All Comments on 'A Night at the Theater'

how are were you when you wrote thiS?? ;*

awesome!!!

Very sensual stage scene that is very sexy and nicely done. That part, which is the fleshy bit of the story, is a great read.

But the male character is far too dark a character, and it would have improved the story a lot if his psychopathic aspect was omitted. Maybe the couple/relationship factor could have been removed altogether, so that a such sadistic break-up angle wouldn't have to be present.

Of all your many nice stories, I think this is the only one where the male had no redeemable qualities whatsoever and is devoid of a single likable aspect. In all of your others the male character shows (or has) some quality that is admirable or one can identify with.

Also the props used on the stage could have been better thought out - especially the mirror, chair and the way they are placed, since it is hard to see how they cannot obstruct the audience view very significantly. A few errors/typos there as well.

With these little improvements would have made a really great story. Thank you.

Hello Anonymous commenter - thank you for your feedback! This was my second story, and definitely strikes me as awkward in some respects. Broadly speaking, I think I share your critiques.

I totally agree that the action is clunky and could be much streamlined.

The question of darkness is one I struggle with. The nature of my fantasies nearly always has a dark tinge. Given the things that tend to happen in them, and my desire to maintain a degree of 'realism,' darkness can be hard to avoid. Still, I try not to write things that feel downright mean-spirited to me - both because in real life, I'm not actually a dark person, and also because I know many readers are looking for something just a little bit more redeeming.

Anyway, it can be a difficult line to walk. "Tom" (the narrator in this story) is despicable, of course, but as a character, there are also a lot of things I like about him. Still on balance - yes, this is one story that may veer a bit too far toward bleakness.

I don't really expect to ever rewrite this one. In some ways Conquest of the Americas was a re-do of this general scenario that I was much happier with. Still, I can definitely anticipate returning to the theater at some point, because it pushes all my buttons.

On a semi-related note, the other story of mine that I have feared perhaps went too far down the path of mean-spiritedness was Winner. For that one, I did thorough rewrite a month or so ago - both to take out the dialect that readers seemed to universally hate, but also to make some modest tweaks that I hope pulled back on the harshness just a tad. It's been in the moderators' review queue for 2+ weeks, but hopefully it will come out some time in the not-so-distant future. If you found the execution on Winner disappointing but liked the setup well enough, it might be worth a second try when the moderators release it.

Oh, and for the benefit of the supportive commenter 3 years ago, I can confirm that despite its shortcomings, I did get off many times while writing this ;) Thanks all!

Thank you mirafrida for your positive uptake to my comment. Your comments/responses are all well taken.

A dark aspect to a story certainly enriches it usually, and is of course encouraged. In this particular case, as you aptly put it, "bit too far toward bleakness" is the issue. In great stories of this genre, as most of yours truly are, the female lead will undergo various shocks to her system and various humiliations, but a part of her will also end up with some kind of personal gain, awakening or feel good experience coming out of it to look back upon "fondly". Marie was simply consigned to the trash bin.

I am very happy that you plan to "return to the theater at some time" in another story. There's few better reading than having a modest, prudish or ultra-conservative female utterly mortified by seeing her stripped of all clothing in front of a sizable audience, and then perhaps publicly fucked for good measure :)

It is great you have rewritten Winner, and I look forward to its release. I confess I too found the language style of the original version quite jarring on the nerves. I am glad to hear this aspect has been taken out, for the story plot was definitely a good one that deserved better.

Thank you again mirafrida!

Hi... responding to the author's below comment to expect a new version of 'Winner'. I did see it appear briefly about 2 weeks ago, but since then it has suddenly disappeared before I could get to read it. Any idea what has happened there? Thanks.

Thank you for your interest, anonymous reader. You are correct, the new Winner has come and gone. It was published for about four days, then cancelled by the moderators for reasons that remain unclear to me. If you would like to read it, send me your email via the author-feedback function.

Thanks mirafrida. I have sent you a private message giving my email - will appreciate your sending the disappeared Winner story please.

I am mystified why the moderators pulled the story. I don't remember from the original version anything that can provide clues on possible reasons. Given today's crazily oversensitive world, I can only think it may be to do with extreme allergy to even a whiff of racism. But I have seen stories in Literotica that touch on racism far more overtly. These are only fantasy stories after all, and I feel sad if there is this kind of censorship.

Thanks

Liked this very erotic story, but I'd have preferred omitting its 'dumping the girl' aspect because of the sheer cruelty described. Instead, the focus should have been on the irreversible conversion of this hitherto wholesome girl into the shameless slut. Thanks for the fun read.

In my view, this story is neither sexy nor erotic, but ingenious in its own way. It's not sexy/erotic, because it depicts essentially a public rape in disguise, pretending (at first) to be 'just' a cruel way of breakup. Rape has usually nothing to do with sex per se, the sexual disguise only concealing the - in this case psychologically - violent act to humiliate and destroy a person. In the scene outside the door of the theatre it finally becomes clear that this is not about sex or an especially cruel breakup, but about total destruction, intending to kill the ex socially, even casually risking physical harm happening to her. It's ingenious, because the writer happened to create an utterly despicable character, but quite believable, even not really over the top (at first), while the mc slowly unfolds his abysmal meanness, only to become a whiny worm and then totally delusional in the end.

I find your story well and truly admirable, mirafrida, but I'm not quite sure if it was intended to be how I read it.

Thank you for the comments KRDC and anonymous readers! This was one of my first stories, and I haven't gone back to read it for a long time. As I recall, it is a rough one, and I suspect now I would not only have done some things different technically, but perhaps contemplated sanding down the hard edges a bit as well.

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The fact is, my head simply does tend to run toward harsh scenarios and unsavory characters. I do my best to balance exploring that impulse (fictionally), with also creating stuff that works for a certain range of readers beyond myself.

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At any rate, I'm glad you found elements in this story that made it of interest to you. Honestly, one thing I try hard to do (despite not being the most creative person), is to avoid writing stories that are totally predictable or boring.

Very erotic - nicely done! Love these forced naked on stage stories!