All Comments on 'A Paladin's War Ch. 11'

Great chapter. I'm surprised I was able to seamlessly continue after the long hiatus. It's a credit to your storytelling. I'm glad your muse is back and look forward to more.

Love your work, but I have a note for your consideration in any future edits:

The scene with Sadani and Aran includes a fade-to-black/lights-up transition that could use clearer delineation, IMO.

"...Sadani was moving forward, arms outstretched...

(Some time later, ) Aran lay on his back on the sand, watching the sky as it slowly turned from grey to orange with the dawn."

The following sentences spell out that time has passed, but you're really sort of burying the lede (that there was a fade-to-black and a time jump). It was a little confusing and took me out of the story for a minute to backtrack for no good reason.

It is lovely to see more of your work, i have returned to this story many times, just to reread it while i wait for more.

Thank you for sharing your work with us, and please keep writing, you have a really good story here.

I have now caught up with the whole story and although I have enjoyed it from the start, your writing has defintely improved over the chapters and years. Generally great this chapter as most of the others, however the part in this chapter that grated was the fact that dwarf leaders were so ready to believe their king murdered by an elf, given both the convienience of it and the repurcusions. Especially given what they know of their enemy.

I understand why you had this happen in the story, but I think the story would have been better, had you found another way to start healing the divide between the races.

Thank you for coming back. This was marvelous.

Your story has captured your characters, I think. You are writing so well, and this flow and tide is what you have been channeling for a long time.

Don't be so certain you know the way of the flow. Your characters are powerful, and individual, and unique. I suspect if you leave room they will show you how they are going to do it. It may surprise you yet. They're pretty extraordinary.

So…fairly obvious the next big trouble will be, to utilize grammar and syntax from Master Yoda ;). Interesting way to bring the druids full circle after an extended absence, what with the heavy inference that the reason they can procreate again is because the Titan of Beasts has awoken, and the suggestion Aran’s next task is to cleanse her of Maharad’s corruption over the protests of the beastkin. Perhaps you also hinted that Agni, full of rage and lacking focus and purpose, will be Bound to Shenla so as to provide both under her control once she make landfall near the Dawnguard. I also absolutely love the climax you seem to be building up to, a northern war of five or so forces descending upon the Heralds: the combined armies of men, elves, dwarves, orcs and giants from the south, two fleets of ships from the north and northeast, Aran and the druids from the desert, and wherever Sara and her ‘mind controlled’ men decide to pounce from. Should be fun to watch…

Any update from Antidarius?

Thank you for the latest chapter and for sharing your talent and time with us. I am amazed with how you have continued to develop this wonderful saga.

All the best on this Valentine's day.

Jim

Amina showing up and *snap* Nameless being the assassin was too easy/quick/convenient to diffuse the conflict. Bit of old Sherlock detective work would have been neat - maybe the Elven blade was different from the ones carried by Andil’s Host, vala pointing direction away from Elves, or a Dwarf traitor.