A Promise

"I do have a request before I sign." He motioned for me to continue. Turning to Alyssa I said, "I want to talk to you, alone."

"Mr. O'Connor I don't see...," he began.

"Let Alyssa answer for herself," I interrupted. "She started all this without help. At least she can finish it without help."

Alyssa put her hand on the attorney's arm and nodded at him. He left the room and Alyssa and I were alone. It was the first time I'd seen her since she moved out of our apartment.

"I honored your request not to come see you," I said. "I didn't call or come to your job; just like you asked." She nodded and I continued, "At least tell me to my face why. Why did you leave me? Why did you leave us?"

"I told you I wouldn't live as someone you said hello to in the morning and sometimes had dinner with," Alyssa replied. You never had time for us; it was always work first, second, and third. You promised so many times to change but you never did."

"Alyssa I can change. Please give me a chance to show you that I can." I was almost pleading; I didn't want to lose her.

She sat for a minute, looking down at the table. Finally she looked up at me. "Do you know one definition of insanity?" I shook my head. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. That's what we have here, an insane situation." She paused, "I won't continue to do the same thing over and over. Please sign the papers Remy."

I stared at her for almost a minute and then sighed. Pulling the form closer I signed it and pushed it back toward her. "This is so wrong." I turned to leave and stopped at the door. Turning back I said, "I love you Alyssa, I hope you can be happy."

The divorce was final three months later.

********************

The same day that the divorce was final, I got the promotion I was working so hard to get. Now I could cut back my hours. Some would call it ironic; I called it the gods screwing with me. Funny, I didn't care that much about the promotion.

Two weeks later I was having a burger at Reilly's Bar and Grille; it had been a favorite place for Alyssa and I to eat. You can only stare at your plate for so long and I finally looked around the restaurant. Ally was sitting across the room with her boss, his wife, and two other women from her office.

I finished my sandwich and my beer and started to leave. It hurt to see Ally. Then I decide what the hell, I'd tell her about the promotion. It might make a difference.

Alyssa was laughing at something her boss had said when she saw me coming toward her. She stopped laughing and tensed up. I could see a plea in her eyes for me not to cause trouble.

"Hi Ally." She nodded at me. "Don't worry I don't want to cause a problem. I wanted to tell you I got the promotion I was working for." I stopped to see her reaction; it wasn't what I'd hoped for.

"Congratulations Remy. I'm sure you deserve it"

"I can cut back on my hours now," I explained. "Maybe I could call you and we could talk or something."

Alyssa put her head down for a few seconds. When she raised it, she had tears in her eyes. "I don't see a reason to talk Remy. You'll just start working for the next promotion and we'd be right back here again. Please Remy, let it go."

Two months later I saw Alyssa at Reilly's again; she was with the same group. Reilly's doesn't have a band but they do have a great D J and a dance floor. I saw a man from another group walk over to Alyssa's table. Apparently he asked her to dance but she shook her head no.

Later he came and again asked or almost demanded she dance with him. Apparently she was angry and told the guy to take a hike. He didn't like that and took hold of her arm and tried to lead her out onto the dance floor. Alyssa tried to shake him off.

Her boss tried to intervene but the man pushed him back into his seat. Things were getting ugly. Reminds me of just before we got married, I thought as I crossed the floor and grabbed the man. I used the same pressure point in the guy's wrist to make him let go of Alyssa. Only this time I applied a bit more pressure, almost to the point of breaking bones. The guy groaned and let go of Alyssa. He sank to his knees.

"Apologize and leave these people alone," I demanded and applied a little more pressure to his wrist.

He looked up at Ally and said, "I'm sorry. Had too much to drink and wasn't thinking. I won't bother you again."

"Good boy," I said in an approving tone as I release his arm. "You can go now."

He cuddled his wrist to his chest with his other hand, stood and quickly left; not looking back.

I smiled at Alyssa and said, "I promised you before, I'll always be there to protect you... always." I turned and left the club.

********************

That was the night that I decided to quit my job. If I stayed around and saw Ally it would just eat at me; if I saw her on a date I didn't know how I'd react. It's time to move on, I thought. Trouble is I didn't know where to go or what to do. I thought a lot about it and decide that when in doubt go back to where you feel safe and secure. So I called my Dad and told him I was coming home.

My parents live in the small town of Van Buren in Carter County which is in southern Missouri. I'd grown up there with everything I needed and more; spending my days fishing and playing in Current River during the summer and hunting the surrounding spacious fields, valleys and hills during the fall and winter. I hadn't known it at the time but it was the best time of my life; that time before adult responsibilities and material things took over your life.

"I should be there sometime late tomorrow night," I told him. "I could wait until the next morning so y'all won't have to wait up for me, if you want."

Dad laughed, "Do you actually think your mother will go to bed knowing you guys are coming home?"

"It'll just be me, Dad; Ally isn't coming."

"Well...okay just come on in, there'll be fresh coffee in the kitchen."

I walked into my parent's home just after midnight and Mom grabbed me as soon as I got in the door. She must have been looking out the window waiting for me. Dad waited until I could get away and then shook hands with me as he slapped me on the shoulder.

"Why didn't Alyssa come with you?" Mom asked.

"She couldn't get away Mom," I answered.

"You hungry Honey?" Mom asked. She didn't wait for my answer. "C'mon I've got your dinner keeping warm in the oven." She took my arm and pulled me toward the kitchen.

Dad shook his head and smiled, pointing with his chin toward the kitchen. I started to eat and Mom started the questions. Finally Dad said, "Let the boy eat Mary. He can tell us why he's here later."

"I'm really tired," I said after I finished eating. "Could we postpone talking until tomorrow after breakfast?"

Mom nodded and replied, "Your old room is ready. See you in the morning. I'll fix breakfast for you but if you want to see your father you'll have to get up early. He's due at the mill by 7 AM."My room hadn't changed. It had the same posters and pictures as when I'd left for college. The only change was a double bed instead of the twin I had used when I lived there. For the first time in months I got a really good night's sleep. I was up early, about 6 AM, and after taking a shower I went down to the kitchen. Mom was already cooking and Dad was sitting at the table.

"Thought you were going to sleep all day," Dad greeted me when I came into the kitchen at 6. After pouring a cup of coffee for me he asked, "Okay, now what's going on?"

I looked down at the table for about 30 seconds. Raising my head I answered, "Ally and I broke up; we got a divorce."

"Oh no," Mom said putting her hands to her mouth. "What happened?"

I quickly told my folks what had led up to Ally leaving; including the number of times I told her I'd do better and hadn't. "Guess it was my fault; you know, for not cutting back when she asked me to; and promising I would. But hell, she could have cut me some slack.

"I was working my tail off so we could have a good life." I knew my Mom was heartbroken at the news and also knew she'd never understand my side. Looking at my Dad, I waited for his confirmation and approval.

"What was one of the first things I taught you?" He asked in a disapproving tone. Dad was a big man and he commanded the space around him that he occupied. Before I could answer, he answered his own question. "I taught you to keep your word. I taught you that you're responsible for your actions; not someone else, you are responsible. And I taught you to do your best."

He saw the shocked look on my face and continued. "Looks like to me you forgot all I taught you."

"But Dad..." I started.

"But Dad nothing." He interrupted me. The almost scornful tone of his voice hurt. "You didn't keep your word to cut back and spend more time with Alyssa. You damn sure didn't do your best and now your actions have come back to bite you in the ass and you're crying about it." Dad stood, washed out his coffee cup in the kitchen sink, and started for the door.

He stopped and turned to me. "You're 26 now but you're still not too old for me to kick your butt." Dad paused and added, "Your generation has a saying; Man up. I suggest you get hold of yourself and man up." Dad shook his head and left the kitchen.

I turned to Mom, but got another surprise. "Your father's right. Your actions caused this and now you have to live with the consequences." She came over to my chair and patted me on the head; just like when I was a little boy. "Are you going to stay with us or go back to the city?"

Sure not the reception I thought I'd get, I said silently to myself. I hadn't really thought about anything but getting back to my safe haven and chilling out.

"If its okay, I'd like to hang around for a while," I answered. "Just kick back and visit some friends." I took Mom's hand. "Get my head on straight and man up like Dad said."

"Of course it's okay."

"I didn't know after Dad's reaction." I grinned at Mom.

"Your father loves you and no matter what, you're our son. You can stay as long as you need." Mom patted my hand. "Visit your friends, run the river for a couple of days and relax for a spell. But you need to get it together Remy." She smiled and added, "Isn't that what you young people say; get it together?"

I laughed and nodded. For the next week to ten days I did just like my Mom suggested. I ran Dad's boat up and down the river, stopping to fish at different places, swim at others and just take some sun laying around on a gravel bar for an hour or so. Current River is a clear and spring fed body of water that flows right down the middle of Van Buren. A great place for a boy to grow up; or for a man with a lot on his mind. I met some kids, well... they weren't kids anymore that I used to hang with and caught up on their lives. In short, I relaxed and let my head clear.

"So what are you going to do?" Dad asked me one evening. We were sitting on the front porch, watching the fire flies and drinking a beer. Before I could answer he said, "You're welcome here as long as you need to stay." He reached over and pushed against my shoulder. Dad and I had always embarrassed each other with our feelings. "But I don't think sitting around doing nothing is gonna help you."

"I saw Jim Dawson yesterday, first time I've seen in years and he asked me the same thing," I said. "What are my plans? Remember when we were kids? His father let us work during the summer for extra spending money."

Dad nodded. "I remember. Never saw you so tired as when you'd come back from working for Dawson all day. It was good for you."

"I used to be pretty handy and Jim offered me a job with his construction company. Think I'll take it; at least for a few months anyway."

"Well...it beats you sitting around feeling sorry for yourself," Dad said while getting up and pushed against my shoulder again.

********************

About a month after I started working with Jim, I came home to an unexpected phone message. "Alyssa called," Mom told me. "She wants you to call her. Said she tried to call you cell but it isn't working. She got a new cell number; here it is." Mom handed me a note pad with Ally's number on it.

I shook my head, crumbled up the note and threw it in the trash can under the sink. "Don't want or need to talk to her Mom." I turned to start up to my room.

"Remy you should call her."

"Mom I tried to talk to her before the divorce hearing and I tried to talk to her at the divorce hearing. She didn't agree with what I said so there is no need to talk to her now." I put my hand on Mom's shoulder. "I'm not pouting or anything, I just don't want to talk to her." After a few seconds I added, "It still hurts too much Mom. Please respect my wishes."

During the following four months of spring and summer, I worked doing house framing and as a rough carpenter for Dawson's Homes. The work was hard, with days that started at daylight and finished at dusk; we had to make use of the warm weather and get as much done as we could before the cold rains and colder temperatures of winter caught us. After several times hitting my thumb while holding a framing nail, I quickly regained and surpassed what talents that I had when I was younger.

Soon I was leading a framing crew and was helping with the finish carpentry. I also quickly remembered why I'd gone to college and got an education. Building houses is a necessary and honorable profession; but it hadn't been for me. That's why I went to school. Now I wasn't so sure. There was a symmetry to the work and I needed that.

Twice more during those four months, Mom or Dad would hand me a note with a phone number and tell me that Ally had called. Twice I just shook my head and crumbled up the note and threw it away.

"You should call her honey," my mother said. "Talk to her."

"I'm not going to call her Mom. And that's it."

At the start of my fifth month in construction, I came home on a cool Friday evening after another long week trying to beat uncooperative nails into the 2 x 4 studs."Got a message for you," Mom said. "I wrote it down and left it by the phone. And no it isn't from Ally," she continued quickly at the look on my face. "It's that Gary, from St. Louis, that's called a couple of times. He wants you to give him a call."

Gary was one of my friends at the company I'd worked for. "Wonder what he wants," I replied.

"Only way to find out is call him," Mom said with a smile. "I'm not a mind reader. He said to call him as soon as you got home. Said he'd be waiting."

Smiling I said "I'm not calling anybody until I get a shower and a beer; not necessarily in that order." I grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and headed up to my bathroom. Coming out of the shower, I wrapped a towel around me and dug my new cell phone out of the top drawer of the dresser; I didn't normally carry it or use it much.

"Hey Gary," I said when he answered. "It's Remy. What's up?"

"Just thought I'd check in with you again but I'm gonna have to break a promise to you." Gary hesitated and then added, "I know you told me not to talk about Alyssa but she's in trouble buddy."

I won't say it was the first time I'd thought about Ally but you could only wallow in self pity for so long; I'd moved on and got it together, as my Mom had told me. But hearing Gary talk about my ex-wife, I have to admit I felt the same pain of loss.

"We're divorced Gary. She's not my responsibility anymore." Gary waited me out; he knew I would have to satisfy my curiosity. After a few seconds of silence, I softly asked, "What kind of trouble?"

"You know she's been dating a guy right for a month or so?"

I sighed. I knew Ally would eventually move on but hearing that she was dating still hurt. "Yeah, so what? Let the guy she's dating handle the problem."

"He is the problem; he... is.... the problem," Gary repeated himself.

"What problem?"

"This guy, his name is Jake Summers, and Alyssa was on a date about two weeks ago; this was their third date. He stopped to get gas at the In & Out convenience store then went inside to pay. He came back out, pumped the gas, and took her home."

"So? Did he make Ally pay for the gas? Doesn't sound like a big deal to me?"

"There's more," Gary replied. "Alyssa was watching the late news before going to bed that night and there was a story about a robbery at the In & Out market where Jake got gas. The clerk, a kid named Randy Hixson, was on TV with a bandage over his eye, he had a bloody nose and swelling around the bandaged eye.

He said a guy came in, smacked him with a blackjack and locked him in the back room. The robbery took place about the same time this Jake and Alyssa were there."

"That doesn't mean it was this Jake character," I said.

"The clerk said he didn't see a car but the description of the robber fit Jake to a Tee. Alyssa called Jake the next day and asked him about it. He told her to mind her own business and to keep her mouth shut." Gary's voice got hard. "Remy, that ass said if she went to the police that she could end up in the hospital; said he'd make sure her mother would be there too."

Gary waited for my response and when I didn't make one he said, "Well?"

"Well what Gary?"

"Aren't you going to do something to help her?"

I sighed. "Like I said Gary, we're divorced. Ally isn't my responsibility anymore. Why don't you help her if you're so worried about it?" Now it was me waiting for Gary's reply.

"Alyssa made me promise not to get involved; she said she didn't want Jake to come after me or my family." Gary paused and I listened to his hard breathing for a few seconds. "Remy, you're an ass. You know that? A total ass." I listened to the dial tone as Gary had hung up on me.

Mom always had dinner ready when Dad got home. I heard them greet each other so I got dressed and went downstairs for dinner. "Hey Pop," I said. "Have a good day?"

"What did your friend from the city want?" Dad asked. Apparently Mom had told him about the call.

"Mostly he just wanted to say hello again; we used to be pretty tight." I helped myself to Mom's great meatloaf.

"And?"

"And nothing," I answered.

"Doesn't make sense Remy. You and this Gary were 'tight' and he only calls you three times in 4 months...and you've never called him." Sometimes my Dad is almost a mind reader.

"Okay, besides checking in with me, he said Ally is in trouble." I explained what Gary had told me.

"And?" Dad asked again.

"And nothing. I told Gary, Ally and me are divorced; that it wasn't my problem."

Dad looked at me for 30 seconds and shook his head. "So you're gonna break another promise to Alyssa."

I dropped my fork onto my plate and sat back. "What are you going on about Dad?" My tone was toward the angry side.

"First you broke your promise, you know, the in sickness and health, in good times and bad, until death do us part one."

"Ally divorced me Dad. I tried to talk her out of it. Hell, when I got the promotion and could cut back I tried to talk to her. She didn't want any part of it." My voice rose in anger as I talked.

"Bullshit. Oh poor me, Ally won't talk to me," Dad was using a wimpish, sing song, voice. His voice changed back to his normal deep baritone. "You tried once and walked away. Damn it Remy you two belong together. Been me I would have camped out on her door step until she agreed to listen to me. And even if she said no after we talked, I wouldn't have given up."

Stunned doesn't begin to describe my reaction. I opened and closed my mouth two or three time to respond but nothing came out. Dad's right I finally thought; I should have tried harder.

But my father wasn't done with me just yet. "Of course you breaking your word about your work hours led to the whole thing." Dad paused and in a not quite so angry voice added, "Son, you should have kept your word to Ally. All she wanted was a life with you in it."