All Comments on 'A Taste of Cheerleader Discipline'

couldn't finish it with the lame ass choice of names. Too 'cute' as if you tried to hard, just lost any appeal at all

Fair point.

What names would you recommend using for these characters?

My first story on here, A Saturday of Cheerleader Pleasure,

was in first person and had only one other character.

Perhaps that's the route I should take with

my writing for the time being.

Thanks for the feedback. I want to get better at writing, and if

this helps, then it'll be worth it.

God why didn't you just name him mr HARD-ON and at least one cheerleader Muffy.

KInda crap would make JPB blush in embarassment.

C'mon on you guys, lighten up and pull the stick out of your asses. The story was perfectly fine with the names given. Kinda cheeky but for me, it didn't take away anything from the story. Good job and keep up the writing.

When I started to write this story, the first character that I came up with was Mr. Dick Hardown.

I chose that name in an attempt to be clever and in an effort to create a character that had a memorable name and distinct personality traits.

Courtney was a random name that I selected for the main girl.

The other girl, Jenna, I named largely because I wanted to slightly reference former porn star, Jenna Haze.

The last names for the two girls were probably too over the top (again, I wanted to make the characters memorable), especially since the main character already

had a purposefully erotic name.

It sounds like I need to find a proper tone between seriousness and camp when I write erotic stories.

Thanks for the feedback. Hopefully, this will improve my writing as I continue to make submissions.

I appreciate the positive feedback.

It sounds like the general consensus is that the characters'

names distract from the story and upstage the erotic

dialogue and sexual acts, which cannot happen.

And don't worry, I have every intention to keep writing.

Any feedback, no matter how positive or negative it is, will

only improve my focus and make me want to

keep improving as a writer and keep working to enhance

the quality of my work.

Ok - the names were kinda porny (not corny - porny... in that they are reminiscent of names one might find used in a porno)...

But SERIOUSLY, Who Cares! (& Why?)... This IS a porno script just waiting to be filmed. You people are reading it like you were expecting a sonnet by Lord Byron!

Get over yourselves & if you think you can do better then post something of your own, & see how you like it when anonymous trolls who still live with their mommies tear you apart!

If you have never posted a story of your own - then by all means, please STFU!

Good Job - you got 4 Stars, because although it's really about a 3 &1/2 - I cant give you 1/2 a star & 3 is too low... Keep Writing

Yeah, I was going for porn star names when I wrote this.

This is why I used Hardown as a last name and

had a character with the same first name as former

porn stars, Jenna Jameson and Jenna Haze.

While my writing abilities extend beyond writing stories that

could be adapted into pornographic films, the pornographic film

based tone is the one that I was most comfortable using

for my first erotic stories.

I'm not entirely frustrated that this story has been rated somewhere

between the 3.9-4 range.

However, my first erotic story on this site, A Saturday of Cheerleader Pleasure,

has a rating between 4.1 and 4.2.

Therefore, the dropoff in quality from my first

story to the second story is disappointing.

At this time, it's clear that my stories are not at the quality where

I want them to be at, and I'll have to keep working to see that it gets there.

Thank you for the feedback and constructive criticism.

This isn't directed at anyone in particular.

It's just a statement for those who choose to comment on here.

I have no problem with criticism or debate.

However, nastiness and personal attacks

are uncalled for and completely unnecessary.

Please keep the comments civil. Thank you.

As posted, it's basically a porn scene written, which is very fun. Why didn't you put it in a high school though? Universities have presidents, provosts, and deans. High schools have principals.

When I started to write this story,

I was considering having the setting in a high school.

However, I opted out when I realized I could

be implying that the main character

was engaging in sexual acts with minors.

I suppose I could have emphasized the girls' ages,

but that may have gotten lost due to the setting. While I'm aware that there are adults that attend high school, it was too much of a risk for me to attempt

to submit a story that could suggest/imply otherwise. Thus, I picked a college setting to avoid any complications and unwanted controversy. And yes, I should have checked on Mr. Hardown being named as principal when he should have been a dean or president. That was something I should have checked on and verified

before I submitted this story. I'll make sure to correct that for future submissions.

Thanks for the feedback.

I just don't understand why people write these story's is this a fantasy of yours to have a 3 some?

Firstly, check your grammar and spelling before you post. It's write and you're.

There are plenty of reasons why I'm writing erotic stories right now.

1.) I'm an aspiring writer. The more I write, the more I can get my name and work out

there. Writing also helps me learn more about myself and develop more ideas for future stories, both erotic and non-erotic.

2.) For feedback, positive and negative. I can't get better as a writer unless

I know what I'm doing properly and what I need to improve upon.

3.) When I make enough money to write something and publish it/make a film (book, screenplay, script for a pornographic film), these stories can be used as reference guides. Having something that I can refer to is always helpful.

4.) I like to entertain people. Being able to entertain and arouse people through these erotic stories gives me a sense of satisfaction. Are these sexual fantasies of mine? Sure. But I'm also hoping tap into other people's fantasies and show them what they would be like. Could I achieve that by making porn? Yes. But that requires money, people who are willing to engage in sexual acts, and a really strong marketing campaign. So erotic stories are the way to go for now. Some people will not be satisfied with my work, and that is fine. If I can generate enjoyment and/or create arousal in anyone through these stories, then I'm happy.

Hope this helps.

I thought the story needed a lot of editing, but I am extremely impressed with the author's response to constructive criticism.

Not great, but not terrible seems to be readers' general consensus

when it comes to this story.

As I mentioned earlier, I have to keep working so that

I can produce great stories, not just good or decent ones.

Just out of curiosity, how could the story have been edited together better?

I suppose I could proofread and read through

each story at least one or two more times before posting them.

Thanks for the feedback and constructive criticism.

I try to respond to every comment that is posted on here and address whatever

constructive criticism I receive. The more I hear from readers, the more I

can strengthen my writing skills, correct my mistakes, and create better stories.

This is a little too unrealistic for me. Then again, I guess fantasies don't really have to be realistic. I just prefer more believability. If you really want to be great instead of just good, find a way for your stories to be completely believable no matter how crazy they get. Keep writing because you have real potential.

And to the anonymous user who can't form a basic sentence but feels the need to come onto a bdsm site and judge authors for posting stories that are complete relevant to the site, eat a dick.

You have a great point there.

Writing erotica definitely has its challenges, and most of them involve believability.

It's difficult to write erotica and have what occurs in a story feel realistic

because, 1.) as you mentioned, it is a fantasy,

2.) it has pornographic sex as opposed to traditional real-life sex, and

3.) because I want to have as many kinky/erotic moments in a story as possible.

Perhaps my next erotic story will be more realism-based. My first erotic story, "A Saturday of Cheerleader Pleasure," was told in first person, didn't involve coercion/blackmail, and is easily the most realistic of the four stories that I have posted on this site.

After seeing how my latter stories have been received, I may go back to the road that I started on with my first story.

Thanks for the feedback and constructive criticism.