All Comments on 'A Taste of Incest - Pumpkin & Candy'

I've written many pieces with loosely-strung-together episodes. I wanted this to be a collection of unconnected pieces too short to really stand alone -- vignettes. I plan on more like this in the future, including another contest entry (if I have time!) that'll be a round-robin of hot tales.

I tried to pace this set from Zap! to Ahhh... PUMPKIN is pretty nutz and fast. CANDY KISSES is slower and maybe spacier, but is still a snarky spanker. CANDY CORN is slow and hopefully evocative. Something for everyone, I hope! I haven't seen similar vignette collections on LIT so this is an experiment for me.

and other, similar phrases. OMG.

Lennon-McCartney you ain't.

If you can't write at least a full page for a story, or come up with a way to string together two (or three, as in this case) or more short stories that start out being unconnected, maybe that story should be allowed to die without seeing the light of day.

Professional authors constantly get unfinished thoughts they think they can polish and expand on, but end up either changing and rechanneling their original thoughts, or cutting their losses when they see it's not gonna happen. It's no secret. Any author will tell you this.

Either stretch the story out to make it both longer and more interesting, or tie it in with other short stories to create a coherent finished result, or let it gather electronic dust on the electronic shelf. Get it?

In 1 of your stories you clearly wrote it was a high school party and she was 2 years younger than her brother. someone fucked up

@Anon: I said it's a college party, and that the younger sister was in her first year at the state university. Yes, she's over 18.

@Epiphany_Jones: These are not fragments. Each is a complete story and I did not want to pad them out to fit a Procrustean bed. Maybe responses would be better if I'd submitted each as a separate story. Well, this was an experiment, and it seems to have failed. So I'll shitcan all my story-trio ideas. I'll still write short snarky strokers; I'll just package them individually.

Since I love stories of hot motherfucking, the last piece is my favorite. It was great to read the following, about Ryan's mother: She reached between his legs; her hand squeezed his stiffening cock. "Yeah, you're reacting." That is such a cool idea. Lots and lots of boys get hard or semi-hard around their mom. A mother should keep close tabs on what's happening in her boy's pants. Chances are the boy'll appreciate his mother's probing hand on his young male package. Ask any young son if he'd welcome his mother feeling up his cock and cupping his balls and the answer will be a big grin and a heartfelt "fuck, yeah!" But fair is fair, and the boy has an equal right to stick his hand up his mother's dress and find something warm and furry and nice and wet. Then he'll slip a couple of fingers up inside that wonderful hole between his mother's legs and explore around. The boy sure has the right to do that--it's the same hole he came out of after all. The rest is just natural and inevitable, like with Ryan and his mom. The boy's hard young cock goes back up his own birth canal, he pumps away as his mother moans and squeals with pleasure, her squeals become shrieks as her darling baby boy blows his young balls and shoots his mother full of his warm creamy semen. The perfect way to celebrate Halloween and every other fucking day of the year.

thanks for your effort

It was new and different. I liked it. Reminded me of Creep Show or one of those other anthology movies. Maybe you need a better framing device (like the one in Creep Show). Helps bells, just realized many people probably dont even know what that movie is. Anyway, try again...you got nothing to lose by making another trio.

I liked the creep show idea tales from the crypt or, tales from the darkside, outer limits, twilight zone yea any of those... i would have chosen outer limuts or twilight zone personally i liked the short stories... i also loved how you harrassed the typical overused and recoppied to the nth degree storielines in the middle .... i can see the obe persons quip about tge party csuse you mentioned both high school and college in the same story confusing them what the party was however i loved the idea and way you did it would like to see more in the future

I guess "I've run cross-country all through middle and high school and now at State. Ashley is my two-years-younger sister. She just started at State..." isn't clear enough that she's college-age. Oh well... And this was my first attempt at a trio or other multi-story collection. Maybe I could have framed it better, like with a brief intro. If I finish my last contest entry in time, it WILL be adequately framed: stories told around a campfire. And other trios I've planned will be tied together in the same neighborhood, maybe with intersecting characters. It's an evolving process.

First, they should all be standalone stories. The first story was great... accidental then all out clothes ripping would have been fun... leading to the sex scene... which should have included so form of penetration with either a kitchen object or vegetable... with the older sister putting on a bigger/longer fight not to have and orgasm this way. The father arriving killed it for me (if one day you split them, extend this one, and take the father out the end will be more organic) We don'tneed to know they have done this before, it is actually better if not... alcohol was enough.

Candy Kisses was brillant. The telepathic touch was fabulous and the whole premise was great. Constructive comment: saying we came and came... is such a lazy shortcut. Cut Kiera out of the stories and focus on Alan and Ashley. Make the erotic scene more descriptive, with details, sensations and dirty talk (on this case thougts also) which would have been so efficient to allow them to change positions and explore darker desires and abandon themselves. (If you split, revisit)

The third story bored me from the start... I dropped out.

I loved the way your story transitions from a humorous tone to a sombre-serious tone with the story in the end. Your writing style is great, and I really loved the second story's narrative - witty, sarcastic and funny at the same time!

One slight thing that ticked me off was the over-use of descriptive metaphors in the second story. It was used in excess.

I also think that the second and third story will do much,much better if they were to be submitted as separate pieces. They have a great potential to be standalone stories.

Overall, I think it was a great read!

5* for your effort!