All Comments on 'A New and Delicate Balance Ch. 10'

So Eric is the father. This is still one screwed up relationship. Eric ought to grab his daughter and get the hell away from her mother as soon as possible.

Boyd

you as a writer have no clue about men.mary still the only one with balls in the story.i'm black and what kind of black is eric.the weakest black man i ever read or new about.mary was the heroine inthis story.irene was a cheating whore and so was elaine.you wrote eric as the wimpy and whining asshole excuse for a man.

Talk about STUNNED!!!!!

You being black never even entered into my feeble mind at all!!! Doesn't matter though, they have a child together now, that is a wonderous bond!

Might even save something called 'a marriage' that might have been destroyed months ago. Maybe, just maybe the scales are tipped their way!

I had you pictured soooo totally different.

I hope there are more chapters yet, at least one more! Whether they get on with their lives together or they find other spouses, u need at least one more chapter.

Will have to wait until tomorrow night though, I guess.

WELL DONE SO FAR!

Finally back on track! Now all you have to do is wrap up elaine and mary and the story is finished.

Interesting piece of work - a combination "interracial wimp story and 2 fucked up "slut ex-wife(s)". Got to give the author credit for doing something different. Yikes, what "role models" these two idiots will make - perhaps Mary should have an active role in this poor child's upcoming life. LOL Just kidding, the poor kid would be better off being put up for adoption. Does anyone think slut Irene will be satisfied with wimp Eric? It would be fun to have a "room 123" [courtesy of JPB] situation occur to both of these pathetic characters. Good thing this is fiction because not all of us have the opportunity to be the upstanding male character that is the main guy in the "Bean Counter 1-11" by author, "Creamer". Once again, a great story and fun to read.

is totally forgiven due to the fact her child turns out to be the husbands and not her lovers whom she has almost forever been attracted to and wanted. Yes, assume custody of the child for the exhusband. The wife is an adulterous cheater that left the home. She is an unfit mother by way of her behavior, not to be trusted. Let him take his child and let Mary find her friend Irene. They can solve their differences between them for having been in love and lust witht he same man, Phil. Maybe both walking off a long pier to join their lover in eternity.

in story telling and content.

I found your story absorbing and thought provoking. You are a remarkable young writer who has gone a long way in proving, IMHO, that not all wayward wives are brain-dead women. Irene I found a very sensitive character that was, or made to be, aware of her short comings and grew to accept them.

Perhaps others have just cause to find hate in your characters, but never having been down any routes of infidelity I can only admire the writing and the emotions it provoked in me.

Thank you for the entertainment, and return soon with another story (or more of the same).

My best wishes.

colour is the baby?

Anonymous said, "mary still the only one with balls in the story."

<P>

Um, did you miss the part about Mary being eligible for an extended stay at the funny farm? She's certifiable, a murderess and malevolently evil. If that's what you think having balls is all about, you need professional help.

<P>

Enjoyed the story. Thanks, angiquesophie.

Outstanding writing and a complex. intriguing plot. This was an absorbing story which portrayed and flayed the characters to the bone. While it was fascinating reading, it was difficult to empathize with any of the individuals in this tale - the writer so vividly stripped away any real nobility of character. An amazing tale, again outstanding writing, truly looking forward to additional submissions.

Some times kitsch could be fun in a sort of goofy humorous self aware way. Not when it comes in heavy doses filled with self importance despite its immediate fake and replica qualities. I was thinking about it when I was trying to put into words why it deserves the honorary award pf the worst story of the year. It’s a worse experience in direct relations to your expectations. In that

respect many readers had the dizzying experience of dealing with as one reader called it the bi-polar quality of the writing, namely bouts of good flowing dialogs with convincing insights . But al those were left behind after the first third of the story. After the third chapter It became steadfast kitsch, then took nose dive into bad pornography when increasingly it got into trashing women (and men) using violence; drugs even murder is fine. Regretfully the above was mistaken as some dark introspection into the human soul when in fact it’s as deep as the black artistic clothing code, which in fact signals only its owner’s aspirations. Like a druggy who increasingly needs higher dosages of the same to get the same experience, the story became more erratic and more crude as it progressed. It became more painful to read and more than once I felt like someone should do the author and the readers a favor and stop this embarrassment. The worst part came predictably as Dracula - Mary meets Dum and Dumber – Eric (but he has a “Nordic name”!).Eric is now the little child who calls the king is naked and carries the biggest false gospel of all the “romantic soaps”: No matter how much pain lying betrayal and cruel betrayal you inflict on your spouse – he will return because he has a heart – “with tentacles” no less. Like Irene says, it was all like a dream.

More like a long soapy nightmare.

Okay, he's black. Big deal. All that means is he might be able to tell paternity of the child without medical tests. It has absolutely nothing to do wiith the emotional dynamics of the story. Irene is still a lying, cheating slut. Mary is still an illusional, murdering wacko. Phil is still a (deservedly) dead asshole. Eric is still spineless and still getting way too much mileage out of playing the victim. If this is in fact the end, then it is a weak one. Nothing is resoved beyond the parentage of the baby. As an author, you've given us an excellant story. You've given your readers plenty of insight into the emotional turmoil of your characters but your story is still unresolved.

happy endings ...

Well written, thank you

Nucleus

If thats ending---waste of time

I think your writing and plot line are excellent. I have only one quibble and that is with the ending. I feel it is not definite enough and is too open to interpretation.

It is clear to me that you intend us to believe the child is his, but this is where I feel most angry for Eric. He is a fundamentally decent man who will lovingly raise the little girl. However, he will always be reminded of the deeper deceit that the love, in which he wanted his child conceived, was witheld from him at the precise moment when it was most important.

Personally I wouldn't let Mary know about the child being his. I would let her torch Irene some time Eric has the baby. But then I guess you figured that out.

but the comments are even better! Ok, I stop here because it's not a political forum...

Greatings from Europe.

Mary had just became my favorite antihero on this site. LOL. anyway, readers seems to think that this is the end of the series. ppl, Mary still have to show up. and yes, the baby will be half-black. this would surely throw Mary into the deeper end.

I mean what is so important that the writer has to tell us he's black? His wife fucked a white guy? His wife just fucked another black man , who cares she cheated on him. Also the writer never tells us if the baby is his or he lovers? Isn't that more important?????////

The ending did surprise me and was an interesting twist. I was puzzled how the author intended the title of the story to apply, so at least the ending tied up this loose end. With "artistic license" almost anything can be part of the plot. But Eric's behavior is still weak, and while it's true that African American males can behave in just as many different ways as Caucasian or Oriental males, there are still cultural differences that prevail and that really don't fit Eric as black. The color of his daughter implies that he is the father because we are to assume Irene is white as was Phil, and the baby is one of color so it must be Eric's child. In the interracial stories in Literotica the pattern is a white cuckold and the wife, also white, cheats with a black man, so this story is a reversal which further adds to the surprise at the story's end. The story also shows our conditioned "prejudices" because there is nothing in the story until the end to tell us the race of any of the characters but I'll bet many readers assumed all were white (except for the men screwing Elaine and observed by Eric who were explicitly labelled as black). Of course, Mary could be Black or Oriental, or maybe Irene is Oriental and not White; why should we assume anything in this regard? My main criticism is that the author did not quite "pull it off" because I can't relate Eric's behavior to the numerous African American men I know both socially and at work. Of course, sensitivity, caring, intelligence, even wimpiness can all be there in males of any race but a straight, black, wimpy African American male who acts like an abused woman is implausible. I enjoyed the story despite this because the writing is so good and the author has a fresh perspective and a "delicate balance" in her story. Please keep writing.

But if Eric is black, shouldn't this story have been put it the Interracial catagory??

someone wrote a story wth a black man as awimp. Now tell me Phile was a white man? Then I'll think this is a sci fi story or horror. The white wife is still a whore who fucks around. The black man is a wimp and Phila is aa mother fucker who deserved to die. But the story didn't tell me if the wife gets killed later on by the nut case. BTW Is the nut case white? and Whose kid is it anyway? Fucked the ending .

I assume the baby's black & Eric's. As with Phil's death, It changes nothing. To quote Eric; "I knew it was over. I guess she did too. We would always be close. But never as it had been. Never again." If this is the ending I'm hoping he doesn't wimp out. Women love wimps, before & after their lovers are done with them. If Eric can't except being a wimp, he should get on with his life and find a good women, or he can become a wimp, be the second bananna, and delude himself that they now have a stronger, better relationship. At least until anorher man comes along and fucks his wife again.

First wife cheats, can't understand why he's so torn up by it, tries to kill herself, and rather than just letting him go has him beaten up. Second wife falls prey to a scheming asshole. After the fact, we find out the asshole and his wife have basically a BDSM relation. She kills him, and threatens our "hero's" wife. After the fact, we find out he's black. And so on. Where is the delicate part?

You have so many after the fact moments, so many "you thought it was this, but it is really that" elements. One is a twist. Two is stretching it. After that, it's just lazy and shitty plotting.

Easily one of the most inane stories on this site, and that is no mean achievement -- and nothing to be proud of.

Oh By The Way: Regardless of ending ( I always rail against wimp endings) I'm loving the series, and your writing is excellent. Keep it up. (zed0)

Normally I think harry is a oaf and vulgar but I have to admit sometimes he seems well almost psychic

In chapter 8 or or 9 Harry said this story was a reconciliation at all costs train and now that PHIL was dead ERIC (the man who was actually a woman) take Irene the cheater back

Alvaron53 took harry to task and said there not going to be any forced reconciliation but Harry in VA was right--

Alvaron owes Harry in VA a BIG apology

I liked both your writing and stories.

Keeping on writing regardless of any

negative comments that you have received.

Your stories are very entertaining and

easy to read.

The Black thing is totally unimportant. This stuipd ploy used by the author is as bad as the one used in

the GLIMPSE ... it was all a dream. Likewise how is the fact ERIC Black matter? Well if you are a

far left wing kook with a agenda using the race card is part and pacel of your every day political views. ....................

BEST LINE IN THE ALL 10 CHAPTERS

"I hope you won't mind if I borrow your balls, honey," she said. "You seem to have stopped needing them."..............................

and this wasnt bad.... >>>>"Yeah right, wimp." Her voice was sarcastic. "What are you going to do? Whine her to death?"......................

In the begnning of chapter 10 Eric asks " WHO CAN LIVE WITHOUT A HEART?..".......... perhaps the the real question is why does he have a Brain????

........................................

That that all 10 stories are well written is not the issue. Just in this story alone look at all the bizzare anti men statements this author has made..................................

>>>>>>>>>>>>>"Elaine never saw a need for consequences. Irene accepted them all. She left all that was dear to her. She invited punishment..." What a stupid bastard...if Irene saw the consequences she would not if fucked PHL to begin with.............................

In the apartment in Venice all Irene does is fucking crush and humilate ERIC... why? Eric a decent STRAIGHT guy has done nothing wrong and is still trying to find a way to love this vile nasty awful cunt and worry about a Baby the author doesnt seem to care about. And How does Irene say thank you....? by saying this >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>"This is very hard for me, Eric. I am very ashamed about it now. But I must tell you the truth at last. Right then I wasn't ashamed at all. Far from it. I was in heat. I never felt like that before. I feel ashamed that I had never been like that with you, sweetheart. But it is the truth. I was someone else. I was an animal...".......... Then Iene asks >>>>>>>>>>why wont you fight for us?

................................she cheats many times with PHIL... lies about it....cuts Eric off ... He flies cross country to protect her from Mary and Irene asks why wont you fight for us? .................

...... Holy shit............................

and ERIC still does not leave!!! Anti men lesbian agenda at work......................................

........................... I wonder if at that point ERIC still thinks Irene is different from his first wife? That Irene is facing the consequences Now that is she is asking why wont you fight for us ...I was in heat and sexual animal.........................

.................

more Anti men statments >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>"Why did I have to return all the time to the subject of the child and who the father might be?..." and this one >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>"The child was beside the point.It was an accident...."

and this one >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.... I just couldn't seem to stop nursing my big, stupid ego................ You see the anti man hate speech? It is Just dumb ego thing with men that holds a woman resposible for breaking her marriage vows. Eric expierences with Mary which Irene knew all about is according to the Lesbo author irrelvant and has no bearing on how and why ERIC is hurt. It just dumb Male ego..................>>>>>>>>>"Of course not, darling Eric. You are just a lovable man. The most lovable man I know who laid himself down twice in front of a steam roller and let himself get run all over. Twice!".........

This series exhibited a lot of creative thinking but the strongest weakness was the construction and flow of the characters.--------------------------------------------

- -

So Irene's baby is black meaning that Eric is the father. The bottom line for their relationship is that Irene placed Phil ahead of Eric both before her fling (with the teasing and flirting) and afterwards when she denied him the same level of intimacy she shared with Phil. Phil's death was irrelevant because she left New York because her love for Eric was not enough to keep her away from Phil. To quote Eric; "I knew it was over. I guess she did too. We would always be close. But never as it had been. Never again."

----------------------------------------------------------- - -

I really do not see this ending as a reconciliation between Eric and Irene because people can be parents without being together. Of course, Eric can always wimp out as he has done before. A wimp can accept himself (or herself) as a second bananna, and delude himself (or herself) that everything is now OK. The problem is that Irene knows that she does not deserve Eric so she will soon or later do things to lose his respect or disrespect him. Eric may love her but he will not be happy with her knowing that another man may comes along and fuck her.------------------------- - -

Given the above it hard to see what is meant by "a new and delicate balance." You introduce Eric and Elaine but this plot of deceit and betrayal is neither delicate or a balance of any sorts. Then we have Eric and Irene which fits more of a balance (i.e., Irene trying to balance her lust for Phil and her love for Eric in her life). What we end up with is two couples who self destruct and lives left in shambles.-------------------------------------------- - -

In sum, you left several pieces of this story unanswered. What about Mary (the second murder is always easier than the first one)? Will Eric find a good woman he can share his life with or is he doomed to be stuck with the Irenes and Elaines of the world?----------------------------------

- -

SleeplessinMD

Dear Angiquesophie:

You are a superb writer. What an ability you possess! One of the very best in the category of "Loving Wives." I enjoyed your story a great deal, but it leaves me without any total closure. What is to happen between Irene and Eric. If they already know that they will no longer be loving husband and wife again (but it seems that they will be dedicated and devoted parents), what happens in their lives. And how about the wild card, Mary. Is she beyond help? Or will she come around and, in time to forget, forget about her obsession (Phil), and possibly regain her friendship with Irene (and Irene's and Eric's daughter Emily)?

Well, Angi..., it think you should write another chapter to the story. If you don't I suspect that someone else well.

RAG

One of the common definitions of fiction stories is: the development of a character(s) through action (plot). Just out of curiosity, to the readers who appreciate the contribution of this story what development have they seen in the main character of Eric throughout this ten chapters on any of the issues the story touches on?

1. Any new insight about his relations with women in general? (Was it his behavior his history in his family his experience as teen –anything?) 2. Any new explanations to particular behaviors which he did not have already at the time? 3. Any changes in behavior patterns? 4. Any changes in his life which he created on his own? (not knee jerk reactions to blows or prompt sent in his direction) 5 Has he learned anything new about himself which we can say could affect him in the future in a way that will be different than the past? 6. How does he settle his decision to end his relations with his ex (due to her lying to him about the existence of the affair and due to her continuous potential availability to Phil) with the continuation of his old pattern of behavior (dependency on who ever is with him at the time (as demonstrated by his joining his ex to the birth etc.) and even after the immediate threat to her life is removed?

***Forget, the other drawbacks, but at the minimum you need development ina story.This main character has learned nothing and has forgot nothing. (If anything the secondary characters went through some changes).

BTW, the rate is due to the fact that I have already given my vote once, and I don’t feel that the author should be penalized by having the same reader voting more than once on the same story (or chapter). At the same time discussion should be encouraged. Thus, my way of compromise.

Please don't listen to the idiots who claim Eric is a wimp. I read the first nine chapters a few weeks ago on another website. I asked you how you were going to end this.

I must say, after the revelation that Eric was Black, I lifted my jaw off of the floor and started laughing. That fact made some parts stand out more for me.

Let's start with Elaine, he found out she was cheating, not just once, but it seems with about one quarter of the population of Manhattan. So he takes time from work, and it is given to him without any argument from his boss. That was the first tell. Second, he goes to dinner with his so-called best friend, and he leaves before the entree, after finding out more things about Elaine and those who are closest to him. Third, after he finds out his boss slept with her, Eric goes in to give notice and the asshole has his secretary talk to him, while he hides in his office. And Eric is called a wimp? His friend, instead of talking to Eric face to face, calls him on the phone. I suppose he was a coward for not facing him. Elaine? She has to get three guys much bigger than Eric to take him down. So he gets a beat down, is in the hospital for three weeks, does that make him a wimp? How about Phil, the so-called alpha male, he sends Eric a letter? If Phil was so sure of himself, why did he not say all of that to Eric's face? Why hide behind a letter?

Irene? Well all she had to do was to be honest with Eric. So that also makes him a wimp?

It's too bad that Eric is held in so much derision by so many men and women posters here. Most of those have probably never been in love, except for their hands and/or vibrators. I mean the kind of love that is all encompassing, where it is not his and hers, it's our's. I say this not as an obsession or a contolling mindset, but as a sharing of two people. To get betrayed that way by Elaine, it must have felt as if he was hit in the abdomen by a baseball bat, where he could not breathe, and how someone reached into his chest and squeezed his heart. To actually feel physical pain. It is not unheard of to go years before getting those feelings back into a 'right' frame of mind, if ever. Trivializing those feelings and calling Eric a wimp, shows that a lot of these posters have never felt real love.

Because he was introspective with his feelings, that makes him a wimp? Let's see who would he have to talk to? His friends, co-workers? Hell, Elaine fucked them all. So who could he talk to? With Irene and Phil, he still did not have anyone to talk to. So Eric internalized his feelings again, and he is supposed to be a wimp all over again?

I noticed in some of the posters, there are four different types here. The racist's, the bigot's, the apologist's and the 'meathead's'.

The racist's say: "I have black friends. They would never be like this. I know how they think". Like all black people tell you everthing what we are feeling. We do not know all of the black race, and we are not of a hive mentality.

The bigot's say: "I see them on the t.v. They all live in them project's, and shoot and beat each other up. My friends say they can't be trusted, so I know they have no feelings like us real Americans do" These idiots have tunnel vision, and cannot listen to other opinions or way of life besides their own.

the apologist's say: "My friends and I, we don't think about nothing, if that happened to me or them, we would just shoot first and pay consequences later". What a mind set that is.

and the meatheads say: "I just don't like these kind of stories, they belong in 'interracial sex' the ones where the black man takes the white women away from good white husbands". These are the ones who post on just about every story, and just cannot find that one story where they will not tear it apart. The ones who call in question the author's sexual preferance as an excuse to say she is men 'bashing, saying 'real men' have no feelings. If you are one of those men who says you don't, your lying through your teeth or your some kind of sociopath.

A lot of those feelings, I have felt myself. Yes, it was a 'poor pity me' kind of a thing. I was morose, angry and introspective, and this went on for about two and a half years. However I can say this with certainty, anyone around me, who knew me, did not mistake me for a wimp. If I am not believed come here to Michigan, and make sure you bring your own body bag.

Angique, don't let the negative comments keep you from writing. This was One of the Top Ten stories on this site, that actually gives a glimpse into the mind of a black man whose life has been shattered by betrayal. How he deals with that knowledge, without making him out to be a psycopath.

Thank you,

Please keep writing.

<p>ok, first off let me say, sorry this is quite long</p>

<p>After sitting and giving some thought for most of the day I have to say that I that I sorta/kinda agree with Blue, but primarly the bulk of my feelings have to agree with a few of Harry's comments from chapter 9</p>

<p>This story had "reconcilation at all cost" theme really written all over it in chapter 9</p>

<p>But that's not why I felt it deserved on a 25%. If I went just on clarity, by that I mean "When I read the story were there any glaring spelling issues or problems with grammer". I'd have to say no. It was pretty easy to flow and understand. And if I also went only with style, again I'd say it had a style of its own that was a good thing. It had a flair that is hard to miss. Those two factors alone to me would merit 100%.</p>

<p>But something that also factors with me is <i>appeal</i> of the story. This story stopped appealing to me about half way through, becuase it started to take a tone of "while Irene screwed up, Eric's Ego is the real problem here" feel to it. I once read a story (that I didn't realize at the time) was being told from the view point of a child molestor. While it was a <i>different</i> story, it was creapy and weird and held no appeal for me. That just isn't my cup of tea. I'm not saying that this story has the feel if a child molester story, but if a story stops holding some appeal its hard for me to give it great rating.</p>

<p>But the other thing that I noticed was that the story seemed to confuse me at times. In the beginning, early on, of chapter 10 you gave the impression that Eric was going to take her back, and the ending supported that feeling. That the only reason that he hadn't up to this point was that he ego got in the way. But I have a problem with that term when used by writers. It only seems to be used in a "negative" way. Ego also means "self worth". By that I mean you believe that you, and your life, has some "value" to it. But a lot of writers almost always seem to forget that. They focus soley on ego as being an <i><b>over inflated</b> sense of self worth</i>. That when someone screws up the offended party value themselves too much to get past the problem. But they miss the point. If they want the reader to get past it too, then they need to show us things for it to make sense for that to happen. I didn't get that feel here. It was hard to believe Irene was sorry for cheating when she confesses how great it was living in the moment on one hand and then moves to the other side of the country so she can't be tempted, all while telling her husband how much she loves him and wants to work it out. Those aren't redeeming qualities. That made me feel as a reader that she was more likely that everything went wrong than because it was wrong. What would she have done if Eric never found out? Eventually give in to Phil again? </p>

<p>The reason someone gets upset when they are cheated on is because the act(s) themselves makes them feel like "less" of a person, like their feelings and worth have so little value to thier mate, and that loss of value is what causes hurt feelings. Just trying to chalk that up to "over inflated" self value does the reader a disservice and also does the same to the writer.</p>

<p>Let me give you a few examples:</p>

<p>At the beginning of the story you have Eric saying things like:</p>

<p>Why had I come to L.A? Was it love? Was it responsibility? Or just plain curiosity? I can't tell you, really. But I can tell you one thing: I could not stay away.</p>

Or

<p>It had taken me a sleepless night to crawl around my <b>ego</b> and admit it. Her short, cold message about leaving town had shocked me into a new and clear realization. I still loved her! Sincerely and truly loved her. It would always be easier for me to be with her than without her.</p>

<p>She may have betrayed me. She may have succumbed to the biggest asshole I know and torn the heart out of her best friend. She may even be pregnant with his child.</p>

<p>But my love for her didn't seem to care.</p>

<p>But then you turned around and had him seem to not care that everyone from Irene, Mary, Phil, Cynthia, and all of his so called friends and boss (who were all sleeping with his first wife Mary), seemed to hold him with almost no value. That those people felt his feelings held no value what so ever in what ever moment they were living in when they all betrayed him. And it seemed like the story supported that in trying to "sum this all this up" as it being his Ego as the primary problem. Wow. But all I kept seeing was his self worth go down and down where at some point, if he saw him self in the eyes of everyone else, I don't know why he didn't jump in front of a bus. But somehow in the end he didn't seem to care. I mean when Irene said "I am sorry for turning a good man into a cruel one, Eric. Please forgive me", you had him just accept it without comment. It's really hard for me as a reader to like a character that has a destroyed self worth and continues to not care that, in this case, he doesn't have any.</p>

<p>But what really got me was when you did this:</p>

<p>Let me ask you: have you? Be honest. You cheated on me. You gave Phil what was ours. You needed to have what Phil could give you. What we had was no longer strong enough to tame your lust. I can see that. I might even have forgiven it after wading through a sea of hurt. But it was what you did afterwards."</p>

<p>And then you wrote this:</p>

<p>"I think you fled because you did not trust yourself around Phil."</p>

<p>Anyone who has read chapter 8 remembers where this comment came from:</p>

<p>A few weeks flew by this way. Phil kept calling me, I never responded. In a way I was glad he did, as each call eroded more of the embarrassed attraction that still seemed to tug on me.</p>

<p>That suggested the same point you made in chapter 10 that both of them realized, that Irene wasn't over Phil, that she still felt some animal attraction to him, and if he wasn't dead and gone at some point she may eventually have let Phil have an encore of what they did that afternoon. And to be honest Harry nailed that one. When he said that once you removed Phil from the picture that the story would be written in a way that let the two of them get back together</p>

<p>But to sum it up, here's the problem that I have, this story seemed like it tried to make the fact that Eric and Irene didn't stay together be the fault of Eric's brused ego at having another man take, and brag, about sleeping with his wife. But that wasn't really it, well as I read it. What it felt like you did was this: try to make the story about a man be cheated on by his wife, the other man tell him how much she liked it, and then the husband let it go and took her back. But what really happened here was both of them (Eric and Irene) realised the only real reason she left the city was that they both knew she was going to eventually cheat again on him and now that Phil was out of the picture, and the only person that Irene was willing to cheat on him with was now gone, they could now go on and live as one big happy family.</p>

<p>I'm sorry, but almost all men don't want to know that they are 2nd fiddle to another man, especially to their wife well after they are married, and the only reason their wife is totally devoted to them now is because she can't ever possibly be with another man she may have been with while they were married. They want to know that the women they are with love them and want to be with them and only them. Not that they are only with them until someone else, who may be better at loving their wives than they are, is done comming around servicing thier wives while they aren't around. That's where self respect comes in. If they feel like they have <b>any</b> self worth, they aren't going to sell that self worth like Eric was written here to do to keep Irene in his life.</p>

<p>That's why I can't give the story a higher rating than I did. While it was written well, the subject matter turned it more into a problem of Eric's ego, from the writers viewpoint, for me, than with the fact that his wife cheated on him, at the time everyone thought she was carrying Phil's baby, she had a deep continued attraction to Phil, enough so that she had to leave the city so she could avoid a repeat (because her will may not have been strong enough if she stayed in the same <i>City</i> as Phil), and then she tried to get Eric to come out to LA with her so that she she could have him while being removed from the temptation offered to her that was Phil.</p>

<p>What real person would wouldn't take his mate up on a offer like that. Moving away from everything they know so that they can stay married to someone who had an attraction that they acted upon with someone else and they want to be removed from a temptation they can't seem to fight? That really bother me more than I can really say.</p>

-Risq

You are a gifted writer. Good story that mostly holds together. Well-drawn characters. Eric, ironically is the least well drawn. Mary is nearly unforgettable. Dialog that has the cadence, pattern and content of real dialog between people. You're probably one of the top 5 writers I've encountered on this site.

I got the impression you were setting this up for a sequel. A few commenters recommend it. I, emphatically, don't. You're emphasis is going to be building a story consistent with your current characters instead of emphasizing your story and your characters involvement with it.

There are a lot of loose ends with your story. Leave them. Let the readers fill them in. You should use your talent, and stretch your talent, by concocting a new story and new characters.

thanks Risq...Yes I did nail this story down pat SEVERAL chapters ago.... and my PREDICTION that now PHIL was dead the author was going to make ERIC look even more of a pathetic loser and wimp....turned out to be a perfect deduction. I am gald YOU and a few other posters could see it

.......................................

Your post about ERIC's ego as being the problem relates back to WHY the author did this. Every time Eric thought about the Baby the author has ERIC atatck his own decency... his own ego.... as some sort of SICKNESS or character flaw. IMAGINE someone trying to tell you that caring about thngs like Marriage and fidelity and Babies ia SICKNESS....... The Lesbian agenda at work.

I really enjoyed the first 3 chapters. The fourth and fifth seemed to be transitions, but I didn't expect them to be transitions to a wholly different story. The emotions which I felt via your early writing simply were't there for the last few.

Did you lose concentration somewhere? Were you not happy with how the story was developing?

Whatever it was, I'm sorry that the story kind of died in the middle - - hence my 50%. That's too bad, because you are a talented and gifter writer.

Good luck, Bob

In nomine bueno fuck. This is a story. The author is exploring a theme. As for the assertion that African American males would not behave in this way I offer three observations.

1.DNA analysis of the population of Britain has revealed apparently white people with DNA from Africa, the Middle East, and the Far East. Given population movements over the centuries this is hardly suprising. Since the Roman Empire recruited from all around the Mediterranean, many of the soldiers garrisoned in Britain would have fathered children with native Britons. Some of these Roman soldiers would have returned to the Med with their families. Now, extend that idea throughout Europe and then consider emigration to the Americas.

2. Slavers from North and West Africa raided the Atlantic coast of Europe and seized people to use as slaves in Africa. These slaves would have interbred amongst themselves, the slavers, and the local populations.

3. Slavers transported the people of various tribes from West Africa to the Americas. As in 2 above these people would have interbred with themselves, slavers, and the local population. Probably introducing "white" genes from (1) and (2) above.

Now tell me that you can stereotype ALL Americans and say that wimps are found amongst only one "racial" group.

Criticism should be creative. If all you can produce is a predjudiced tirade, take your bigotry and shove it up your arse.

Thank you to the author for your time and talent. I suspect you are of sufficient intelligence to ignore the Literary Police.

Isn't it amazing - 10 Chapters and still they have to read it to the end in order to expound their own agendas?

This is a story full of zig zags regarding the story's characters. Inconsistent to say the least.

Thought-provoking story. Thank you.

where's the ending? what will Mary do once she find out that Irene's baby is half-black and not her Master's baby?

<p> It’s interesting to see the LLNs so consistent. Oh so nice to always see everything in black and white, never doubting, never questioning, never feeling remorse over life’s uneven and unjustified events. Nor desire to somehow accept those events, and make the best of them. No our heroes are always relentlessly pursuing absolutisms. Don Quixote de la Mancha would be proud of them. Their polished steel armor shining so brightly to greet the rising sun as they ride off on their gallant white steeds, to do battle with the ogres and evildoers, to rescue the day, and damsel. </p>

<p> Please, don’t listen to their babblings. They haven’t half the writing skills that you, have shown us. Not always, but you did show us real life, with all its pain, doubts, worries, anguish and sorrows. Only a fool does not question, doubt and ask. Only a fool sees absolutisms and everything in black and white. Yet, if they would listen to their hearts, they would know doubt, and in doing so, maybe they too could write as well as you. </p>

<p> They completely did not get your story. They saw only stone-cold facts, and details. The beauty of your story, the emotionalities of your characters was lost on them… forget them. They can’t understand. They do not have it in them to understand. </p>

It’s only sad that they have the voice that they would wish to refuse others. </p>

<p> People, facts are absolutisms, unquestionable, undeniable. Wrong is wrong and right is right. <b>But</b>, emotions cloud events and what we do, how we perceive and react. That makes us human beings and each of us different. At times we persevere and suffer injustice or pain, for the betterment of our own selves, and own good. We perceive a value greater in suffering and gaining, than in not suffering. Otherwise do any of you think that even one of us would have ever given you birth?… ack. </p>

Angiquesophie I read your story before and just now i need to know who was the father of the baby was it Phil or Eric ?

what happened to crasy Mary ?

Atlanta,Ga

You need to tone down your language, Harry. It's fine to disagree with someone but when you vilify the person, you cross the line. If you can't maintain a civil tongue, then shut up. The site rules do not permit such attacks and your behavior has been reported. If you persist, your access may be removed.

You know that I respect the content, and the guts that you show many times to speak truth to power. I can see through the style to the substance and many times you are on the money. <P>

But when style hits red lines of decency that should not IMHO be passed by any decent person I will use what you use as your own guideline (and hopefully mine) and tell it to you straight. <P>

The attacks Ad hominem are indecent. Now you attack people’s personal sexual preferences as an argument for a person ability to speak and be heard? (sound more like throwing an insult in their face -dyke) and further down the line Nazi? <P>

Do you know Hary that Gay people were targeted by the Nazi regime for systematic extermination because of who they were not their opinions actions or choices? Do you think this is decent? Many of my family members were murdered by the Nazis because of who they were. How can I? How can other groups who were targeted by the Nazis listen to that without a reaction? <P>

I have apologized several times to authors, poets and other readers when I made mistakes or if my tone was too harsh. I never felt a lesser man because of that. Thank you for your attention.

I think the Chapter 10 needs closure. Hopefully there will be a Chapter 11 answering at least some basic questions- whose baby is it, what about Mary, and naturally, what happened after the babys birth.

This story is outstanding. The only thing I would strongly suggest is that you have a Chapter 11 to bring the family together. RAG

The entire story semed to grip the reader. The transfer between the various parties was clear. Very plauseable and engaging. Your final two paragraphs seem to allude to the baby girl as possibly being Eric's. However, that could be an emotional leading. I agree that there should be more definition in the conclussion as to the parentage.

Dropping a baby only says which guy was fucking her at conception. As one reveiwer said the baby was half black, wonder which half? Seriously tho, it really doesnt matter with regard to the marriage/divorce/problem at hand which man fathered the sluts offspring. It doesnt change who she is or what she did. Forced reconciliations almost always in real life wind up with even more major problems later. If they werent meant to be together, and cheating is a definite sign they arent, getting back together because really wont work. Women know inside when they open their legs to men, they are saying I am willing to birth your child. Men dont usually think when they bed a woman, I am saying you are a suitable mother for my child, but women are more involved in the conception reality because of their sex and hormones. So we have to consider even tho a cheating wife states she loves her husband, she has already at the subconcious level decided she is willing to have a child by the other man and foster it on to her husband as his. How low can one person go?

Most commentators that comment on stories from this site are a joke! Brings a true meaning to the phrase "get a life". are the authors really getting true insights to their writing?----- Alv53 is the worst with his thesarus driven drivel. Such nose in the air, ego driven, flowery prose! Now he has made himself a self appointed moderator. (he or she)? ---------I look at these stories as pure entertainment! (Yes the commentators are entertaining as well). I don't understand why anybody would try and put real life analysis to fiction. After all, where is the "loving wives" in this story? ------I liked the whole story. The middle of it drug a little but I find that in a lot of long stories including books. angiquesophie, you sure put a good twist on this story with the last sentence. I'm going to read more. thank-you, Back to my life. Jack.

needs to calm down. He wrote exactly what his points were and made them. His fundamental statement is that the writer is pushing a particular agenda down and only views men from a slanted lesbian based lense. You can debate him on what he says but nowhere does he step over the line. Sorry I think any man that takes a whore, that is what one calls a woman that fucks around on her husband, especially when the other man provides any form of renumeration, that inlcudes food folks, back as his wife is mentally ill. One commenter wrote that any woman that opens her legs to any man has already inside her brain even if she isnt aware of it decided she would birth than mans baby. The woman in this chaper is pure trash. Nothing more, and definately there is nothing lower. Taking her back is like committing mental suicide, a death wish. Only a man who is trash himself would even consider taking her back. As another critiquer wrote, the color of the baby is immaterial. It is a matter of timing and accident whose baby it was. If the baby is important to the "father" he should go to court and claim the child and by her actions prove the birth mother is an unfit mother and he should accept full custody with no visitation rights for this piece of trash. End of story!

...through this overly-long tale, searching for redeeming use. I never found it. I, too, have submitted stories here, and have failed by far. I would never have written such a tale of woe, heartache, abysmal pain. I am sorry now I wasted time on it. Just my opinion. Jim

of good and bad points of the story. Perhaps that is because they are part of that plan Harry so dislikes and dong want to be hit with truth? Harry can at times be very personal in his critiques. He can also be very broad stroked as in lesbian agenda. But he is right in his observations of this story leaving out any personal or lesbian agenda biases. This story if of a wimp who is married to a real slut. She knew he was right in her move to CA to get away from the guy she was lusting over. Nowadays it is fairly simple to do a DNA test while the baby is still in the womb and the father could easily be identified especially since her husband was black. I am sorry he warned the slut of Mary's intentions why make a trip to CA to see a woman who by her own actions hates him so much? The lead character in the story, the exwife, is not strong at all. She is a reed of grass blowing with whatever wind comes her way. For her to have been such good friends with Mary all those years and not know Mary's sexual and lifestyle preferences is almost inconceivalble. The person that should have killed Mary was the slut for ruining her life and instead she still lust for him inside. It would have been very easy for the wimp to have suggested to the police that Mary told him she killed her husband and was not threatening the slut. Nope he wimps out again. Making loud noises and bluffing isnt being a man it is being a butch, a female trying to be a man. Enough said?

... that is the moral of your story ... wouldn't you agree angiquesophie? Or did you mean to say "women are complicated and thus they are "not" accountable for their actions?? Easier to blame the male .. it's there fault anyway ... right?!?

That is an extraordinarily powerful series, and beautifully written. I love reading your work! -- Sean

really liked your story. very well written and the punch line at the end was great. thank you again for all the pleasure people like you who write give to us the people who read them god bless keep well

YOUR LEAVING IT IN SUSPENSE RUINS THE WHOLE STORY

Ok fool, he saw the sun rise on Irene's exhausted face, the scales had tipped to a new balance and finally... he is black. Do you need a road map... The kid is half black, idiot...Jesus.

As for the story...I feel emotionally drained and physically whipped...not unlike the main character Eric. This was a long story and poor writing is not going to keep me interested enough to finish it. I finished it..

Not sure you did either... But it was an excellent story. The wording got a little odd in these last few chapters. You didn't use contractions in dialogue, where as before you did. There were some other words that were slightly misused too. Little quirks here and there but still a great story. Thanks for sharing!

Great short story with delicious twists and surprises. "More please", he whined. Please kind Angiquesophie.

Such an incredible insight into human relations, such a masterful use of the best the language has to offer. You are unique, I hope that you know that. So far on the pedestal that it reaches Olympus and compete with its inhabitants. Good luck.

Mr Ross Smrek.

You are the most amazing and deep Lady Author on this site!

Your ability to convey deepest emotions is unbelievable.

I have not enjoyed a story like yours in a long time. Thank you.

I loved the story, you are a very good writer, but the story just kind of stopped. there was no happy ending, no sad ending, it just stopped.

I've read this story after Two's a Crowd, and while there are a lot of common things in the two, I have one that I wish to comment on.

I don't understand why are the male protagonists (in both stories, but let's just talk about this) avoiding the main problem: which is his wife screwing around because she wants to be treated like a cheap whore. Why doesn't he pick this line up? A really, really logical question in this situation is: Why didn't you tell me you want to do this? They seemed to have a perfect marriage, with lot of love making and lot of love. Now don't tell me they didn't even talk about each other's sexual wishes all those years. And if they didn't, and the above happened, another logical question would be: Okay, what if you would do it with me, your husband, instead of screwing total strangers and bringing home an STD (you never know).

Don't get me wrong, I can see where Eric comes from, I am a romantic guy, too, I prefer lovemaking often, and I must admit that usually I'm more submissive than dominant. But I know my fiancée wants to be dominated from time to time, even day after day. It's not a problem for me to just take the role of an alpha male and fuck her until we're both sore on one day, and make sweet love to her on the other.

So, while I think this is a great story, this avoidance of the real problem made me a bit frustrated from the beginning. Can the author answer this, please?

By the end of chapter 3 Elaine tricked him badly into a beating. Then she disappeared from the story as well as Cynthia did. I browsed the whole story to find a hint about Elaine's strange action. Why? Can a person really be so mad...?

Despite that I loved it. More of that, girl!

Writing style: 5*, storyline: a weak 4*

Sorry (well, really not); but it is pathetic. Cheap.

She was a spoiled brat and had always had everything she wanted. The beating she arranged was her revenge on him for not coming back to her. Later she called the police and told them to check the alley as her guilt was eating her up again.

I liked the ending to this story, I don't know why they had not tested the fetus and the poor chump's DNA, fatherhood is easily determined.

Wimp isn't the word for Eric, and you just had to show your contempt for the black man by saying he was black at the end of this bullshit. First, if any brotha I knew acted like this "pussy" I would pull his card myself. If your going to write from a brotha's point of view ask one before you try and write like one. I didn't rate it at all, wasn't worth it

Honestly its hard, because there where many things I liked. Your writing is very good, the different viewpoints well used. But what I missed was any evolution in the character of the Protagonist. In the beginning of the story he was a spineless wimp and in the end also. The only interesting character was that of Mary and you let that chance ly mostly dormant.

I think you should have taken the letter from Phil to Eric and make it a chance for the latter one to man up. Not to become a second Phil, but lets face it: His two women strayed because he is a wimp and women don't respect wimps. They say they do but actions are louder than words. Nice guys finish last, I wish it were different but it isn't. There maybe women out there who are faithful to their wimp husbands but only out of laziness or the need for comfort. Just to be clear you don't have to become a prick but you should grow a spine.

Also your Story had no real ending in my opinion. He ran after the slut as if it was his fault that she fucked the moron. And hurray, it is his child. Applause. As if that would matter anymore. But he hasn't changed one bit, he gets betrayed and runs for the hills. Or better here: He comes crawling back for more. What is the message when I travel after someone to give him/her the chance to appologize ? I think he has the twisted logic down all right.

And what has become of his first Wife. Beating him up after what she did to him and what did he do ? Nothing ? Sorry but he is a spineless weakling and in reality that neither makes you a good person nor makes panties wet. Whoever said that weakness and goodness are interchangable traits? You can be a good person AND retaliate when someone tries to fuck you over!

A really shit ending to a average story 1*

Meaning what? That the kid was his?

I patiently read 10 chapters. And then with this ending I have no clue ??? I have many degrees yet I have failed to understand the end.

After suffering through ten pages of a train wreck of a story only to be disappointmented by such a poor ending. As a new reader to this web site I have noticed that the loving wives category contains very few stories about loving wives. Instead most stories are about fetishes and mean,cruel Bitches. It's amazing that people consider these cruel writings erotic.

You write well, but you storylines needs work right along with your ending. Thanks for some what of a good confusing read.

is meant to be a swing to the good side, and how Irene takes it from there will decide what the hubby will do then.

If it was to the bad side, then the "protagonist"/victim/main narrator would have to be a complete idiot. From a delicate balance is not another delicate balance on the same side. When it reaches critical mass, it drops.

I love your writing style, your sophisticated use of nuance. And I hate the way this tale ended. I want Eric to man up in some significant ways, or to fix his broken picker so he chooses women who will respect him in deeds and actions rather than just words. I look for fairness/justice in my world, and I find it missing as this story ends. Unsatisfying for me.

Nonetheless, I appreciate your skill, and want to read more of your stories. One of my fond wishes is that I could write as well as you do.

Midway through this story I was Beginning to worry. A particular quote caught my attention:

Why is it always the sweet, dedicated lover who bites the dust? The husband who quietly works his ass off for her.

Yes, why is it always that the lead male in your stories is constantly being shit on? At least it seems that way in the ones I have read. You did a masterful job of building up the love between Eric and Elaine, only to have her fuck him over. Again, you masterfully build up the love between Irene and Eric, only to have it come crumbling down again when she cheats. What the fuck?!?

But then, you turn the tables and bring the reader down the road of possible reconciliation. Now I swearing at My iPad, telling Eric to forgive her and admit to her that he loves her. Now I'm sympathizing with Irene and hoping it all works out. That's brilliant. The ability to get the readers emotions to run the gamut. That takes a good writer, which you clearly are. Thank you for the ending. I would have rather heard him finally tell her he loves her, but I will settle for this.

MWillD

The main character remained a pathetic, useless wimp. The story was chaotic and haphazard, with Mary's insanity being the only promising plotline, although you fucked that up. Overall it could have been much, much better.

She may have betrayed me. She may have succumbed to the biggest asshole I know and torn the heart out of her best friend. She may even be pregnant with his child.

But my love for her didn't seem to care. It had dug into me and had grown so many tentacles that tearing it out would have torn out my heart as well

Have you heard of something called self respect, pride, have asked yourself..i deserve better? is this man and many others who go by emotions only and not logical reason or other higher moral values the new generation of men who are more in touch with thier feelings and consider what makes a man a man less important? let me ask you since i am a man from another culture...is this your personal views or is this how you and your friends and colleagues and relatives and every other man you know thinks?

interessting plot

and such a disappointed end

After meandering through the affairs of many then the climax the baby is born and for the first time the author tells us the central male character is black and so is the baby.

I suppose the author thought this was clever and a nice twist but there is only word to describe it and it's effect on a multi chapter reader that is LAME.

wow a story where a black man can't handle a womans passion.

I thought the object of comments were to say how the story was written, such as plot, character development, and use of the English language. To that end, this was a well written story. The plot got lost a time or two but it all came together except for Mary's part at the end. I read it in one sitting. Thanks for an engaging story.

angiquesophie, Your writing is so bad that many, many LW haters read ten chapters of it just to say that your writing sucks. I find it amusing that these fools spend the time to even write anything about it, let alone follow through 10 chapters.

Those maroons that didn't understand the ending - well, it points to the quality of the reader, not the quality of the writing.

You are an excellent writer - a rare quality in a genre where 'burn the bitch' is considered to be Hemingway-esque.

This is a genre where many readers' opinion of the writing is directly proportional to how badly the cheating wife gets burned.

Make this a two instead of a 4 or 5 for me. I will balance out at three. Rather than hate on AS, maybe we just need to accept that some authors don't feel the need to tie up the plot lines or show justice wellserved? BTW this was mistitled there was nothing delicate about the way the three females balanced things. One was evil, another went over to the dark side, and the third will be the albatross of the loveless mariner forever.OldBear.

Maybe, for all I know, to the bdsm, or even the gay/lesbian, crowd this sad little tale would be a real tear-jerker, and deserve the "E" and consistent "4+" rating. It makes me wonder about where their heads are at.

However to me, I have never read such a long offering that meandered all the way from a good beginning to such a pitiful crash-and-burn inclusive and useless ending.

Consider this, Eric is the consistent view point character throughout this parody of an LW (Looser Wife) story, therefore he is the hero of the tale. But he never acts like one. Only after many painful chapters does he begin to grow at least a half-a-ball - and even then crazy Mary can face him down.

Seriously, my suggestion is that this author needs a good editor to bounce ideas off and keep on track. Lots of people can write a good sentence, paragraph or even dialogue, but without some good character development and a plausible and consistent plot - you don't have a story that the reader is going to be happy with.

angiequesophie, this has been a terrific roller-coaster ride. A very enjoyable storyline with an IED for the surprise ending.

Pity actually. If the child had been Phil's you could have easily spun out another dozen or two chapters of the fight for control of Phil's estate.

Your stories are beautifully written but the only point they seem to have is the adoration of despair. How sad.

Didn't really care for it, but once started I owed it to the author to finish it. I gave it one star, it just didn't float my boat. Eric was a born cuckold, a wimp from the time he left his mothers womb. Eric said...;

"I am not a wimp!" I started."

But yes Eric, yes you are. So, bring it on, cuck.

This series, while the writing is good, was quite shallow. It wrapped itself in despair and homage with little to nothing to balance the tale.

So the baby was black/his and that caused the scales to tip to a new and delicate balance? But that wasn't the real issue, wimp! And as we last left his first wife, why did the author feel the need to point out she was fucking a room full of black guys? I had to read all of this to have it end like this? I can't believe the high ratings these chapters got.

A well written story. Unfortunately, the main character did a lot of things that had me thinking... "no don't do that"

And that's the author's 'fault'

Plus the ending left quite a bit of unfinished business.

What does Eric being black have to do with anything? Are we supposed to infer that both Irene and Phil were white (not stated anywhere), and that the baby was obviously mixed race? If so, the ending would have been much better if the author had at least made an issue of race earlier in the story.

What the hell does Eric being black have to do with anything?? The first two chapters were OK, then they went downhill fast. They were way too short with no real substantive worth what so ever. After chapter two, I only lightly skimmed the rest of the chapters out of curiosity to see if the author was going to develop any sort of character for the players in this story. This was a waste of time. What was written in 10 chapters could have easily been contained in 3.

Fairly obvious people, when Irene saw the baby girl she smiled because the baby was black. Ah yes all is well for Eric and Irene as she now has a hook to keep him and Eric has an excuse to stay.

Why would any woman keep an emasculated man like that?

Maybe just to have someone around for a security blanket while she looked for something better.

I wish there were negative stars!

And then went to hell in a hat bag. Bottom line..totally worthless tale of a wimpy boy.

Ho hum.

i dont understand... what does the sun shining on Irenes face have to do with you being black?

I was afraid there was not going to be a happy ending (or any happiness) in this story, but you proved me wrong. Maybe people read into the last line what they want to, but I liked it. Well done!

Congrats. Quite an ending. Four out of five. You are a talented writer. This is not quite my type of story, but in another way it is. But I will need to rest before I read another one of your tales. This was exhausting. I really liked the conversations between Eric and Irene in this chapter. After all this time they seemed long over due. I think you could have spent more time in this chapter having them tell each other, and us, how they felt about what they did. I don't know if you deal with these characters in future stories, but Mary is obviously the dangling plot line. Please ignore all the negative comments you receive. people have the right to say they don't like a story and why, but not to be mean.