All Comments on 'A Sinful Family Ch. 01 - Moving In'

I'm not sure how this going to go but I want to like it. There are just so many characters to keep track of and I'm not sure anyone would put up with the sleeping arrangements but I'll wait until the next part to decide.

Its lovely story

Why is the main character always wimpy?

Henry is some kind of pervert trying to force incest on all the family members, if I was Jamie I would say fuck that shit and grab my bags and head out on my own, fuck those people, I don't care if they had money or not, I sure as hell would not stay there. The old man said there would be 30 family members living there, yeah right, get them all in a pile and have group sex, lol. Also, you mixed in different races to boot, not my cup of tea. I gave you zero stars cause one would be too much.

Stop making up words! To name but a few: 'motheringly', 'excitingly',' smallenened', 'dismissingly', partingly and 'subceed'. These are not words and your prolific use of them is distracting and display a low skill level. Your poor use of periods in lieu of commas when writing speech is also notable.

You are right; your introduction is long, too long. Boring and confusing!

too many characters to follow. why do so many names have to start with the letter J?

Main characters a pussy. Why!? And the trans dude is gross.

Lots to take in....but interesting enough to look toward chapter 2 and see who starts have some good quality sex.

Too much characters make it a complicated story, however I like family love story best. Please continue it with fetishism like hairy & sweaty-armpits, breastfeeding, pissing etc. Being an Indian, I earnestly request you to publish this type of fantasy based on an Indian family with Indian characters & Indian context. Please fulfil my prayer, thanks.

Looking forward to reading more from this series.

Can't wait for further chapters......can only imagine how many different couplings can occur...

Here is what you are asking the reader to absorb in the first page:

Grandpa Henry: Jaime’s maternal grandfather

Grandma Grace

They have 3 children:Marie, Steve and Julia

Julia is Jaime’s mother

Jaime’s has a brother James and sister Jennifer

James and Jennifer are twins

Dad - What’s his name?

John’s sister is a pornstar…who’s John? (oh John’s the dad)

Who’s his sister?

Candy - Jaime’s one year older cousin

Aunt Candace - The pornstar (John’s sister)

Charlotte - Aunt Candace’s daughter

Caroline - Aunt Candace’s daughter

Cody is now Candy, Aunt Candace’s other child

Never mind the bizarre naming scheme (but really did you just look up at a map to come up with charlotte and caroline? Not to mention Candy, Cody, Candace, Jaime, James, John) 5 character's in the first three pages of a novel or short story can be too many, you've got like 13! Introduced in a wtf order. And the rest of the family apparently hasn't shown up yet?!?!?! Or maybe they have, I have no idea because I'm still trying to sort who is who.

Why John's sister family goes leaving in John's Father in law's house?

Why Jaime calls the two black boys "step-brother"?

After getting through this introduction, I am waiting for the next chapter, my mind filled with disgusting combinations. Please, please, deliver soon!

Four pages and then a teenager's idea of fantasy sex was not at all erotic. The language in the sex scene was just rubbish and even a 'fret-boy' wouldn't be so puerile.

Far too many characters for a reader to remember who was who - I ended up skipping the descriptions as I knew I wouldn't remember them.

A good story needs a setup, transition, and a payoff. All three parts should happen in each chapter and that applies to multiple chapter stories as well.

Sorry for the poor review, but I hope it helps your future output.

To the best of my knowledge, "smallened" isn't a word. You might mean "narrowed".

Please find an editor to help you with your grammar and word choice. You have a great idea, but the chapter of descriptions was confusing and unnecessary.

Super imaginative and going somewhere interesting, keep it...up :)