A Touch of Grace

"Yes." His mom hugged her, stroked her back through her black dress. "He doesn't show it, but he needs you a lot. I know he's become numb, but..." She pulled away, smiled at her. "Don't let this change anything between you two. He'll come around. Give him some time."

Claire nodded, feeling tears rising again. She'd never forget the sight of Bryan clutching the lifeless body of his daughter to his chest, calling out to her, screaming that he couldn't live without her. Bryan didn't look like he needed anybody, but she had been beside him nevertheless, shedding silent tears and trying to comfort him.

She'd left only for a couple of hours, to shower and change, but had instead dropped into her brother's house and wept bitterly in his arms. She still hadn't been able to push a full meal down her throat.

"Laura, where are you?" It was Bryan's dad, who appeared at the door a moment later. "Oh, Claire's here as well," he said. "Come on. Let's go."

"Where's Bryan?" Claire asked.

"He's left already," he replied, as Bryan's mom held Claire's hand and led her out of the room. "I think he's been there since early morning. God, I can't even look at his face."

Bryan's mom didn't say anything. Claire saw she was holding back tears as they got into the car. So was she. When Grace had first come to Blooming Buds, she had never thought she'd be attending her funeral some day.

The next few hours were a complete blur. The small casket was placed on a pedestal at the cemetery, where people had put flowers, cards, and toys. Bryan was standing next to it, receiving guests silently, only accepting hugs and replying to condolences with a nod.

People were taking their places for the funeral. Claire walked up to the casket, stared at the small, sweet face of the child she had come to love as her own. Then she leaned in and kissed her forehead in a final goodbye. Bryan was staring at the ground, his face numb.

Claire stood beside Melanie for the funeral. There were a few other people from Blooming Buds, a couple of doctors who had treated Grace, and a few other parents of terminally ill kids who Bryan had befriended over the years. And there was his family and friends, all visibly broken-hearted.

Bryan stopped the pallbearers when they began to close the casket. He disappeared somewhere, then returned with a small paper airplane. He placed it beside her inside the casket, then kissed her forehead. The casket was closed and brought forward for burial.

Claire turned away, tears streaming down her face. She sat underneath a tree, prayers floating into her ears. She took a glance in the distance, turned her face away when she saw the casket being lowered to the ground. Then there were more prayers.

Melanie turned up beside her a few minutes later, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Claire turned around. In the distance, she saw Bryan's parents crying. Everyone there was wiping tears as the casket was buried and covered.

Melanie hugged her as she cried against her shoulder. She didn't know how she could possibly go back to Blooming Buds without thinking of Grace. She'd considered leaving, but hadn't made any decision yet. There was time. The institute would remain closed for a week anyway.

"Is Bryan okay?" She managed to ask, looking up from her shoulder. Melanie turned to look in the distance, then back at her.

"He's grieving in his own way," she said, stroking her head. "Burying a child is the most painful experience for anyone. He needs time to recover."

She smoothed Claire's hair, gave her a tissue to wipe her nose with. "Need a ride home?" she gently asked her. Claire nodded.

"I'll meet Bryan's parents and go," she said, proceeding to rise.

"And Bryan?"

"I'll give him time." She dusted the back of her dress, wrapped her arms around her body. "He knows I'm always there. He can reach out to me when he feels ready."

Melanie nodded, rising. "You did an incredible job with Grace," she smiled tenderly. "Remember when I first called you to talk about her? I'd mentioned that she didn't have a mother. Do you know why?"

"So that I'd be prepared...?"

"No. So you could become the mother she never had. The female figure in her life." She held her arms, pulled her closer. "You didn't disappoint."

"So you knew that...I and Bryan would...?"

"No, because I thought you were in a relationship. You never told me about your breakup. But when I got to know of it and then saw you two laughing together at the Christmas show... I had a feeling, yeah."

Claire hung her head, swallowed slowly. The guests were dispersing, hugging Bryan on the way. Melanie put an arm around her shoulders.

"Shall we go?" she asked her. Claire nodded.

"Let's go."

It wasn't until eight in the evening that she returned home. She had dropped into a coffee shop, but left without ordering anything. Then Pauline had called, asked her to come over. She had spent the next few hours with her, being comforted and consoled. Even though she hadn't cried again, she hadn't spoken much either. She didn't have the energy to think anymore.

She sat in her living room staring at the picture on the wall. It was Grace's submission for the drawing competition. Once the drawings had been displayed at the institute for long enough, they'd been taken down. Claire had brought Grace's drawing home, put it up on the wall.

She wouldn't hear that sweet voice anymore, calling her Miss Claire and waving her small hand. She wouldn't have anyone to buy airplanes for anymore. She wouldn't have anyone to tell her how much Bryan loved her.

Claire dropped her head back on the sofa, closed her eyes. She heard Grace's little giggle, still felt her embrace, the way she snuggled in her lap. Tears dripped down her face again. Silent tears of anguish, of pain that was tearing her apart.

She wondered where Grace's mom was at the moment. What would she do if she knew her child had passed away?

The doorbell rang. Claire flinched at the silence breaking, opened her eyes and wiped off the tears. Then she made her way to the front door, opening it.

Bryan was standing there. Weary and exhausted, like he'd been walking for days on end. He came up to her, pulled her into a hug. Claire put her arms around him, held him tight. And then she felt him sobbing against her shoulder.

Claire took him inside, sat him down on the sofa, gave him water, which he refused. He pulled her close again, hid his face in the crook of her neck, sobbing bitterly. She hugged him back, hiding her face in his hair, until they were laid on the sofa in a human knot.

No words were spoken that night. Bryan sobbed for most of the time, Claire did too. Then he became tired and fell asleep at some point, and Claire wrapped him in a blanket, keeping him warm.

Bryan would always be Grace's dad to her. And Claire wanted her to know that she'd take care of her daddy forever.

*

"She's got my nose. Oh, hell."

"What? It's cute." Peter reached down, pecked the face of the tiny bundle in his wife's arms. "Round like a button. Totally kissable."

"Please," Pauline rolled her eyes, then laughed. The baby had arrived two weeks early, but was normal, healthy, and of the right weight. Pauline had been asleep for a few hours after labouring for almost half a day, but she was awake now, and the new parents hadn't been able to stop gushing over their new angel.

"Look at her hands," Peter beamed, wrapping a finger around a tiny fist. "Isn't she adorable? Just like you." He kissed his wife's head. "I love you so much."

"Me too." Pauline tilted her head, pecked his lips. "I can't believe she's ours. She...she's beautiful."

"Hey, don't cry." Peter said to Pauline when she started to tear up, then looked down at the face of their baby and smiled brightly. "See, she's waking up. Oh, look! She's blinking. Hey there, say hi to daddy..."

Claire smiled at the mush those two had turned into. It was adorable, seeing them all loved up and gushy over their new joy. She'd been right outside throughout her labour while Peter aided his wife inside the room. Her parents had been there too, so had Pauline's parents. They had gone home now while Pauline rested.

She wasn't resting much though. It didn't seem like they could get enough of the bologna loaf.

"Are you okay?" Peter suddenly remembered there was a third member in the room. Claire nodded, sleep heavy in her eyes. She hadn't slept well in a while, would usually wake up in the middle of the night and spend the rest of the time reading or working.

"Geez. You look more tired than me," Pauline observed, cradling the bundle in her arms. "Go home, please. Eat something, then take a nap. Everything's okay here."

"I'm fine..." She yawned, flicked her hair across her shoulder. "Umm...alright, if you insist, I might go home." She rose from the cushioned seat, walked up to Pauline. "You take care, yeah?" she hugged her. "I'll be back in the evening."

"Don't worry. I'm great." She kissed her cheek. "Peter's here. You need rest. Go home."

Claire nodded, picked up her jacket, and hugged Peter on her way out. She walked down the hospital corridor, feeling tired to her bones. The weather was nice and pleasant, a warm breeze blowing across the place. But all Claire wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed.

"Claire?"

She turned around at the voice, found Bryan walking up the hospital stairs with a bouquet of flowers in his arms. Claire smiled, went up to him.

Bryan hugged her without further ado, held her tightly to himself. Claire closed her eyes and breathed, having missed him so much in the last two weeks that they hadn't met. He had lost weight, looked a little scruffy because of the stubble that obviously hadn't been maintained, and his smile seemed sad now. But he was still sexy to her, still the man who she loved so deeply.

"How're you?" she asked, holding his arms. He nodded.

"Just getting by, you know," he said, then smiled softly. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." She had tried sticking around since the night he came to her house and cried in his arms. But Bryan had been quiet and withdrawn, had wanted to be left alone. He had then gone to live with his parents, and Claire had realised he could do without her. They hadn't seen much of each other since then except the odd phone call sometimes.

"I've been moody," he said guiltily. "I...just..."

"It's alright," she smiled up at him. "You're having a hard time." She looked at the flowers, spotted a small teddy bear attached to the bouquet. "These are for...?"

"Your brother and his wife. I couldn't help it when you told me about it this morning." He smiled hesitantly. "It's okay, right?"

"Of course it is." Claire held his hand, tugged at it. "Come on. They'll be happy to meet you."

She led him to the cabin. Visiting hours weren't over yet, so they had time. Claire knocked, then slid the door open.

"Bryan's here," she said quietly, not able to help the smile that came along with it. Pauline and Peter looked up excitedly as Bryan slowly entered the cabin.

"Hello," Bryan's voice was soft, a little hoarse. Peter rose to his feet, greeted him with a broad smile.

"Hey." He extended his hand. "I'm Peter, Claire's brother. So great to finally meet you."

"Yeah. Congratulations." He shook his hand, then looked at the flowers. "Umm...I got these..."

"Oh, thank you." Peter's smile only broadened as he took the bouquet and placed it on the bedside table.

"That's pretty." Pauline chimed in with a smile. "You really do have taste."

Claire looked down at her feet, felt her cheeks burn. Bryan smiled shyly, slowly walked up to the bed. After air-kissing Pauline in greeting, he looked down at the bundle in her arms.

"She's gorgeous," he smiled. Claire thought for a second that he'd cry, but he didn't. He only stared at the baby. "I couldn't keep myself when she told me this morning that she's an aunt..."

"You're an uncle." Pauline quipped. "Wait till she starts calling you uncle Bryan."

"I don't know if I should mention it now," Peter said hesitantly. "But...we're sorry for your loss. We used to hear so much about her, it felt terrible to know that she..."

Bryan nodded, acknowledging the condolence. It didn't look like he wanted to talk about it. Claire understood. She didn't want to talk about it either.

"You want to hold her?" Pauline offered. Bryan looked surprised for a moment. Claire knew Pauline wouldn't make that offer to just any man. She had offered him because she knew he could hold babies.

"Uh..." He hesitated, looking at Claire. She nodded and smiled at him. "Okay..." he agreed. He held out his hands as Pauline extended the bundle, carefully placing her in his arms. Bryan held her deftly, cradling her a little.

"Who does she look like?" He asked, smiling.

"She's got my eyes," Peter said fondly. "My wife's hair, I think."

"My nose as well," Pauline grumbled. Bryan smiled down at the baby, as if searching for his daughter in her.

"Did you decide a name?" Claire asked, laughed when Pauline shook her head. Bryan looked at them.

"You haven't decided a name yet?" His eyebrows stood up. Peter laughed.

"We haven't been able to decide," he said sheepishly. "We thought Claire would help us, but...she's having a bad time...so..."

"I do have a name in mind." Claire moved closer to the bed, stopped a little away from Bryan. "But only if Bryan doesn't mind..."

He frowned, confused. "Why would I mind?"

"What name?" Pauline urged. Claire paused, took a deep breath.

"Grace," she let out softly. Bryan stared blankly at her, then looked down at the baby again.

"Grace," he whispered to her. "Do you like your name?"

He laughed when she yawned, her eyes squeezing harder. "She likes it," he said, a fond smile on his face.

"We like it too," Pauline nodded, understanding the poignant significance of the name. Peter came forward, leaned in to kiss his new daughter.

"Grace McFadden," he smiled. Then he looked up and let out a relieved sigh. "Great. We finally have a name for her birth certificate."

Claire laughed, moved closer to Bryan. She touched his arm when she was next to him, looking at his face.

"It's okay with you, right?" she asked softly. "I thought—"

"It's a wonderful way of having Grace live among us forever, I know." He smiled at her and nodded. "I love that you thought that."

He handed the baby back to Pauline, the fond smile still lingering on his face. "I should go now," he said to the new parents. "You'll probably be having a lot of visitors, so..." He looked at Claire. "Want to come together?" he asked.

"Okay." She looked at her brother and his wife. "I'll see you guys in the evening, then?"

"Oh, don't worry," Pauline rolled her eyes. "Go and have some time to yourselves."

Peter hugged Bryan, thanked him for dropping in. He waved goodbye, followed Claire out of the room.

"She's healthy, right?" He asked her once they were out. Claire looked at him, saw the tinge of fear in his eyes.

"Yes. Totally." They'd had all kinds of tests before and after the birth. She was perfectly healthy, no problem there.

"Thank god." He sighed, held her hand as they walked down the passageway. "You know, I've been meaning to talk to you."

"About what?"

He stopped, gazed into her eyes. "I'm sorry about my behaviour the last few weeks," he said quietly. "I wasn't good to you—"

"Bryan, I've told you, it's okay." She held his arms, stroked them through the fabric of his T-shirt. "I can only imagine what you've been going through. You've been grieving..."

"So have you. We should've grieved together, but I pushed you away." He put his hands on her waist, pulled her body close to his. "Mom said you'd been crying really bad at the funeral. And when you came to meet me, I didn't even hug you."

"You were coping with your own grief," she reasoned, trying to deny that she'd felt bad, even if a little. For a moment there, she'd thought it was over between them.

"And you weren't?" He cupped her jaw with a hand, kissed her forehead. "Grace meant so much to you. You meant so much to her. I had my family and friends. But I left you alone to cope with your grief while your brother was busy having a baby."

"Are you here to talk about this?" she sighed.

"I'm here to see you. I didn't mean to isolate you. I just didn't seem to have much control over my actions." He paused, his hand joining the other on her waist. "Is it too late to say...I love you?"

Claire's heart missed a beat. She stared at his face, gulped hard, then shook her head. "I..." She felt herself choking up and was promptly pulled into a warm hug by Bryan. Closing her eyes, she tried to fight the tears.

"I love you, Claire bear," he repeated, stroking her head. "I should've told you so long ago. God, I'm such a dickhead."

Despite herself, Claire laughed. "I love you too," she said. The words seemed to come out of her heart. She'd thought that so many times, probably every day. Had given up hope of ever getting to tell him.

She looked up from his chest, felt his lips on hers the same moment. It felt like ages since they'd last kissed.

"Oh, there's something more," he said. They started to walk again, holding hands. "I'm moving out."

"Huh?" Claire was taken aback. "You're...you're selling?"

He nodded. "I haven't gone back to the house. Cannot make myself to." He laughed bitterly. "It's crazy, right? I mean, I kind of knew this would happen. I'd always think I was prepared. But...I cannot even look at the house anymore."

"Where will you go?"

"I'm looking for a house. I'll just keep a few of Grace's things and give the rest away. Will you help me find a buyer?"

"Sure. It's a nice house. Anyone's going to grab it."

"Yeah. I'm even ready to give it away for free." He laughed again. "I'm living with my parents till I find a house."

"Do you..." She began, not sure if he'd be up for it. "Do you...want to...move in with me?"

"I wouldn't do that to you," he chuckled. Then he left her hand, wrapped his arm around her waist. "It's tempting, but I'm not fit company right now."

"Neither am I. We'll be okay."

"Sure?"

Claire nodded. "You can bring in whatever things you want. There's ample room."

Bryan wasn't listening anymore, was already kissing her. Claire wiped off a stray tear, putting her arms around his neck.

Grace had taught them a lot of things. She'd taught that even the worst of difficulties could be survived with poise and perseverance. That everyone was fighting a harder battle. She'd showed how to be positive, to take the cards you were dealt and do your best. And she'd taught that leaving a legacy was sometimes as simple as holding someone's hand.

And most importantly, she had brought them together.

Claire didn't know what Bryan had been thinking when he'd named her Grace. But she'd sure lived up to it.

"Want to grab lunch?" She asked him, walking out of the hospital. Bryan nodded, putting an arm around her. While they made their way down the sidewalk, Claire heard an airplane above them. She looked up at the sky, spotted an aircraft flying by.

She smiled to herself, putting down her head on Bryan's shoulder as they walked into the beautiful, sunny day.

(Concluded)