A Week in the Caribbean

"How was it?" I asked, my voice surprisingly perky. I had expected raw and just-fucked.

"Best I ever had," he said, and I blushed. "You were right, I didn't know what I was missing."

"Want to marry me, now?" I teased.

He took hold of my left hand and lifted it up into the light, my rings glinting again. "I'd love to, but there's a problem," he said.

I smiled. "If you like, I won't wear these tomorrow."

He groaned a little. "Tallie, you're driving me crazy."

"Good," I said, tracing a fingertip down his chest as he let go of my hand. The rain had eased while I'd been sucking him and was a light drizzle now, and looked set to stop any minute. "I think I'd better go, now."

He put his hand on my waist and held me for a moment, our bodies touching. A touch full of suggestions. "You'll be here tomorrow?" he asked, hopeful.

"I will," I assured him. "And you should see the bikini I've got for the party." As I said this, I traced a fingertip up his thigh to his balls and onwards to his cock, and he let out another moan. I loved this power. I loved it too much.

Saturday

I felt like a teenager going on a date as I walked through the hotel towards the outdoor bar, full of excitement and nerves. Feelings I hadn't felt in years were welling up and I felt too old for this, like I should have moved on. I had moved on, really, but for now, I was happy to focus on the excitement.

Admittedly, lying next to Simon trying to get to sleep last night, knowing that another man's cock had been in my mouth and that I'd swallowed another man's cum, I felt really, truly guilty and upset. But there was something about the resort and being on holiday that made it feel unreal. Like it somehow didn't count when I woke up. I knew, really, it did count, and that what was happening with Chuck was a symptom of my unhappiness in my marriage, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it. I just wanted this one final day to myself, to be Tallie and not Nat, to be the person I wished I was, instead of the person I'd be forced to be as soon as we left to go home. It was selfish, and harmful, but I couldn't stop myself.

While the girls had watched cartoons and Simon had lay in bed, on his phone, I'd sat in the bathroom, doing my hair into loose waves, doing my makeup, slipping into the fuchsia bikini that I had never worn outside the house before because it was just too revealing. I tied and re-tied it, trying to get my tits to sit in a way that didn't feel like they were just out on display, but it was hopeless. It felt like my cleavage was ridiculous. I'd given up and wrapped myself in my patterned cover-up, which did enough to hide what I was wearing.

And now here I was, stepping onto the pool terrace, the sun feeling perfect on my hair, Chuck waiting next to the shuttered bar with a big grin on his face.

"You look great," he said when I got close.

"Let's go, we'd better not hang around," I said, paranoid that Simon might have jumped out of bed and followed me. I waited until we were out of sight of the hotel block, halfway to the car park, before I dared to put my hand out and touch Chuck. My rings were tucked safely into my makeup bag, back in the room, and the only jewellery I was wearing was a very fine silver necklace which I hoped might draw at least some attention away from my cleavage.

He was wearing a plain yellow t-shirt and swimming shorts with a pattern, and when I looked closer the pattern was made up of different types of dogs.

"Dogs?" I asked, surprised.

He looked down and then smiled. "Oh, yeah, they're cute, right?"

"Very cute."

As we were going to the car park I'd thought we would be driving over, but Chuck skirted past the cars, his hand in mine, and we went through a side gate, out of the resort. It had a sign saying it was alarmed and a keypad, but Chuck just held the '0' key down for a few seconds and then it buzzed to let us through. There was a quiet road which led nowhere beyond it, and we walked down it together.

"It's literally just beyond those trees," Chuck pointed out. "Really not far."

"Perfect," I said, putting a hand over my eyes so I could try and see.

When we got to the trees, and signs for 'LaForda Resort & Club' appeared, Chuck paused in the shade and looked at me nervously.

"I probably shoulda told you this earlier, but you remember I mentioned Marsha and Lila?"

"Your two girlfriends?" I giggled a little, overexcited.

"Yeah, well, I think Marsha will be at the party."

I let go of his hand.

"Oh, okay," I said, suddenly more nervous than excited.

"It's not a problem or anything, I just thought, maybe you should know."

"Yeah, I understand. Thanks."

We kept walking and I felt stupid. This was obviously a mistake. I was nearly forty and I had two kids: what the fuck was I doing going to some twenty-something's pool party? Of course Chuck would prefer to hang out with his friend-with-benefits, someone he'd known for more than literally five days and who was his own age, than me. Was this a big joke? Had he decided it would be funny to try and fuck the lonely woman in the resort and then show her off to his friends?

I was slipping from nerves into panic. I wanted to turn around and go, go straight back to the resort. Go home, even. But home was just as bad, just as awkward and unhappy as this. I had nowhere I could turn to.

"Hey, are you okay?" Chuck asked, stopping again and looking at me.

My hands had unconsciously formed fists. "I'm fine," I said, quickly.

"I'm not dumb, Tallie, you look really pale. Do you feel dizzy?"

"I'm okay, seriously."

"We don't have to go if you don't feel right."

Here was another turning point. I desperately wanted to tell him, yes, thank you, let's go back, let's not do this. I heard a splash from the pool nearby and that sent a pang of panic through me.

"No, it's okay, honestly. It's just..."

"Yeah?"

"The Marsha thing has freaked me out."

Chuck stared at me. "Tallie, trust me, it's a chill party," he said. "Nobody is gonna be weird about you being there. It's supposed to be fun. Marsha and me, it's not serious."

"But, last night..."

"You knew about Marsha when we were doing it, I don't see how that's different now."

He was right. I'd been so wrapped up in my own train-wreck marriage that I hadn't even thought about Chuck and Marsha and Lila, whoever the fuck they were. He didn't seem bothered about them one bit, but now I was supposed to just walk up to her and say, hey, I'm yet another woman who's hanging off his arm?

"It's just... I don't know. I'm being stupid."

"Come on, once we get there you'll have a great time. And if you want to leave, just ask, and we'll go. Seriously."

He was right. Once we were there, it was great. It wasn't a big pool complex, just a regular pool which wasn't even very deep, people floating around on lilos and talking. The DJ was in a kind of tent structure at one end, cables running everywhere, low-key dance music coming out of the speaker setup, and instead of a bar there were tons of blue drinks coolers full of ice, studded with glass bottles of beer and spirits. As soon as we walked over, half a dozen people greeted Chuck, and he introduced me to people with names like 'Garda' and 'Fredzi' after we'd picked up drinks. I sipped a pre-mixed vodka and practically swallowed my tongue when a glamorous-looking woman with long, straight brown hair, aviator sunglasses, a white one-piece swimsuit and heels walked over and introduced herself as Marsha.

"Love your hair," she said to me, sounding genuine. "Anything I do with mine except straighten it just looks like crap."

I smiled, but her hand snaked around Chuck's waist and I tried not to look jealous. "Thanks," I said. "It took me a while this morning to get it just right."

"Oh my god, Chuck, you didn't say she was English," Marsha said, her face lighting up. "That's so cool!"

I blushed. "Thanks," I said, and Chuck laughed.

"Listen, Marsh, I'm gonna do a few more introductions and then we'll hang, okay?" he said, kissing her cheek.

I tried not to burn with jealousy as we kept walking, but I nudged Chuck and whispered, "You didn't tell me she was so pretty."

"You didn't ask," Chuck whispered back.

There were about two dozen people there and Chuck didn't know them all, but he did introduce me to a girl named Rita, a redhead in a navy blue bikini who was lying on a lounger, engrossed in her phone when we went over.

"I already like her, such beautiful hair," Rita said when Chuck introduced me. "Same colour as mine, right?"

My auburn and her ginger were absolutely not the same but I played along. "Yeah, I think so," I said, twirling mine and giggling.

"Where are you from, Tallie? I did a year working in London."

"Oh, wow. I'm from Luton."

"That's pretty close to London, right?"

I nodded.

"Amazing. I loved London, had such a great time there, but you guys drink so much! I have three spritzers and I want to die the next morning, but there were girls over there drinking whole bottles of wine and it barely seemed to affect them."

Chuck laughed. "Tallie can drink a lot, trust me. She's been draining the bar at the resort all week."

"Oh my God, Tallie, no way," Rita said, laughing. "We have got to hang out, those English girls were the most fun ever." She patted the lounger next to her and I took her invitation and sat down.

"Chuck, would you get me another drink?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Yeah, we need to get her drunk," Rita added, smiling at me. "It'll be fun."

Chuck laughed. "Okay, back in a few."

The drinks kept coming after that and the more I drank, the more confident I felt. It kept going around in my head that, no matter how pretty Marsha was, it was me that had sucked his cock last night. And the more I spoke to Rita, the more amazing I thought she was: sexy, funny, totally unselfconscious and incredibly smart. The perfect antidote to my nerves.

"How did you meet Chuck?" I asked, rigidly pretending I couldn't see Chuck and Marsha standing, chatting, on the other side of the pool.

Rita stretched her arms out above her head. "Oh, we go way, way back. Our parents are friends."

"Did you know him when he was little?"

"When he was a kid? Oh, yeah, Chuck was that kid who was forever breaking his arm skateboarding, or spraining his ankle jumping off a wall. Once he broke his collarbone falling off a motorbike that wasn't even moving."

I laughed at the mental image. "Somehow I can see that being him." Unconsciously I looked over at him, noticing his hand parked on the small of Marsha's back as she laughed at something he said. It was picture-perfect and I looked away again too quickly.

Rita peered over her shoulder at what I had reacted so strongly to as I drank half of a bottle of something fizzy and bright pink and very alcoholic, trying to drown my feelings.

"You like him, huh?" she said, her voice a notch quieter so we wouldn't be overheard.

There was no point lying. I nodded, digging my fingernails into my palm.

The redhead lifted her sunglasses and tucked them into her hair, looking at me through big brown eyes. "Did you fuck him?"

Despite myself, I covered my mouth and laughed slightly.

"What? What's funny?"

"It was something about the way you said 'fuck', like how a movie star does it."

Rita looked at me like I was crazy. "Well, nobody's ever said that to me before."

"Anyway, we haven't fucked yet." I blushed slightly, fighting the impulse to look over again.

"Yet."

Athletically, Rita rolled herself over on the lounger, barely disturbing the towel she was lying on, which meant she could face more in the direction of Chuck and Marsha. For my part, I was suddenly looking at her toned arse, completely bare except for the thin strip of her thong bikini. It looked like only a twenty-something bum could look, tanned but for a white strip and triangle at the top of her arse. I felt embarrassed, like being in a changing room when you inadvertently saw someone changing, and felt like my body was totally inadequate, but Rita seemed completely unconcerned.

"I never really know what people see in Chuck," she said, pushing her hair back out of her face, "I guess because I've known him so long. But it's the charm, right? As soon as he gets you talking, you come under his spell."

"That's... exactly it," I said, somehow happy that someone else understood.

"Listen, Tallie, I know Chuck: he's not the type to fall in love. Marsha is just convenient because she throws herself at him. He's sort of a player, really."

I dug my fingernails in harder. "Yeah," I said, unable to keep the disappointment out of my voice. I'd thrown myself at him, too. I was no better.

Rita looked at me. "I don't know what you expected. But if you can get over the monogamy thing, he's fun and a great guy. He doesn't hurt people, he's just... insensitive."

"Yeah." This wasn't helping.

When Rita looked back at Chuck and her eyebrows shot up, I looked over too. Marsha was kissing his cheek with passion, her fingers digging into his shirt, and his hand was on her upper thigh, his fingers slipping under her swimsuit by an inch or so. Then she playfully batted his hand away, took hold of it, and, giggling, led him in the direction of the hotel. Chuck didn't look round, just followed her, looking every inch a guy about to score.

I wanted to die.

"Screw him," Rita said, forcefully. "Come on, let's have fun, that's the whole point of the party."

As she got up, I finished my drink, and, desperate not to feel anything, grabbed another from a nearby cooler, dropping the top on the tiles and breathing hard through my nose as I drank the entire thing in one go, my eyes pricking with tears that made me feel worse than I could ever remember feeling.

"Woo!" Rita yelled as I swallowed the last few mouthfuls. "My girl Tallie hitting it hard."

I put the bottle down and smiled, sheepishly, but her enthusiasm was infectious. The music from the DJ had gone up in tempo and I watched as Rita, with all the confidence of someone who was sexy and knew it, began running her hands through her hair and dancing, reaching out for me.

"Let's dance," she said.

I didn't care any more. The numbness was setting in. I took her hand.

"Lose the cover up, you can't dance in that," she said, tugging gently at one side of it.

I shrugged it off and left it on the lounger. When I looked back at Rita, her mouth was hanging open, the corners upturned.

"Dang, Tallie, you hid those tits well," she said, giggling. "You'll make my mosquito bites look bad."

"You've got great boobs, Rita," I said, looking at her bikini top. "I'm just getting middle-aged."

She tugged on my hand. "Come on, let's light up the dance floor."

Normally I would have been far too embarrassed to go anywhere near a dance floor, or a DJ, unless almost everyone else was there too. The pool area didn't exactly have a dance floor, but there was an open area near where the DJ was and he gave the two of us an appreciative nod when we got there, fading out the nondescript dance track he was playing and putting on a real club banger. In the late afternoon sunshine it felt perfect, and the alcohol in my system had me buzzed. So here I was, dancing with Rita and the handful of others who'd joined us, my tits practically falling out of my bikini top, getting a lot of appreciative looks, smiling like an idiot the entire time. I felt free and like I was having fun for the first time in a long time.

It had begun getting dark when Rita put her arm tightly around my waist and spoke into my ear so she could be heard over the thudding beat.

"Chuck's back."

I saw him just after she said it, shirtless now, just in his swimming shorts with those dumb dogs on them, standing next to the makeshift bar which had been set up to mix cocktails for the evening. He was watching Rita and I, his expression neutral, until the guy at the bar poured a dark mixture out of his cocktail shaker and handed it to him in a glass with ice.

"Hey! Come over here!" Rita yelled at him. He seemed slightly surprised, but came over anyway, affecting a slight rhythmic movement when he got among the others dancing which made me laugh.

"Ladies," he said, sipping his drink. "This looks like fun. Is Tallie drunk yet?"

"Why don't you give her your cocktail and find out?" Rita asked, teasing him.

"Hey, this cost me twenty bucks."

"I didn't know you had to pay for those," I said, trying to match Rita's energy.

"My dad's resort is next door. Here, I pay," Chuck said, simply.

"You're saying she's not worth twenty bucks?" Rita asked, still dancing. "If he can't be a gentleman, Tallie, I'll buy you a drink."

"Woah, hold on there. I'm happy to pay," Chuck grinned, holding out the glass to me. I took it, drank it in one go while Rita cheered, and handed it back.

"Oh, she's definitely drunk," he said, knowingly, his eyes on me.

"You'll have to buy my drinks anyway, I didn't bring any money," I explained.

Chuck shrugged. "I already told you how you can get free cocktails all night," he said, still looking at me, daring me to keep this conversation going.

Rita stepped in. "Dirty boy," she said, pulling my arm so I turned away from him and towards her.

"Maybe he has a point, though," I told her, giggling.

Rita smiled. "I've never known an English girl turn down a free drink, it's true."

Our eyes met for a second, the unspoken question of 'shall we?' going back and forth, until Rita gently bit her lip. She put her hands on my hips and I took half a step forward, my arms sliding up her bare arms and onto her shoulders, our bodies touching together, both of us watching Chuck. His eyes widened, the empty glass in his hand completely forgotten.

"Ready?" Rita asked, looking at me again. Her face was only a few inches from mine and this close I could see her perfect eyelashes and how pretty she was, her big eyes alluring. I nodded quickly, unable to stop myself smiling as her hands slid up to the tie of my bikini top in the middle of my back. I took hold of the metal clasp of hers, behind her neck, and as one we untied and unsnapped.

We were pressed together tightly, swaying to the music, tightly enough that our tops mostly stayed on at first. But someone shouted "Kiss her!" and Rita giggled, which set me off, and a few seconds later we broke apart, our bikini tops hitting the floor at our feet. There was a cheer and some clapping, not just from Chuck, and whilst I blushed and smiled, Rita held her arms up high and wiggled her hips, getting back into the music, her hard pink nipples standing out on her chest.

When I turned to look at Chuck again, he couldn't take his eyes off my tits. I felt a big rush of desire and excitement: usually I hated guys staring openly at me, but this I didn't mind.

"I'm getting another drink," I told him, briefly diverting his attention back to my face. He was too dumbstruck to say anything and I walked away, smug with the power I knew I had over him.

The guy behind the bar was equally brazen, staring at my nipples for five seconds before giving a nod of satisfaction.

"Great tits," he said. "What can I get you?"

When I had my vodka and coke, I stood by the bar, looking at the dancing crowd, the light breeze feeling strange on my bare chest, thinking: this wasn't me. I didn't get topless at a party. I didn't dance with gorgeous girls like Rita. I didn't even stay out late into the evening. But Tallie did. My life at home seemed so grey and stale by comparison to this. It was a dream from which I didn't want to wake.

"Hey, Tallie," someone said from behind me, and when I turned I saw Marsha, striding over in her heels, looking every inch glamorous. "Oh, wow, your boobs are fantastic," she said, smiling widely as I turned, stopping in her tracks. "You're so gorgeous."