A Reason to Stay Pt. 03

"I know I'm not Aed," he says out of nowhere, his chin brushing my ear. I freeze mid wipe of my face. "Nor would I ever attempt the impossible task of replacing him. But I will offer what I can, Jezia. And I do it because I care. Because you matter to me. And yes, for gods sakes, more than a bloody dog or dissertation."

I slowly remove the rag as I look up in wonder, though he's so deep in his confession that he hardly notices. It's clear that he's warring with himself over what he's about to say next.

"You are..."

My hands start gripping the towel tight enough to squeeze out water. There's a funny flip floppy feeling in my chest as my heart lurches.

"...you are as important to me as...as Aed is to you," he finally manages to wring out. "And I know you probably don't believe me, since, well...since we haven't shared all the, ehm, intimacies you and Aed have. Not that I expect to! I mean, I wouldn't not...want to...but--"

"Oh, hell," I butt in with a roll of my eyes. And then I twist around to grab him by the collar and kiss him full on the mouth.

His lips are as stiff as his body at first, no doubt from the shock of my boldness. But then he starts to soften against me, the heat between us steadily growing, and I feel something in me begin to unravel. I taste a hint of salt in our kiss from my tears, but the way his hesitance melts into budding hunger is sweet enough by itself.

My body moves of its own accord. I don't even remember doing it, but suddenly I'm straddled on top of his lap as our kiss deepens, my eagerness forcing one of his arms to slide back and hold our weight. His other hand is resting on my waist, though not for long. It sends a shiver up my spine when he starts to move downward. The speed at which his shyness is disappearing tantalizes me. To encourage him, I press myself into his chest, my hips undulating back and forth in slow, languid motions.

When his fingers finally dare to explore the curve of my ass, I kiss him harder and start grinding in earnest. He moans into my mouth, the noise so soft and surprised it almost sounds timid. His manhood, however, has no such qualms about expressing itself. I can feel the rush of hardness expanding beneath me, twitching into wakefulness. Just from gliding up and down his rigid length, even through multiple layers of clothing, I know he'd easily fill me to my absolute limits. I shudder with the force of my desire. I'm so wet at this point that there's no way my panties aren't completely soaked.

"W-Wait," Sebs stammers while gasping for air, breaking our kiss. "Jez, hold on...maybe this...maybe this isn't the best place."

I pull back, confused, so drunk on lust that I temporarily forgot where we are. When I realize what almost happened, and more embarrassingly where and with who it almost happened, I am so mortified that I immediately slide off of him and back away. Thankfully, Fred is still facing opposite to us on standby mode, oblivious to our antics. "Oh, god Sebs. I'm so sorry. You were just being nice, and I'm so fucked up that I didn't even stop to think--"

He rises and catches my hand, pulling me near again. "Don't," he shakes his head. "Don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. And I--I meant every word I said."

This pauses me long enough for him to gently let go of my hand and sink back on his haunches. He looks troubled, his brow wrinkled. "I just...it's stupid, honestly, given that we shouldn't be doing this at all...but I didn't want our first time to be in a hellish, lifeless desert."

I look up at the grey expanse of dusty limbo around us and cough out a laugh. What a miserable place for a first fuck indeed. Sebastien, the secret, hopeless romantic. Who would have thought?

The rest of his words, however, tug on my mind. He's right, of course. My anger and sadness must have made me delirious, because despite how much I still sincerely want to kick Aed in the balls, I don't love him any less. What Sebs and I did--and what we didn't do but wanted to in the heat of the moment--was wrong. Or should be, anyway.

But if there's one thing I've learned in Neon, it's that most of my perceptions of what is right or normal have always been subjective. Back home, sex was a weirdly guarded topic, which led to all manner of ignorance and misconceptions. It meant a lot of things to a lot of people, and it was rarely consistent. It also held little bearing on love, which seemed to be even more elusive and mysterious. It took me a long time to properly separate the two, and then put them back together in a way that made sense to me. Even then, I don't think I truly succeeded until just recently, amongst all my escapades with one very stubborn, MIA Mentor.

I look at Sebs, I mean really look at him. I see the torment in his grey eyes, the vulnerable lines of his shoulders as he slumps forward, staring at me as though I might be condemnation and absolution all at once. He risked everything to help me find Aed. His status, his duties, his pipe dream of finding his mother--all of it. This gentle, book loving Scholar who has never been cruel to me, who baked me countless pies and did everything in his power to make me happy. In a flash of insight, I find myself thinking that if Sebs really knew a way for me to get home, he would have shown it to me ages ago, without hesitation. Not because he wanted to, because he knew it was right.

Sweet, mild mannered Sebastien, terrible with words when it comes to his feelings, so he shows them instead through action. My heart tips forward and I find that what pours out is real, bonafide affection. A quieter kind, one that shimmers more than it glows the way it does for Aed, which feels more like halogen at 1000 watts, but it is love all the same.

And then Aed's cheeky, suggestive voice invades my mind.

"Now that's no way to leave a friend, you imp."

My eyes flick down to find that Sebs is still pitching a massive tent. He flushes vividly as he follows my gaze, then turns away to readjust himself more comfortably.

"Need a hand?" I tease, my own arousal still very much alive and burning steadily in the background.

He can barely meet my eyes. For some reason, his modest restraint makes me feel a thousand times more feral. "No, no, that won't be necessary," he insists. "I'll, um, handle it myself later."

"Don't be stupid," I scoff, placing one of our backpacks behind him. "You're the one reading the map, and we still have another hour of walking. We can't risk you making a mistake from being all worked up and distracted."

"But what about--"

"Shh," I hush as I crawl toward him, stopping once I'm between his legs. He gulps. I know I'm not in my right mind--I'm hearing voices, after all, even if they belong to a bastard named Aed, and I'm about to do something catastrophically foolish--but once I have the idea in my brain that Sebs needs help and I'm going to give it, it's game over. I'm doing it whether I'll regret it or not. My fingers slowly pull the zipper of my collar down so that my cleavage starts to push open the mesh fabric. The underarmour has enough support by itself that I never need to wear a bra underneath it.

My strategy works like a charm. His eyes are transfixed, objections forgotten. I tilt my head and grin. "Now lie down and let me help. It's my turn to make you feel better."

I give his chest a little push and he obeys without question, head hitting the backpack behind him with a light thwump. I can tell he's still nervous, but rather than be gentler for it, I decide to do the opposite, jerking his belt off and folding it up ominously. Something about his vulnerability brings out a twinge of sadism in me. For this reason, I'm inspired to press the folded belt lightly against his face, almost caressing him with it. I'm surprised when I'm rewarded with a shudder of pleasure that ripples throughout his entire body. In turn, my desire flares at witnessing his intensified arousal. Both of our eyes widen at this new discovery.

"Jez, what are you--"

"Ah! I told you to hush," I scold, and then I wedge the belt into his mouth before he can protest any further.

He lets out a gargled sound of distress. I ignore it. Making quick work of his pants and boxer briefs, I watch gleefully as his hard, throbbing cock springs free.

I suppose, if Sebs really wanted to, he could just as easily remove the belt with his own, perfectly capable hands. But at the moment, he's too busy groaning through the leather, fists clenched and breath quickening as I stroke his dick for the first time. Neither of us notice the dusty discomfort of the ground anymore.

As he stares at me in disbelief and pleasure, I marvel at his engorged member, noting all the ways he differs from Aed. Not as thick but slightly curved, the shaft lighter and head pinker. I give it a squeeze as I pump and he moans again. I should probably feel some kind of guilt, but the image of a younger Aed exploring his friend's body, much the same way that I am now, keeps invading my mind, unbidden. All it takes is a thought of Aed filling his mouth with Sebastien's cock, sucking and licking like the ever attentive lover he is, and I am lost. I don't care what the context is anymore, only that I want every bit of what Aed has tasted and then some.

It's so tempting to take him then and there. The way he's panting for air though the belt, a wanton mix of anxious and aroused, is exquisite. I relish the way he seems to dread what I'm about to do next as much as he yearns for it. He sees the mischievous grin on my face and his eyes grow worried. Putting the stroking on pause, I use both hands to yank his trousers lower. He makes a muffled noise of surprise. I wrap a hand around his cock again and, pushing it toward his stomach to give myself room, I lower my head to fill my mouth with his balls.

Ohh, the sounds he's making! My pussy burns and drools at his astonished pleasure. I make sure to swirl my tongue as I gently suck, eliciting even more moaning. When my mouth finally starts to venture upward, I suddenly feel his long fingers in my hair as his hips push ever so subtly toward my face. For some reason, this annoys me. I surface long enough to grab his wrists, pin them over his head, and tsk at him.

"No touching," I admonish, "not yet."

He looks like he wants to ask why, but he can't. I'm torn for a moment between keeping him muzzled and getting more creative. In the end, I choose creative.

I tug the belt from his mouth and unfold it, snapping it taut between my hands. To my delight, Sebs keeps his hands where I left them and doesn't say a word, even though I can see how desperately he wants to.

What a smart boy. He's learning.

I lean forward, the zipper to my top dangerously low as it dangles over him, and start to bind his wrists with the belt. His brow furrows as he glances up, not sure what to make of my resourcefulness. When I'm finished, I take a moment to cup his chin and run a thumb over the lovely shape of his lips. He shivers again at my touch, pupils dilated, pale skin flushed several different shades of pink. "I'm going to taste every inch of your cock before I make you cum," I rasp, hardly recognizing my own voice. I have no idea where this persona has emerged from, but I enjoy being her. A lot. "Would you like that?"

He nods into my fingers, eyes glued to mine. Realizing he's still obeying my earlier command, I bring myself closer to his ear and whisper, "You may speak."

Sebs swallows, his adam's apple bobbing, before he answers breathlessly, "Y-Yes, please. I would like that very much."

I give him a curious look of approval. He plays along so flawlessly, adding his own embellishments of submission without my prompting. It makes me wonder again just how exactly he spends his free time, but I shelve that conversation for later. Right now, I intend to make him squirm.

"Good," is all I say before I lower myself again. I maintain eye contact, even as the pink of my tongue flickers out to lap at his swollen head. I give him a few, quick licks first, teasing little gasps out of him. And then I start to sample him slower, my tongue dragging up along his length, tasting every inch of hot, salty flesh as promised. I run my tongue over ridges of veins. My lids grow heavy with lust, narrowing my vision to slits. I lap him up thoroughly, glacially, leaving trails of glistening saliva all around his cock. I can tell it's maddening him, the light sensations just pleasing enough without the necessary pressure for release.

He's grunting quietly in frustration, hips seeking more access. I let him struggle a bit longer. I like watching him writhe in desperation.

Ever eager to catch him by surprise, I let the last lick fade away, cold air left in my absence. Then, without warning, I envelope his head with my mouth, my tongue flickering across the slit. He groans in response, cock twitching and growing ever harder as I suck just the tip. I love the way he's looking at me, helpless and tied up, mouth half open in pleasure.

Unable to hold back any longer, I stop teasing and decide to take his entire length in my mouth. As my lips go lower, swallowing more and more of him, his panting intensifies, until my lips are flush with his groin and his dick is hitting the back of my throat, cutting off my air.

"Fuck," he pants, his head falling against the backpack.

Up until now, I don't think I've ever heard him genuinely swear. I take a moment to savor his blossoming corruption and the feeling of him filling my mouth for the first time. Once I'm content, I start bobbing up and down, cheeks hollowing out as I rise and tongue swirling as I fall. This reduces him to a series of incoherent, salacious babbling.

"Oh gods..I've never..this is...you're going to make me...oh fuckk--"

He almost coughs with the force of his pleasure as I subject him to a new combination of sensations. I'm cupping his balls with one hand while stroking with my other as I continue to blow him feverishly. It's too much for him. Especially when I twist, causing him to jerk and moan at the same time. Suddenly, I can feel every muscle in his body start to go tense, his hands and neck straining as he tilts his head back even further. He's about to come, and it's going to be massive.

"Ahh...Jez, fuck, I'm...I'm gonna--nnghhff--"

He lets loose an utterly divine set of filthy, helpless sounds as ecstasy crashes down on him like a tidal wave. I hold him to my lips, letting his hot, sticky seed shoot into my mouth. Since he's bucking and twitching uncontrollably, some of it misses and lands all over my face and neck, cum splattering every which way. What I do manage to catch, I swallow, tasting musk and salt and a bitter trace of coffee.

Sebs gains enough wherewithal towards the end to watch me do this. He is completely captivated, and I note with a faint thrill that he's only half limp.

Smiling, I clean off some flecks of cum around my mouth with my tongue. "Feel better?" I coo as I loosen the belt and pull it away from his wrists. As soon as he's free, he pushes himself up and catches my swollen lips in his. I feel his hands snake up my neck and through my hair as he kisses me hungrily, tasting himself on my tongue, smearing his cum everywhere.

When we finally break for air, it's my turn to feel helpless, my thighs squeezing together with aching need. But we've already spent too long screwing around in the middle of nowhere. As much as I hate that I even notice in my current state, the lightness of the sky is starting to fade and we still have a ways to go.

He's staring at me, my face held between his hands, and I notice a hint of despair lurking behind his rekindling hunger.

"What's wrong?" I ask through somewhat squished cheeks.

Sebs struggles for a moment to find the right words. I swear I've never seen him as tongue tied as he's been today. "If," he begins, then changes to, "when. When we find Aed and the others...should you wish to keep this between us, or...or tell him the truth. It's your decision and yours alone to make."

He lets go of my face and leans back on his knees, his pants still clinging indecently to his upper thighs. "But like I said before, I will never try to take his place. And if I cause either of you pain for this...this lapse of judgment..."

My heart aches at his earnestness. Instead of responding right away, I pick up the wet cloth I had dropped earlier and douse it with more water. I use one side to gently clean him of our fluids, a glint of amusement in my eyes as I reach around and wipe the grey dust from his firm, bare asscheeks. After I briskly wipe myself down as well with the other side, I switch the rag for his belt. He pulls up his underwear and zips his trousers with dazed habitualness, allowing me to loop the belt back in place and pull it tight. The entire process feels insanely sober and innocent after what just transpired. I'm awash with tenderness, and when I glance up I can see he is, too.

I never used to understand his fascination with using old school accessories like leather belts, but I can see now the comfort to be found in simple rituals. Pushing the metal pin through the appropriate hole brings a rush of memories back. The clink of mugs as coffee is being brewed in the morning, my parents rushing us, insisting we'll be late for school. I remember my dad hastily wrapping a tie around his neck, then my mom adjusting it for him after frowning at his handiwork and making an impatient noise. They never kiss, as it would break reality itself if a pair of immigrant parents engaged in PDA, but the look of fondness in their eyes as they say goodbye or remind each other of eggs to pick up and appointments to keep is a love language of its own.

My eyes get a little dewy, but I ignore them and smile through the old aches as we stand up together. "We'll do what's right, when the time comes," I reassure him. Leaning in to brush some dust from his collar and shoulders, I add in a whisper, "And I still fully expect you to fuck me, if we find ourselves somewhere more to your liking."

I hear his breath hitch, feel the quickened pitter patter of his chest against mine. I honestly don't know why I said it, only that I wanted to make him blush. Sebs is staring at me again with no small amount of torment. Pretending as if I didn't just suck the soul right out of him, I pass him his bags as I re-shoulder mine.

"Come on, we have a discporter to catch."

- Aed -

I look around blearily, my vision splintered. It takes me a few minutes to stop seeing double of everything, and by the time I'm able to orient myself, the others are waking as well.

"What happened?" Orla whispers in the semi-darkness, massaging her throbbing temple. "Where are we?"

I help her check for any serious injuries before moving on to assist the rest of our crew. "I don't know," I answer grimly, my own head feeling as though it's being cleaved in two. "The last thing I remember is sitting around at the inn with all of you, eating and drinking. Then I woke up here, feeling like I have the world's worst hangover."

I don't need to spell the rest out for Orla and the others. We know, from experience alone, that we must have been drugged. Heavily, and on mostly empty stomachs.

We had only just managed to arrive at the inn, dust clinging to our clothes and packs. Everyone was eager to rest up for the night before the real work started. We thought it was safe, because we were told it was. We had let our guards down.

And now, we're trapped here, wherever here is.

I know I should be immediately working on a plan, taking stock of our surroundings, anything to help my crew survive. They are my greatest priority, second only to the mission. But instead, the first thing that pops into my mind is Jezia's lovely, grief-stricken face. I can see her so clearly that I almost reach out to touch her, only to remember that it was I who left her so callously behind. How she'll ever forgive me, I have no idea. And now, I may never have the chance to find out. I can almost hear her voice taunting me. I told you so, she'd say if she saw me stuck in this dank and dark place, right before she kicked down the doors to free us all.