All Comments on 'A Treacherous Earthquake'

Firstly..get an editor..mistakes were too numerous and avoidable. Changes of tense and person confused the hell out of me! Read your written work atleast once and see if it makes sense to you…!

Interesting first story! An editor would help.

4

Hope the selfish slut lived in agony for the rest of her life

Thank you for sharing your story. Forget about the complaints of editing.......the fact that you posted a story is good enough. Hope to see more from you in future.

A story that has the epilogue for every character except for the main character (Mireya), it's an incomplete story...3*

Very boring. Just tell the story without stretching it out. Are you unable to do this? Don't write anything else because it sure wasn't a loving wife story.

Where was the question of her cheating. Everything was a bumble fuck of shit.

Stlry was very good.

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ESL shows. Don't let it detract from the story telling.

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A native author would have used different sentences; here we have a more formal translation of the literal Spanish. This actually adds in my opinion, having lived with that culture.

Please get an editor to help you sort out the pronouns that you use in your writing: he, she, him, her etc. English is clearly not your first language so your natural confusion over these pronouns affects the story significantly and that confusion spoils the flow of the narrative and thus the impact of the story.

Rubbish

I really liked the story but I had to stop during the second page and jump to the end to make this comment. Entirely too many instances where you get "he" and "she" confused, "him" and "her", etc. I got tired of going back and re-reading sentences to try to determine what you intended to convey. I suggest you go back and correct all of these mistakes (there are too many to count) then resubmit. The story itself shows promise and I would really like to read it in its entirety. But the way it is now, that is just not possible.

""Gerardo, 24 years old and an amateur runner, had just finished his engineering career."""... That was a VERY SHORT career, imdeed!

""Anonymousabout 5 hours ago

Firstly..get an editor..mistakes were too numerous and avoidable. Changes of tense and person confused the hell out of me! Read your written work atleast once and see if it makes sense to you…!"" I agreed, and had to stop reading after the first page.

The author obviously speaks English as a second language. If I could write as well in any language other than my own I would be very pleased. The English was easily good enough to follow the story, and I have to say the plot was outstanding. On the strength of the plot alone I give this a 5.

What happened to mireya?

A good story but more difficult read due to the constant confusion of "his" and "hers", doubtless an issue arising from English being a second language. You need an editor. Please keep writing as you certainly are a good story teller.

It is a sad story. This is a great start for this author but you do need editor, there are some strange sentences, probably the English thing. Keep on writing.

If you are going to use pronouns please for the love of god get the gender correct!!!!!!

The story is almost impossible to read as you have no idea who is saying or doing anything!

You have scenes where there are only males yet you used 'she' to describe the person!

It's obvious that English is not your first language so I give you extra credit for writing this story. That was a terrible earthquake, I was living in El Paso when that happened and knew someone who lost a family member in Mexico City

Man = his

Woman = hers

Very, very good!

Despite the gender, pronoun and name swapping throughout, it was still a good enough story. A lot was lost in translation but enough came through. Next time please use an editor.

3*

Needs serious editing.

Pretty bad when your own mother takes the cheating wife's side. Lets you know her stance of cheating and would make a son wonder about his own mothers history concerning fidelity. I've know a number of women, even ones who were cheated on by husbands who were OK with other women cheating.

I liked the plot and gave it 5. To use a devastating earthquake as the basis for exposing adultery is an original concept and I applaud that. There were a few twists in the story that appealed to me: Mireya's cheating saved her life but also ruined it (she must at times have wished she had died in the earthquake), and Mario the lothario had a bit of karma come his way.

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The ending for Mireya was sad and poignant, but also realistic. In fact, the story was a refreshing change from hidden cameras, strange cars in driveways, photos on cheater's phones of them screwing each other while saying how they are best fuck ever (are people really that stupid??) and all the other lame, simplistic tropes that overwhelm Loving Wives.

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Obviously, though, the author made a lot of mistakes when using him and her, and it had me re-reading sentences quite a few times to figure out who was talking about whom. However, I'm guessing that Spanish, rather than English, is the author's first language so I can overlook these, and other, mistakes. I also thought the story dragged a little at the end, but I kept reading anyway.

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Thanks from me.

For me, "Mireya's intimacy" or "went furiously covering the entire route" are terms that I have never heard used as synonyms for pussy or love tunnel. But hopefully that will happen. But what is very dramatic, you absolutely have to revise the personnel allocation. Grammatically, the story is a disaster.

One can argue about the content, cheaters are impossible people for me, although your cheater had to pay hard by losing her leg. Since they were never married in church but only in a civil ceremony, one has to consider whether "in good times and in bad" should play a role here! All in all a good start!

The writer needs to know the difference between he and she, between her and him. Also need to keep track of the names. Did the writer read carefully through his story before submission? I think not.

Due to the gross disrespect of readers, to not make an effort to correct small and obvious mistakes, one star!

Congratulations on your first effort. Please consider proofreading before posting and a second set of eyes. The pronoun changes were awful.

Good first story and as one commented an editor would help move the story along better. Trying to figure out whom you were referring to at times, I had to back up a paragraph or two for the name to make sense Also your use of her, he, and him does not match the character you are writing about. I gave it a five for the story line though

I could barely understand this. I'm guessing English is not your first language? An editor would be a good for future stories.

Interesting and unique story, unlike much of the LW work that's the same theme, over and over and over.

Given English is not your primary language, it's a very positive start. Enjoyed the different word patterns, although an editor would help. You get a 5 becasue the story works well, it's a very strong first effort, with enough characterization. Although some emotion would have helped.

Thank You for the effort.

Get an EDITOR, please! He, she, him, her! Who was who? You couldn't keep the genders straight and you were only working with the two God gave us! Who knows what would happen if you tried to include all the new artificial ones! There were numerous other grammatical errors that also affected readability. Lost a couple stars. -- 2☆

Good story, interesting characters. Throughout you use wrong gender pronouns, something I have not seen before. Randomly, you call male characters her and she and female characters he and him. Very confusing at first, then I expected it and adapted. You have skill at story-telling. Keep trying.

What could have been a good story was ruined by confusing writing. I lost interest with the ever-changing context and timelines. Please, if you choose to publish again, get an editor. And, consider chapters.

Good story, please keep writing, don't let the language barrier stop you

Very good job in a language not native to you.

I thought the premise was original. I suspect English is a second language so verb tense and pronoun errors by the author should be forgiven.

Keep writing and expressing.

I cannot understand the bizarre pronoun issue. Spanish has same pair (el & ella) as does English (his & her) respectively, with the same word placement protocol. Not true of adjectives and adverbs, but that was not much of a problem. I think it was just plain carelessness, which happens in all languages… with really catastrophic problems in computer languages! Who the fuck was Armando, only referenced in the elementary school. Probably more carelessness re: Alberto! As best I can imagine, there is no monetary reward in LIT for how soon an author submits a ‘finished’ first draft.

2*

This story was very confusing. The husband was a controlling dirtbag. He kept his injured wife isolated and on the hook while he worked on her replacement. What she did was aweful, but what he did may have been worse.

Kinda gave me a headache as it was all over the place. Had to stop.

Nice story, but: for a "short story," way too much detail. And, what's with the confusion over 3rd person pronouns?

Too much trouble with constantly switching his and hers. Had to stop and think about errors instead of story

Needs an editor and proofreading. You confused the proper use of gender pronouns. ‘She’ instead of ‘he’ or vice versa. Sometimes you used ‘he’ and ‘she’ for the same person in the same sentence even.

Nice story.but I do not understand you using him for her and her for him.

I understood what you were saying. Why you got the genders backwoods is unknown. The fact you wrote this in English was amazing . You could us a editor or a computer to check on you sentence structure. Keep writing

An interesting tale which I enjoyed. I thought that you built the complexities of the lives of your main characters in a difficult situation well. I found the honourable behaviour of Gerardo reassuring and true to the character you were writing. I found your he/she and his/her switches confusing at first but this seems to be a natural error for a Spanish speaker (so my wife, who speaks Spanish, tells me) and it did not interfere with my understanding once I got used to it. Please don't stop writing or submitting your stories to Literotica. Thank you.

Not great, confusing use of him insteD of her and vice versa made this hard to read. No confrontation of any consequence, no reasons as to why, very unsatisfying to read. Lots of pre amble and waffle padding what could haven an interesting tale.

Romance language speakers may have trouble with English gender pronouns, it appears. Extremely disconcerting and confusing to have people switching gender randomly.

Hard to read with the confusion of his/her being constant.

This was super hard to read, and I had to stop after two pages. What's up with all those nested sentences, containing way too much unnecessary information? Why do your characters keep switching genders? It's confusing and having to re-read entire paragraphs, just to make sense of them, is not fun.

This was a really interesting story, well written for what i'm guessing is a mental translation to english.

It is unfortunate that it is limited by the translation, and even more so that I am incapable of reading it is spanish as it should be,

Thank you for writing it, and sharing it in english for us.

Good story, but it severely needs an editor. Edited with some limited rewrite (too much flat, rolling dialogue), this is a top-100 story on this site. 4/5.

Too difficult to read. The genders and tense of the sentence structure is corrupted. Couldn't get past page two.

Sounds like it might have been interesting, but I can't do broken second hand English. Sorry.

It seems inappropriate to criticize a story so well conceived because it was written by a bilingual (at least) author who is for that reason alone much more intelligent and accomplished than me. The plot and the characters were interesting and believable, as was the adultery and the consequences. Everyone, except maybe for Geraedo's mother, conducted themselves with dignity and logic. Why his mother felt a grudge for the woman who resurrected her son's marriage and family potential did not make sense, but added that cultural anomaly of pride or sympathy for the whore ex wife. It almost makes you wonder if his mother could identify in some way with her whore daughter in law. Regardless, it was a very interesting and compelling story. Thank you for your effort and your talent.

Interesting plot. Although infidelity is difficult for me to forgive, Mireya paid too high of a price with the amputation. Would have been much a better story if that was toned down to a serious injury. That was medieval. All the backwards his/her and he/she was confusing at times. Something to work on. ⭐⭐⭐

This story was not really for this site. If we look at it from that point, it was boring.

Sorry you still have scars from that catastrophe. I am not going to give you any star for this1

Mireya is described as beeing extremly hormonal imbalanced. You could say nymphomanic. Therefore I don't hate her that much.

I expected to read that Mireya commited suicide and I am happy not to read it. However, I would really like to know what happend to her.

Reading between the lines folks is a given for this fantastic story. For someone who's first language is not English, I think it turned out very well. I gave 5 fantastic stars for a fantastic effort. Thank you.

Great story. 5 Stars.

Mireya was unfit for marriage and her high sex drive is no excuse to cheat. Men especially young men have high libidos and learn to control it and they recieve no empathy from anyone so Mireya will get none from me the dirty cunt. Gerardo treated Mireya fairly and got his happy ever after for being a good man.