A Nerd in Paradise

"Here's the problem, Flor," I began, "For a long time, I've waited for you to realize how perfect we were for each other. Now I've decided that neither of us are going to change. You're going to go on screwing any man you're attracted to, (she winced at that) and I'm almost twenty-eight. It's time I started thinking about settling down, and you've helped me see that on this trip. I need a wife who won't walk away from me the second she sees someone she'd like to screw."

Flor reacted like I had slapped her.

"Oh, and Linda fits the bill?" Flor shot back raising her voice.

I looked around, people were noticing our conversation.

"Linda and I enjoy each other's company. I'm attracted to her, and she seems attracted to me. We're good for each other. I like where our relationship is headed, and I'm enjoying the trip."

"You'll come back to me, you'll see," Flor nearly shouted as she stood, "Linda doesn't know you like I do."

She turned and marched out of the dining room.

When Linda returned, I told her what had happened.

"How do you feel about her in your deepest heart?" Linda asked.

"I'm sad for her," I said after a little thought, "I realize that serial lovers will be her life going forward. She'll go through a lot of men without connecting emotionally to any of them. I can't and won't live with a woman like that. I can love her as a friend, but that's the extent of it. I've come to the conclusion that she's an incomplete person who I can't fix."

"No attraction to her sexual or otherwise?"

"No."

That surprised me as I said it.

"Are you still angry with her?"

"I am, but not for the usual reasons. I'm not angry about her betrayal or how much money I've spent on her for this trip. Instead, I feel more like I've dodged a lifetime of heartache and an ugly divorce sometime in my future. Flor is going to destroy some man's life. I've decided that it won't be my life. It does anger me that she refuses to see my needs, but I have to balance that against this delightful woman who has come into my life. Breaking away from Flor has been painful, but it resulted in you being here beside me. I suppose I should be grateful to Flor for that."

Linda leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"You can't change the spots on an old dog," she said with a straight face. "I hope you're not too grateful to her. It's time we got back to our luxury accommodations."

"For more sex?" I asked as I stood and rubbed my hands together.

"No, we need some shots and narration of the features of the ship. I'll have you do the outdoor stuff this morning while the light is good and Siobhan will do the indoor stuff after lunch."

"And then can we have sex?" I asked, "I'm developing a real passion for you, by the way."

"Are you always this obsessed about sex?" Linda asked frowning at me.

"No, I like food and sleep too, but sex with you is right up there with the others."

That brought a smile to her.

"Let's get you dressed up in your khaki shorts and shirt so we can get some shooting done. Siobhan joins us at lunch and you can help me get the cue cards ready for her this afternoon."

We hit all the expected stuff, the pool and the hot tubs with people's suits slung discretely over the side, the volleyball and the basketball courts, the running track, the poolside bar, the trap shooting and the golf driving ranges off the stern. Our best shot was me holding Siobhan by the hips as she reenacted the bow scene from the movie, Titanic. Linda did a marvelous job of slowly panning from Siobhan to a mysterious green island off our bow.

I did see Flor sunning naked by the pool. A new man was shepherding her around. He looked older and the Rolex on his wrist hinted that he had money. I wished her well. She made it a point to ignore me. I respected her privacy.

After lunch we filmed the grand lobby, the casino, the on board shopping, the spa, and the workout room. Our best shots were Siobhan descending the grand staircase in a sarong, and Siobhan again, looking tasty while jogging on a treadmill in tights and a leotard. I was getting into this filming stuff and would miss it when I got back home.

We wrapped up before dinner. Linda walked into our room, dropped the camera into its case on the floor and pulled off her bikini bottom on the way to the bed.

"I am exhausted," she said as she lay spread eagle on the bed.

"You can rest while I take the first shower," I offered as I packed away the sound equipment.

I had the shower running when Linda came into the bathroom and stepped into the shower with me.

"Could you wash me like you did last night?" she asked as she gave me a hug and a kiss.

I washed her hair again. It was something I had never done before yesterday. I liked the intimacy of it. She did too. Her nipples remained hard through the entire process. As I lathered her hair while standing behind her, occasionally I reached around and stroked her breasts with my soapy hands eliciting the most delightful moans.

"Where have you been all my life?" she asked as I began rinsing her luxuriant red hair. It was like holding liquid fire in my hands.

"In Michigan," I said with a straight face.

I spun her around and kissed her on the freckled shoulder as I began soaping her back reaching down to squeeze her bottom as I did so. I then spun her again so that I could soap her front from shoulders to hips taking my time to stroke her breasts. From there, I got down on my knees to soap up her legs and groin. When I was done and had rinsed her off, she kissed me.

"Thank you," she said, "it would have been a lot harder if I had to do it myself."

She got out of the shower as I finished washing myself.

I discovered Linda with her wet hair wrapped in a towel laying on the bed. She patted my spot on the bed.

"I'm too tired for sex, but I wouldn't mind a nap with you."

I spooned in next to her, cupped a lovely breast in my hand and fell asleep. We woke up still tired an hour later and prepared for dinner. At seven in the evening, we went down to the buffet in the forward dining room. The room was quiet. It was like everyone aboard ship was partied out and looking forward to getting back home. When we went for our after dinner walk around the main deck on the ship, we noticed that it had gotten quite cool. A cold front had bounded from the mainland and reached out to us across the water.

It wasn't cold, but might get down into the fifties overnight. Linda shivered until we got back to our room.

Day 10

When we awoke in the morning, Puerto Plata greeted us. It was a huge city compared to the others we had seen on the cruise. From the bay our ship sat in, the city stretched out before us to the southwest climbing into the foothills of the mountains beyond.

"What are we doing today?" I asked over breakfast.

"We're going on a cable car ride to the top of that mountain, right there," she pointed to a mountain that had a small statue at the top, "I've hired a guide to point out things of interest along the way. Before that we're going on a dune buggy safari to look at the waterfalls of Damajagua."

We met Siobhan at seven a.m. sharp and began our day by hiring a taxi out to a dune buggy rental.

"We're the film crew off the ship. I'm looking for Luis," Linda said at the counter beneath an awning at the edge of the gravel parking lot. Beyond the lot, a road led up a valley into the low scrub.

Luis appeared finishing a street taco.

"I would like you to take us to the three best looking falls on the tour. We need to film them before the tourists arrive. Do you think you can do that for us?"

Luis assured us that he could and ten minutes later as the first tour bus arrived, we were off. We followed a well traveled dirt road that paralleled a cliff where I could glimpse stream after stream tumbling off the rocks above into the forest below.

At a nondescript stream flowing from thick brush, we turned and drove up the center of the stream that seemed nearly too deep for the dune buggy we were in. The trees closed in above cutting us off from the world. Around a sweeping bend in the stream, Luis pulled up onto a small beach.

"We walk from here," our guide announced.

I grabbed my sound equipment and trudged off following Luis who talked about the ground leeches in the moist undergrowth and the fist sized spiders hanging from webs in the trees. Siobhan pulled in close to me grabbing my arm for protection. After a final twist in the trail, the gully around us opened into a lush hidden glade. Brilliant morning sun washed the falls and the cliff face which was covered in vines with brilliant red flowers that glistened in the sunlight and the moisture. The cliff face teemed with tropical orange and black birds that darted to and from their nests among the vines.

The pool below contained small fish that darted about the rocky bottom as birds dove into the water to catch them. Our side of the clear pool remained in cool shadow. I would have not been shocked to see a unicorn drinking from the pool in the cool shadows.

"It's so beautiful that I don't want to touch anything lest I muddle it up," Linda half whispered as she took the sight in.

"It is beautiful, no?" Luis said grinning at Linda, "we do not take tourista here since only a few can come back each time. I think it is called Maiden's Tears Falls in English."

Linda began unpacking the camera while I readied the sound equipment.

"Siobhan," Linda instructed, "strip to your bikini and check your hair and makeup. We need a shot of you standing waist deep in the pool. I want you standing in the sun looking back at us in the shadow."

Linda went about the business of getting the perfect shot beginning with Siobhan then panning to the falls and the cliff above. At one point, Linda looked over at me and caught the frown on my face.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"The perfect shot would be Siobhan walking out of the pool stark naked. It's a shame that this film has to be G rated."

"Oh, I want to do that too," Siobhan practically shouted as she pulled off her bikini bra and bottoms, "I'll do it, but only if I get a copy."

She then proceeded to wade back out into the pool.

"I guess we're doing it," Linda said with a shrug.

Siobhan immersed chest deep in the water. Then slowly walked out of the water showing plenty of hip action as she gradually bared her body to the air and the camera. The shot was mesmerizing. At one point she pulled her hair over one shoulder and smiled at the camera looking like the Venus on a Half Shell painting. Eve could not have looked any more alluring in the Garden of Eden.

When Linda yelled 'cut', no one said anything for a long time.

I looked over to Luis and the driver who were staring slack jawed at Siobhan.

Finally, I cleared my throat.

"That was hypnotic, Siobhan. It's a shame we'll never be able to use it."

"I don't care," she said with a sultry smile, "I wanted to, and it felt good doing it."

We repeated the shot a second time with Siobhan wearing a bikini before we wrapped up.

We stopped at two additional falls. Both had tourists milling about and we got several group shots of people having fun on the shore and in the water beneath the dramatic falls. The final falls had a rock slide where tourists could sluice down into the pool below. Linda got shots of tourists reactions to the falls rather than the falls themselves. By mid morning, we had done everything we could with the falls.

"What's next?" I asked as we clambered into the tiny VW beetle taxi back to the city.

"Lunch in a local cafe, perhaps a little shopping and then the cable car ride this afternoon."

We dined at the Cafe Paradiso located far from the tourist sector of the city, but within the business district. We were led through the building into a courtyard where overhead fans kept the air moving, and vines covered in purple flowers on the overhead trellis kept us in the shade. Business people lunched here rather than tourists.

I ordered Chivo Guisado Liniero which is a spicy goat stew. I sampled it bracing myself for a chewy texture and a strong taste and was surprised at the mild flavor of the tender meat. The closest I could compare it to was a spicy lamb stew, but that does it no justice at all. Lamb is chewier and has a stronger taste. Linda photographed my meal, and my comments regarding the taste.

Linda had La Bandero Dominicana which was a stew of white rice, beans, and chicken. Siobhan, ever the timid eater, had Pollo Guisado which was stewed chicken. We all washed our meal down with Morir Sonando which is a sweetened milk and orange juice combination with a dash of vanilla. I know what you're thinking. All I can say is give it a try. The two go together better than I thought they would. It tasted like a liquid orange push up that I got from the ice cream truck when I was a kid.

After lunch we walked out into the bright sunlight of the square where I discovered a cigar shop next to the restaurant. A hand lettered sign in the window said "Puros hechos a mano."

"Does that say 'hand rolled cigars'?" I asked Linda.

Inside we met a Senor Munoz who agreed to be filmed as he sat at his work bench chattering away in Spanish. Linda knew enough Spanish to translate what he was saying.

The dignified old man who looked as ancient as everything else in the shop pulled a wrinkled tobacco leaf from a large crock that served as a humidor and stripped the central vein out of the leaf forming a rough cylinder of tobacco that he rolled in his hand until the leaves were quite broken up. Next he pulled a whole unwrinkled leaf from another humidor, stripped the central vein out of that leaf then proceeded to roll the crushed tobacco into a perfect cigar shape which he pushed and prodded until it looked perfect to my uninformed eye. I thought he was done at that point, but he produced yet another perfect whole tobacco leaf from a humidor and rolled that leaf around the cigar using a bit of paste to hold the leaf end in place. He saved a bit of the leaf to finish the end of the cigar, trimmed the other end with a very sharp knife and laid the final product into a cigar press which straightened out any minor irregularities.

The old man made four additional cigars, slid them into slots in the cigar press then closed it. He looked up at me and smiled before wrapping the five cigars in a bit of ribbon and handing them to me.

Afterwards, I lit one of the cigars in the square outside the cigar shop and talked about the quality and the taste on camera. At the end, I added a personal thank you to Senor Munoz for teaching me what a real cigar should taste and smell like. The smoke was sweet and aromatic and lacked the stench of a cheap cigar. Afterwards I offered Linda a drag off the cigar.

"It's very mild," she said exhaling a cloud of smoke, "and the smoke is sweeter than I thought it would be."

"Would you like a cigar of your own?" I teased, "I've noticed several women smoking them today."

Linda shook her head.

"One puff is enough, and by the way, I don't relish the idea of climbing into bed this evening with a man reeking of cigar smoke."

"Message received," I said, "this is the only one I'll smoke."

The rest of the afternoon, we filmed Siobhan shopping and trying on clothing. The final activity of the day was the cable car ride to the top of the mountain overlooking the city. We got spectacular shots of the ancient city below and of our ship in the bay with the impossibly blue Caribbean beyond.

Linda sagged into me on the ride back to the ship that evening.

"Tired?" I asked.

She nodded.

"But happy, too. Thanks to you I've got some great footage to turn into travelogues about interesting things that other travelogues haven't covered," she cuddled in and hugged my arm, "we make a great team, and I hope we can work together on future assignments."

Back at the ship, I had stepped out of the shower and was drying off when Linda came into the bathroom.

"There's a message from Flor on the phone. She wants to see you this evening in your old room. Any idea what that's all about?"

"No idea," I shrugged, "my guess is she wants to know about travel arrangements once we get back to Orlando tomorrow."

"She's a smart girl, she knows how to use a computer," Linda bit her lower lip, "she wants something else. Mind if I tag along?"

"Suspicious?" I shrugged. "Come along if you want to."

Flor was less than naked when she opened the door. Sometime in the last two days, she had gotten herself a Brazilian wax job and was hairless from the neck down. Her smile faded into a frown as Linda came into the room behind me.

"Why do you want to talk to me?" I asked as I scanned the room.

A half bottle of expensive bourbon sat next to an ice bucket on the dresser. Flor didn't drink bourbon, she had been entertaining. I didn't care, but she better not try to play the pity card.

"I know how we can get things back to normal," Flor began, "we can have an open relationship where both you and I can date whom we choose, but we also have each other who we come home to. That way we both get what we need and want. I get the variety in men that I require, and you get a steady relationship with me. In fact, we could start off with a threesome tonight to get things going."

Flor nodding glanced between Linda and me.

"No," I said, "no to the threesome and no to the open relationship. I'm happy with Linda, and I don't need anymore than that."

I gave Linda's hand a squeeze. She squeezed back.

"Let's get out of here," Linda said giving my arm a pull.

Flor grabbed Linda's wrist and tried to pull her hand away from me. Linda grabbed Flor's hand, twisted it and Flor fell to her knees.

"All I have to do is push a little bit harder, and your broken elbow is in a cast for six weeks to two months. I've studied Karate since I was in high school because I got tired of bullies like you," she released Flor's arm, "so play nice or face the consequences."

Flor retreated to a sitting position on the floor cradling her arm.

"Let's get out of here. This air is full of bullshit," Linda said opening the door.

We didn't talk until we were out on the promenade deck. Linda stopped and threw her arms around my neck leaning into me like she was ready to collapse. I wrapped my arms around her to hold her up.

"That took a lot out of me, but I'll be damned if I'll let another woman mess with my man."

"I'm your man?" I asked.

She frowned up at me. "You were in the room with Flor and me and you saw what happened, right?"

"Yeah, but you never said it before."

She looked up into my eyes.

"I'm saying it now. You're my man and I think you should take me back to our room and have your way with me."

That's exactly what I did.

DAY 11

We were at the docks when we woke up in the morning. We were given the luxury of departing any time we wanted since we were sort of company employees and we needed the time to get everything together.

My clothes felt itchy and constraining on me.

I did watch Flor drag her own damn suitcases across that inferno of a parking lot. Perhaps she would learn a little about packing for vacation after lugging two heavy suitcases back to Michigan by herself. As we were ready to leave, a representative from the company knocked on our door. They liked so much what Linda had sent them that they offered us a contract for their Mediterranean cruise and their Alaska cruise.

Our travelogs were so well received that we landed the deal on cable TV. You may have seen our series. It's called 'A Nerd Abroad'. Yes the pun is intended. Through the show we've excavated at a Neolithic village in Turkey, toured the great sewage pumping station in London, panned for gold on a pristine stream in Alaska, and waltzed at a holiday gala in a Hapsburg era palace in Vienna.