All Comments on 'A Tale of Timestop'

The initial description of Austen's loneliness and frustration was well done, and I thought this would be a sensitive story about realistic human feelings. But I didn't care much for the feelings you gave us. Austen is a real jerk. His first encounter with Sophia consisted of him raping her while she was unconscious. Then he picks up some party tricks to get himself laid without having to really establish any kind of loneliness-breaking interaction with his partner. I realize that that's what 90% of the stories on this site are all about. I just thought that this story started out better.

Looking forward to more

This could be a fun story. Take us back to the party at the start and let him try something else (work on sherry first rather than sophie) . or just show us what is going on at a college dorm with a guy who can stop time and try anything. How he uses the time stop to get thru the college testing process. so many ways for this story to go. 5 stars for a great start.

Nice solid fuck fun. I liked this one a lot. 5* :)

I have to say I agree with Anonymous (Grrr). Excellent opening. Some great ideas here combining TS with the ability to rewind time but the violence and unpleasant language - "Is this what you want you little bitch?" he said still groping her. "You want a big strong dick of a guy to come and use you?" "Fuck yeah take my cum bitch!" - spoilt the story somewhat. I did like the device very much. The magic tricks idea was, again, excellent if a little overdone. Odd how he went from hardly being able to help himself cumming with very little provocation to acting the 'stud' with Sherry and Sophia and being able to manfully hold back!

I'll echo what a few others are saying. You started off great with MC feeling alone with his anxieties. Him craving human contact and stuff. Up until Sophia, I kinda felt whiplash with him acting all macho with her, when he should feel all types of others emotions I think. Then it kinda went all downhill with that party. The writing is good, I just felt it could have been even stronger.

Hi everyone, thank you for reading my story and giving me so much constructive feedback. I definitely agree with the criticism here. I've found that I have a hard time writing male characters who don't become dicks. I'm glad people like the beginning of the story; it was my first real attempt to write a more relatable and less dick-ish main character. Fell into old writing habits as the story went on i'm afraid. I got my start in erotic writing with very raunchy rude male characters. I'm going to try to write my next story about a shy socially awkward guy and try very hard to write a non-abusive relationship for once. Thanks again for your feedback. The constructive comments drive me to do better and keep writing :) .

Why not have him use it for good, then get friends and fucks as thanks. A few I could think of, save someone about to be hit by car, or being mugged/ robbed, then there are the rapes where he could save her.

He could turn the tables on those bullies and tormentors of others.

Plenty more situations could be thought up to have fun with.

No reason not to do another version changing the course mid way through and have him not become a 'dick.' Take the first bit of the story, paste it into a new document and then carry on and use what was a really good start but take the story in quite a different way. Make Austen a more interesting and complex character.

This story has some similarities to the h-manga "if - Tokei Monogatari", where the MC gets a watch that works similar to the device here. And much like the MC here, he ends up becoming a bit of a better person in the end.

I don't know what else can be added to Time Stop stories that hasn't already been done, but it doesn't mean retreading common ground isn't enjoyable. I liked this tale, and glad the MC came up with a novel way of using his powers to help him gain some confidence. 5*

This is the first timestop story I've read where the user didn't just use it to rape women. Awesome!