A Second Chance Ch. 01

"How are you doing?"

The message surprised Angie, both in its simplicity and who it was from. She finally got her wits about her and responded.

"It's been a minute. Haha I'm ok. How are you?" She knew it probably wasn't the response he was looking for, but she was on autopilot, just as she had been since her husband passed away several months ago. It was the new normal for her. It was how she made it through the day without breaking down.

"I'm alright...But how are you really?"

Angie's mind reeled. She hardly ever checked her Facebook anymore. And she hadn't exactly stayed in touch with Jimmy much lately. What were the odds that he would send her a message on the same day she happened to get on there? She hadn't heard from him since right after Jerry died and probably months before that. Although it felt weird at first, she decided to be honest with him.

"Honestly? I'm not great," she replied simply on the messenger. She had never met Jimmy in person and she couldn't see him looking at her with pity, so what did she have to lose?

Angie had grown weary of people asking her how she was all the time since Jerry's death. She never felt like they wanted a real answer, that they were just going through the motions. Death and grieving weren't easy for anyone to talk about, right?

For some reason, it didn't bother her that Jimmy had asked. He had always been open and honest with her. Always. If he didn't want a real answer, he wouldn't have asked.

"Want to talk about it?"

Angie pondered this for a minute. Did she? She had closed herself off for so long she didn't even know anymore.

"Do you really want to hear about my problems? You're not just asking to be polite, are you?" insecurity crept in.

"Angie...I know we haven't talked much in a while, but I think you know me better than that by now."

She let out a breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding, her shoulders dropped. Angie felt like most of the stress she'd been holding in for months left her body in one fell swoop.

"I know, I know. Sorry." God, she hadn't felt that relieved in she couldn't remember how long. Her guard was constantly up, even at home with her mom and kids, putting on the brave face for what remained of her family.

"It's just, I haven't talked to anyone, honestly, in a very long time. It feels...weird."

"I figured as much. I've been thinking about you...I just didn't want to bother you too...soon."

Someone had been "thinking about her". Like she hadn't heard that line a million times since the end of February. Angie told him as much.

"I can't tell you how many times people have told me that since the accident. I can tell you, you're the only person it has seemed sincere from."

"I am sincere, Ang. You know me better than almost anyone on this planet. Now, how are you really doing?"

Angie sighed.

"I'm tired, Jimmy. So, so tired. I knew it would be hard for a while, but it's not getting any easier. If anything, it's getting harder."

"Care to elaborate? I had one too many energy drinks at work this afternoon. I'm not going to bed for a while :D," he tried to lighten the mood.

Angie couldn't help smiling a little despite her current mood. He had always been good at cheering her up, no matter how terrible of a mood she was in.

"I might end up rambling. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I'm 'all ears'. :)"

"Well, just everything. I'm not even sure where to begin. Candace has been...difficult. I don't know if she's not dealing with her father's death well, her pre-teen hormones are kicking in, or what, but she just keeps getting more and more difficult. She's always in her room. She won't talk to me. I want to help her, of course, but she just won't let me in and I can't force her, right?" Angie waited eagerly for his reply.

"No, not really. You can't really force anyone to talk, no matter what age they are. That whole 'free will' thing is pesky like that."

"I suppose you're right. Doesn't make it any easier, though."

"I know. I'm sure she'll come around eventually. How are the other two?" Jimmy asked.

"Bea seems ok. I think she's trying to be like me and put on a brave face for her little brother...and me. She's been a little less rambunctious, these days, but she has a good heart. John has been difficult in his own way. He doesn't mean to be, mind you. But he's 4. He sometimes forgets that his dad isn't coming home and that's the worst."

There was a pause.

"Yah, I can imagine. Are you still living in the same place?" Jimmy ventured.

"God, no! There's no way I could afford to pay the mortgage for that place by myself. I mean, we got money from Jerry's life insurance policy and all that, but still. Plus, it just didn't feel the same, you know?"

"Sure. Not the same by any means, but that's why I found a new place when April left."

"I completely understand. We've been living with my mom, which has been interesting in and of itself. I know she means well, but she keeps telling me I can't keep sinking further into depression. Like I don't know that. What the fuck am I supposed to do, though? I can't take anti-depressants. I have a hard enough time focusing at work. Therapy? I'm a single mom with 3 kids. Where the hell am I supposed to find the time between a full-time job and running them to sports practices and whatnot? Not to mention, you know, help them with homework, cook dinner, bathe them?"

There was another pause before Jimmy answered.

"You know I can't say I know what you're going through, because I don't, but you do need to find something to help yourself out. If not just for you, for your kids.

Angie knew he was right. It never felt like nagging when he gave her advice, though.

"I know. I know...I just, I literally don't know what to do anymore. I just feel like I'm stuck and things are going to feel like this forever. I know I need a change, I just don't know what," she paused briefly before continuing typing.

"You know what's even worse than all of the other shit?"

"What's that?"

"About a week after Jerry's funeral, rumors started going around that he was cheating on me again. That that was where he really was the night he got hit. Not 'working late'."

"Wow...I don't even know what to say, Ang. I'm so sorry."

"Yah, me too. It was bad enough finding out the first time. I damn near left him then. Now to hear all this second-hand talk going around after the fact? And the fact that I'll never know for sure?" Tears had started forming in the corners of her eyes, though she was more angry than sad.

"All I can say is you can't dwell on it. It'll drive you mad. And I know, easier said than done."

She let out a scornful laugh at that. Boy, isn't that the truth, Angie thought.

"I wish I had a magical solution to all your problems. I really do."

"I know. Having someone to vent to helps. :) I only tell mom so much. I don't want her worrying even more. And mine and Jerry's friends haven't really gotten a hold of me since he died. Some friends, huh?" Angie shook her head to herself, thinking about just how shady everyone in her life had become since Jerry's death.

"Jesus, Ang..."

"It is what it is, right?"

"That's one way to look at it."

"Listen, thank you, really, for listening to me boohoo. I should probably head to bed, though."

"Any time. Seriously."

"It was nice hearing from you again, Jimmy. Don't be a stranger. :)"

"You too, Angie."

Angie woke up in a cold sweat, breathing hard. She had the dream again. The same one she'd been having since Jerry's death.

They were together in his Mercedes. It was nighttime. They were on their way home from a date night in the city. They were talking and laughing, high on their good time still, as the car hit a patch of black ice on the bridge and went careening over the side. It always happened so quickly. She'd had the dream a dozen times or more since her husband's death and she still couldn't wrap her head around everything going south so quickly.

They panicked, like anyone would, as they tried to open their doors, their windows; anything. It wasn't long before the car started filling up with water. Angie tried to hold her breath as long as she could, but it was never enough. She could never break free from the watery tomb in time.

Of course, that wasn't at all what had really happened to her late husband. He had died in a car accident, that much was true, but things had ended much differently for him.

In a way, she was thankful. His was a lot more quick and painless demise than that of the recurring nightmare she kept having. Hell, he probably didn't even have time to wonder what had happened. The impact from the drunk driver had hit him with such force that it killed him instantly.

It hadn't been pretty, from what she gathered. They identified him through his dental records instead of subjecting her to the horror of his remains. Because really, that's what he had ended up as instead of a dead body: Remains.

The nightmare no longer brought tears to her eyes as it had at first. Instead, Angie sighed heavily and rolled over, making a futile attempt to return to sleep.

Angie, on the off chance that Jimmy messaged her again, checked her Facebook that night. She felt silly for getting her hopes up, but wasn't disappointed. She briefly questioned her motives for wanting him to message her again, given their past, but quickly shook those thoughts away. She just really needed someone to talk to and Jimmy had always been there, no matter what.

"Hey. Feeling any better today?" He had messaged her 4 hours ago.

"Not really, if you're wanting me to be honest."

"Angie, you know me. I always appreciate honesty, even if it's ugly," he messaged her back right away. "Tell me about your day," he said simply.

"Well, I slept like shit because I had 'the nightmare' again, which didn't help anything today." She realized as soon as she wrote it that Jimmy had no clue about the nightmare. Angie didn't have to wait long for his confused response.

"'The nightmare'?" he asked.

She explained the gist of it to him.

"Ang, I'm so sorry. I feel like I've been saying that a lot the last couple of days."

"It's ok. Like I said, it actually feels sincere from you."

"I'm glad for that, at least, but still...Sooo...I have kind of a weird proposition for you."

"Oh?" her curiosity was piqued. She couldn't help herself, even though it had been a while since she had spoken so honestly with another human being, let alone Jimmy. She would have been lying if she said it didn't feel good, in a way. Angie didn't know if it was because it was Jimmy or just someone familiar in particular, she was that far gone.

"Yah. I was thinking all night about how you said you needed a change."

"Lol Why on Earth were you thinking about that all night?"

"I don't know. But...What if you had the chance to move somewhere else? Get away from all of the bullshit people you seem to be surrounded by? Start over somewhere new?"

"I don't know. I've never really given it any thought. Like, ever. Where the hell would I even move to?"

"Wherever you want. Or...You could move in with me. Just until you find your own place, of course."

Angie was floored. A million random thoughts swirled around her head.

"Angie?" Another message from Jimmy popped up. How long had she been lost in her thoughts? She looked at the time stamp on his messages. 5 minutes apart.

"I don't know what to say, Jimmy."

"What were you thinking about for 5 minutes then? Lol"

"Truthfully? I was thinking how crazy that sounds. Just up and move away? Jimmy, I've never lived anywhere but here. Hell, even college was only an hour away from here! What about the kids? What about their friends? Candace especially would either not talk to me for even longer or never forgive me. Besides, don't you hate kids? You do remember I have THREE children, right?"

"Angie, Angie, calm down. I didn't mean to get you worked up. I'm just trying to help. I didn't mean to overstep any lines...And no, I didn't forget you have 3 kids. :P I said those things 16 years ago too, fgs. That was a lifetime ago...And before I found out about Kaley."

Oh shit. Angie had completely forgotten about his daughter. He hadn't even found out about her until 2 years ago, when she was already 16 years old. It had been the reason April, his long-time girlfriend, had left him.

"Damn it, Jimmy. I'm sorry. I completely forgot. I'm just, you threw me off, is all. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

"No. I'm just stressed out. You're fine," Angie squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed the corners, feeling very tired.

"Look, it's getting late, so I'll let you go. I know I shouldn't push my luck, but will you do me a favor?"

Angie already had an inkling what he was going to ask.

"What's that?" she typed.

"Just think about my offer. It's not like you have to make a decision right away. No time limits on it. No strings attached, ok?"

She sighed, feeling a stress headache coming on.

"Alright, alright," she agreed.

"Hey. One more thing..." Jimmy typed.

"What's that?"

"This isn't going to make things weird, is it? I debated all night with myself whether I should even say anything. I know it's a weird time for you, and maybe it wasn't the best timing on my part, but I missed talking to you, like I said."

"I can't make promises like that," Angie smiles to herself. "But if you're afraid I'm going to cut you off, don't be. :)"

"Haha That's good enough for me. Goodnight, Angie."

"Goodnight, Jimmy."

"What?" Angie spoke disbelieving into the phone. She was instantly livid.

"Please don't be mad. It's not like we're breaking up for good. Like I said, I think we just owe it to ourselves to see what else is out there," Jerry, her boyfriend of nearly 7 years, said over the other end.

"You mean see who else is out there. And how convenient that it's 7 o'clock on a Friday night. Goin' out with the boys? Tired of thinking about the ole 'ball and chain' while you go out partying?" Angie shook her head. She couldn't believe he was doing this, not after so long.

"Ang, don't be like that," Jerry spoke soothingly.

"Fuck you!" she hit the "End Call" button and immediately shut her phone off too for good measure.

She sat there trembling for who knows how long, alone in her apartment, she was so mad. Had she missed something? Had she not seen the signs? Had she simply been naive to think that Jerry would want to stay in a long-distance relationship throughout college? Was it her? Had she done something?

Angie didn't have any answers to any of her questions and she didn't currently care. She couldn't get past her anger. She felt betrayed. How could she not? They had been together since their freshman year of high school. And all of a sudden he wanted a "break"?

Their relationship had felt similar to an arranged marriage at first. It was so stereotypical it was laughable, really. He, the star quarterback even in his first year of high school. Her, one of the lead cheerleaders on the varsity squad. They had known each other their whole lives, been friends even for a while in elementary school. But then middle school rolled around and things got weird for everyone. Good friends grew apart. New cliques formed. Enemies were made. The usual junior high shenanigans.

She and Jerry didn't have much to do with each other over those years, but she would have been lying if she hadn't noticed how he seemed to grow more and more handsome as the years rolled past with his dark hair and features. He'd occasionally nod or say "hey" in passing, to which she'd shyly reply back and continue walking, putting her head down so no one would see her cheeks turning red. When he asked her out in the fall of their freshman year, she thought he was putting her on.

At first, she said nothing, staring at him stupidly until she finally collected her scattered teenage thoughts and found her voice.

"Did your friends put you up to this?" Angie asked.

"What?" confusion furrowed his prominent brow.

"Your friends. Did they, like, dare you to ask me out or something?"

"What? No! What the hell, Ang?" She hadn't heard him say her name in years, let alone her nickname that only her close friends were allowed to call her.

"Well, what am I supposed to think, Jerry? We've barely talked to each other in 3 years."

"I know," he sighed. "I'm lame. I just got...weird, around girls."

Angie raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Really?" she said, unconvinced. "You sure could have fooled me. Seemed like you had a different girl on your arm every week," she looked at him defiantly.

"Damn it, Angie. It's not like that. It's you. It's not that I haven't wanted to talk to you. I just, I feel all flustered inside when I try," he lowered his voice, looking around suspiciously for anyone who might hear his confession other than her.

She hated to admit it, but he was winning points back.

"Really?" she asked quietly, unable to help herself. She'd had a small crush on him for what felt like forever and everything he was telling her seemed too good to be true.

"Yah," he ran his hands through his hair. It was a nervous habit she had never noticed about him before.

"I really like you, Ang."

Angie dropped her arms to her sides, no longer feeling as defensive.

"Well, I mean, if you're being sincere, I guess we can give it a try."

"Really?" his face lit up hopefully.

"Yah," she tried not to roll her eyes, though she was secretly pleased.

Even still, Angie didn't completely trust him for a good year. Maybe she was just paranoid, but she fully expected him to break up with her at any moment. But winter rolled around of their sophomore year without him getting bored with her and picking out a new fling, and so she had started letting herself like him, even eventually loving him, more and more. By the end of high school, they were inseparable.

It was a month after hers and Jerry's so-called "break" began. Angie's rage had tapered off into despair. Now she was deep in the throes of depression.

Her roommates and college friends all tried to get her to go out with them on the weekends, most of them blissfully single, but she wasn't having it. The last thing she felt like doing was going out clubbing or partying all weekend, surrounded by a bunch of strangers in stuffy rooms. No thanks. She knew better than to binge drink in public too. Been there, done that, and it never ended well...And Angie knew if she went out, that's exactly what she would end up doing.

Instead, she had spent the last two weekends alone in her apartment. It was eerily quiet without either of her roommates present. While she had no desire to go out and mingle, Angie couldn't deny she was lonely. In a moment of weakness and desperation, she decided to get on a chat room.

She sat and wondered what in the actual fuck she was doing as she tried different search terms and scrolling through dozens and dozens of links to various chat rooms. Angie knew better. She had never tried them herself in high school, always busy with her real friends and school activities, but she had heard plenty of stories from classmates and on the news. Snippets of the "To Catch a Predator" show flipped through her mind as she tried to find a room that didn't sound completely ridiculous...And full of perverts.

She attempted several, but quickly hit the back button when it was clear people were only looking for a "good cyber sex time". She was about to give up, but tried one last one, for college kids only. Seemed promising, but Angie wasn't holding her breath. She waited until someone messaged her first. Maybe that's where she was going wrong with this whole experiment to begin with?