All Comments on 'A Working Man Pt. 03: End'

Fuck this story sucks!

Philip is a pussy!

Maggie is a slut!

1 star is fucking generous for this shit.

Wimp husband cant pull the trigger TWICE and could have saved everybody a lot of heartache.

Wife could have come clean the second she new the kid was a bastard child and saved everybody.

Morale of the story: do not read stories by this author. I learned my lessen the hard way.

The story was well written, though far too many details in Chapter 2 - Maggie's story. The conclusion was a real downer - I originally gave it 1 star, but because of the writing, I upped it to 5 stars.

PLEASE! remember to take your meds before writing. This one couldn't BE any darker, and unreasonably so.

looser till the end, thanks 4 the story

story boils down to an unhappy ending becuse jesse was right. philip had no balls to end it all. he had the chance twice to end it but would not pull the trigger.

...

Great writing ability...dark and destructive. Blackmail being used was reasonable plot but it was rape and showing her enjoying the rape was a marriage ender and set us down the only path left...death of the rapist and victim. You may get abuse for this story but great writing. TC Ireland

This asshole Philip was a pussy. Outsude the pub, Jesse should have pissed in his mouth, then fucked his sissy ass. He was such a coward he never had the least energy to save his wife: se had to take the knife from her guts to stab Jesse. What a husband!!

as another said dark and destructive, very sad and what a downer. good writing

Great writing ability but the story is unreliable in so many levels. The father is not the father and you're afraid he will leave you if he finds out. So, to solve the problem you pay a blackmailer and fuck him? How will it save your marriage???

shit

I read some of the comments here and puked. Some said so the Father isnt the Father. That is far from the truth. I am adopted myself and know it take more than biological factors to make a father. A true Father loves his children, clothes them, educates them, and protect them from all those who dare to harm them. Phillip in this story is the Father of Terri and no other. Like Jesse said, he was not Terri's true father for he had nothing to do with her. He did not even try to protect her from harm but caused her the most pain himself. That is not what a father does.

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Thanks for a great Story, John.

Good story. The only problem was Phillips lack of spine. He was a genuine wimp. That word gets thrown around alot in this site, but he truly was. 3*

5 for the story. 3 for the wrong category, this is a horror story.

As they say...Bandor in my language means a monkey!! U live up to that name really swell!!! What a fucked up mornic writer!

What a load of bollocks about pathetic losers, for a start if you intend to shoot someone you don’t pull a gun and then go into a long speech about what you are going to do, you just shoot them. All things considered this story is a complete waste of time reading it, just a load of crap

Touching love story. Engaging. Thank you for taking the time to write it.

Ed

How repulsive. Gah! Wrong category.

That really was crap.

Shit story about stupid people.

What a concoction of the most idiotic and unbelievable plot parts I have seen on LW!

The whole plot from part 1 to part 3 is so full of holes you could drive a semi through them. All of that is seasoned with the worst and the most idiotic melodrama nonsense.

I have to believe that this author is mentally handicapped yet full of imagination/nightmares to conceive such a moronic plot. Thank goodness I skimmed through part 2 and 3 as I think it could be mentally damaging to actually read this rubbish.

Taken all together this story rates a 5! cd

What a threat Story! 10 stars, No Wood but a really really good read! All you had to do is believe someone could be so ashamed that she would anything ANYTHING to avoid letting her secret come to light. Everything happened because of her shame and her lies. Gosh what was she thinking?

Good story

5* coz the hoe deserved to die, as did the wimp for not taking the shot the first time

A dark twisted and horrible story. Why the wife considered doing the blackmail is beyond. As is the transcendent cosmic orgasms she has for her rapist. Bullshit. And no she didn't have Stockholm syndrome. And everyone screws up allowing Jesse to inflict maximum pain. Uggh. And no Maggie did not deserve to die but we only know that by seeing the emotional damage that Jesse inflicted on her. Sick story.

Bad story is bad, Maggie should have been honest from the start, when that sack of shit showed up. She put her family in danger, lied, and stealed too. Plus she lied to a great guy about Terri being his, she said she loved him, but no she loved herself.

My both assholes rot in hell,

What a heart wrenching sad story.

You wrote a gripping tale. There was quite a bit of scene changes between some paragraphs that were hard to keep up with. Four stars, at least mabe more.

A couple of puzzling issues tho; 1) Did Terri have to be a dyke? Was it because she was the issue of a rape? 2) The work motto didn't seem to work quite well in the story.

Good story, but really sad and messed up. A real tale of whoa.

Reenforces a personal idea of mine , never deal with evil. If you have conflict with evil. Never hesitate to shoot.

One of the best stories I’ve read on this site.

The bitch and her asshole boyfriend my they both burn in hell. Maggie should have told ger husband the truth a long time ago, that first off Terri was not his.

Second that that sicko was around she put her family in danger just to hide she was a slut, and she was by not coming clean she let this go on.

Second time through and nah.

Too convoluted for me to believe. Everybody dies isn’t a satisfying ending. It may sometimes be true, look at Hiroshima, but still, not an enjoyable story.

Damn I hate sad endings. But life is like that sometimes and people do stupid things and make bad decisions. Pity Maggie didn't trust Phil enough to tell him if she had I think their story would have ended better. Still well written and worth the read. BardnotBard

O sea , es la trama de la historia, si le hubiera dicho la verdad al mc se acaba la historia....

Porque la gente acá crítica como si esto fuera la vida real?

Comenten sobre el grado técnico de la escritura...la trama etc.... Dios santo

Your story was very well-written in most respects. But when scenes in fiction become too far out of the realm of what is possible, then those scenes slide into fantasy and they detract from the rest of the story. This one is good enough to rewrite and I hope you will do that. Take out the daughter being on Oprah. Put her on a local news program that Jessie happened to see. Stop with the extreme blackmail scenes. They are just too much. $250,000 out of marital property and it isn't noticed? A rape victim having incredible orgasms? Repeatedly? Getting a gun through security in New York? (Which is a gun-free zone and even passing travelers get arrested for even bringing a gun into the city in transit to somewhere else.) You can tone down all of the scenes that are currently in the outer limits and still get your readers from the nicely done beginning to the very well-written climax in a much more believable way. And don't make Jessie so bad all the way through. Make him a little bit of a juvenile delinquent at first and have Maggie like him and later enjoy sex with him but have him get progressively worse and have her ok feelings for him (she pays him at first because she likes him and also feels sorry for him) gradually devolve into mutual hatred and eventually forceable rape and homicide. Or something. Still, overall good job.

Sorry to much just didn't work for me. Gave you a 2, not sure why the others gave you better. They must like everyone murdering each other.

Wow never has a story turn my stomach like this. Very disturbing.

For a while, I had hoped Philip would have a happy end, but the moment he first had a shot at Jesse and didn't take it, I wanted him to die as well. Strange how I found myself despising his weak self.

Maggie and Jessie, of course, only had death as the final out. There really was no other way for that to end. If Maggie had survived, guilt should have driven her to suicide. Notice the should.

The poor children, burned with such completely and utterly retarded parents. All of it could have been avoided, especially if Phil hadn't also been special.

Such pathetic tale.

This is an perfect example of the adage "Lies breed more lies".

And I hate hard headed, inflexible, spinless people like Philip.

They never have the balls to do the right thing.

LOL WOW wow this is bad

Sorry. Too dark and over the top with the blackmail. Also Philip did not defend his family. He let Jesse ruin it. Also suck of the trope where a rape victim (blackmail sex is also rape) has cosmic orgasms from her rapist. Orgasms are in the mind. While in some case a physical response may be inevitable and cause guilt in the victim, unless they are severely mentally damaged, it will not remotely be the best orgasms the victim has. Except again if they are mentally disturbed, which Maggie seemed to be.

Another stupid story.

Sad story.

A very entertaining tale KingBandor! Five stars, well deserved. Detailed plot, exciting, illicit sex, potentially realistic....you have a great skill. First story of yours I read and not the last. Thank you.

Note here to blackmailed victims, there is no winning by paying a blackmailer, come clean and the first pain will be the lessor pain.

Great story until you screwed up the ending I wanted to see. I hope to read one similar but with both of them surviving and Jesse still dead as he desreved.