All Comments on 'A Submissive's Tale Pt. 01'

Teaser - with no fulfillment.

Labeled as Part 1 but there is no Part 2 yet and Part 1 is over 3 years old.

Has promise as a part1 but stinks as a mis-labeled stand alone.

Finish or delete it.

This is a good start to what might be an intense erotic story.

Mistress had some great raunchy lines--except they were lines that Tasha thought up. That’s really my only complaint. Writing is already an author’s fantasy, so if the characters themselves fantasize for too many paragraphs, the sex is a fantasy that exists within a fantasy, and the eroticism becomes too removed from the reader. We want to hear “my little fuck toy” come directly from Mistress, not from Tasha’s imagination.

You have the potential to be wonderfully dirty. But save it for the real sex. Tasha’s dreamed sex should have been shorter--and without any good nasty epithets or colorful terms of abuse. Mistress should have that talent, not her submissive.

I like your writing, though. Yes, it could use some line editing. But I like it.

this is really not my kind of story

This is a good opening chapter, it could use some more editing, but over all it was a good, enjoyable story

can't wait for next chapter :)

thank you ms. v

carrie