All Comments on 'A Teen's Will Ch. 02'

As I said, a very good story but you did have some grammatical errors as well as some other incorrect items. The MAFIA info would go to the FBI not the CIA (I realize you are not "USA" trained based on certain things you wrote). Also, you don't do a 180 to show yourself. It's a 360. A 180 leaves you with your back turned. You also don't get tugged into bed. It's tucked. Still, that aside, I REALLY enjoyed the read and am looking forward to more chapters.

Thanks!

The story was interesting and different. But there was an overall flavor of a high school boy's fantasy/action comic. A regular HS boy lives in desperate straits yet casually fucks an older married woman on a normal afternoon. Suddenly sent on a mysterious mission. Finds his long absentee grandpa heads a secret org. He is trained up and 6 mo. later assigned to SCal. To play James Bond inside a mafia family, screwing the mom even though he and daughter are "in love"....Yawn....And yet I like it like a bad habit. Reminds me of a young adult excited about a movie or video game: "This happened...and then this happened...and then this...."

The fact that you haven't continued this story is absolutely ludacris. This tale does have its flaws just like most do but it has the It-factor. The vibe of the story is addicting and leaves the reader with suspense. It's a shame it hasn't all been published I truly think that this story is a Gem.

Dear Author, Interesting story line. Unfortunately, not expanded upon! Too bad you stopped. These characters and the story's premise are worthy of a Hollywood movie script. Very well thought out and rendered. Quite enjoyable. Many thanks! (5*) PLUS! jntiques

I, like the other commenters, think you have a good story here but need an editor to flush out the grammar errors. You seem to rush through a character or event.

I have read your latest submission and it is much better, I enjoyed it very much.

And, please continue the story.

Next chapter?

More plz

Keep going, this story is nowhere near finished. It has promise to be better than the Mafia Family story.