All Comments on 'A Twist of the Fates Ch. 02'

Slow down a bit imo. Add some more detail to flesh out the scenes would be nice-feels far t9o much lIke a monologue. Otherwise, doing good.

I agree that even with a promising start, things are too compressed. For example, it's been roughly 16 years so Jenna is 30 or 34, depending on whether we're counting from when they met or when she became "of age." It appears she's in the military, but that's the point: why make us guess why she was in Afghanistan? Given the possible dangers to Jenna, what are we to make of Stephen giving no indication of watching out for or over her?

You have indicated that picking and choosing what to tell is very much Stephen's (and your) dilemma. That challenge won't go away, but you need not only to empathize with your characters, but also with your readers to better understand what we want/need to know.

Good start in the first chapter but now I think the characters need more "flesh" so to say! Especially with Jenna turning and Daphne about to come of age.