A Wedding and a Funeral Pt. 04

"Dad thought she'd flipped out when he read it."

"They sounded like an odd couple," she let go of the button.

"She explained it to me once," I replied a moment later, "she'd been hanging out with a bunch of guys and girls who were into dope and booze, one of her boyfriends had a police record for armed robbery and she decided to quit the scene and go straight. She liked her dope and booze but a lot of the other stuff like breaking the law was just not her style. Danny ended up in and out of jail, he's out at the moment but she hasn't seen him in years."

"Danny who?"

"I never asked his second name," I looked down as she tugged at one of my buttons, "what are you doing?"

"Have a squiz," she murmured, "I might get one of these for work."

My eyes flickered to the silk blouse. The bodice had two box pleats and the collar and cuffs were made of satin, they were a slightly different shade of white.

"Out of your clothing allowance?" I looked at her.

"Yeah, she's got an account with Robyn."

"Now that's a lucky coincidence. Does Robyn know?"

"Haven't told her yet, I've only just found out myself," she smirked.

"Oh," I stared at the ceiling, "how much is the clothing allowance?"

"Two hundred a month, enough for suits and blouses and other bits and pieces but I'll keep the plan I've got at the moment, at the money I'll be earning it's nothing."

"I'm happy for you, seriously. No one deserves it more than you."

"Likewise, you've done well for yourself already with this job. And here was us, gonna take the art world by storm in Tafe and we wind up in jobs that don't require artistic talent at all."

"Luck of the draw, I reckon you'd be hard pressed to make a living out of the arts. The ones that do are always living in L.A or London, never Melbourne."

"It's not what you know in the art world it's who you know," she pulled a wry grin.

"I guess so," I replied, "although if some of your clients are celebrities you never know, I could be seeing your artwork on the idiot box."

"She mentioned one of them, Porchia Green. She's one of the investors apparently, she gets a fifty percent discount if she books a room."

"Porchia Green?" my eyes shifted, "not the Porchia Green."

"From that show, my two mothers, and she's in a new one coming out this year, Stella and Co, some legal comedy show."

I remembered that show. My Two Mothers only lasted two seasons, it'd finished the previous year, it was a comedy/drama about two gay women raising a teenage boy and girl. Porchia played the part of the daughter from memory.

"Porchia Green, wowee," I grinned, "that's pretty famous, she's hot."

"I know, I've been lusting after her for a couple of years."

"Me too," I stroked her hand slowly.

Nothing more was said for a few seconds, we were both lost in our own thoughts, mine were of that famous stage kiss on the show. It made the news because it was before the watershed hour of nine o'clock when adult-themed shows could be shown. A family rights group sued the show but lost the case when the judge decided it wasn't that offensive.

"About the other week," Emma broke the silence, "there's something I wanted to confess."

"Yeah?"

"I would've gone further if you'd let me and I still would now."

"Even though we're best friends."

"That's what I've been wrestling with. Can we be friends and then girlfriends or not?"

"Of course we can but what if we break up? Going out together is different to hanging out."

"I know, but it's been on my mind. You're the one woman I would do anything to be with but at the same time it's got its risks."

"It has, like lying on the bed together," I pointed out the bleeding obvious.

"True, but it'd give you something to think about over the next few days."

"What're you suggesting? That we have sex now?"

"Kind of, yeah but at the same time it's got risks."

"Yeah, because I'm still having this conversation with Saoirse. What if I choose her instead? I'd be still be your friend, but it'd be different. You wouldn't be coming around like you do now, if we saw each other it'd be in a neutral spot and probably with Saoirse or whatever chick you wind up with in the future."

Emma didn't reply to that as she looked past me. She was still fiddling with my collar but then she tugged at my necklace again.

"But maybe you'd choose me instead?"

"Maybe, it's a possibility, anything's possible," I replied, "but do we risk it?"

She didn't reply for a few seconds as she played with my necklace.

"On the other hand there's the what if syndrome. What if it could've worked out? You'll never ever know unless you take the chance."

"Does it bother you that much?"

"Hmm," she gripped a box pleat between thumb and forefinger and slid her way up and down in a back and forth movement whilst she studied my face. I felt a slight headiness mixed with anxiety as I returned her gaze. There was a part of me that thought I should end this right now but another part was, I admit, curious. She did have a point, if we stopped right now there'd always be the what if to deal with, and the study of possibilities has always fascinated me. What if you left the office fifteen minutes earlier? Would you bump into an old girlfriend you hadn't seen in years or become a victim in a road rage attack when some random driver just runs you over? Moving onto relationships with other people there are endless possibilities. There were several girls at Tafe who thought Emma and I were an item but when they found out we were just friends they'd approach me. It was just talking at the time, but I was well aware that it could've gone further if I'd reacted differently. I could go on and on with dozens of women I'd known. At any point in time if one of us did something different, it would've changed everything, triggering a new timeline.

I contemplated the possible timeline. If we wound up together it'd change things for Saoirse and I, but we'd still be friends because we went to the same women's group now. I'd make adjustments, scratch that, we'd both adjust ourselves and move on. I'd spend time at Emma's new workplace too, I blinked and tried to focus on the here and now.

Right now I was at a T-junction, going through with this would leave me with two directions but I'd only be going one way. It felt risky but in hindsight that's why I touched her face, risk aroused me, it was a deciding factor in our last encounter. Perhaps that was why Saoirse got involved with Ling in the first place, if something's forbidden or frowned upon it makes it more attractive. Tell that to the anti drug and anti porn campaigners!

A few moments later she leaned over and kissed me on the lips, playfully. I reciprocated with a kiss of my own and for the next minute or so that was all we exchanged. There was still a chance to pull away from the brink, but hindsight is always 20/20. However, when she put her right hand onto my left breast and squeezed it everything changed. I let out a low groan and she drew her finger across my nipple. The blouse was made of silk and I was wearing a lacy bra under it so I felt her fingernail instantly and she could feel my nipple as well.

I felt the headiness becoming stronger and my nipples got warmer. She broke free but then kissed me again, dragging the kiss out for as long as possible and when we parted we were both a little out of breath. Emma paused and looked past me as if considering the wisdom of her next move, I stared at the ceiling and actually considered pushing her away but then I remembered Robyn's account of how she could've slept with several women. The way she shared it sounded almost blasé. There was never much doubt she'd wind up with Penny but it'd been risky all the same.

Should I let this happen?

I blinked as I let the thought linger and slid my hands out from behind my head. I grabbed her wrist but didn't try to push her hand away. Emma slid her hand down one of my pleats. I grabbed her face and raised my head. Our lips met in a kiss that took my breath away and when we broke free I knew I'd just crossed my point of no return.

It wasn't that I couldn't stop her, I could always pull out whenever I wanted but letting it go this far and then backing out would only set me up for the next time we were alone. Saoirse was right, this was unfinished business and the time to resolve it was now, not in two or three weeks time. I let my hand fall from her face and she slid her hand up to the top button. It slipped through the buttonhole and out the other side to part the collar and create a shallow vee.

Emma smiled crookedly and kissed me again as she squeezed my breast. I let out a muffled moan that was smothered by her mouth and clamped my hand on top of hers as she massaged my breast slowly and methodically. She broke free of my lips and glanced down at my breast as she drew a thumbnail across my nipple. I inhaled sharply and closed my eyes, and arched my back. She kept on massaging my breast and I rose and fell in time with her movements.

I finally opened my eyes and fixed her with a steady gaze. She stopped manipulating my breast and for a few seconds I saw a hint of doubt in her eyes. She glanced at the window and then looked over her shoulders before meeting my gaze again.

"And you're not expecting any visitors?"

"No, not today. Mum and Stan won't be back for hours."

A moment later she eased the second button through the buttonhole to deepen the vee and dragged her fingertips back and forth up and down the vee. I shivered slightly as my nerve endings reacted. Saoirse rose in my mind's eye but I pushed her memory aside and focused on the moment as Emma eased a third button through the buttonhole.

My breathing became shallower and I focused on the in and out movements of my chest as Emma's fingers danced up and down the vee. She moved further down to my crotch and I spread my legs as she reached it. She slid her fingers over my vulva and I bit my lip as the soft material moved under her fingers. She rubbed me a couple of times and then brought her hand up to the belt. She undid the first buckle followed swiftly by the second one. The belt came undone and she laid the ends out on either side of me and brought her right knee over and rested it between my legs.

She slid the fourth button through the buttonhole to reveal my red bra and kissed me on the lips before moving down over my throat and front with soft, nuzzling kisses. I grabbed her hip, Emma moved over on top of me a moment later and kissed me again. She rose and shifted position so that she was straddling me.

We stared at each other. I think at that time we were both feeling the exact same thing, nervousness and excitement, mingled with curiosity. She pulled her jacket over her shoulders and worked it over her arms, tossing it to one side a few seconds later. She smirked as she fingered her second button and I grabbed her hips and squeezed them. The button came undone seconds later and I brought my hands up and squeezed her breasts slowly. She let out a low purr and I undid her third and fourth buttons to show a cream-coloured bra.

A grin lit up her face and she undid my fifth button, a sixth one came undone a few seconds later and she spread the blouse out as far as possible. Her fingers slid up to my breasts and she massaged them through the bra. I closed my eyes and arched my back to increase the pressure on my breasts. I was way past the point of no return.

She pulled the blouse out of my skirt at the front and undid a seventh button. I looked down at my exposed front and then propped on my elbows and she shifted back a little as I sat up. I undid the last two buttons on her blouse and unbuckled the belt, it shot past the keepers swiftly and I tossed it to one side, it sailed over the side of the bed to land on the floor.

"Have you got a dildo?"

"No," I replied, "but it's on my list for next week."

"We'll have to use fingers then, I left mine at home."

"You'd make a shitty girl scout," I undid the buttons on her trousers, "I'm buying two next week at least, one for here and one for my handbag," I undid my cuff buttons and pulling the blouse over my shoulders, let it fall to the bed. She took hers off as well and tossed it onto mine.

"You first," I undid my bra and letting it fall forward, I laid down again and watched as she got off me and pulled my skirt over my hips and all the way down my legs. My panties followed suit and I spread my legs and locked my hands behind my head and waited.

Emma pulled off her trousers, bra and panties and she hesitated for a few seconds before crawling towards me on all fours. Our lips met briefly before she moved down to my throat, followed by my breasts. I arched my back and groaned as she sucked on a nipple. It brought back memories of the other night and I felt slightly guilty, it almost felt as if I was cheating on Saoirse. That only became more intense when she reached my pussy. I grabbed her head and held her there as she licked her way up and down my lips and tickled my perineum.

It took a little longer to bring me to orgasm this time, but that was because she stopped a couple of times to check on me. The second time I grabbed her head and forced her down again.

"Don't stop," I panted, "keep going."

I came to orgasm a few minutes later. It was just as intense as Saoirse had managed with me but in the aftermath I felt an odd numbness inside, as if I'd just erected a wall between us.

When it came to my turn I was a little more confident this time around and just went down on her, she tasted slightly salty and as I probed her with two fingers she let out a loud, "fuck."

I went in deeper and drew my tongue over her clitoris. She was just as sensitive down there as me, a loud, "fuck," followed immediately afterwards and so I changed to firmer tonguing. She came a few minutes later and I pulled my finger out and waited for her to open her eyes.

"That was fucking awesome."

"Yeah, it was," I patted her belly, "thanks."

She stared at the ceiling and I rolled over onto my back.

"So, what happens now?" Emma asked.

"Grab a shower if you want and then get dressed. We'll talk later."

***

We did talk later, like about an hour later and it was just a brief talk as well. About the only thing we discussed was her new job, she'd be staying in Warburton for days at a time, but it worried me when she offered to give up her new job for me.

"Don't you dare, but we'll talk again next weekend," I promised her

"Okay, and everything's cool between us?"

"Everything's fine," I promised her and then felt immediately guilty because I'd lied. I didn't feel fine at all, I felt conflicted, genuinely so and that leads me onto the next week.

The first person to notice the differences was Annalisa, even though I was trying hard to act normal, or as normal as possible, but she invited me out for lunch on Monday and on the way to Eastland I told her about Saoirse and Emma. She was happy about Saoirse, and I assumed at first that was due to the fact she knew her so well and she'd recommended her. Emma on the other hand was another issue, a complication, as she put it.

"Why did she come onto you like that after she knew about you and Saoirse?"

"She said it was because she wanted to give me a choice."

"And how is having sex with you going to up her odds? It's like a guy thinking that if he has sex with his partner she might forget about the shitty things he's done to her. It only works if she hasn't got any better options or is in fear of her life, but that isn't you. She's a friend, and if she respected you the way she claims then to she'd step back and let you sort out your feelings first."

"I did tell her beforehand that I was still going to have this talk with Saoirse but she came up with this line about always having questions or regrets, the what if syndrome."

"Hollywood bullshit," she snorted, "any one of us could be in an entirely different country and in a relationship with someone else if we just took another path. I can't count the number of women that I lusted over, the what ifs could swamp me, literally."

"So, what do I do then?" I pressed the button at the pedestrian lights.

"Make a list for both women, their good points and bad points. Then write down a list of the things you look for in a partner and hold it up against the other list and see who comes closest. Just don't make the second list too precise, we run the risk of creating a checklist no one can ever measure up to. We're all imperfect creatures at the end of the day."

"One thing I do like about Saoirse," I announced as we sat down for lunch fifteen minutes later, "is the conversation we had just before Emma turned up."

"And what did she say?"

I repeated the conversation for her benefit and she looked thoughtful for a minute or so.

"She's trying to give you an exit strategy."

"Why? Doesn't she like me?"

"Oh, I think she likes you but you're different to Ling. With Ling, it was controllable, she saw her once a week or so, or a month, I forget now. They had sex and she left, there were no expectations, and no radical changes. With you she has to make changes, if I was to get philosophical I'd say she has two voices in her ears," she took a bite from her sandwich.

"The first," she continued a minute later, "is Ling's voice, the quick fuck with no need to change her lifestyle or make adjustments. It's a tempting option these days, especially with the choices we have in terms of career or financial equality. The pill and abortion rights have brought immense changes to women, we're no longer slaves to our own bodies."

"And gay rights," I added.

"Precisely," she replied. "But on the other hand, you represent the ideals we all aspire to, even when we're playing the field. One night stands often turn into something else, the mysterious chemistry in the brain brings us to a point where we admit that we're lonely. The fact you're spending time with her has obviously had an impact on her, and sex has certainly changed things for her, she may even be hoping you choose Emma and hoping you don't."

"She did say something odd a few weeks ago, just before New Year. She said the reason she broke up with Ling was because I disapproved of it."

"Doesn't that tell you something?" Annalisa cocked her head to one side.

It certainly did but I still struggled with it. Emma was my best friend, now she was a lover, Saoirse was a better choice because she was more mature and I needed that maturity. Emma had been out for years but she'd only recently started dating women. In the end it was Robyn who helped me to make a decision. I didn't have to go up there that week, I'd already selected my next order but she'd had a similar background to me.

"I've been there before," she leaned back in her chair, "with Kylie."

"Who's Kylie?"

"She runs the factory we have down in Bayswater and her ex, Kathy works there too. Kathy was the first woman I got on with, a few weeks before I got on with Kylie. I backed out with Kathy because she was still going out with Melissa, but she'd tried to hide it," she smirked.

"It was only when she went through to get a vibrator that I was able to check her call history and lo and behold, it didn't match up with her story. She claimed it was too hard to break up with her then and there, I thought differently," she picked up her coffee.

"Kylie happened a couple of weeks later but that came to a sudden halt because she'd been talking to Kathy about my favourite form of foreplay, being undressed by someone," she eyed me.

"You have the same thing?"

"Is it that obvious?"

"Kind of, but it's not an unusual thing. However, I'd sworn Kathy to secrecy but when Kylie came out with the reason she liked undressing a woman it was almost word for word what I'd said a few weeks earlier to Kathy," she put the cup down.