A Safe Space Ch. 01

Author's Note: This story begins with a loving sister helping her twin brother with his transition to womanhood. It begins at a leisurely pace and gains momentum as the protagonist struggles with her gender dysphoria and her sexuality. I have set the story in Sydney Australia where I lived and worked for many years of my life. Also be warned that this chapter contains incest.

Chapter One -- A Sister's Love

Monika Dupree always knew that her twin brother Alexander was different. Many twins, whether due to nature or nurture, have the same instincts, tendencies, and preferences, explaining why they may do eerily similar things simultaneously. Ultimately, regardless of whether it's described as telepathy, twins often share a special sibling bond that makes them especially close.

Monika and Alex shared that special bond. As well as being identical they often felt the same emotions, they sensed when the other was feeling discomfort, they got sick together and got well together and they liked the same things.

But they had their differences too. Monika was outgoing and inquisitive and as they grew up Monika became popular and gregarious. She had an abundance of friends, was a school prefect, attended study groups, was captain of her netball and soccer teams and when she entered her teens she was popular with the boys.

The more extroverted and outgoing Monika became, the more introverted and solitary Alex became. They both attended Saint Barnabas coeducational school in Sydney's trendy Rose Bay, the exorbitant fees paid for by a guilty father who had made his fortune in mining and when he finally became filthy rich he ditched his family and ran away with his personal assistant who was fifteen years his junior.

Alex participated in mandatory extra-curricular and sporting activities. He was a member of the chess club, a contributor to the school newspaper and had middling track and field abilities; all activities that required minimal interaction with others.

Although not exactly identical, you could put Monika and Alex side by side and except for the way they were dressed and Monika's budding breasts it would be difficult to tell them apart. They stood only 170cm tall and were lithe of body, long-legged and were incredibly good looking. Their faces were narrow with high cheekbones, slightly upturned soft and angelic noses, full lips, dark narrow eyebrows, long dark eyelashes and wide-set green eyes; their faces framed by ash-blonde hair.

Monika was fashion forward and because her family was wealthy she could afford to be. 'Saint Barbs', as they called their school, had a uniform code but wasn't overly strict in its application. Monika's grey pleated skirt was worn a little shorter than mandated, her white blouse a little too tight to accentuate her small breasts, her tie fashionably loose, the school blazer tailored to her every curve and her black shoes were platformed with gold buckled ankle straps.

The mandate for black tights in winter and white ankle socks or beige tights in summer was interpreted as glossy black fifteen denier pantyhose in winter and sheer flesh-toned pantyhose in summer. Girls were allowed to wear makeup, but sparsely, and could wear sleepers or small studs in their ears. Liberties were taken here too as the students pushed the boundaries.

Saint Barnabas catered for the wealthy, famous and elite and the faculty and staff were smart enough to know that parents wanted their children educated not overly disciplined so they allowed their students to push the boundaries a little. While Monika's mom was paying forty thousand dollars a year school fees for each of her children and another ten or fifteen grand on top for extra-curricular activities there was little incentive to piss off Monika's mother by complaining that her daughter wore a little too much eyeliner.

Not that Monika and Alex's mother really cared about what her children did or did not do at school so long as they made their grades and didn't bring the family name into disrepute. Susan Dupree saw it as her duty to spend as much of her ex-husband's money as possible and to make sure that he knew she was doing so. Susan wore couture, travelled first class, drank only the best booze and used the best designer drugs. She dated male models and minor celebrities and lived a lifestyle that would have made The Real Housewives of Sydney look tame.

Susan was seldom home and was usually found at some gala or event in Sydney, Melbourne or Perth or more likely overseas. The family had a beach house in Nusa Dua Bali and apartments in London and LA and Susan saw no reason not to use them at every available opportunity. Her children had nannies and governesses to look after them and she had made a deal with them both that when they turned eighteen and provided they made their grades and enrolled in a suitable university, they could be emancipated and live in the Rose Bay mansion unsupervised but with a housekeeper and groundsman provided of course.

When Susan Dupree was home she liked to entertain, which to her meant inviting everybody on Sydney's A-list to party at her mansion. She would insist that Monika and Alex dress in their best clothes and she would parade them around and show them off. Her perfect little twins who were topping their grades and went to the right school, knew all the right people and were enrolled in university. The twins hated it but tolerated their Mother's attempts to show the world that despite her absences she was 'Mother of the Year'.

Monika and Alex were closer than other kids growing up and spent most of their time together. It was that special bond they had as twins but also the chaos and turmoil as their parents fought and eventually separated then divorced that brought them closer together. They played with each other's toys and Monika would sometimes dress Alex up in her clothes and he didn't seem to mind in fact he seemed to enjoy it.

They grew out of it but it did manifest itself later. Halloween is not traditionally celebrated in Australia but because of global consumerism and the influence of American television and the media it had suddenly found traction. Monika and Alex decided to dress up and go trick or treating. Alex insisted that Monika dress him as a zombie nurse, showing his sister a picture he had found online.

Monika found them both tight fitting nurse's uniforms and she shortened the hems and then tastefully ripped and stained the pristine starched white dresses. She dressed them both in white bra and panties, stuffing the cups of Alex's with balled up pantyhose, put them in white pantyhose which she laddered and put black fishnet stockings over which she also laddered. She found white high heels online and flaming red wigs which she distressed before she put them on. Their makeup was heavy and smeared, very zombie but very sexy.

Under the full moon they both looked like highly sexualised ghoul nurses and when Alex struggled to walk in the high heels it gave him the perfect zombie stumble and stagger.

Alex's everyday dress became very androgynous as he grew older. His school uniform was tight fitting and he wore his ash-blonde hair shoulder-length with a fringe. He experimented with eyeliner a little but the Brothers at Saint Barnabas told him he had overstepped the mark. He did have his ears pierced and wore gold studs in his earlobes to school.

Outside of school he favoured skinny jeans or tight leather pants teamed with cropped midriff t-shirts or flowing open blouses, with a vest, tailored jacket and in winter long coats. He replaced his ear studs with long dangly earrings and wore stacked chokers and bangles and a little eyeliner. His footwear was either ankle boots or loafers.

At home in winter he often lounged around wearing expensive men's sports tights or leggings with long-sleeved t-shirts and in summer he wore tight lycra sports shorts and singlets. Sometimes the housekeeper would mistake Alex for Monika when he entered a room.

Alex had few friends and liked to hang around with Monika and her friends and they tolerated him to some extent. Some of Monika's girlfriends had a crush on Alex but their secret consensus was that he was gay.

Monika also thought that her brother was gay although she had never seen him be intimate with a boy or anyone for that matter. He was very standoffish and was liable to blush if he was even kissed on the cheek.

After an initial period of experimentation where Monika sampled the delights of both sexes, Monika had entered in an exclusive relationship with a boy named Brad Brody who was attending Sydney University. His father owned shipyards with lucrative government contracts and expected Brad to follow him into the business but Brad was only interested in cars, booze, recreational drugs and what Monika Dupree kept under her skirt. He was very jealous and clingy and although her girlfriends were jealous because she had Brad, Monika planned to dump him before she went travelling around the world during her gap year.

So it was that when they finished year twelve, having both turned eighteen the year before, that Monika became concerned about her brother.

At first she thought she was just imagining things when items of her underwear went missing and she sensed that someone had been messing with her things. At first it was easy to blame Gloria their housekeeper and she and Monika had a falling out resulting in Monika banning Gloria from her room. But Monika still sensed that someone was stealing her lingerie, using her makeup and wearing her clothes.

If it wasn't the housekeeper the only other suspect was Alex.

Alex had gone to see a revival of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at The Dendy Cinema in Newtown and Monika decided to search Alex's room. What she found both surprised and didn't surprise her. Her intuition was such that she was almost certain that Alex was to blame for stealing her underwear and meddling with her clothes and makeup.

He'd made no real attempt to hide his cache because there was no one to really hide it from. In a large drawer in his walk-in wardrobe she found her missing bras and panties and a collection of pantyhose that she had thrown out. There were also a couple of satin full-slips. The mystery of the missing lingerie had been solved but what else was her brother hiding?

She looked at his laptop sitting on his cluttered desk and was not surprised to find it was not password protected. Once again there was no one in the house to hide things from.

Monika started with Alex's browsing history. He was a member of website named TVChix frequented by crossdressers, transvestites and those who admired them. His profile under the name Alexis Sydney T-Girl was quite vanilla with a few thumbnails of what was obviously a young man dressed in women's lingerie and the accompanying text was very nondescript basically saying that he was an eighteen year old with an interest in wearing women's clothes. She noticed that Alex had also posted some pictures of himself as the zombie nurse taken at Halloween.

He frequented women's fashion sites. A lot of retro eighties glam shots were saved to his favourites and of course the obligatory porn site links which she decided not to open.

She opened his picture files and couldn't help giggling at the plethora of selfies that Alex had taken of himself in full drag wearing her clothes and very crudely applied makeup.

The mystery of who was messing with her wardrobe and makeup had been solved.

But it didn't make sense. Alex and Monika had a very generous allowance and Alex could easily order female clothing online and purchase lingerie almost anywhere saying it was for a girlfriend. Same with the makeup, he could order it online and follow the numerous tutorials on YouTube.

Monika decided she would confront her brother about his crossdressing but do it with compassion and love. She could sense that he was in turmoil and was experiencing supressed anxiety over something and this was likely it.

They were both taking a gap year before beginning university and Monika intended to travel extensively and she wanted to ensure her brother was in a safe space before she left.

"How was the movie?" Monika walked into Alex's bedroom unannounced carrying two icy stubbies of Iron Jack beer.

Alex was propped up on his huge bed wearing his daytime livery of black leggings and loose-fitting white silk shirt. She noticed he'd worn a little eyeliner out to the movie and it had smudged a little. As usual she couldn't help noticing how handsome his facial features were and with his elfin form and long blonde hair he looked almost delicate. He could easily model, which for a fleeting period of time Alex had considered.

"It was fine," Alex was engrossed in something on his tablet.

Monika fell on the bed and handed Alex a beer. She fluffed some pillows and snuggled up next to him. She kissed his cheek and he blushed.

As Alex had matured he became very aware of how pretty his sister was and also of the sensuality she exuded. They were so close and so intimate that Monika was not aware of the effect that her sensuality and sexuality had on her brother; she thought it was platonic sibling love. He inhaled her perfume and sighed. It wasn't that Alex wanted his sister... he wanted to BE his sister.

"Were there the usual devotees dressed as the characters in the film quoting the lines?" Monika asked.

At The Dendy Cinema during each showing of 'Rocky' a group of loyal fans would do a shadowcast. They dressed up in the costumes and acted out the film as it was being shown while the rest of the audience engaged in pre-planned shenanigans and hurled hilariously insulting lines.

"Yeah, the usual crowd was there," Alex dropped his tablet on the bed and took a pull on his beer.

"You should go dressed up. You looked really good when I dressed you as the nurse," Monika smiled at her brother.

Alex flicked a wayward lock of hair out of his eyes and looked at his sister and blushed but said nothing.

"Would you go as Frank N. Furter or Magenta?" Monika asked coyly.

Alex turned to look at his sister.

"Why would you assume I would go as a sweet transvestite or a castle maid, why wouldn't I go as Riff Raff?" Alex stiffened.

"I don't know. Don't most of the guys who go to see the movie take the opportunity to dress up in drag?" Monika offered.

Alex just sniffed and took a sip of his beer.

"Alex... are you ok? Is something bothering you?" Monika asked.

"I'm fine. Why would you ask?" Alex stared out into space.

Monika took a deep breath.

"Because I know that you've been wearing my clothes," she whispered.

Alex froze and said nothing.

"I don't mind or anything. You can wear my clothes anytime you want," Monika murmured.

The silence in the bedroom seemed to suspend time.

"And my makeup. You can use it but I'd prefer you get your own and you definitely need to get your own underwear," Monika reached out and stroked Alex's arm.

"I have my own underwear!" Alex said in a huff.

"You know what I mean. Not boy's underwear, I mean panties, bras, pantyhose," Monika's voice trailed off.

Alex lay dead still, his beer forgotten. A single tear ran down his face.

"You know then?" he whispered.

"I know Alex and there is nothing wrong with it," Monika stroked her brother's arm.

"Mom will find out and she'll throw a fit. Dad will disown me. Everyone will laugh at me," Alex turned his back to his sister and cuddled a pillow.

"No one needs to know Alex. But look, we're not living the dark ages. People are coming out all the time," Monika snuggled up to her brother and kissed the back of his neck.

"But I don't want to come out. I'm not sure if I'm trans; I just like to wear girl's clothes. I feel comfortable in them. When I'm dressed like that I feel like I'm the real me," Alex said in hushed tone.

"Besides I look stupid," Alex continued.

Monika thought of the selfies on Alex's laptop and his vain attempt at drag.

"What if someone helped you?" Monika snuggled closer to Alex.

Alex said nothing and Monika waited a beat.

"But why didn't you buy your own clothes? You could have bought them online or at one of the big stores in town," Monika was inquisitive.

"Honestly... because I was shit scared. Mom and Dad's accountants see my credit card bills. The housekeeper gets the mail. People know who we are. How do I explain buying panties and lingerie if someone sees me?" Alex said; his tone peeved.

"You silly boy. Credit card purchases aren't itemised on the statement. It would just show up as five hundred dollars at David Jones, Castlereagh Street Sydney, not as knickers, bras, skirts and blouses," Monika dug her brother in the ribs and he turned to face her.

"But the risk Mon... don't you see if I got caught I would just die," Monika could see the fear in her brother's emerald green eyes.

"What else do you know?" Alex frowned.

"I know that you follow ladies fashion from the eighties. I know about your little collection in the drawer in your walk-in, I know you have a profile on a transvestite website and that you watch tranny porn on XHamster but I didn't click on any of it," Monika gave her brother a mischievous grin.

"You searched my room and looked at my computer!" Alex said indignantly.

"You're stealing my knickers, putting on my makeup and wearing my clothes Alex! I knew someone was doing it and I knew it wasn't Gloria," Monika countered.

"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot and a freak," Alex whispered.

Monika leaned in and kissed her brother softly on the lips.

"You're not a freak. I'm clearing my weekend and tomorrow we're going shopping and I'm going to teach you," Monika said in her authoritative voice that Alex knew meant that she was not to be argued with.

"Going to teach me what?" Alex asked.

"How to be a girl silly," Monika kissed the tip of Alex's nose and leapt off the bed.

"See you tomorrow," Monika smiled at her brother and left the room, her little pleated skirt flicking up behind her.

Alex so wished that it was he in that little skirt and that he knew how to prance like his sister. He picked up his beer and took a long swallow.

Maybe Monika was right? Maybe he just needed some tuition.

*****

Once Alex got over his trepidation the next day turned out to be wonderful. Alex came to appreciate the anonymity that crowds provided. The twins drove to Westfield Shopping Centre at Bondi Junction in Monika's little red BMW 4 Series Coupé and used the valet service to park.

At first Alex was nervous because of the crowds; he hated being around people and the shopping centre was packed.

"Don't be silly! The crowds are your friends. Nobody is paying you any attention whatsoever. Anyone under thirty is too busy phone-walking and anybody over thirty just sees two spoiled brats amongst the other million spoiled brats they ignore on a daily basis," Monika looped her arm through her brother's and they walked arm in arm.

Other than brief appreciative glances from both sexes Alex and Monika were invisible among the masses of shoppers.

Brother and sister had sketched out a plan before they left home. As Monika was the same build as Alex, he would select the clothes he liked and she would try them on and model them for him. They had established that Alex had a particular style that he liked and had done some online research.

They hit the stores in a preplanned attack that any general would have been proud of. First off it was David Jones to buy dresses, skirts and blouses. In their shopping cart they threw in an A-line mini and a longer pencil-skirt with a matching notched collar single buttoned blazer, both navy blue and three longsleeved blouses in red, white and silver-grey but in different styles.

Alex saw a black V-neck ribbed knit long sleeved knit dress cut short with embossed gold-tone buttons, shoulder pads and two front welt pockets on a store display dummy. It was Italian and a steal at $3000.