All Comments on 'A Night with Raine'

What an interesting character you created in Raine! She had a sort of loving quality that was unexpected when we first met her, set up beautifully by the bartender's inexplicable antagonism. You gave a wholly unbelievable premise credibility, and that made it a fun read. Well thought out! And well set up for round two!

I hope you decide to do more with these characters. I really enjoyed the build up and the character detail/back story.

Wow / great writing- very very erotic. Raine is a classic

Five Star Fabulous, sir. I've looked up more shit reading you today than doing nursing care for the last six months. I have to guess you're into Greek Mythology by virtue of your pen... and you once lived in NY if you don't continue to do so. Son of Oedipus. Now, that is interesting.

On to your piece... because it's worthy of discussion. If you're not a published author in some capacity, the world is missing out. I'm not a connoisseur of professional erotica, but what of it I've read could never top what you've accomplished here. Character development is superb - this mysterious grunge princess of the night with her purple contacts and her black, leather stilettos. The imagery is magnificent. I love the dialogue, and the sex is fresh and unique. I'd almost call it exotic, just like Raine.

Everything feels authentic, though you challenge me with obscurities you frequently reference of which the average reader may have no knowledge. It doesn't matter. I keep my cell handy to bring me up to date on Dr. Who and all the Japanese anime. I had no idea that iconic WWII poster had a name... well, the woman in the picture. Rosie the Riveter. Alright then. Now she has a dildo. Seems appropriate.

These obscure references, by the way, crank up the eclectic sophisticated aura... even if you're discussing Dick Van Dike. Although I have no idea what you are talking about when Raine poses nude for the Avatar in front of a room full of geeks, I sense the sexual intensity of the moment and her daring, unyielding personality. You don't necessarily need to know all the details about the technology. What WOULD be good to know is the significance of the TARDIS, because allusions to this concept are meaningful and abundant.

The wide variety of topics underscored the intelligence and almost counter-culture worldliness of your purple clad princess. She makes analogies of anything and everything. You have to love her appreciation of metaphor almost as much as her raw sexual energy. She's absolutely full of surprises.

I also appreciate the tangential erotic stories Raine supplies about gang bangs with Koreans and sex with innocent girls in bookstores, not to mention sprayed on latex for public consumption. Her confidence is only matched by her kink. She's a dominating, self-indulging sex addict who knows what she wants and how to get it at anyone's expense. Though she doesn't take undue advantage of our narrator, you do get the impression she could crush almost anyone at will. I loved her hypothetical rendition about the two boys at the bar before she left with Adam in the Uber. She's certainly not shy about preaching up her promiscuity.

The tease in the piece is phenomenal, and it works for the reader as much as the narrator. Methodology is key. This girl functions like a professional. She even reviews her technique during a titty fuck like a professor giving a lecture. I like the gymnastics, the oral talents of removing clothing with tongue and teeth, the head gear bayonet, and the double penetration. Novel and exciting. It's an anal lover's dream. Loved the ending with the note on the chest. This could definitely be the start of a larger production. You have a great imagination, particularly when it comes to sex. I bet you're amazing in bed even without the fortune cookies.

If you can spare the time, you might proof this and clean it up a little. I ran into a few typos that will not be picked up on WORD since they are correctly spelled... just the wrong word. You could tweak this a bit as well. As fab as this is, some of the sexual positions described become slightly overtaxing to imagine. You get caught up painting details that are impractical to justify, and you lose some of the heat in the passage. If you read over it a few times, you will see what I mean. The most important thing is you've let this rest. Returning to the piece later allows more objectivity.

Finally, you almost hate to add anything because the piece is long enough, but that peculiar interaction with the bartender at the beginning sort of hangs out there restlessly unexplained. I get girls can be mean, but this is slightly below the level of altercation. I like it as it is. Just explain it. Maybe a paragraph for rooftop discussion after round one. I get this sneaking suspicion these girls know each other... if you get my drift. Not just judging based on the outfit. As you mentioned several times, Raine is a predator. She gets around.

Also, think about moving the show to Raine's apartment simply based on all the apparel. I mean, she's like Santa pulling shit out of her bag... this is a purse, not a potato sack. That would give you freedom to add even more toys to play with. I think it would be interesting if she had a male roommate that she admits is a friend with benefits. (Or lesbian FWB)

I've blabbered on enough.

Really excellent story. Solid panty changer.

Meg

xoxoxo