All Comments on 'A Sister's Gratitude'

Yea, It could use a little editing, but not too much. The best thing is that it has spirit and is writen with passion.One of the drawbacks is that the story is too short, and could have given more lead in to the sex that they had. Other than that it's a good story.Thanks for the post....Rich

hope you write more about these folkes, don't worry about the critques it was great yarn.

You could be really good. But the story was way to short. You need charachter development.

This is a good start, but a little more character development, and buildup to the main event would make all the difference.

Somehow it seemed a bit rushed, maybe you needed to have a bit more dialogue, she could have teased him before they had sex.

But nevertheless, it was a good read.

Rapier

It's a great story in my opinion but feel it could be extended add more to it. Like her possibly get pregnant or something

Whilst everyone seems to agree that it was too short, I would say too quick. You could develop her flashing more, what he could see, what kind of panties, what happened after he kissed her pussy. They could talk about that incident so when she comes to him there is some form of context. The final sex is ten lines - for a literary website specialising in sex, really? This could be a five or six page story, instead it doesn't complete one - far too rushed, not in how long it took you to write, but how quickly events develop.

Tim

Rape stories are not erotic.