A Vital Appreciation Pt. 03

The angry man got up in Ray's face and yelled, "Leave her alone!"

Ray recalled Grandma McClatchy's reference to his house as a 'she.' He leaned back to avoid the spray of spittle and said "Listen man, she's mine and I'll do what I want with her!"

This enraged the bald man and he shoved Ray back. "She's MINE and you don't love her!"

Ray was confused and getting really angry. "No, she's mine, and I love her a lot!"

The bald guy took roundhouse swing at Ray and missed. Ray put his head down and tackled the man. They fell to grass embraced and rolled down down the short hill to the sidewalk. Both were struggling and grunting, but neither was landing solid punches

"Who is paying you to do this!" yelled Ray.

"How long have you been fucking with her!" shouted the bald guy.

"I bought her, I can do whatever I want!" shouted Ray.

"You bought her! How dare you!"

"Fuck you! You jackass!"

"Fuck you!"

The fight ended quickly with both men panting and red-faced, flat on their backs.

Ray rolled up on his elbow and looked at the other guy. "I'm getting to old for this... Who ARE you anyway?"

The bald man sat up, put his arms over his knees and spat out grass. He said, "My name is Amar. That woman you're fucking is my wife."

Ray squinted at Amar and said, "Brooke is your WIFE?"

Amar looked confused. "No, Janessa is my wife!"

"Who? I don't know a Janessa." said Ray, massaging his chin.

Amar dug into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled scrap of paper. He tossed it Ray, and said, "Then how do you explain this?"

Ray looked at the library slip and it dawned on him where it came from. He handed it back to Amar and said, "I'm sorry, man. I met your wife at the library. She helped me do some research on my house. I haven't seen her since. I am certainly NOT fucking her."

Amar looked defeated. He slumped over on his side.

------

Tony Cucina pounded his little fist on the big mahogany desk. "God damn it!"

"I don't get it either," apologized Oscar. "I've been trashing that whole neighborhood for weeks, but these people keep cleaning up after me and they're just not selling."

Tony glared at Oscar and said flatly, "I think you need to do more. Get some help. Get physical. Make it dangerous for them."

"But the police..." offered Oscar.

"I don't care about the police!" yelled Tony.

"Don't you have an 'in' on the city council?" asked Oscar.

"Forget about those guys. They move too slow. Now get out of here!" said Tony as he waved off Oscar dismissively, and punched a button on his desk.

A few seconds later, Tony's topless secretary came in with Julia in tow, and brushed by Oscar on the way out. They stood in front of Tony's desk waiting.

Addressing Julia, Tony said "So, I hear you got a new tattoo. Did I give you permission to to get a new tattoo? I run a high-class joint here. I don't want any tatted up skanks working the floor. Lemme see what you got."

"It is very nice, sir," offered the topless secretary whose only body art was a logo for Cooch's Show Club on her right tit. Tony glared at her in response.

Julia furrowed her brow and paused a few seconds before pulling her T-shirt defiantly over her head. Her tits bobbed pleasantly and her under boob tattoo was on full display.

Tony raised his eyebrows and his demeanor softened. "Say, that ain't bad," he said.

Julia, still defiant, said, "Tony, what I do with my body is MY business! If you don't like it, you can shove this job."

"W, w, wait a minute," said Tony suddenly trying to placate Julia. He hopped up and came around the desk and said, "Listen, I see now... you have pretty good taste. That tattoo looks real...er... classy. So, you can stay. I've got good taste too. So, maybe you can run new tattoo ideas past me? You know, in the future?"

"Fat chance, dickhead." said Julia as she turned and left the room in a huff.

Tony's face hardened again as his eyes followed Julia out the door. He turned and saw is topless secretary still standing by his desk, wondering what to do. "Go on, get out of here!" he said sternly.

-----

"You're thinking about this all wrong," said Ray. "Women want romance. Women need to be appreciated."

Amar took a sip of lemonade and said, "What you mean? I appreciate her. I love her."

The two men sat in the yard in lawn chairs under a cheap patio umbrella. After the earlier altercation in the front yard and a better understanding between them, Ray was sympathetic and had invited Amar back to have a drink and a little conversation.

"What I mean is this, " said Ray, "Janessa, was super helpful with my research. I really appreciated her help. I bet she treats you the same way. The thing is, you gotta SEE her. You gotta HEAR her....

"You talk like a woman." scoffed Amar.

Ray continued anyway, "Maybe I've had more experience in this stuff, but I gotta say, you should be honored to be with this lady. This isn't about responsibility. Those are table stakes. You need to step up your game with the emotional stuff."

Amar looked overwhelmed, so Ray took a swig of beer and leaned in. "Listen, here's what we'll do."

Over the next hour the two men hatched a plan to win back Janessa's affection, and get their love life back on track. In the end, Amar agreed that it was worth a try.

Amar held up his glass and said, "Thank you, my friend. I am truly sorry for attacking you earlier. I guess I was just crazy." He looked around the yard and the back of the house, noticing the peeling paint and dented gutters. "Say, you need any help around here? I have many friends in the trades," Amar offered.

Ray took a swig and said, "Nah, I'm retired on a military pension, so I've got the time. I think I can handle most of it." He paused, screwed up his brow and added. "Although... the entire neighborhood is having a problem with some troublemaker who is trying to get us all to move out."

"A bald guy in a beat up pickup?" asked Amar. "Yeah I heard about him."

-----

Ray always enjoyed the appreciative stares he got when the old green 340 Duster rumbled through the city. It took him back in time, before the Army, when everything was bright and hopeful. He was never big on nostalgia, but the car made him feel young again. He glanced over at Brooke and realized she was part of the equation. He reached over and patted her hand affectionately.

Brooke had finally decided on a new paint color for the bedroom. So they were headed for the big box hardware store to pick up a couple gallons. She smiled pleasantly back at Ray.

"Janessa's husband came by yesterday," said Ray.

"Who?" asked Brooke.

"Janessa, you know, the librarian?" he said.

"Oh," her eyes narrowed. "What did he want?" she asked indifferently.

"Well, he wanted to beat me up because he thought I was fucking his wife," said Ray.

"What!" said Brooke suddenly alarmed. She twisted in her seat, waiting for more information.

Ray held up his hand in a calming fashion and said, "Don't worry. Just a huge misunderstanding. We worked it out. Nobody got hurt."

Brooke twisted back facing forward in her seat and stewed for a few minutes as they drove on. "Ray," she said, "I know you didn't sleep with this woman, but I need you to know I worry about things like that. I see women flirt with you, women I don't know, and I feel... I don't know,... like I'm not in control."

Ray looked over at Brooke and said, "Brooke, I love you. I wouldn't do anything, ever, to lose what we have. Trust me."

Brooke nodded because she DID trust Ray but was a little choked up. They drove on in silence for a couple miles.

"Honey," said Ray, "His name is Amar, and he's a really good guy. He's offered to help me with a little project."

Brooke turned to Ray and sniffled. "What's that?"

Ray downshifted and braked as they came to a stop. He turned to Brooke and said, "We're calling it our 'community beautification' plan."

-----

At nightfall, Oscar drove his truck into the neighborhood. He pulled up to the curb and put on a vintage WWII rubber gas mask he had picked up at the Army Surplus store. He exited the truck, walked around to the back and dropped the tailgate. He turned the valve on a 55 gallon drum and let liquid dribble off the back of the trunk. He turned away in disgust as a powerful odor, as potent as skunk shit, assaulted his senses-- even with the gas mask. He had found a recipe for 'stink' on the Internet and thought it could add some incentive for these homeowners to move.

He hopped back into the truck, glad to be away from that awful smell, and gleefully rubbed his hands together as he saw his plan coming together. He stripped off the mask and started his engine. He figured it would take him about 5 blocks, driving slowly to drain the drum. Barring a torrential rain, the smell would last for days. He didn't make it one block.

A single man, with a cloth mask covering his nose and mouth, stood in the center of the street, illuminated only by Oscar's headlights. He was holding a baseball bat. Oscar put his truck into reverse but when he looked back, a barricade with yellow flashing lights was behind him. There were dark figures milling around in the street behind the barricade. Suddenly, both of his doors were yanked open. Arms reached in and Oscar was pulled out of the truck. He watched in horror as his keys were pulled out of the steering column and thrown into the dark.

Oscar struggled, but someone had zip-tied his wrists together. The mob drug him along the pavement to the back of the truck and roughly deposited him under the dripping drum of stink. In the distance police sirens could be heard, and for the first time in his life, he was actually glad they were coming. The man with the mask stepped out of the crowd and opened the valve on the drum to full, dowsing the zip-tied trouble maker with the most god-awful shit on earth. As Oscar retched and puked, the crowd faded into the darkness. When the police arrived, they found only the putrid smelling man sitting under a dripping 55 gallon drum and an old woman who had watched the show from a lawn chair on the sidewalk. When questioned she said defiantly, "I don't know shit!"

Two blocks away, Ray turned to Amar and held out his hand. "Thank you, Amar, to you and your family helping us out."

As he shook Ray's hand, Amar said in his accented English, "Is what friends are for, yes?"

-----

Ray sat in a web-strapped lawn chair in his back yard, soaking up the sun from a cloudless sky. He wore cargo shorts and flip-flops but no shirt. He rolled his head to the right to even out the tan on his face and saw Tony Cucina's topless secretary floating in a baby pool. He watched her for a bit. He still didn't know her name, but the he was appreciative that the Cooch's logo tattooed on her right tit had been covered with an elaborate floral design. She seemed happy.

"Ray, can I give you more potato salad?" asked Janessa.

Pushing his sunglasses back, he looked up at the handsome woman and patted his stomach. "Oh, no, thank you, Janessa. I'm about to bust."

Amar was sitting at the patio table gnawing on a lamb kabob nearby and added, "Is good!"

"Oh, I know, Amar. Maybe too good!" replied Ray. He watched Janessa's bathing suit-covered ass waggle back to the patio table. She set down the bowl she was carrying, tilted Amar's head back with her finger tips and gave him a deep, heartfelt kiss. They both gazed at each other with smiles on their faces.

Leaning forward, Ray watched Brooke and her stripper friends playing some sort of beach volleyball in the sprinkler. He wasn't sure what the object of the game was, but watching nubile, wet women in bikinis bouncing up and down---well, he found that very compelling.

"Is VERY good, yeah?" said Amar enthusiastically.

Ray glanced over to the patio table. Amar had a goofy grin on his face and Janessa punched him in the shoulder with mock displeasure. Then she ran her hand over his bald head, hooked his neck and gave another passionate kiss.

The sound of thunder rolled up the alley, echoing off the brick homes of their block. A few minutes later, Toad and his crew entered the yard from the back gate. Brooke squealed and left the wet volleyball game to run over and give the big biker a hug. Ray reached in his cooler, pulled out a bottle and waved his friend over. Toad ambled over and sat in the chair next to Ray. The clinked bottles and both took long draws of ice cold beer.

"We did a number on 'the Cooch' didn't we?" Ray said smiling.

"Yes, we did, brother," said Toad.

"His hired trouble maker gave him up. Now he's facing all kinds of fraud charges. I heard he had sell his club to cover the legal fees. Cooch's Show Club is closed-- which is why I now have strippers dancing around a sprinkler in my back yard." said Ray, "Hah! I call that ironic."

Toad gazed at the semi-nude women hopping around and said casually, "Temporarily."

"Huh?" said Ray, "You mean they're not closed for good?"

Toad shook his head and said, "New owners."

Ray leaned forward and asked, "No way. WHO?"

Toad grinned and said, "The El Proscritos" He looked at the girls and laughed. "Now, they all work for me."

"Congratulations, my friend," said Ray. "That suits you. I think you'll make a good place."

"Well, you're welcome any time," said Toad. "If you want a job, I could use a talent scout."

Ray closed his eyes and imagined the drudgery of having a regular job, even if it involved auditioning naked women every day. "No," said Ray. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm pretty happy doing nothing."

To this, the big biker nodded and settled back in his chair. One of the girls left the volleyball game and sat on Toad's lap. She looked comfortable in the arms of the big biker, like that was where she was always meant to be.

"Hey Ray!" called Brooke. "Can you come here a minute?"

Brooke was standing near the back door with a woman he had not met. Ray hopped up from his chair and trotted over. "What's up?" he asked.

The two girls exchanged a knowing glance and Brooke said, "Ray, I want you to meet my girlfriend, Julia."

Ray scanned back and forth between the women and then offered his hand to Julia. The girl said, "Hello handsome" before Ray could speak. As Julia shook his hand, Ray caught a look from her that was hard to describe. Hunger maybe?

Brooke continued, "Julia has asked me to share my work with you, and to get your thoughts about future... additions."

"Oh, the girl with the tattoo!" said Ray suddenly realizing what Brooke was talking about. Then his brow furrowed and he said, "But, I thought it was 'intimate'...."

"Shush," said Brooke as she put her arm in his. "We have a lot to show you. And, your active participation is...essential." She had a devious, salacious grin.

Julia took his other arm and put it over her shoulder. She snuggled in tight. Ray could feel her breath on his bare skin and her boob pressing into him.

Ray glanced around at his friends. Amar and Janessa were embraced passionately and oblivious to the world. Toad simply gave him a thumbs up as the two women led Ray into the house, arm-in-arm.

-----

Grandma McClatchy hobbled around the yard in a loose fitting house dress that was yawned open at the front. Her basket was filled with produce from the community garden. She interrupted the bikers clustered near the volley ball game with "Who wants my tomatoes? They all politely declined.

The old woman wandered away muttering to herself, "Can't GIVE these fuckers away."