A Reason to Come Home

Arlie went over and sat on the couch keeping my nephew engaged. It seemed like hours had gone by when the doctor came out to speak to us.

"I'm so sorry, we did everything we could, but your Dad has passed." He said with a 'matter-of-fact' attitude.

I was kind of shocked to hear that, but tried to console my sister avoiding how I really felt about it.

"I feel so bad." Arlene said as she hugged me.

" Let's get out of here and go to the house." I replied.

Arlene and I drove together and Sue and her son were in their car. When we got there, we sat at the kitchen table going over the events of the night while having a cup of tea. There wasn't anything more we could say. He was gone and now my sister and I were without parents.

I know Arlene was surprised that I wasn't too emotional over the death of my father. I knew I would have to eventually explain why I felt the way I did. She wanted to come back to my hotel with me so I wouldn't be alone that night, but I insisted she go home. I wasn't in the mood to be with her or anyone for that matter. I needed time to sort out my feelings and absorb what had happened.

Of course I had to cancel my flight back to Florida and told my boss I would be staying in New Jersey for a few weeks to get things settled.

Arlie came to the funeral viewing and stayed with me the entire time. I think she was waiting for it to hit me that my father had died. That wasn't going to happen. I knew I needed to explain to her why I felt the way I did about him.

I was standing near the casket with Susie by my side when Arlie motioned that I meet her in the hallway, away from the main room. She grabbed my hand and led me out to the porch. I know Sue saw us leaving with our hands intertwined.

I realized I had to explain to Sue that Arlie and I were involved. I was waiting till after the funeral to tell her.

"So, how you holding up?"

"I'm fine."

"I know you seem to be, but that's what concerns me", she said.

"Listen, Arlie, I have to explain my relationship with my Dad to you. See, when my Mom died in that accident, I just know it was all my father's fault."

"But I thought it was because a deer ran out in front of him?"

"Yes, I know that's what he told the police, but I think he had been drinking and lost control of the car on that curve on 441."

"Didn't they do a Breathalyzer test on him?"

"No, somehow my Dad talked himself out of it. He knew all the cops in town, so they never did one."

"So, you've been holding him responsible all these years?"

"Yeah, something like that. He only had a few scratches and a bump on his head. My Mom lost her life."

"Wow, that's tough. I'm sorry that happened to your Mom, Bobbie."

"I know. All these years I wished it were he who had died and not her. I joined the service to try to escape the pain I was feeling, but nothing seemed to help."

At that point Arlie came closer, and wrapped her arms around me rubbing my back. "I feel so bad for you."

As I looked up, I saw my sister Sue standing there watching and listening.

"Listen, you are so wrong about Dad! The insurance company obtained a video from someone's porch showing the car coming around the curve and the deer running across the road."

I just stood there dumbfounded. Was it possible that I held all that animosity against my Dad when it wasn't really his fault? My brain exploded.

"So, you are saying Dad didn't cause Mom's death?"

"No, of course not! Is that why you've stayed away for so long?" Sue asked.

I didn't answer. She knew it was the main reason I never returned to Cedarville.

"And what's with you two? Are you a couple now?" she asked with her arms folded across her chest.

"I'm sorry, I'll talk to you later"; Arlene said and went back into the funeral parlor not wanting to get into it.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about the video?" I asked Sue.

"I thought you knew."

"Well, I didn't. It doesn't excuse the way he treated Mom all our lives. He was always so abusive with her that I guess I just assumed the accident had to be his fault somehow."

"So, now you must feel like a big jerk. You can't even make it up to him now. It's too late."

"It's just something I will have to live with. And to answer your question, Yes. Arlene and I are a 'thing'. I think I'm falling in love with her, who knows. Maybe I will move back home."

"So your family isn't a good enough reason, but your new girlfriend is?"

"You know I don't mean it like that. Of course I would love to be around you and Tommy."

"Let's just go back inside before they start looking for us." Sue said as she turned and walked away.

I took my spot next to the coffin and fake smiled at all the well wishers that passed by and said a few words to me. My mind was focused on my guilt and the fact that I wouldn't be able to express myself to my Dad anymore.

Arlene stayed throughout the procession the next day and never left my side.

I joined her in the evenings and we spent a lot of time together either at her apartment or my hotel room.

About a week after my Dad was buried, Arlene and I brought flowers to the grave. I stood there looking down at the marker reading my Mom's full name next to the date she died and started to cry.

I don't know if it was just my emotions getting the better of me that I couldn't apologize to my Dad for the way I've treated him the last five years, or if it was just me wishing I could hug my mother just one more time. She always knew how to make everything right again.

Arlene held my hand and wiped the tears from my cheek saying,

"It'll be alright. Your Dad knew you loved him."

I knew she was right. I had to let things go. He was who he was and that was that. There wasn't anything I could do about how he and my Mom survived their marriage for so many years.

Sue slowly came around and accepted Arlene as someone very special to me.

We talked about me returning to Florida and putting in for a transfer to New Jersey.

Suddenly, I realized that I had 'A Reason to Come Home'.