All Comments on 'A Secret Amid The Trees'

Very interesting, in some ways it seems harmless yet obviously from the tone of the story, dangerous. It's very well done and i can't wait to see more! What will Will do and what will happen to Neil and Mellisa (the real one)?

A very creative story. I really liked your descriptions although it was a pretty creepy story. Good luck in the contest.

I loved your descriptions. :)

Very interesting tale and intriguing plot! I was a little bit confused wondering why Melissa had such a noticeable personality change from the beginning of the story to the time she met up with Neil. I wonder if setting up a bit of the legend in the beginning would have helped the ambiguity? Unless that was what you were aiming for. Goodluck! :)

~Luna

Good well written short story. liked it a lot.

The story is fantastic but it only seems half done.

Thank you. I agree; it does feel only half finished. In all honesty the ending was a rush job because I was racing to get the story finished for the Earth Day Story Contest.

I'd been wanting for a while to write a story about a mythology where the vaginal fluids leave the man coated in some kind of mystical energy that came from within the woman. So many cultures in real life saw immense spiritual power in semen, I wanted to gender-flip the concept. But once I had the moon-maiden mythology fleshed out, I had trouble carrying that plot to a satisfying resolution within my deadline.

I'm currently working on a rewrite for "Trees" that I think ends more neatly. I've basically changed Will Eaglefeather's character to a more cynical character that Mel and Neil's friends meet in a bar after the trip. He is very knowledgeable about his tribe's folklore, but he doesn't believe a word of it; it's all just ancient superstition to him. He recounts the tale of the moon maidens to the campers when he realizes from their descriptions that they'd been in the valley. Meanwhile, Neil has seduced three local women into becoming his harem. The new version ends with him enjoying them all together for the first time. At the story's end he's the only character who realizes that a new set of moon maidens are roaming the land with their new master.

did Will just stand and watch as they left?