All Comments on 'A Surprising Afternoon'

I don't usually read this category, so I don't know what to expect, but it seems as if the whole question of what happens with the wife is just left hanging. I suppose if you settled things with the wife, a second chapter would be in Loving Wives. Often, couples in that category divorce, and the husband finds a new lover/partner before the story ends. The way this story is told, he's already got one, here, waiting in the wings. Of course, unless he enjoyed sharing his wife, the husband in a LW story would be very distressed that he thought his wife was cheating with a coworker, unlike this husband, who mentioned it very unemotionally.

Needs more chapters. This is a good start.

This is a good start but the story seems to have gotten lost somewhere. Almost as if a page got torn out of a book. From the way you started, you have many paths to take this story but......

It appears your trying to hard to write the Great Novel. Every noun does not need an adjective or in most cases, multiple adjectives. Find another way to connect two thoughts in one sentence other then "and".

Looking forward to your next try.

5 Stars