A Sense of Symmetry Pt. 02

"Don't wanna miss him less!"

"Maybe I didn't say that very well," Dani said. "Don't worry, Honey. No one wants you to forget your daddy. We just know how sad you are, and this man Tom will talk to you about how to show us-" She trailed off, not knowing how to explain this to a two-year-old. "Tom will just talk to you a little," she finished. "And you can tell him about your daddy."

"You be there?" Sean asked.

"Of course."

"Okay. We go now."

They drove into Portland and found the Center. A tall, bearded man met them at the door. "Hi, I'm Tom," he said. "Come in."

He took them into a small playroom. "Sean, there are some crayons and markers on the green table," Tom said. "If you want, you can draw a picture while I talk to Dani for a minute."

Dani was impressed that Tom had known their names, and told him so. "It puts kids a lot more at ease if we know who they are," Tom said. "Adults, too. Why don't you tell me a little more about Sean?"

"The problem is, I don't really know a lot about him," Dani said. "His father was my best friend for several years, but we lost touch a few months before Sean was born. From what I've pieced together, Sean's mother left Ben- Sean's father- for another guy while she was still pregnant with Sean. I don't know what happened with that. I do know that she didn't want Ben to have anything to do with Sean. But she left Sean with her parents a lot, and they let Ben see him. Ben was given custody last year, and last week, he was killed in an accident. I don't understand why, but Ben had named me Sean's guardian."

"I noticed something, Dani," said Tom. "I might be wrong here, but I get the idea that you don't like Sean's mother very much. You didn't use her name once. If there's bad feeling between you and her, it could make things harder for Sean."

"I do have something against her, because of the way she treated Sean and Ben," Dani admitted. "But I never met her. I don't talk about her in front of Sean. I don't know if he even really remembers her, other than hearing Ben talk about her; he was only one and a half when Ben got custody, and he hasn't seen Julie since." She used Julie's name deliberately, just to show that she could do it.

"Was that because Ben wouldn't allow it?"

"No, Julie basically abandoned Sean. Like I said, she had been leaving him with her parents a lot, and once Ben got custody, she decided she didn't want to see him."

"So essentially, he's lost both parents," Tom said.

"You could put it that way, yes."

"Does he see Julie's parents?"

"Not since he's been with us," Dani said. "And they weren't at Ben's funeral, so I would guess that Sean hasn't seen them much in the last year. I don't know anything about them; I wouldn't even be able to get in touch with them."

"Any other family?"

"Ben's stepmother. She and Ben were very close, since he had lost his own mother. Phyllis, Ben's stepmother, took Sean when Ben died, until the lawyer got in touch with me. I think she would have liked to keep Sean with her, but her apartment's too small."

"Thank you," Tom said. "I know some of the questions were hard, but knowing all this helps me know how to help Sean. Let's see what he's drawn."

Dani followed Tom to the small table where Sean was busily scribbling with markers. "That's a great picture, Sean," Tom said. "Can you tell me about it?"

"Uh huh." Sean pointed to a small dot in one corner. "That me," he said. He pointed to a blue swirl at the top of the page. "That Daddy. He in Heaven." A small, black circle in the opposite corner from the dot: "That Mommy. She sick." A bright yellow swirl, close to the dot: "That Mommy Dani. She take care me now."

"Did you say your mommy's sick?" Tom asked.

Sean nodded. "She drink stuff that make her sick. And medicine."

"Medicine that makes her sick?" Tom said.

"Yeah. She go bed. Meme and Pepe take care me. Then Daddy. But Daddy go 'way now. Now Mommy Dani take care me."

"I bet Mommy Dani takes good care of you," said Tom. "Do you miss your Mommy and Daddy?"

"Daddy take good care," Sean said. "God taked my daddy 'way. I mad at God. I want Daddy back!" He dissolved into tears.

Dani started to pick Sean up, but Tom motioned her back. He put one arm around the little boy. "Sean, do you understand that your daddy can't come back?"

"Don't care! I want my daddy!"

"Do you miss your daddy, Sean?"

"Yes!" Sean wailed.

"I bet he misses you, too," Tom said. "You're a very special little boy. I have an idea."

"Don't want no idea!"

Tom smiled. "Sean, would you like to write a letter to your daddy?"

Sean looked at the counselor. "How?" he asked.

"You can tell me what you want to say to your daddy, and I'll write it down for you," Tom said. "Then we'll tie the letter to a balloon and let the balloon go."

"Balloon go in sky?" Sean asked.

"That's right," Tom said.

"Okay," Sean said. "I write." He took a fresh piece of paper, and with the blue marker began scribbling across it. As he "wrote," he said, "Daddy, come back. God don't need you. Sean need you. Come take care me. I miss you. I see you soon when you come back." He gave the paper to Tom. "Where balloon?" he asked.

"Come with me," Tom said. "I'll help you blow up the balloon. Then we can go outside and let it go. We'll be right back," he added to Dani.

Tom was very good with young children, Dani thought as Sean and Tom left the room. She had learned more in the last ten minutes about how Sean was feeling than she had in the five days previous. She was surprised that Sean remembered his mother's drinking and drug abuse, and wondered if Tom had noticed that Sean had never answered the question of whether he missed his mother.

A few minutes later, Sean and Tom returned. "Mommy Dani, the balloon go up and up!" Sean said excitedly. "It go to my daddy!"

"That's wonderful, Sweetheart," Dani said.

"I wanna go up and up, too!"

"Sean, we talked about that," Tom said. "The balloon isn't strong enough to take you up and up."

"I still wanna."

Tom smiled at him. "Why don't you draw a picture of yourself going up and up," he suggested. "I need to talk to Dani again for a minute.

"Okay."

Sean sat down at the table again, and Dani and Tom went back to the other side of the room. "Well, he does remember some things about his mother," Tom said. "Was she a drug addict?"

"Yes, and an alcoholic," Dani said. "That's why she left Sean with her parents, so she could go out and party."

"Apparently she didn't leave him with them often enough, if Sean saw it," Tom said. "He didn't talk about his mother very much. He and his father seem to have had a good bond, though."

"Ben adored Sean," Dani said. "I never saw him as happy as he was the day he told me Julie was pregnant. He wanted to be a father, and knowing him as well as I did, I would say he was a good one."

"Dani, what does your husband think about this situation?"

"He was a little leery at first. He thought it was a little strange that Ben wanted me to be Sean's guardian. But he seems to have gotten used to the idea. He really likes Sean. He always wanted a son, but we have two daughters and I can't have any more children. I think he likes having Sean with us."

"So the two of you will support Sean through this? Just coming in here today, drawing a couple pictures and sending up a balloon, isn't going to help him as much as he needs."

"I agree," Dani said. "Should I bring him back?"

"I think so," Tom said. "Let's go out to the reception desk and take a look at the schedule. But even more appointments here won't help Sean if he doesn't have support at home. Sean, can you please put the markers away? It's time to go now, but you can come see me another time."

Sean put the markers back in their case and brought his picture over to Dani. "It me going up and up," he said. "You, too."

"I'm going up and up, too?" Dani asked.

"Uh huh. We go see Daddy in Heaven. Daddy miss me. He miss you, too. He tell me."

Tom looked at Dani, confused. Dani shrugged; she wasn't sure what Sean meant either. "It's a beautiful picture, Sean," she said. "Thank you for putting me in it."

"Welcome."

When they got home, Jason was lying on the couch. "So, is he crazy or what?" he said, after Dani had sent Sean upstairs to play.

"No, he isn't crazy!" Dani said angrily. "Nobody ever said he was! What he is, is a little boy who misses his Daddy and needs help talking about it. He's going back next week."

"I'm sorry," Jason said. "I didn't mean to make you mad. I was trying to be funny. So they did help him there?"

"Yeah." She told him about Sean sending up the balloon. She decided not to tell him about the second picture Sean had drawn. "It really seemed to make him feel better."

"That's good," Jason said. "I'm getting used to having the little guy around. I'm glad someone can help him."

"So am I," said Dani.