A Touch of Grace

"Harry Fielding, I know." Claire smiled, handing him Grace's bag. "I've met you earlier at the showroom. About two years ago."

"Oh, really?" he laughed, looking a lot like Santa Claus with his grey French beard. "That's nice, that's nice..." He looked down at Grace, stroked her hair. "You've been great with her. She isn't all that shy with strangers anymore."

"That was the intention," Claire nodded. "To make her comfortable around others. She really has improved."

"Do you think she'll be ready for school later this year?" he asked. "She's turning seven, and given her health, she's already far behind others. We know she'll have to start lower than her age, that's okay. We just want her to get enrolled..."

Claire felt a sudden pull at her heart she hadn't expected. She hoped Grace would be mentally ready for school in sometime more, and that would be normal. No kid stayed there forever. They eventually went to school.

"I hope she will be," she said, forced a smile. "She's doing good here, opening up, becoming comfortable with other children... She should be okay."

"That's a relief." He smiled at her. "You've been a great help. We didn't think anyone was willing to make the time or effort for her... Like my son says, you're really a blessing."

Claire's jaw dropped. He had said that?

"Come on, Grace," he proceeded to leave. "Let's go." He smiled at Claire again. "Nice to meet you."

"Bye-bye, Miss Claire," she waved at her, turning around. She waved back, smiled at her grandpa. Grace waved again from the car, and Claire stood there smiling until the car drove off out of sight.

Turning around, she walked up the steps and was making her way back to the hall when her phone buzzed. She fished it out from the pocket of her cardigan, saw Bryan calling.

"Hey," she smiled, feeling relieved. "Where are you?"

"At the showroom, explaining duties to the new people. Did you meet dad?"

It took Claire some time. When she finally realised the meaning, her mouth dropped open. "So this is why you sent your brother and your dad today!" she exclaimed. On the other end, Bryan laughed aloud, the sound so warm and deep, it was almost orgasmic.

"Oh Claire, I thought you'd figure out sooner," he was still laughing. Claire shook her head, smiling.

"I was worried," she said quietly. "I thought...maybe you're at the hospital or something...maybe something about Grace..."

"I'd have told you if it were so." He paused, said something to someone. There were different kinds of noises around, like a very busy showroom. "How did you like them?" he asked.

"They're nice. You look like your dad."

"I do. My brother hasn't stopped talking about you since he returned after dropping Grace." He laughed again. "I wish I could do this properly, you know. Over dinner or something. But I didn't want to wait anymore. Wanted my family to see you."

Claire sat in an empty corner of the hall, looking out of the window. "You're that serious?" she asked softly.

"Yes. As serious as a heart attack." There was a quiet chuckle again which made her smile. He seemed in a good mood that day. But then, he was always in a good mood, like his daughter, belying the difficulties they experienced regularly.

"I miss you," she said, looking around her to see if anybody was watching. Bryan sighed longingly.

"I miss you too, baby," he said. "Can we meet tomorrow night for dinner?"

"Sure. Outside or home?"

"Outside. We'll make it early, come home before Grace's bedtime." Someone came over to talk to him, he explained something about where the chairs would go. "Then you'll sleep with me, in my bed."

Claire couldn't help but laugh at the low, enticing tone. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"Crazy about you. If I had my way, I'd shag you rotten right now."

"Stop." She laughed out loud, covering her mouth with her hand lest somebody heard her. "There are people around. They'll hear."

"Let them hear. I'd like everyone to know how much you mean to me."

"I do?"

"Yes, you do. How was Grace today?"

"Great. She enjoyed a lot. Looked very happy."

"What did she draw?"

"Ask her. She'll only be too happy to tell."

Bryan laughed. "I don't have to ask her. She'll start talking about it the moment she sees me."

"She was asking for you..."

"I know. There's just so much to do here today. Once these guys understand their work, it'll be fine. Claire?"

"Hmm-mm?"

"This isn't too soon for you, right?" There was hesitation in his voice. "I mean....you were going through a breakup when we met, and you were really broken. I didn't mean to drag you into this... It just..."

"Happened, I know." She smiled absently, playing with a lock of hair that had come loose from her ponytail. "It happened the same way for me. I wasn't looking for anything either, but I knew I'd let it happen if it did. You make me happy, Bryan. And you have a daughter like Grace. I couldn't ask for more."

"And you accept me with all my baggage. You make me happy as well. You're a blessing."

"You told your dad that?" she chuckled. He smiled down the line.

"I keep saying it. Grace is my blessing. You're her blessing, so you're mine as well. Okay, Claire, I got to go now. There's a tonne of work here... I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Okay. You take care, alright?"

"Yeah, and you too. Umm..Claire?"

"Yeah?"

There was a pause, like he wanted to say something more.

"Nothing," he said finally. "I'll...I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, baby."

She smiled, her heart dancing whenever he said that. "Bye, Bryan." She hung up with a grin, feeling happiness seeping into her bones, making her feel alive with every breath.

*

The story of the Very Hungry Caterpillar floated into Claire's ears as she dozed against the back of Bryan's sofa. They had returned home an hour ago after a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant. Bryan's mom was watching over Grace in the meanwhile. She looked very happy to meet her finally, hugged her many times and made them coffee. Bryan proceeded to tuck Grace into bed after she had left.

"On Saturday, he ate through one piece of chocolate cake..." Bryan's voice was soothing and soft. "...one ice-cream cone.. one pickle... one slice of swiss cheese... one slice of salami... one lollipop... one piece of cherry pie... one sausage... one cupcake... and one slice of watermelon." There was a pause, and then a little giggle. "That night, he had a stomach-ache."

"I would too." Claire mumbled to herself sleepily. She yawned, tucked her hands under her head. The first two times she listened to the story, then she started dozing off. If Grace didn't fall asleep, she certainly would.

The caterpillar was building a cocoon now, so they were probably near the end. Claire yawned again, her eyes watering. About a minute later, she heard the sound of little claps, and then the request for an encore.

"Daddy needs a break from the caterpillar," Bryan sounded tired. "We'll read it again tomorrow, okay? You need to sleep now."

"Okay." Grace thanked him for obliging her with the adventures of a caterpillar with serious food issues. "Goodnight, daddy."

"Goodnight, my sweetie."

Claire had fallen asleep when she felt a hand on her head. She cracked one eye open, saw Bryan smiling down at her. "Hey," she smiled weakly. "I dozed off."

"Yeah. You should've come in there."

"Didn't want to interrupt the rollercoaster ride of the Hungry Caterpillar," she said, getting a laugh from him. "It was better the fourth time."

"I'm stepping up my game." Bryan agreed, picking up a toy telephone with farm animals on the buttons. "Who wants to hear what the cow says?"

"Is it moo?" she hedged.

"You've played this game before," he nodded, sat down on the sofa, pulling her body up against his. "You okay?"

"Mmm." She snuggled into his arms, yawned again. "I like it here. It's a cosy house."

"I'm glad you think that." A kiss dropped onto her head. "You've been really quiet today. Is anything bothering you?"

"No. I'm fine," she mumbled against his chest.

"Honest?"

Claire shifted in his arms, slid a hand into his. "Grace is going to school this year?" she asked softly.

"We hope so," Bryan answered, his hand absently stroking her head. "She turns seven this year. She needs to start school."

"Oh." Claire fell silent, dozing again. She'd been tired the whole day after working on a number of orders. Then she'd got dressed in a skirt and jacket, and Bryan came to pick her up all decked in a sharp smart-casual outfit. Being with Bryan was easy. She never felt the pressures of dating. It was like hanging out with an old friend.

"Claire?" he spoke after a while. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm."

"How hard is it for you when kids leave the institute?"

"We're used to it. I don't work individually with too many kids. It's usually in a group. So there's less scope for attachment."

"Do they get attached to you?"

"Sometimes. The older ones usually get more attached. I regularly get cards and drawings from some of them."

"I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that I think you're the loveliest woman I've ever met...after my mom, of course." A finger brushed her cheek, down her lips. She kissed the finger sleepily, then held his hand again. "Had it not been for you, Grace would never be ready for the world."

"Is that why you're with me?" She asked, looking up. "Because I'm good to Grace?"

"That drew me to you," he replied. "But then I found out you're so much more than just that. You..." He smiled, kissed her hand. "You get me. My life. The struggles I face with Grace. You're okay with my past. You make me happy. You're someone I can talk to about everything. You...help me make sense of life."

Claire sat up, moved a little away from him. She didn't know why she felt that way, like she wasn't good enough. It happened all the time. Perhaps what her exes had done with her had made her feel that way. Like there was something wrong about her, some defect in her that made men incapable of caring about her.

"Will I..." She hesitated, giving Bryan a wistful, watery smile. "Will I sound pathetic if I say you're the best man I've ever been with? You know, someone who's not a jerk, who's okay with the fact that I don't have a proper job..."

She lifted a hand to wipe a tear away, looked the other way, at the far end of the room, where the TV unit was. It was a big house, not neat by any means, but very well decorated and very cosy, with bright colours, nice lights, and really elegant furniture which she figured had come from their own store. There were toy airplanes of various kinds hanging from windows, adorning the bookshelf, lying scattered on the carpet. The airplane making kit that she had gifted Grace was on the coffee table, looking well-used.

She wiped another tear as it dripped down her cheek, bit her lip to hold herself back.

"Claire..." A hand squeezed hers. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"

"It's fine." She sniffed back the tears, rubbed her eyes to clear her vision. "I know I'm not worth keeping. My ex cheated on me. The guy before him, he revealed he had a family back home after six months of being with me. And the one before him..." She shook her head. "I should be sorry. I'm a bad girlfriend."

"Hey. Come here." She was pulled into a hug, arms folding around her body. "I like you, Claire bear. A lot. I want you in my life. You're mine and I'm yours. That you're good to Grace and that she likes you is only a bonus."

"You wouldn't want me if Grace wasn't involved here," she said flatly. "If Grace doesn't need me anymore we'll see less of each other. There will be nothing to keep us together. It'll just come down to—"

"I don't see the day when Grace won't need you anymore. And even if she doesn't... Claire, I'm serious about you, okay? I'll want to be with you even if Grace isn't in the picture. She brought us together, but that doesn't mean our relationship is dependent on her."

He held her face, looked into her eyes. "Have I made it seem like that? Like I'm with you because of Grace? I know I talk too much about her, make it seem like my life revolves around her. And it does. She's all I have. But it's got nothing to do with our relationship, I promise. It's great that you love kids, that you love her. Like I said, it was the first thing that got me attracted to you." He patted her cheek, kissed her forehead. "But you're so much more than just that," he whispered. "You're the only one I want. Why else do you think I wanted my family to meet you?"

Claire remained silent. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but she hadn't heard that from him. She didn't want to end up looking like a fool, didn't want to tell him she was in love with him only to realise he wasn't.

She squeezed her eyes shut, tears dripping past her nose. Bryan looked down at her, lifted a finger to wipe off the tears.

"You think I'll cheat on you, like your previous boyfriends did?" he asked quietly. He kissed her head when she didn't reply. "I understand. It's hard to trust after such bad experiences. I only ask for a chance to show you that I'm different."

"I think I've already given you the chance," she finally spoke. "I realise you're different, that's why I'm with you. But..." She pulled away, stared down at her hands. "I'm sorry, I think I'm just knackered." She moved her hair out of her eyes, used the back of her palm to wipe off tears. Bryan's arms came around her, squeezed her slightly.

"Come to bed," he said lovingly. "Sleep in my arms. I'll keep you cosy."

Claire nodded, gave her hand in his as he helped her up, put an arm around her as they made their way to his bedroom. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep in Bryan's arms, the clock ticking in the quiet room.

*

The next few months managed to bring them even closer. Claire started hanging out at Bryan's house more often, sometimes even reading Grace bedtime stories. She and Bryan often stayed up till late, laughing, chatting, snuggling, making love. Grace would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes, asking for water or saying that she was afraid. On those nights, she slept in between her and Bryan, a hand each keeping her safe.

She'd also take Grace to her house sometimes if Bryan was busy. They had fun times laughing, reading, and watching cartoons. Claire learned which medicines to give her after lunch or before dinner, made separate meals for her if she kept ill, and made her take her afternoon naps.

"Miss Claire," she whispered to her one such afternoon, when Grace was napping in her bed and Claire was reading while keeping guard.

"Yes, baby?" She stroked her head, felt her forehead to check if her fever had returned.

"Daddy thinks I'm going to leave him," she said softly, as if sharing a secret with her. "Will you tell him that I'll never leave him?"

Claire looked down at her, tried to form words around the lump in her throat. "Haven't you told him?" she asked, forcing a smile.

"He doesn't believe me. He says he does, but I know he still feels afraid. If you tell him, he might believe you. I will never leave him. I love him." Then she turned on to her side and hugged her. "I love you."

There were tears streaming down Claire's cheeks, and she quickly wiped them off. She hugged her back, kissed her head.

"I love you too, sweetheart," she whispered. "We all love you."

And so they did. Grace was so utterly lovable. The way she talked, the way she crept into hearts, the way she was never ever sad no matter what... Everything made her special. Claire had worked with many children over the years, but never bonded with any of them on such a deep level. Melanie found out about her relationship with Bryan, called her to her office one day and said she was happy for her.

After being cheated upon twice, she had almost given up all hopes of a relationship again. And then Grace came along, followed by Bryan. It was like a double scoop ice-cream that packed twice the joy, twice the sweetness.

That Saturday, she had arranged for a game of puzzles with Grace and a few other kids. It was a quarter to ten when Bryan's car stopped in front of the building. Claire frowned when she didn't see Grace with him.

"Where's Grace?" She asked when she was outside, in front of him. Bryan had raised a hand in greeting but she totally ignored that. He put a hand on the back of her waist, brought her to a side.

"She's unwell," he said, his face grim. "I came to inform you."

"What happened?" She moved closer, her heart pounding now.

"She's running a temperature again, along with a cold. I took her to the doctor. She's been given medicines again but if this persists she might need to be hospitalized."

Claire covered a gasp with her hand, her eyes wide in horror. Bryan pulled her close to him.

"It's okay. Don't be afraid." He cupped her face with his hands, looked into her eyes. "Grace is not healthy like other kids. She needs a different course of treatment."

"Is it serious?" she found her voice trembling as she spoke. "Is this being caused by something else...?"

"There's not enough oxygen in her blood, and as a result, her immunity is weak. A simple cold can also turn serious."

"Bryan..."

"I'm just stating facts, Claire." He kissed her forehead, folding his arms around her. "I knew you'd be worried if I told you over the phone, so I came to meet you. Claire, you have to be strong. For her, for me." He lifted her face up with a finger, saw tears in her eyes. "I find strength in you. If you cry, where will I go?"

"I want to meet her," she said, swiping off the unshed tears with her fingers. "Is she home?"

"Yes. I'm home as well. Come over when you're done."

"Okay...I..." She looked around helplessly, not knowing what to do. "Bryan...I.."

He hugged her again, kissed her head. "She'll be okay," he said reassuringly. "I won't say don't worry. Just...be strong. There's no other option."

"Has this happened before?" She asked.

"Yes, many times. Children with a weak heart usually suffer from chest infections and respiratory troubles."

"Has she ever needed to be hospitalized for that?"

"Yes, she has. And she recovered well." He smiled down at her. "Why are you afraid? She'll be okay. It's not serious."

"You said it can turn serious..."

"It can, but it isn't yet. It will not be." He brushed his thumb across her cheek, the other hand wrapped around her waist. "Have faith. It'll be okay."

She nodded, tried to gather herself. "I...I'll come over in a few hours, alright? Call me if you need anything."

"Don't freak out, please." He held her hands in his, kissed them. "Your kids are filing in. You cannot look like this."

"I'm fine...I'll be okay." She put her arms around him, closed her eyes, and breathed. "You should go now."

"Yes, I should. Promise me you'll be okay?"

"I will. Don't worry about me."

"I will anyway, you know." He quickly pecked her lips, pulled away. "Everything's under control, Claire. Don't be afraid."

Claire nodded as she watched him get into his car and put on his seatbelt. Then he waved a kiss at her, turned on the combustion, and drove away. She stood there for a while, then rubbed her eyes, smoothed her hair, and walked back in, worry clouding her mind.

*

Grace wasn't as bad as Claire had thought. She had a cold and a fever, just like the one she'd had during Christmas time, but it didn't look very serious. Only when she coughed and became breathless it seemed worrisome. Seeing a six-year-old struggling to breathe wasn't the prettiest sight in the world. She had also seen a portable oxygen breathing apparatus at Bryan's house, just in case she needed it. There were doctors coming in to check with her every alternate day, so much so that Grace was starting to get cranky.

"Will she require hospitalization?" Pauline asked over breakfast that morning. She was looking more pregnant with each passing day. Claire had seen her only a week ago, and she already looked bigger, her hand firmly on her back as she approached the table. She looked good, just tired, and sank gratefully into the chair Peter pulled out for her.