A Pain in the Neck

"Pat the Giraffe rhymes?" I suggested.

Aye giggled, drawing her hand back to put it over her snout.

I grinned, my entire body tingling. I had made her laugh! Yes! Ten billion million yeses!

"Well, uh, Pat, I am no good at dances," she said, shaking her head and sticking out her amazingly pink tongue. "I almost got squashed by this tuna -- and I don't even like...eating fish."

Was that sly glint in her eyes - did she? Was she? I blinked a few dozen times and realized that her muzzle was turning a faint pink underneath her fur. She was blushing! She had been telling a sex joke! I knew it! I laughed, loudly.

"S-Still, I have to go," she said, smiling at me.

"Uh, well, wait, before you do," I said, barreling forward. I felt like all the joy and elation I had felt before at her smiling had turned into nothing but smoke and mist and nothingness. Now, I was stumbling forward a vast chasm, one where a single wrong word would send me plunging to a horrifying, bone smashing death. "Uh, did, you um, that is, uh..." I closed my eyes and forced it all out. "Do you want to get a bite to eat cause I think you're cute and-"

"-and I owe you for running you over," she said, her voice a bit dull.

I opened one eye. "Forgive and forget."

"I thought I knew you," she said, prodding her finger into my chest. "God, I'm so embarrassed."

"Forgive and forget," I said again -- it had seemed clever at first, but now I felt increasingly like it had been the wrong tack to take. Aye shook her head and sighed -- her ears flicking backwards to pin against her head.

"I dunno, do you really want to date a girl who run you over?" She snickered. "One that saw your blood boogers?"

"Those were actually paper towels," I said, trying to be helpful. "When you get a bloody nose you just jam them up there and dear god, I'm just making it worse, aren't I?"

"Actually," she said, her voice growing a touch dry as she smiled at me. "Girls are pretty used to jamming things in things to soak up blood."

My eyes went a bit cross-eyed. Had she made a sex joke and a period blood joke? I giggled. I couldn't help it. But now, Aye was full on blushing. She shook her head and smiled at me. "Still here, huh?"

"What can I say?" I asked, taking hold of her hands -- squeezing her knuckles gently, feeling the compressed membrane between her fingers. It was strange, like she had gloves on. But not quite the same. Not really. Her hands still felt so very soft. I breathed in and out, in and out, looking down into her eyes. She was so pretty. She looked up at me -- and I wondered if she was just as intimidated by me. I was taller than her. But she didn't look scared or anything. But what if I was misreading her? Heck, I was taller than her, what if she was scared out of her wits by this big, crazy, dumb giraffe? Wait, maybe I shouldn't have taken hold of her hands? Was I being a creeper?

Then she smiled at me. "You do know, if I go out with you, you will get a crick in your neck."

"Well, uh, you're the best pain in the neck I ever could have," I said, cheerily.

Aye punched me in the chest with roughly enough force to, maybe, bother a fly. I staggered backwards and clutched at my chest, laughing. She smiled at me.

"So, uh, when should we, uh, have this date?" She asked, reaching up -- her finger brushing along the curve of her ear. I had the sudden, intense urge to lean forward and nibble on one of her ears. Maybe it was the fact I was less than a month away from my eighteenth birthday. Maybe it was the fact every inch of Aye was so absolutely adorable. Maybe I was just high on adrenaline.

"Right now," I said, nodding.

"Right now?" She asked. "It's, like, ten o clock. What is open right now?"

I blinked, then smiled at her. "I have an idea." I offered her my arm. She reached up over her head to take it -- then made a quiet cheeping noise.

"Why did God make you so tall?" She asked.

"If those damn trees hadn't kept getting taller, Mom wouldn't have had to stretch her neck so much," I said, casually. Then, without thinking of it, I put my hands on either side of her hips. They were soft, and I could feel her fur underneath her jeans. Then I picked her up before any part of my brain could complain, and set her on my shoulders. Her legs wrapped around my neck, her feet clasping together before my chest. She was lighter than air -- light enough that I felt like I could walk around with her on my back for days. Her hands grabbed onto my ossi and she giggled.

"So, uh, you know?" she asked. "This is kind of nice. It's like I got my own personal stompy robot."

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank god, I was thinking I was being way too handsy."

"In your defense," she said, squeezing my neck with her legs. "Most people pick me up at least once in their life. And hey, at least you've got hand-horns."

"Ossi, actually," I said, nodding as I started to walk along the campus -- heading towards the front of campus, having to skirt around the tall trees that hung over the pathways that wound around the gym and towards the large, double-lane road that let people drive into one of the three parking lots tha dominated what I was pretty sure was the northern part of the campus. As I veered so I didn't smack my date into a branch, I said: "Ossicones -- they're actually hardened cart..." I trailed off.

"Hardened, uh, what?" Aye asked. "S-Should I be worried about squeezing them?"

I blushed, hard. "S-Sorry, was just, uh, usually, this is where people get bored." I grinned.

"Well, they picked the wrong place to blow off random factoids. We're at college," Aye said, giggling. "If we're not here to pick up some factoids, then what the hell are we here to do?"

"According to my roomie, f-...uh, date a snake girl," I said, nodding -- her hands didn't move from my ossi, and the motion made her rock her hips against my shoulders. I felt my heart race -- then slow, the motion seeming to translate directly into tail slaps. I hoped she didn't hear the sound of it -- pap pap pap against my thighs.

Aye giggled. "So, tell me, what are ossicones? And why do they kind of sound like ice cream cones?"

"They're hardened cartilage!" I said, nodding some more. "Covered with skin and bits of fur."

"Awesome," Aye said, chuckling. "Did you know I have 20/20 eyesight?"

"No shit!"

We came to the street that wound along the edge of the SSU campus and with blithe disregard for traffic laws, I hustled from one side of the abandoned street to the other. There, a low ditch marked the place where any reasonable place would have a sidewalk and the scents of the vineyards that surrounded the campus hung thickly about the air. A wooden fence that looked as if it hadn't been repaired -- barely illuminated by backscatter from the street lights across the way and starlight overhead -- marked the edge of a field that had been left to turn into brownish-yellow grass. But then, less than five steps later, we had come to the edge of the field -- demarcated here by a long stone wall -- and the 7/11 that perched at the edge of a shopping center that had been scooped out of the countryside.

"Are we almost there?" Aye asked, sounding curious. There were five restaurants in the shopping center -- but all of them were closed this late. Or were they? I chuckled and then turned around the 7/11 and walked up to the McDonalds that sat near the entrance -- brooding and ominous. A mere half-block away, on the corner of the intersection, there was a Taco Bell. The two stores always looked to me like they were only moments away from leaping on one another and tearing the other to shreds.

"Seriously?" Aye asked, her voice sounding like it barely held back a giggle.

"Well, I mean, this is a bit on short notice!" I said, grinning as I walked up to the McDonalds -- the sign out front proclaiming it was open late. I tried the door. It was locked. I frowned. "Come on, I thought these things were open until the sun explodes."

"Technically," Aye said. "The sun's not going to explode. It'll just get fat and red. Like, uh, Mario."

"When does Mario get fat and red?" I asked, craning my head to the side -- trying to peek around the door frame. I saw a few uniformed figures near the back and my nose flared -- I could smell their french fries. I frowned slightly, then saw a car drive around us -- the music booming. They rolled up to the drive through window and started ordering.

"Uh, bailing on that metaphor, looks like we'll have to can the date until-" Aye said, before yelping as I sprang away from the door. Her hands grabbed onto my ossi as she held on tightly, her furred breasts pressing to the back of my hair. I tried to not think about it as I came to the drive through window after the car.

"Hello?" I called to the speaker.

There was a faint crackling. "Sir, uh, we can't serve people who aren't in a vehicle."

"Hey!" Aye said -- her voice filled with that giggle that I was already finding irresistible. "Hey, hey, hey, I'm riding a perfectly legal giraffe!"

I covered my mouth with my hands, trying to not break out laughing as Aye leaned to the side and put her fluted nose almost against the speaker, her hands tightly clasping to my ossi. She was really taking advantage of how long her arms were compared to her smallish body.

"And I'll have you know," Aye said. "We're both starving and have money. So, I'll take an extra large breadskiti. And I want it unsalted." She nodded. "Annnnd a antburger with extra slugs and I want you to get me a diet coke."

"That'll help." I muttered, sotto voce.

Aye slapped my chest with one of her hand-feet.

"And does your, uh, vehicle want anything?" The speaker asked.

I grinned. "I'll have large fries, a veggie burger, and a non-diet coke. See, Aye, that's how you commit to your principles."

"I've got to stay skinny enough that you can carry me, though," Aye said, nodding. "DO you know how long I had to stand in the DMV to get a giraffe license?"

"Come and pick up your meal," the speaker said. I stood stock still -- so Aye adjusted her hands on my ossi, pushing forward gently. I started to totter forwards, veering left and right as she tugged her hands from side to side -- giggling as I spread out my arms and made a quiet sputtering noise.

"I thought you took a test!" I said.

"Yeah, but she was a girl!" She said. "Girl Giraffes have extra pedals. I have nothing to work with down here." She slapped my chest with her feet and I grinned as she piloted me to the front window. There, a very tired, very stoned looking anteater was waiting with a pair of bags and drinks. He looked at us, his slightly red eyes narrowing as he tried to take in the scene before him -- a tiny batgirl and a tall giraffe, both of them standing there with goofy grins on. I knew that I would have taken time to process what I was seeing, if I had been the one seeing it.

"That'll be, uh, five fifty," he said.

"Five fifty? You scoundrel!" Aye said.

"Inflation is a bitch," I said, shaking my head as I reached into my pocket and pulling out my cards. I flipped past my basic card and tugged out my personal credit account, holding it out to the anteater. He took it, tapped it against the register, then handed it back to me. I took it back and then grabbed onto my meal. Aye scooped up her meal and her drinks. She immediately stuck her snout into her bag and emerged -- five breaded mosquitos in her jaw.

"Om nom!" I said.

"Mmmph!" She groaned, then shoved with her elbow -- pushing against an ossi. I started heading home.

We came back to the dorms and paused to toss our trash in one of the garbage cans that dotted the campus. Eating on the hoof had left me feeling warm in my tummy, and utterly satisfied as Aye licked her fingers clean. She closed the slightly damp digits around my ossi and squeezed -- not a command, but rather, a feeling something like a hug. I blushed furiously and was glad for the darkness of the night. We were far from any street lamp, standing near the dorm that I stayed at -- Bordelaise.

It was named after a wine grape. Not a wine, see?

"Back to your place, to drop you off?" I asked.

Aye was quiet for a bit.

"Well..." she said. "I dunno. You said you had a nice gaming rig?"

It had been one of the things we had chatted about between the trip from the dance to the McDonalds and back again -- chatted about between chewing on fried insects and munching on vegetarian burgers. Her fingers were caressing the top of my hair now -- the claw-tips making my hooves curl. I breathed as slowly and as carefully as I could.

"Y-Yeah. Monitor's busted though, uh, kinda waiting until I get another paycheck from the 'rents to buy a new, uh, one."

"Oh," Aye said.

Then, very quietly.

"We could find something else to do?"

My whole body felt as if it was on fire. I couldn't read minds -- nor see her face, from where she was seated -- but I wondered if Aye was as scared as I felt. I gulped, then stammered, trying to sound breezy and calm and utterly failing at it.

"R-Right! Totally. Yeah."

I started for the dorm room stairs, having to take Aye off my shoulders to keep from walking her into the underside of concrete steps. As I put her down, I saw that she was blushing furiously. She started up the stairs before me and for a moment, I saw nothing but the cute tuft of her small, short tail. I followed after her as she spoke.

"So, uh, I hope the whole bug eating thing isn't gross. I know some guys think it is gross -- but, uh, well, gotta eat what you gotta eat."

"Yeah," I said, nodding. "I mean, I kinda know what you're talking about. Like, I have a fourteen inch tongue! Some people think that's...gross, but, trees gotta tree and, uh..."

Aye had stopped in her tracks. Slowly, she turned to face me.

"You have a what?" she asked, her eyes widening.

"Fourteen inches!" I said, blinking at her. "See?" I stuck my tongue out and out and out. I coiled it up, then twitched it around. It was flexible as hell -- enough to strip leaves off branches and bring them to my mouth. As she watched it contort and flex, Aye kept gaping at me.

I drew my tongue back. "D-Did I make it wei-"

She grabbed my hand and dragged me up to the level my room was one.

I swiped my card, punched in the keycode, and walked into the dorm. There was no sign of Gordon, and I nodded to Aye, who stepped in after me. I closed the door behind me, panting quietly. I wanted to say so many things, but I wasn't sure what to start with. And I didn't know if saying anything would shatter the spell -- break the energy that crackled between us. So, I remained silent as Aye pointed to a corridor leading towards my room. "T-This way?" She asked.

I nodded.

We walked down to my room. Aye looked inside, her hands resting on the door frame. Her wings unfurled slightly and spread to the floor, making her look as if she was wearing an elegant cloak. She breathed slowly in.

"N-Nice room," she said.

Finally, I risked breaking the energy.

"Thanks," I said. I leaned forward -- uncertainty. The vague plan had been to duck my head forward, so I could get into the door. Since Aye hadn't taken a step forward, this ended up burying my nose in her hair. And that was that. My nose breathed in her smell and my hands slid along the membranes of her wings, gently caressing her, then finding her shoulders. I squeezed and Aye melted against me. Her rump pressed to my crotch and she leaned into my embrace. My hands slid around her front and I cupped her breast through her tank top. She moaned, and I felt the hard nub of her nipple against my finger.

"Oh Patrick," she moaned, quietly.

I stepped into the room, turning her around. Desperately. Hungry. Her arms wrapped around me, her wing membranes letting her cloak me with her hug. Her elongated fingers scraped along my back as I kissed her -- her tongue and mine meeting for a moment before she let her tongue slide along the underside of mine. Instinct pushed my tongue forward -- forward. She made a quiet, happy gurgling noise as my tongue slid into her throat, tubing up slightly. Aye's claws dug in, my clothes protecting me somewhat.

I drew back -- and my tongue remained extended. I could, for a moment, see Aye's head tilting backwards and the gray shape of my tongue vanishing down her throat. There was something about it that was so intensely erotic that it stole my breath away. Then my tongue tip emerged and she gasped, quietly.

"Holy shit, Pat," she whispered.

"Sorry?" I wagered.

"No..." she put her hands on my chest, smiling as she looped her fingers under my shirt. "I-I liked it. It was like a, uh, tentacle."

I grinned and lifted my hands over my head.

Aye chittered quietly. "Now, get it into my pussy, and we'll be coooooly shit you're ripped."

I blinked, looking down at my chest. "Well, a little. I don't even exerc-" I stopped as she leaned forward, closing her muzzle around one of my nipples, her fingers caressing the flatness of my belly. She pressed herself against me, moaning and grinding against me. I grabbed her jeans -- undoing the pants. I shoved them down and she kicked her legs. Her clothes slipped down and her feet were free -- and I could smell her sex. My nose flared and I stroked her back. Her tank-top went sailing a moment later and this time, I knelt down, pushing her upwards.

Aye being so light had its advantages.

I pushed her and set her down on the windowsill, her ass pressing to the window. Her wings spread as she grabbed onto the walls, spreading her thighs as I put the tip of my tongue to her sex, then plunged it in. I could taste her all at once, blazing along the entire length of my tongue. I coiled it, making a tube that let her juices drip along the whole length, filling my mouth, my throat. Her flavor was intense -- musky and feminine and ever so slightly tangy. But what really drove me wild was when she stopped holding onto the wall...and started holding onto my ossi.

She squeezed and then started to buck her hips, gasping and chittering, her head rolling back against the window. "Oh fuck, oh god fucking yes!"

My tongue undulated -- finding the places that made her squirm and moan and pant. Within a few moments, I had reduced Aye to a shuddering wreck, her sex spurting into my mouth, her fingers gripping my ossi weakly as she hung her head forward. She whispered my name -- again and again and again: "Pat...Pat...Pat..."

Every time she came.

But eventually, she managed to regain her strength. She shoved my head backwards, whispering. "F-Fuck me."

"Condom?"

"Oh fuckno," she said, slurring the words into one. "Fucknofuckno!" She shook her head.

I hesitated.

"On, ah, injection," she said, her breasts rising and falling with her panting. "Need...your cum in me -- want to feel it dripping out of me. W-Want...full..." her breathing was getting the better of her making coherent sentences. The fact my tongue had enough reach to flick her clit from time to time definitely didn't help. I picked Aye up one handed, my fingers delving into her sex as I set her down on the bed. She lay there, her legs spreading wide, her finger-toes spreading as well. I kissed the tip of one of her finger-toes as I crawled onto the bed, my cock springing free.

My sheath hung between my thighs, my furred balls swaying under it. From the front of the sheath came the thick, knot-shape of my cock, with the long, red member spreading beneath it. It was longer and thinner than a horse's cock -- making up for girth with length. But what made me nervous was how small she was. Looking down at my cock, Aye smiled nervously.