A Tiroir is a Drawer

Mom and Amy burst out laughing, then high-fived each other, followed by lots of comments, "I thought you were going to say it, no-you, yeah, but I had to let the tension build..."

I finished my bite.

Mom said, "You and Amy are old enough in this state. Mitzvah-TwoCrows Treaty Act, you're old enough with parental permission a bit earlier, especially if we're Jewish or Tribal. Still, I'm happy you waited a little while at least, 18 and 20 is a good age. I think 1986 is going to be a very good year."

After we finished eating, Amy grabbed her bag and headed upstairs, and I followed her. The confusing thing was, how did she have a bag? Who had brought a bag over for her, this fast?

How did any of this make sense?

My confusion was deep and everything happened kind of suddenly.

Mom stepped into the room and shut the door behind her, then sat on the end of my bed, waiting for something.

Amy set down the bag she'd carried, and pulled some medium-long white socks out of the top. Carefully looking at herself, she tucked them just inside the waistband of her skirt, one on one side, one on the other.

Amy was careful about this, flattening them.

I apologized and said I was trying to figure out a math problem, but she just smiled and took me by the hand. I was mostly trying to figure out what I'd missed out on, if this universe was so different with respect to Tiroirs, what ELSE didn't I know about?!?

The preoccupation really was me trying to replay conversations I'd had with Morgg describing what I wanted in my destination multiverse. Of course, he'd been brain-scanning me, so he'd know if I meant something different than what I said out loud.

Amy was patient, waiting a full minute for my preoccupied self, then taking both my hands and directing my attention to where she wanted it, her face.

I caught on and followed her direction.

Returning to the present is hard for me sometimes.

She brought us over to my dresser, stood me in a specific spot, a specific distance from her, and opened the drawer.

Pulling open the top drawer, she nodded at how my socks were nicely arranged (either my mother or I did that in this 'verse? There were a lot of odd things flying around). Just nodding and smiling was paying either Mom or myself a compliment, and she ran her hand over them.

Her next move surprised me. She took out some things and put them on the top of the dresser - a box with my old scouting awards, some envelopes with junior high honor roll certificates (I guessed, it looked the same), etc. There wasn't much else in there besides clothes.

Carefully shoving the assorted things to the right, she cleared about half the drawer, making a big open spot on the left.

She recited while looking in the drawer, putting one hand on my socks and one in the open spot, "The King doth reside rightly, the Queens abide remaining left."

Stepping back, she pulled one sock out of her waistband, stretched and kissed it, and placed it in the open spot. Pulling the left one out, she turned to face my mother, who stood and stepped slightly forward.

Amy handed it to her and asked, "Honored madam, finding neither marriage nor First Circle abides, I do request. No regent captains we, yet finding often love abides."

Mom nodded and said, "I have clarity," and placed it cross-wise to the first, saying, "Treacle rivers fill our flowing hearts. Seek acceptance and rejoice. No shame or thorns, be it life or fleeting wind."

I was SOOOO confused. And, of course, nervous as hell!

The symbolism was huge. All of this, chock full.

Amy cast about, looking, and found a heavy scotch tape dispenser on my desk. She put it in the drawer between my stuff and her socks. Reciting again, she said, "This, an object sturdy, divides Tiroir from mundane. I claim first right of placement, but will gladly give it up to Jane should you make a Further Grant."

My mom went back to stand by my bed, and started taking her apron off.

Amy moved me to stand with my right upper arm touching the dresser drawer, just so, then stepped back and started unbuttoning the right side of her blouse.

This didn't stop.

I wasn't going to stop her, it was altogether toooooooo freaky.

Even more weirdly, Mom was doing the same thing. She and Both had huge wide smiles, and took their tops off, setting them on the bed. Then, off came my mother's bra, and off came Amy's bra, a very nice lace white one I hadn't seen before.

Their breasts were freed. Amy was huge. Mom's boobs were surprisingly highly placed, only having a little droop. Intellectually, I could guess that the last time I'd seen my mother's breasts was when I was probably two. So, never.

As she moved, my brain decided she had larger areolas than I expected, somehow. As if I had any reason to expect anything on that front!

Wow.

They were being very formal with each other, and with me. That meant this was important.

Amy stepped back, dipped to kneel on one knee on the ground, and grasped, really cupped, her left breast, in her right hand, pulling it up.

They didn't say anything, and I just watched.

Amy's head had dipped in a bow, and she stood again, coming over to me.

Her arms moved me to stand offset but facing her, and she stood on the left facing me. With both hands, wrists crossed in front of her, she said, "Take, hands to thy use, breast to thy comfort, soul enjoined, and grant leave for these, my... socks, of use."

She had tears in her eyes. Her hesitation had been from excess emotion.

The problem was, I was pretty sure I was supposed to do something with my hands.

I had to say, "I'm kind of stunned, I'm sorry, guide me...?"

Her smile kept on, "Figures, guys don't memorize this, I knew that, everybody says so. Still. Repeat after me, take my hands."

I did.

She said, in the tone I should repeat it. I did. She had me say: "This Tiroir I do grant, in temporary leave, until we are met, upon hallowed ground, and our union-bindings take. My house its succor take, thy honor person and progeny to protect, in service for all the days, renounceable until fertility maketh blessings cry. I do so swear."

As she said a phrase, I repeated it, but at the end, I was careful in pronouncing the 'do so swear' because golly, I was apparently doing something big.

I wasn't getting married, that was for sure, but it seemed REALLY Awfully Close to that.

The vows seemed to have the matrimony next step built in somehow.

She turned to my mom. "Sarah...?"

Mom said, "Sarah Anne. Daughter of Abigail."

"Sarah Anne, Daughter of Abigail, mother of Kevin, I call as First Witness for agreements made."

Mom said, "Agreed."

"I pledged sexual service, fertility, labor of my hands, respect of house, an equal love for all his first-circle progeny, a career goal of pediatric medicine, and acceptance of secondaries should they appear."

Mom nodded, and repeated the words pretty well. I was surprised.

Amy turned to me, "Kevin. I will restate your terms and call for your correction or agreement."

Echoing Mom, I said, "Agreed?"

Talking to my mom again, Amy said, "Kevin pledged grant of naming rights to half our progeny, financial justice, and his graceful mercy."

Mom repeated the pledges.

"If this is correct, please say, "Agreed."

I said, "Agreed," and we were done. Or, so I thought.

Amy said to me (like she was explaining to a noob, which she was), "I've read many accounts of this ceremony over the years, every family has one, if they celebrate, and there are several ways to end the ceremony. You seem to be confused, and I get that, it's a big thing, you're kind of in-shock, I'll try to help that later. For now, since this is your ceremony, mostly, you get to choose. Option one, we kiss. Option two, you kiss my heart, as represented by my left nipple, and that can include suckling a moment, in my family apparently that was something my aunt chose. Option three, All of those present can suckle. I __Really__ like the symbolism of that... Can we do option 3?"

I looked at my Mom. She was more conservative than this, wasn't she? Apparently not.

This whole tradition thing was ... ohmygod ODDBALL. Still, it had some beautiful moments.

I just managed to eek out, "Yes?"

She moved me over and pointed that I should kneel, so I did, and lifted or otherwise aimed her breast at my mouth and (opening slightly) kissed her nipple, not open-mouthed sucking, but pressing my face in a little and making it a tender move.

I stood again, and kissed her, and then she moved to stand in front of my mother, who sat on the end of my bed and was right about the correct height.

While the angle was wrong for me to see all of it, I could tell she did far more of a kiss, halfway up the breast, and made a big, "MmmmmmWAAAA!" sound at the same time, and laughed.

They both stood and hugged tightly, their relative topless exposure not impeding the feel to it being a mother and sort-of daughter-in-law hug.

Amy said, "Mothers as Fair Witness are exempt and I hope we're all clear on that!"

Mom laughed and chortled a swift and definitive, "Correct!"

I didn't know what to do with myself.

They both got dressed again, and Amy noted that it was already 9:15, so we'd better go.

Mom was going to stay home, she said, and call Amy's mom.

Dad still wasn't home from the store, and I wondered what was going on, so we just piled into Amy's car and headed over to the church, about a mile away, not so far.

The speed limit signs said, "40 kph" and I wondered how I'd missed that bit. Oh - right - I hadn't driven before, I had walked over to Rich's house, and running, I'd been in the forest preserve district trails for a lot of it. We'd gone for paint, but I'd been preoccupied, apparently.

I noticed a little more about Amy's car this trip. It looked like it was from 1963 and had a lot of rust. The radio had both AM and FM, though the range was odd. This FM showed a range from 75 to 115 (vs 88 to 108 in my multiverse).

Egads, there was so much here that was different.

As we were walking in from the parking lot to the church, Amy held my hand and said, conspiratorially, "You're clueless sometimes, Kev, but I love you anyway. Egads, I couldn't ever say that out in the open before, it seems so strange to say it now... Anyway, I'll take the lead, so stay in arm's length of me, agree, and _smile_, Mister, you are my Pretty Prize!!"

"Okay?"

"You've probably seen this before. I'm not sure how Catholic services work, but in school this would be strut and gavotte, with my neck nicely lace-adorned. I don't have one, _Obviously_ you have to buy one and present it to me. I like black, it'll go with whatever. The 3 cm ones are good. I'll trim it if need be."

Things to know. I filed this info away.

We walked in and it was a few minutes before the service. As we walked in and took off coats in the cloakroom, she asked one of the older ladies there, "Is there a dish with klamidems?"

The lady clapped and got very excited and said, "Yes!!!"

She led Amy over to a bookcase and got a silver tin off a higher shelf. Opening it, she pulled out a set of tangled ribbons and asked, "White? Black, Blue? Oh, we have Green, too?"

"White gets dirty too easily. Black is fine, ma'am."

The lady took one, and was going to put it on Amy, but then said, "Come on, Kevin. It's okay to be a little excited, nudge-nudge." She handed the ribbon to me, like I knew what to do. Really, with Amy holding her hair, it obviously was a neck ribbon.

I laughed with her (she was having a blast at this news). I didn't recognize the lady, but she obviously knew me. I took the klamidem, which translated to being a thick-polyester lace-almost ribbon about an inch (2.5 cm) wide, and pulled it around Amy's neck. I noticed everything, this seemed to be important.

The fastener was a simple hidden hook, and even with the weak elastic I made sure it wasn't too tight.

I got a kiss for that, not just from Amy, but from "Marcita" (her name tag). Marcita's kiss was on my cheek but daringly close to my lips.

Marcita's next move puzzled me even more. Holding my shoulder with her left hand at arm's length, she took her right hand, cupped up her left breast like she was offering it, and dipped her head down, saying, "Tiroir abundance be with you."

I was supposed to say something in response. I could tell I was supposed to. I didn't know what to say, so I pretended to get distracted by having it be too late, and just thanked her with a generic, 'thank you so kindly'.

Amy and I walked into the back of the sanctuary, the organ was already playing something booming and bass-toned. We had to go down the side aisle and get a seat halfway up the front.

There was some whispering from some people we passed in the pews.

Amy hadn't been to a mass before, so I had to give clues on what to do next. We were far enough back I could whisper, and lay out the program enough to explain how it all fit together.

Catholic service programs were not like the simple Protestant ones. We had one program we used for a long time, and we had to look up what service it was and figure out if there were any differences for the day.

The homily was a nice thing on being open to people helping you, even when the help was probably going to cause more hassle than just doing it yourself. The people in the congregation (only some of whom I knew; the more I looked the fewer people that was) seemed to laugh at this and I got the idea it was relationship advice.

After the service, we filed out and had coffee and some of the really epic treats the older ladies always fixed. I said howdy to some friends from the youth group - I only knew a few of them.

There seemed to be lots more girls than guys, and not just in our youth group. Among the congregation, there were maybe 3 to 4 times as many women as men. It wasn't obvious until I looked for it, and then it beat me over the head.

Most of the youth group gathered in the corner, and we joined them at the insistence of several who knew me (despite me not knowing them).

The girls there, of course, came up to Amy, touched their own neck, then held onto Amy's shoulder, lifted their OWN Breasts, just like the older lady had, and said the same thing, "Tiroir abundance be with you."

Amy replied, "And also with you," and I had my key. It was Exactly Normal, on a slightly different topic versus The Before.

I got lots of hugs, and handshakes from the guys. Of the 20 of us, there were 5 other guys and me. Five girls had the klamidem bands on. One guy had two girls, each with matching light-blue klamidems. So, it wasn't unheard of to have two Tiroir girls.

Interesting stuff!

Conversation shifted around; some of the girls talked with Amy a little off to the side and I knew they were pressing for details, but Amy had the kind of smile she gives when she has a secret and she's not telling. I'd played D&D with her enough, I knew that expression.

The guys wanted to know who my favorite was for the World Cup, but I said I had no opinion at the moment, I was too preoccupied, and that got a big laugh and an overwrought response from one guy of, "But...How...Could...You.. NOT... support... Bayerische!?!?!?"

When the other guys rolled their eyes, I figured out there was a diversity of opinion on such matters and I could laugh with them.

The parish priest I was used to, Juan-Carlos, wasn't there, and instead there was a middle aged man, Father Andress. I was super-glad he had a nametag. I knew that I should know everyone, but there were only two out of all of them, plus Amy.

Calling me aside, he said, "Big day, I hear, Kevin?"

"News gets around."

"You don't usually have a girl on your arm." His glint meant he'd observed me a while, which would make sense if he was "my" priest. He continued, "I'm thinking, you're about to ask me something, and I'm going to reply that some of the best blessings take a lot of work."

I laughed, "Close. I'm ... I'm not stupid but I'm also sometimes forgetful, and I want to do the right things. Do you have any books to recommend, about all the traditions and symbolism of Tiroir, so I'm not an idiot and forget something vital?"

He nodded and he led me down a hallway to a bookshelf that had kids' books as well as big gold-leaf Bibles. "Here."

The book he handed me was one of 50 on the shelf and just titled, "Tiroir Mitzvahs"

Walking me farther, we got to a coffee corner, and he got a piece of cardboard box and bent it so it wrapped around the book but sort of in a way that made it look on-purpose. I was impressed.

"Return that if you can, but if you want to keep it, I'll just ask you for some yard work around the parish. Of course..." He squinted with a sly smile to show we both knew the real truth, "I'll do that anyway."

We laughed together and shook hands, and I walked back to stand near Amy.

After suitable amounts of coffee and finger-food, Amy and I made our exit.

Amy wanted to offer to return the klamidem, she said. Her inflection didn't say, 'return it', just 'offer to'.

The older lady was still there and responded, "Don't you dare take that off, missy! Bad luck to be outside without one once'n'ya got it. Kevin can replace it or get a new one for the box. Oh - and - ones that are worn first are good luck, too, so we'll understand if you 'forget' to return it." She smiled.

I didn't know what the fuck was going on, but there was enough head-nodding that I caught on that it was proper manners (good luck?) to offer but with zero expectation of doing so. It probably raised the perceived value of the object for everyone, even if it was just technically a ribbon.

We got coats on and went back to her car.

As we waited for it to warm up, she said, "You know, you could get all the building materials for your garage and room, really, for free. If you want. Your dad said money was tight, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Kev. My grandmother is rich. She's gonna hear I got Tiroir and want to give someone a check, to 'make things easier'. She can afford it. I know you're not big on handouts, that's not right, I know. But, if you write out a list of all the things you'll need, include some extras, too, and write down how much each costs, or how many you need? It's like a wedding registry, you know, you've been to these things. Barn raising. Plus, we'll get the gang over to your garage and bing-bang-boom, magical room renovation."

"When?"

"Get me a list tomorrow? I dunno. This is sudden, and... it's already Sunday. Let me think."

We drove in silence for a minute. I thought about what she'd said.

She added, "Don't forget to get a water heater."

"Huh?"

"Water heater. Gonna have more people showering in the morning, right? Me and you, maybe Jane, and your parents? Your sister when she's back? Might need a new water heater, or a bigger one. Ask your dad. Can't hurt. Make it an 'aspirational' item and it might show up."

I nodded like I knew that already, "Ah." I didn't freak out about Jane coming over, or living with me, or whatever. This was all still too freaky.

Driving through the downtown, I saw again there were lots of different store names. I'd only been to the very nearby hardware store for paint, and running through residential areas, so I hadn't seen all of it.

The stores had the same basic flavor, but the names were different, and some were in odd places.

I realized I hadn't gotten to the pharmacy to buy lube yet. With Amy around, and possibly Jane (!!!), I had some doubt I'd need it. Especially given Amy's enthusiasm, it'd be far more likely to be required for us together than me alone.

My brain was full: So many things were going to be happening in the next few hours, and I hadn't even gotten a chance to talk with Jane yet about Amy. Plus, for school? Algebra, geometry, trig, they weren't trivial. I had only the most vague memory of playing bass clarinet. I messed up playing, everyone would know I was an idiot. I was pretty sure the choral pieces would be different but I could read music, so I figured I'd be okay.