All Comments on 'A Pleasant Surprise'

An interesting story, good storyline, but I found myself becoming distracted by careless spelling mistakes (e.g.'jean' instead of 'gene' when talking about a 'gene pool'), bad formatting (lines of text spread with paragraph breaks in them), and unnatural speech patterns.

I would suggest you check over your text, and look at using colloquial shortened forms of speech to make it more realistic. People rarely say 'I do not...' in general conversation. Usually only for emphasis of a particular point. It's usually, 'I don't...'. Much more realistic and natural. Despite that, a good story. With a little more care and attention, I'm sure your scores would go up. Good luck.

Shoud have been edited and spell checked. It would have improved the result considerably

very lovely and quite real. It has happened to me

Yep. The story line is a good one and the sex scene was worth reading. I just wish that you had asked someone to proof read this piece. Even if you had just read it out loud to yourself you would have caught some pretty obvious goofs. Oh, and please check for two, too and to because they were wrong in so many places. I think the story was worth 4 stars, but all those editing distractions took away from an otherwise enjoyable read.

Odd story. From a church convention to bull dyke basketball players and then two feminine looking women go at it. Not bad but strange.