A User Manual for Your New Massager

You are clearly someone with impeccable taste. You've purchased a precision-crafted device capable of providing thousands of hours of pleasure. To ensure maximum enjoyment, please follow these instructions.

1. Find the right time.

When you examine your dark blue semi-transparent silicone massager, your heart may race. You may want to try it immediately. For best results, wait for the perfect night. Wait until you have the house to yourself. Wait until the streets are silent. Wait until the moon is full and stars fill the sky. When the right time arrives, proceed to the next step.

2. Find the right place.

Turn down the lights. Go to a place that belongs only to you. It may be a bath of hot water and soothing salts, or beneath the comforter of your four-post bed.

But you may decide your bearskin rug would be irresistibly soft on your naked skin. You've made an excellent choice. If there's a fireplace next to the rug, light it. Surround yourself with fragrant candles — jasmine, cinnamon, musk, citrus. Inhale.

3. Undress.

Remove your blouse and pants. In only your underwear, stand before your full-length mirror. Amber candlelight may sparkle in your eyes. Place your favorite velvet choker around your neck. Run your fingers along the graceful arch of your collarbone. Pull the pin from your chignon. Your brunette hair may tumble over your porcelain shoulders. Your beauty may take your breath away.

Your lace bra may barely conceal your erect nipples. Unhook the bra. Let it fall. Press your soft breasts together. Nothing is as perfect. Hook your thumbs within the waistband of your fine lace panties. Push them below your hips. They will float to the floor like a petal from a rose. Your neatly trimmed pubic hair cannot hide your aroused labia.

Recline on your bearskin rug, naked but for your velvet choker. Inhale the fragrance from the candles. Let the fire warm you.

4. Meet your new massager.

As you relax on your rug, examine your massager's controls. Your massager has a single button. Press once to turn your massager on. Press and hold to increase the intensity. Higher intensities may startle you. Start slow. When you've found a comfortable setting, proceed to the next step.

5. Introduce your massager to your body.

Part your legs. You may find that you're already wet. Draw the tip of your massager over your vulva. Touching the massager to your clitoral hood may send shivers of pleasure throughout your body. Hold it there. You may moan. The sensation may surprise you. Do not panic. This is normal.

6. Use your other hand.

While your massager stimulates your clitoris, use your other hand to caress your delicate feminine curves. Find one of your taut nipples. Tease it. Roll it between your thumb and forefinger. Slowly move your hand from your breast. Abandoned, your nipple may still beg for attention, but your need to be filled is stronger. Reach around your massager until you touch your labia. Your outer lips may swell and part like the opening of an exquisite flower. Notice how warm, how damp, how moist you've become. Tease yourself. Slowly work your forefinger between your inner lips. Raise your knees and spread them apart. With your middle finger, touch the tender bud of your anus. Your forefinger may slide deeper into your warm, wet vagina. When you find your G-spot, stroke it. The massager may cause your finger to vibrate inside you. It may feel thrilling.

7. Increase the intensity.

To increase the intensity, hold your massager's button. The sensation on your exposed clitoris may be intoxicating. You may hear your heart beating in your ears. As your breathing becomes more rapid, your nostrils may flare. Your breasts may heave. Your fingers may make wet slapping sounds. Continue stroking your G-spot. Continue fingering your anus. Do not stop. You are close now, very close. An ember burns deep inside. Your skin is damp with sweat. Hold your breath. An inexorable passion will overtake you. It cannot be contained. A visceral pleasure in your very core. A desperate ecstasy. An uncontrollable climax. An undeniable release. You may realize that you're screaming. It's okay. You needed this, needed it so bad. Scream again.

8. Cleaning and charging.

Clean your massager with soap and warm water. To recharge, store your massager in its discreet case and plug it into any power outlet.

Thank you for your purchase. Your new massager — saving the world, one orgasm at a time.