting dressed and I startled her by opening her bedroom door."

That should have been "Billie".

The rest is just a preference in writing style that I missed: I don't need to know that a character has a mole three inches below her navel, but describing the physical characteristics of someone in slightly more detail helps readers envision them better. Height, hair color, stature, complexion, etc. Paint us a picture.

Good things come to those who wait. !!!! What a great story.

I found I didn’t like Mark very much.

BUT

Spend a lot more time proof reading. The timeline got out of whack and then you swapped names for Markie and her Mom.

...but what an incredibly stupid man the protagonist was! His girl Billie was clearly raped but he couldn't forgive her because it resulted in a pregnancy! Through out he comes across as a complete moron, with little to redeem him! F-I-N-A-L-L-Y he gets his head out of his ass and pops the question and does the things he needs to do.Good story but for the above reasons, 4*s.only.

After being slapped on the face at lunch, there would be no flowers, no phone calls no nothing except a For Sale sign in front of the house before the end of the day. Everyone is pushing him not caring for how he feels expecting him to so what they want. Markie wanted the date. She got what she wanted. He tried making it work. She rewarded his efforts by hitting him. Game over.

I really did like it and I’m glad they all got their happy ending. But I have to say that that “Mark” character was one Grade A certified douchebag idiot of the highest order. It seemed as if every time he turned around he was sticking his foot in his mouth, and that was no mean feat since he usually had his head up his ass. I had a hard time understanding just why it was that Billie was so hung up on the guy. Oh well, there really is no accounting for taste I guess. Still though, a pretty good story in spite of the main character. Thanks, Bh76.

I read some of the comments on this story and there seems to be rather general disdain for the style. I agree and voted 2*. BobbyBrandy writes a pretty good story and he/she(?) was rather negative. I, too had a lot of trouble keeping track of people and events. There was a whole block which was a flashback and I missed the transition to the episode and couldn't figure out what was going on. My fault for not reading every word, but author's fault for not keeping me engaged. I agreed with the comment that the commentator didn't like Mark very much. He was an idiot for a number of reasons. He couldn't keep his mouth shut and got people annoyed over and over again. What Billie saw in this idiot I have no idea. The only person I really liked was Markie and she deserved better than Mr. Mark.

Very good story!

Loved it... really enjoyed this read. Thank-you

Nicely done.

Thanks! i

Awesome 360 degree romantic story

Excellent story...some of the timeline shifts are a bit hard to follow.

I enjoyed it but it did get a little cheesy in places⭐️⭐️⭐️

They should have had at least one child together after they reconciled. It would have made sense considering they were definitely young enough and Mark had wanted children with her. Really disappointing that they didn’t.

I really liked this one, it goes so well with the other stories in what I view as a great series. Thanks :)

Good story, only nit would be multiple places where character names got flipped incorrectly.

Did not give it a 5 because I found it a tad of a tear-jerker at times but still a very good 4 for me.

A really nice story with a reasonable plot.

Seems like every story with betrayal the author can't help himself from turning it into an RAAC story with a pathetic pining protagonist that is unable to put on his big boy pants and move on.

Markie you little little bitch and your mother Wilma Billie is a cheating SLUT

Who gave the newly weds Marnie and JR the apartment?.

Narrative of Billie's cheating and subsequent pregnancy would have had more dramatic impact presented in an immediate, scenic form, rather than in a dialogue as told to Markie. Also, Mark seemed too unconflicted in his delight at his discovery Billie's new (to him) cock sucking skills. She tells him she got plenty of practice with Mike, the guy who stole her from him. I would expect some jealousy and disgust at her mention of enthusiastically and repeatedly blowing Mike, Mark's rival.

I liked the story, but Mr. Mark was kind of a dick-head at times. 5*

Nice story, I see why the guy was a little gun shy. Entering a marriage that last 40 years I'm the bad guy to my two kids from the first when the ex is the one who was cheating and wanted the divorce, not me. Oh well.............

I think you meant 'Billie' here!

[[[I found Markie getting dressed and I startled her by opening her bedroom door.

"Jeez, you scared me. I thought you'd left."

"Without getting a goodbye kiss?" I asked. "No way."

I kissed her and said, "Good morning."

"Good morning, where'd you run off to?" She asked.

"I didn't want to get caught in your bed."]]]

Good story in general, I thought. The name flipping is an issue though, and I found myself more than once needing to reread a few paragraphs back to figure out who was actually involved.

I also missed any consequence to Billie’s prior actions other than just breaking up. Mark was clearly, and imo quite understandably, still upset at her betrayal, yet despite even stating as much out loud to Markie and ’nan’ got him zero results from anyone at all. Then again, maybe the moral of the story was that he was just a pay check to her at the end of the day.

Beautiful story. Ignore the nitpickers. Great descriptions of emotions! Well done, thanks!

So the girl was effectively raped and then practically forced to marry her rapist. Still everybody thinks her parents were the best ever? No wonder that laws like SB8 in Texas go through without much resistance. This is Sharia-level jurisdiction...

If Billie was too drunk for consent when she screwed Markie’s father then she was raped! If you don’t get consent then it is rape!

What the fuck? The MC is a giant asshole to the love of his life for over a decade because she was raped and then forced to marry her rapist? He betrayed HER trust and then was upset about the fact that she had two kids with her rapist/husband? Good lord that was terrible.

Yeah, I remember being that young and stupid. I wish I some of the people I've fucked up with still loved me this much! Your guy's a bit of a dick, but he's usually not wrong, just selfish and emotional... But, crucially, not as selfish as Selene or as emotional as Mike.

I hate when stupid people comment implying men can't be mad at a hoe cheating on him. When she fucked that asshole and had his kid did Mark lay a finger on the hoe? NO. Yet the hoe feels justified in slapping Mark even when she's begging for a another chance to fix her fuck-up. I also hate writers whose protagonists walk around like they owe cheating hoes forgiveness and marriage. If the genders were reversed this would be harassment, plain and simple.

A miscalculation on the writer's part leads some to believe Billie was in fact raped. I just think Bh76 wanted to split up Billie and Mark without making Billie an unsympathetic character who would casually cheat on her boyfriend.

.

Another writerly miscalculation is the reaction of everyone to Billie's pregnancy. The abortion option is just hand-waved away. Billie, her parents, Mark, and the guy who knocked her up and his parents --- all stringently pro-life? If they are they all religious why isn't it mentioned? (And even religious conservatives sometimes put aside their principles when a child gets pregnant). Her pregnancy will cost Billie losing the love of her life, but yet she's not willing to consider putting the baby up for adoption, and would rather marry the jerk who got her drunk in order to fuck her?

.

Dig beneath the surface of this story and it doesn't hold up. Yet it's a very attractive surface : I've just re-read it with pleasure. Because it is entertaining, I give it 5 stars, but, if written with more care, it could have been a classic.

Cucks of the world unite! You'll love the abuse and nastiness your mistress dishes out.

A lot of good comments on this story. I liked the story, it was interesting and entertaining. I personally thought the Mark character was a jackass of the highest order. I get that he was hurt by Billie cheating on him and having another guy’s baby. But he grew up. And grown men don’t waffle like he did, and they don’t constantly make hurtful remarks to or about someone they claim to love. What they do is make a decision and go with it, stick with it and live with it. So instead of his love/hate relationship with Billie, he should just walk away. After all, would Mark intentionally torture an injured puppy? I doubt it. But it seems to me that’s what he’s doing to Billie.

He did finally get his head out of his ass and marry her, but I can’t help but wonder how much of Mark’s earlier attitudes and actions are going to eat at her. And he did eventually get to call Markie his daughter. At times it seemed like that’s what he wanted more than anything. Just my 2 cents.

Dee

Gave ut5☆☆☆☆☆ just a tad to long.

Not a bad story though you made the same mistake every LW writer do when they try to go into romance. invisible_bridges covered most of them. If she was abused... why did she marry her abuser?

Your MC is a jerk. If you believe shrinks, there are no such things as "jokes". So your MC's "funny" remarks hide a lot of resentment and mistrust. Not a very solid foundation to start a relationship.

At the end of the story, I was left with the feeling that they were both pushed into a relationship more than work in one. Some parts were written to be cute, "I can't wait to call you Dad," but they look forced and cliche.

As I said, not a bad story, but average, no great. If you plan to write more stories in the romance category, you need someone who understand how they work.

Purrfect! 5 BIG SHINY TWINKLY STARS! Well deserved Sir!

Change mind of main characters in story. But as another waffle NO.

Having Lost spouses to cheating I see where the main character's head is. I have step daughters who I love dearly even though I am not married to their mothers any more. If I count all I have 11 grand children and consider myself close to almost of them. You have to remember that Mark & Billie are just 20 and immature at the time of the impregnation. The marriage reminds me of the "back in the day" choice many were given to young foolish men when they broke the law, Jail or enlist into the service, (marry or go to jail). With a few mechanical writing mistakes it is a great story. 4.5 stars. I wish you could include a time line "How To" so stories could be read "in order."

Loved this

Thank you

Not that bad but too long

story is "cute" but not that great.

As Billie is written I don't see her marrying the gut who got her pregnant. She sounds mature enough to understand that the marriage would not work at all. Yet she marries the guy and has two kids with him.

I understand Mark leaving Billie especially when she is pregnant with Mikes child. No issue there at all.

Ya, he made a bad joke and I see her being hurt. But to slap him? That shows uncontrolled anger. I would take a huge step back and even after the apology I would be cold and very much rethink getting back together. Reverse this and have him slap her. He is in jail for domestic violence.

So cute story but in real life this most likely would not work. After all those years they would be friends I guess but he would or should be haunted. Like he said, seeing her kids always reminds him of the life he wanted but she screwed up. And yes, I would as she said, wonder every time she is out what is she doing?

Lastly, I know they each were married and had kids so lots of sex BUT when she tells me how her ex had her learn to give blow jobs? Constant reminder of her sucking someones cock. Ewww, how could I kiss that mouth! That is worst than his cigars.

What a heartwarming 2nd time around love story. Excellent storyline and superb writing. 5/5

"I wanted to send it anyway, but Billie talked me out of it. She's a softy". I agree Mike can keep doing to other naive women what he did to them. It would be assholish to get in his way.

pretty easy to rip something up and not sign it. really enjoy feel good stories...and this was one. kudos

Markie is a little bitch!! Typical overgrown American trash

Billie was a skank. She fell pregnant with Markie, married the father but never loved him yet had another child with him!!

Loved the story but thought Mark was kind of a jerk and over sensitive, but then I haven't had a girlfriend that got knocked up by someone else. The non-linear story line was a little off putting, jumping back and forth kind of broke the flow of the story for me.

Great story, although the ending (epilog) seemed rushed. Thank you.

This is one thoughtful, sensitive and understanding author.

Such a classic line of love: "I promise if you get married, I'll call you Dad."

Already a young woman she is offering her love and feels it is the most important gift she can give. Wise beyond he years!

It was sad to see commentators rip the author and the characters. To me the seemed like real people.

The time switches that bothered some are a literary device. It was not my favourite, but a good author will experiment. He carried it out well. 5/5

HC

what a pathetic cuck .

why would anyone let this whore back in his life ?

one star

complicated...

Better man than me. I was engaged back in the day and found out she cheated. I did not take her back and don't regret it. This guy took her back, twice.

"I turned him down constantly for dates, but he kept pushing. I went to a Halloween party with some friends and he was there. I never drank, so when they gave me some of the punch they had, I didn't realize there was alcohol in it. Yes, I was that naive, and I drank a lot of it.

I don't remember anything except waking up in the morning, in a bed with your father. I knew that I had unprotected sex, we won't get into how I knew, but I knew. I ran out in tears. I cried for days. I didn't go to class, I didn't talk to anyone, I barely ate."

=== this is the unforgivable sin committed by a very young woman that screams "cuck" by the commenters below at the MC for taking her back? Wtf? Her ex husband was a predator and she didn't even give consent. That is borderline date rape and she paid the price by getting pregnant. She was victimized by that asshole and lost years being with the love of her life. Screw that. Her soul mate and true love. She suffered enough. A romance (not even a reconciliation at this point) was inevitable.

I liked this story a lot. Got all the feels in. The only thing I hated was Billie marrying her rapist. Because it really was rape, she was not able to consent. Hated that piece sorry, but it did set the rest of the story up.

Great story- very well written and good flow. Agree Mark was quite a bit over sensitive but Billie persevered and will be able to tame him. Once started couldn’t stop until I finished it

Mark's wife Selene.... Does she have a separate story? Seems intriguing.

I loved most of the story. I thought that Mark was way too over thinking things. But that was what the author wanted him to be. I completely disagree with a commenter that she cheated on him. Date rape drugs negate any cheating argument. How was she able to defend herself? Young and naive shouldn't be punished like that. I adopted a daughter from a similar situation to Billie'' ordeal. Forty years ago, and I still get pissed about it. 5 stars from me, only because the author finally let Mark pull his head out of his arse. Thanks for sharing

Billie didn't cheat. She was date raped (at best). Disgusting that she ended up marrying the asshole. Despite the pregnancy and being young, Mark dropped the ball.

Mixed feelings over this story. It was well written with good grammar & spelling. As for the storyline, I’m not so sure, even though it was nauseatingly saccharine sweet

Girl goes to party, drinks are spiked and she ends up pregnant. It’s an age old story & I don’t believe it for a minute. No woman goes to a party, by herself, gets so drunk that she doesn’t know that she’s having sex & winds up not knowing what she’s done. Huge red flag.

Slaps him in the face, in public. Massive red flag.

Who is he marrying ? The interfering mother-in-law, the too precocious daughter, who is a bit too knowledgeable about adult sex, his interfering mother ? Waving red flags !

To the prior commenter who doesn't believe something like this can occur: what planet are you on. Do you know how date rape drugs work? Especially GHB and Rohpynol? Not to mention combinations of them with X? Agreed that the daughter though is too precocious.

Second time through and I just can't fathom how he was unable to forgive her being date raped, perhaps back when he was younger and more impetuous, I could maybe see his reaction. But as an older adult with kids of his own he finds it difficult to get over the fact that she was date raped, forced to marry her rapist, and unhappy until she moved in down the street from him? It would be much more realistic for her to have a difficult time forgiving HIM for abandoning her to the predator that raped her. She did nothing wrong until she agreed to marry her rapist, but she was young and desperate. Overall this is barely a 3 star story because of the BS about him forgiving HER.

Markie was a lot of fun. My question is that if she knew she had unprotected sex, why not take a morning after pill? Or were those not invented whenever this stories timeframe is set in? It would’ve fixed a lot of their issues.

Why didn’t she take a morning after pill?

Good story, marred by bad proofreading. (As others noted, at least a couple of times it says "Markie" when you meant "Billie". But there were also a good number of things like "you're" when it should have been "your" and "there" that should have been "their".)

Again as others noted, the long section of back story was handled confusingly. And I also found Mark kind of jumping off at random, with emotional reversals that don't seem (to me) to make sense.

How on earth do you write a story making a woman at fault for being given a drugged alcoholic drink, then raped?! Not cool.

Outstanding! Thanks.

these comments are crazy, y’all would expect a 19 year old to be completely fine raising someone else’s child? be so for real right now LMAO

There is a lot of overthinking in the comments section. Was she date raped? Probably. No one is so naive as to not know the taste of alcohol so it may have been some sort of drug.

Well, Mark *was* mature. He did take her back after the incident. She just happened to be pregnant with another guy’s child. If they wanted to stay together, Billie really could’ve had an abortion. Problem solved, right? Well, then you don’t have Markie or Jimmy, who are clearly good kids.

If abortion is off the table then we run into this issue. Mark frequently mentioned “manning up” in regards to the future Markie. Well, is spending 11 more years with Markie worth the lives of Mark Jr. and Miles and Jimmy? Is she that much better than their existence? Although she’s adorable and a central focus of the story, unless those 11 years without her caused her not to have the secrets to curing cancer or nuclear fusion or world peace, those years are not worth the lives of her three brothers.

This story is good because it’s about both happy and sad unintended consequences. Bad things will happen. Learn, change, but don’t dwell.

Tbh, when I saw “JR” I was hoping it was Mark Jr. Mix those bloodlines!

I read quite a few of the Romance stories and have to plead guilty in not recognizing the complete story until I'm most done reading it a second time. i then think a bit of a comment and then hunt for my original rating and comment. This time i agreed with myself and a lot of other commenters,. This was a lousy story with a poor quality human being as the male MC . I really didn't like any of the characters too much, but found the divorced spouses particularly unpleasant. It really isn't worth dissecting the story - that would imply the story was worth commenting on in detail and worth reading - which it is not. I am amazed at the high overall rating this story got. I usually only read stories that are rated at a high 3* at a minimum and prefer mid 4* stories. My 2* rating might be a little low for most people, but if I had known just how bad it was I wouldn't have read it at all.

Plot clarity and creativity 2 points

Character development and clarity 2 points

Editing 1 point 2+2+1=5

Some readers approach a story with strong prejudices. Some come for entertainment. A few come to have their horizons of understanding life broadened (not their morals) .

Are their important things in this story.

1) People learning to grow even through extreme disappointment and adversity.

2) The story of a young girl beginning the transition from little girl to woman, and how having the right male figure in her life sets her up for future happiness. If possible to separate a subject and use a greater rating scale, I would rank the story of Markie at the 99.9th per centile. If you have or will ever have a young daughter learn from the insights of the author.

The Hoary Cleric

It seems like this site contains a lot of anti-social virgins so they don't know the difference between cheating and rape. I hope you guys are not in a serious relationship, I feel sorry for your partner.

For pure entertainment, I liked it a lot.

Ignore the critics.

Thanks

Great story! Great writing! 10 stars! Not much else to say, other than you're one of my fav's!

Raising someone elses kids is a no.

Could have been a decent 4 (maybe even 5) star romance, but the man-hating gaslighting that apparently he was somehow "stupid" and "bad" about not wanting to raise some other guy's kid, ruined it completely. Given the circumstances, I am not going to blame the woman too much (though in all fairness, she had no business going to alcohol college parties with someone else); but putting the blame on him is just pure evil and disgusting - ESPECIALLY when the author gaslights the man to believe it himself. Here's a well deserved 1 star for gaslighting.

And yeah, reading the other people's comments, it's absolutely heartbreaking how modern culture literally doesn't consider men to be real people with, like y'know, real feelings and deserving of anything other than being walking ATMs.

For people who do not like this story, it is almost exactly what happened to me and my family. Yep, it really happened, and yes I did raise someone else's kids.

Great read, great storyline, great ending... though, I'd have retained the PI for an added 4 weeks with a posted letter for Ariana about her scumbag husband. She certainly doesn't deserve his childish behaviot!

This story is a mess.

You mixed up your own characters and then bounced around with your timeline and then mixed up pronouns and left out articles.

It was hard to follow at times.

page=3

I think you meant ‘Billie’

[I found Markie getting dressed and I startled her by opening her bedroom door.

"Jeez, you scared me. I thought you'd left."

"Without getting a goodbye kiss?" I asked. "No way."]

People get back together with their chilhood sweathearts enough that one in a million shot wasn't a great title