A Wedding and a Funeral Pt. 02

Maybe that's why I bought something extra for him, besides the usual aftershave, it was a shirt from Myer, horribly overpriced of course! Stan got a shirt too but it was from Kmart, his favourite store by far, mum got perfume and a care pack and because the pack was on special I got one for Emma as well. With the essentials out of the way I just had to buy for extended family and friends, but that was something I could space out over the next week.

The visit to dad's place was something I'd been putting off for months, and that had a lot to do with the changes that had been occurring over the last few months but I'll get to that next.

***

This next part is hard to write, but you'll find that out soon enough. As I mentioned, dad had moved to Eltham shortly after he and mum separated, and joined a happy clappy church. The Charismatics are loosely aligned with the Pentecostals, which are both American imports. The latter aren't quite as radical as the Charismatics, who believe in literal casting out of demons, such as cancer and other illnesses. The Pentecostals believe in the power of the Holy Spirit to perform miracles but both have a belief in speaking in tongues. I remember going to a service once when I stayed at his place, I was about fourteen at the time, and when everyone started babbling in tongues and falling down into a dead faint I broke down in tears and ran outside.

Dad of course thought it was because I'd been overwhelmed by the power of the Spirit, there was some truth in that, I was overwhelmed but it was with fear, not love. He never raised the subject again after mum threatened to modify the access arrangements to keep me at home on Sunday, I eventually went back to that church, but when they did their speaking in tongues thing I went to the kitchen to help make the coffees and teas.

Dad and Hannah had been married for five years, she was a good twenty years younger than him, which made her two years older than me. I had nothing against Hannah personally, but I agreed with mum that she was a bit of a bimbo. She smiled a lot, used, "praise Jesus," as punctuation, and said that Jesus was coming again. However, Hannah was the main breadwinner. She had her own accountancy business, dad was a minister at their church and that gave them some extra money, but the house was in her name. I'd never known how to take her to be honest, she's got brains but when it comes to her life outside work she can come across as shallow.

Dad was a little quieter when I dropped in after church, and at first I thought he was ill.

"I'm fine, sweetheart, never been better. It's been a hard couple of months."

"Two of our ministers have been off sick," Hannah broke in, "John's got cancer, praise Jesus, but the Lord will show his power, praise Jesus."

"I'm sure he will," I fought the urge to smile, "what about the other minister?"

"Don's taking a sabbatical," dad replied.

I had uncomfortable memories of Donald McIntyre, the older man who 'specialised' in praying for women, which in his case, involved putting his hands on them. Every time he saw me he gave me a hug that felt as if he was about to grope me.

A sabbatical however sounded somewhat suspicious and I wondered privately if someone hadn't lodged a complaint, it wouldn't be the first time. One of their other ministers was caught with his pants around his knees, literally, by his wife who became his ex wife and left the church. He was forced to take a sabbatical but was allowed back a few months later, after spending time with the Lord. She was declared an exile who had blasphemed the Holy Spirit, which in the Christian world is an unforgivable sin. If that sounds like something out of the Deep South you're right, cue banjo music! But I'd learned to keep my mouth shut, and so we sat and talked. Dad seemed to be a bit more easygoing. There were no impromptu mini sermons, he seemed interested in my deal with Robyn and when I said I was back in contact with Emma, he didn't seem to care that his daughter was seeing her lesbian friend again. In the past he'd warn me against the evils of homosexuality, although at the age of eighteen it tended to fall on deaf ears.

It left me with the distinct feeling that I'd missed some vital clue, but I'll get back to that later on. First let me get back to the last few days before Christmas.

Annalisa and Rachel came back from their honeymoon on Wednesday the 21st and by then there was a skeleton staff at work, the courts had heard their last cases on the 16th. Because I was the last person to be hired that year I was still there when Annalisa came into the office. She looked relaxed and greeted me with a smile and held out a gift bag with a French name on it.

"Happy Holidays, where is everybody?"

"Most of them are at home, but they're on call in case a client needs a lawyer, thanks for the gift," I peered inside at the wrapped presents.

"You're welcome, so, you drew the short straw this year."

"Something like that," I replied as she signed in, "how was your honeymoon?"

"I could've stayed a week or two longer. Scandinavia was looking tempting but we spent too much time in Germany and then Rachel had to go to Poland," she clicked the mouse.

"We saw Auschwitz too."

"How was it?"

"Sad, depressing, but it's a place you should visit at least once," she folded her arms.

"But how've you been?"

"Okay, my Christmas shopping is all done, a few more days and it's all over. You fancy going for lunch today?"

"I have to mind the reception, it's just me today."

"Don't worry about that, we'll hang a sign on the door, I've got to go and see Nicola," she held up another bag, "I promised her some French perfume."

She headed up the corridor to see Nicola and I got back to work, but a few hours later Nicola came through with Annalisa.

"Take a break," she inclined her head, "I'll mind the desk."

"That was generous of her," I glanced at Annalisa as we headed away from the office.

"Nicola's bark is worse than her bite, she likes you. The legal secretary we had before you used to phone in sick every second or third Monday, she had every excuse under the book but we all knew it was self inflicted. Michael was told over and over again to deal with her, but he's too soft and so it was left up to Nicola to read the riot act," she slowed for the pedestrian lights.

"She handed in her months notice a few weeks later," she glanced at me, "nice suit."

I glanced down at the black three-piece skirt suit.

"Thanks, Robyn made it."

"Oh, so you're hooked now," she pressed the button.

"She made me her new model, I get free clothes."

"Well, well, well," she looked me up and down, "good for you."

"Thanks but I feel a bit guilty though."

"Why? Plenty of women would walk over the top of you to get that same deal, me included."

"I guess because I barely know her."

"And that means what? She seems like a thoroughly decent woman, she tells it like it is, what we call a straight shooter back home."

"I've been seeing a bit of Saoirse too," I glanced at her as the lights changed.

"And?"

"I like her, but I have my doubts."

My doubts came out over a lunch of Thai food. Despite the fact I'd seen her the last two Saturdays I felt as if she was just humouring me. Saoirse had a degree of sophistication that I could never match in a hundred years, which was why I was starting to think more about Emma.

"I don't know Emma but Saoirse plays her cards close, she won't show a thing until she's sure that it's going to go the distance. She's told you about Ling?"

"Yeah, she has. I haven't judged her for it, but it's not the way I'd do things."

"Maybe not, but I understand it, I've done the same myself. I had a woman back in California that I had an arrangement with, she lived on the other side of town. She was married to a guy but once a week she had business on my side of town, and she always had a long business lunch. It was a shitty way of doing things but it worked for both of us, until it didn't."

"What happened?"

"She started talking about leaving her husband and I suddenly got cold feet. If she could cheat on her husband with me, how soon before she cheated on me with someone else? Fate stepped in and I got accepted for a job here, so there you have it, the confessions of a cheater," she smiled.

"She's invited me to one of those women who talk meetings too, they've wrapped up for the year but the next meeting is the last week of January."

"She's told me about it once or twice. It's got me curious, maybe I'll come along too."

She propped on her palm.

"So, about the other thing, by the sounds of things you've admitted to something, am I right?"

"I have, I just don't know what to do about it. Nathan and I hardly talk these days, in fact I think he's seeing someone else now and that's fine by me, but it's a big step."

"It is, if you let it get to you, but it's a first step. You might get with a girl and decide it's not for you and that's fine, it's not for everyone. It's about letting go of your fear, it starts with a kiss, but where it ends is up to you, don't feel the need to finish just because you started it. That's what I love about women, they aren't about to overpower you, granted they can try to overwhelm you with words," she grinned.

"And when it comes to Saoirse, just see where it leads, she might stay a friend or it might develop into something else, the same goes for Emma. Be prepared to adjust your perspective, women are the ultimate expression of evolution. It's in our DNA, we create life inside ourselves and nurture it to childbirth, we evolve into mothers after that and then grandmothers. We raise children, build a home, maintain a career and manage to have time for friends and other interests. Men on the other hand struggle to focus on one thing at a time."

Wise words indeed.

Christmas Day, 2016 is memorable for two reasons. The first I've already mentioned, I was starting to question my sexual orientation. Nathan told me at the carols by candlelight service on Christmas Eve that he was seeing, Brigitte, a woman who'd been coming to the young adults group for six months. I merely shrugged and wished him well, kissed his cheek and gave him his present, a bottle of body wash, aftershave and deodorant. He gave me nothing.

The second reason is that it was the last Christmas with dad, but I'll get to that shortly. In the past I had spent every Christmas day with mum, apart from when I was fourteen, when she'd let me stay there for five days. The results were catastrophic. I liked going there to see him for a few hours but three whole days was too much, it didn't help that poor Hannah tried desperately to make me feel at home. I'd been planning that Christmas day for six weeks, imagining mum's face when she opened the present I'd bought her with my pocket money. I sulked in my room, ignored visitors and in no small way made it very clear that I wasn't happy with the arrangement. It got so bad that dad rang mum on Boxing Day and begged her to take me back. Thus, a five day stay with dad morphed into three days. Mum admitted she was wrong two days later and from then on we stuck to the original format of two to three hours with dad.

Having said that, Christmas day with dad wasn't that bad. I had Christmas dinner at home with mum, Stan and our mystery guest. Every year we invited someone who didn't have anywhere to go on Christmas day, it was either a friend from school or one of mum's friends who'd lost a partner. It had become our thing, that year she'd invited a friend from her gym class, Maria, she had recently immigrated from Brazil but had no family here. Last year it'd been my turn and I invited one of my friends from Tafe, Oksana from Ukraine.

Maria was pleasant company, very polite and only a few years older than me. She spoke Portuguese as her first language, Spanish as her second and English as her third. She seemed to personify all the things I associate with Brazil, sophistication, sexual desire, and assertiveness, I was enthralled with her but eventually mum suggested I go and see dad.

"Before the rain starts falling."

It'd been threatening to rain for the last few hours, it'd been raining on the Peninsula and Geelong but the rain was yet to reach us, but it was moving slowly northwards. Oddly enough, mum had a present for dad, a men's toiletries pack, shower gel, aftershave and deodorant. It was the first time she'd given him any Christmas presents since their separation. Don't get me wrong, they didn't hate each other, but there was no love lost between them. I'd characterise it as quiet contempt.

"It was one of those two for one purchases," she explained as she walked me to the door, "I bought it for Maria's boyfriend, but they just broke up and so I was left with a spare gift."

"I didn't know she'd broken up with her boyfriend," I murmured.

"I wouldn't shed any tears because she isn't," she opened the door and peered through the flywire door, "ooh, looks like the rain has just started."

I stared down at a few wet spots on the path leading to the verandah.

"I won't be long, mum."

"Hey, he's your dad. Stay as long as you like," she gave me a quick hug, "drive safely and call me before you leave too."

I thought about Maria on the way to dad's house in Eltham. She was an attractive woman with long black hair and a brown complexion. She'd noticed my outfit, a red dress Robyn had made and when I told her where I'd bought it she wanted to check out the website. I found myself fantasizing about meeting her again, in a more romantic setting. I was so engrossed in my fantasy that it took me a few extra seconds to realise the red light had turned green. The driver behind me blasted his horn, Melbourne drivers are the rudest, according to Annalisa and Saoirse. I took off in a hurry, a little bit embarrassed, it was almost as if the driver had been able to read my mind.

It wasn't until I pulled into the driveway that I finally realised why I felt embarrassed. My desire for Maria had felt so natural it was almost as if I'd always been that way inclined. Was it something I'd suppressed? Or was it the result of a gradual evolution? The jury was out on that one.

As was the case a few days ago, dad was quite easygoing and almost seemed normal. Hannah was a bit stressed out because someone had stolen one of her white dresses along with underwear.

"I distinctly remember hanging that dress up on the clothesline," she complained, "I went out to get the chicken for today, but when I came back it was gone along with my underwear."

"Must've been a snowdropper," dad replied.

A snowdropper is someone with a ladies underwear fetish who steals it from clotheslines and takes it back home, for reasons only they can explain.

"I was going to wear that dress today though," she grumbled.

Little did I know that dress and the underwear would make a dramatic reappearance but I was just trying to be polite and relaxed. Dad was also eager to show me the present Hannah had given him, a fishing rod kit.

"Hannah's been on at me to take some time out, so it looks like I'm going fishing."

"Cool, don't forget the fishing licence."

"My daughter, the lawyer," he grinned.

"I'm a legal secretary at the moment, but I'll be a paralegal soon."

"I'm so proud of you," he gave me a half hug, "you've done so well for yourself."

"Thanks dad," I sat down on the couch, "how was church?"

"It was... wonderful," he replied, "what's this?"

He was looking at the present I'd held out for him.

"It's from mum."

"Oh," he took it reverently, "this is unexpected."

"I know," I replied and stared at Hannah, who was bringing coffee and cake over on a tray.

Dad's eyes lit up when he opened the present.

"Old Spice," he murmured, "she remembered."

"Huh?"

"When we first met in a café, I was wearing Old Spice and she used to say that was one thing that she remembered vividly. She worked as an office girl in a factory, she said I was the best smelling man in the café," he winked at Hannah.

"You still are," she set the tray down, "a pity you couldn't come for Christmas dinner."

"Maybe next year," I smiled.

"I'll leave you two alone," she backed away, "I've got to finish the washing up."

We sat drinking coffee and eating cake for the better part of half an hour. He didn't talk much, but he asked a lot of questions, some of which I didn't know how to answer. Like when I told him that Nathan and I had broken up. He wanted to know how I was feeling, which was odd because he had always kind of brushed over my feelings. For him it was all about loving Jesus and giving it all to Jesus, in fact Jesus was the answer to every single problem, but that day he didn't mention Jesus once. After about half an hour he excused himself and went into the office and came back with his camera bag and a brown A4-sized envelope.

"I've got something extra for you," he put the bag next to my handbag, "I'm not using it anymore, so I thought I'd give it to you."

"Dad," my eyes widened, "you can't do that. You only bought it eighteen months ago."

"I know, and I used to use it all the time but I've lost interest in photography. Maybe you'll take it up in the future," he patted the case, "it's an extra Christmas present, but I do need you to post this for me," he touched the envelope, "today."

"Oh," I nudged my glasses, "today?"

"Yes please, it's already got a stamp on it, just stick it in a post box on the way home."

"It's addressed to a lawyer?" I squinted at the name and address, "is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine," he leaned back in his seat and nodded at the camera case, "trust me, it's all going to be just fine."

A moment later I took out the camera. It was a Canon DSLR, I'd admired it when he first bought it eighteen months previously, but it seemed odd that he'd suddenly decide to give it away but I was younger then. Nowadays I recognise it for what it is, a warning sign.

When dad hugged me at the door an hour or so later he said something I'll never forget.

"If you try to please everybody, nobody will like you, be yourself and fuck the rest of them."

I stared into his eyes as we let go of each other. Dad had never said that word before, but he winked and squeezed my arm, "it's okay, I'm okay."

I posted the letter on the way back home but when mum saw the camera, as well as the perfume he had bought me for Christmas she frowned.

"Hasn't he just bought that camera?"

"Yeah, eighteen months ago," I replied, "he's lost interest in photography."

"Weird," she shook her head, "he's always been like a bloody volcano. You never know when he's going to erupt, Emma called in to see you earlier. I thought she would've texted you."

"The phone did beep but I was driving," I took it out of my bag and read the message.

"She wants me to take her up to Warbie on Boxing day, she's house sitting for a week or so."

"Cool," she smiled.

"When did Maria leave?" I started tapping out a message.

"About an hour after you, more or less. What did you think of her?"

"She's beautiful," I sent the message, "at least I thought so anyway."

"So, you're attracted to her?"

"Yeah, afraid so," I put the phone down.

"Even more than Georgina?" mum raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Um, yeah, kind of, maybe."

"Maybe I'll invite her over again," her smile deepened to expose the dimples in her cheeks and on seeing the look on my face she poked me playfully, "oh, relax. I won't embarrass you, I just think it's cute that's all."

I looked down at my phone as it beeped again.

Emma: Well, looks like Roxy is out of the picture.

Sandra: I'm sorry to hear it, so she's not interested?

Emma: I thought so at first, we had a one night stand.

I blinked, thought about replying and then changed my mind and called her instead.