All Comments on 'A Year And A Day Ch. 01'

Hope to see #2 soon ,as to the fixation on passport unless things have changed I never needed one to go to Canada from the US ,..

Le thème de cette histoire est interessante. Le premier jet qui nous met dans l’histoire est réussi. Par contre l’intervention loufoque de son frère et sa belle sœur altère celle-ci, dommage ne pas avoir poussé plus loin l’investigation au Mariott a travers Magg pour en faire un dossier à charge pour confronter plus tard Andrea.

Avez vous penser à prendre un éditeur?

Merci beaucoup de nous avoir donner tu temps et de la réflexion dans votre histoire. Je sais que ce n’est pas facile.

J’attends la suite avec impatience.

Amicalement Jo

Je lis l’anglais mais sérieusement l’écrit trop mal pour être audible.

I’m going to have to disagree with ImNotanAnon. I find the characters interesting, the mystery and clues are intriguing and the story telling is captivating. Looking forward to the next installment.

As critical as you are on other, far more established writer's works, it's quite funny that you don't seem to have a thimble full of talent yourself for it.

This bored me to tears, and for everyone's sake, let's hope this is where it ends.

Hoping to read the next couple sections before I need my next haircut! LOL Loved the first installment. BRB

One of the best actually narrative stories I've read in a bit, excited to see where it goes!

I like these type of stories but not so much as this is written. As others had said he could have confronted her or kept the passport. And why the bimbo addition to the story????

Looking forward to the rest of the story

5 stars from me. I like the story though, admittedly, it occurred to (and others I see) that he might have just removed her passport and seen where that would have gone. Yet, it's your story, your characters, and I liked it. Looking forward to the confrontation and resolution - whatever those are.

You have my attention. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Good start. I hope you don't keep us waiting too long for the rest.

Average. I don’t understand this obsession writers have with making the mc drag it out.

Can't help wondering what would have happened if he had just taken the passport out of her purse before she left and said nothing. She would have gotten to the airport and discovered it wasn't there and she couldn't travel to Canada without it. He's not supposed to know she even has a passport, much less one with stamps from Mexico and Australia, so does she confront him? And if she does, and his response is, "What passport? I didn't know you had a passport!" Why do you have a passport? Where are you going that you need one?"

I like the start of your story quite a bit - you are a good writer and I look forward to where you will bring us

A very good start. I look forward to reading the next part. Please keep writing, and don't make us readers wait to long. 5 stars from Xluckylee for this part.

Primer ok, Next

Great first story! A wild cast of characters!

5

Well-written! But the readers were left hanging with no climax-- i.e., resolution.

4+ I really liked the start of this tale.

Waiting for the rest of the story!

Good start.

It’s good. Good yarn so far, interesting plot. Bit of editing for polish rather than substance. I’m engaged and ready for the next bit.

Very good. Looking forward to how it continues.

What was that????

Looking forward to the rest of the story. Please keep writing!

My favorite characters are the brother and his wife . They seem to radiate fun and playful personas that I find endearing , yet have the wherewithal to be responsible and active parents on a domestic level . Very compelling chapter , hope to see the next one soon . 5 for this one

At your start back up, I found the story interest and would like to read more; Thanks for your writing.

So far, so good. Thrre stars for now; I may vote it higher when the next part comes out.

Well written and a great start. Please don't keep us hanging on the next part! Ima take a guess and if the wife is doing any sex it's a secondary part of a job where she is working intelligence or perhaps a contract killer.

I agree. I have been reading and waiting for the confrontation but then I realized-'1st part. I await the next parts. but this guy must have 'friends at work' who can research his wife's company, and check her out. I would go to the d/A and the Feds- Interstate and International Prostitution. So much for being a 'good mother.' I await the rest. Don't disappoint.

The BEAR

Good start - you left me wanting more

The one thing I cannot fathom in these stories is why the husband does not confront the spouse?

If two people live together for a long period, have kids, they know each other intimately.

They also know when either party is not being forthright with their responses.

This story wandered around, frustratingly at times and finished with what exactly?

Looking forward to the series.

You get a provisional 4/5. I'm willing to read future instalments but I've seen enough of your comments on stories to infer that you disdain BTBs. If this is the inauguration of a epic of reconciliation, I'm fucking out.

Its a good premise. But most of the 3rd page is unnecessary. it coud and shoud have been trimmed down.

You've got a nice start: 4 stars. Your writing flows smoothly, the narration is well-written, and the story comes together sharply. Several early things in this story that impressed me. First, you eschewed the clichés, the easy solutions, the experts on call. Next, your female MC is not the psychotic, unaware, deluded wife that pops up in LW like crabgrass. Also, MC calls his in-laws by their names and not the obligatory LW "Mom" and "Dad." Finally, you nailed the whole big/little brother thing. Dead, solid, perfect bulls-eye! Sadly, much of that good writing fell prey to a story that didn't seem to know whether to be serious or slapstick.

-

When you took up Jake's POV, I think you might've started trying too hard. The well-paced narration began to bog down, and the yuck-it-up and bimbo Mandy got to be a bit much. We got a description of Mandy that a decent sketch artist could work with, but we still haven't 'seen' Andrea to speak of, nor do we know her age. You started veering into the overwriting hazard, which we all drive into occasionally. At this point, I'm asking, "What about finding Maggs?" Suddenly, we're back on track, but the pair of would-be sleuths have taken on a comic quality that threatens to ruin the story.

-

Mandy's POV was tough to read. Kudos, you didn't write the same story that's been written 50K other times on this site. The downside is that gleaning the serious plot elements from the Bimbo Eruption was tiresome. The witty repartee, the constant jocularity, and the silly hyperbole started ruining this story. The whole "I'm a slut, but for just one man" paragraph is an example of runaway overwriting, which had grown tiresome. This part started to feel like Groucho Marx Meets Little Oral Annie!

-

The Andrea POV saved this train wreck. You know, like Supraman (Haha!) grabbing the Express just as it hits the washed-out trestle! The last part got way too wordy, but its tone was much better than the Jake and Mandy parts.

Thanks for sharing...

Well, you’re doing an excellent job so far 4*. Looking forward to reading the rest.

Gave it a 4. I did find myself scanning down thru it skimming. Use an editor, don't cover things more than once. Watch the side tracks there's no awards for more words, stick to the story.

If I'd found the passport I'd have slipped it out or her purse. Don't need a passport for domestic flight, she may not have noticed until in Chicago. Put tracking on her phone and suitcase. This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Is like to know it's part 1 up front. This seems like the homework was due so you put a period at the end of where you were and handed it in.

A bit disappointing between the excessive 'side notes' (as HarleyRider1955' explained) and stopping so abruptly at this point What you have at this juncture is the bones of a great tale so as another commenter advised get an editor and don't fuck it up! I only gave it 4**** but the 5***** material is posed to emerge. I await the next part, and soon please!

Some of your readers want a kung-fu movie, not a thoughtful story. You've set things in motion very well and

piqued curiosity about the unanswered questions created. Look forward to subsequent chapters.

Here is the deal! Our hero knows his wife is stepping out on him and who the other guy is. He has to take some type of action, noy spend several chapters wringing his hands brooding as to what to do. The other guy is married--burn his ass.

I know our hero has two small children and would like to stay married for their sake. The wife however has to know she can't just walk away but know our hero means what he says. How about throw the term divorce around and let her stew and not cave.

It shouldn't take that long to be in aftermath mode. maybe have her resode in a guest room for awhile. If he keeps her that is?

A master piece, hee hee far from it, BUT it's a good start of resuming your writing career. Looking forward to the next part? Parts maybe? Till then not going to star you, funny how we like a complete story in a serving, the drip feed idea is almost as bad as the trickle-down effect of finance, which is still to reach me!!!.

Good story. Be sure to post any sequels in the Loving Wives category or I’ll probably miss it.

Excellent start!! Easy 5*

Cookingwithgas

great intro - let's hear some more

Wow. Love the dynamics going on here. Can't wait for the next installment. Please don't make us wait too long.

Not sure about this waiting for the confrontation, but well done and welcome back to writing. Let's hope the usual put-down artists stay away.

Great start! Looking forward to future episodes!!! 5/5 BRB

A very good start to the story. Keep it going 5*

Good premise but much too wordy. Needs prooning somewhat.

Really, Houston? I hope they weren't picking her up at IAH with its forever construction! Seriously, it's a good story, and I like the way you've handled it. My only quibble is that every Andrea I've ever known who shortened their name uses Andi or Andie, not Andy. Unless they, you know, drive a Subaru and wear Timberline boots. I'm looking forward to the next part. 5/5!

Boy I sure got bored with this and couldn’t finish it. Things repeated endlessly from different viewpoint. Too much crap that had nothing to do with the story concerning his brother and wife. If you don’t have an editor, get one who will tell you to get rid of the mind numbing junk. 1 star. You took a good idea and killed it, but not in a good way.

A very fine job of laying the groundwork! 5 stars.

Well done. Looking forward to more chapters. Please don’t leave it too long between instalments.

Fabulous! Before I say anything else, let me tell you I'm waiting for the next chapter. I love the build-up, the lack of clarity -- so different from simply having the poor schmoo catching his wife in bed with someone (not that there's anything wrong with such a story; I've certainly written my share). The tiny clues, the uncertainly of exactly what is going on, the presentation from different people's viewpoints -- each talking to the reader in their own way. Making the wife a three-dimensional person. The complexity. Jesus Herman Christ! Don't fuck this up, Trainer, or I'll ... do something stupid like only give you a 4.

Oh -- and it's well-written.

I liked the short discussion on what a "stay at home" mom used to mean. I don't think I have heard it expressed quite like that before and it brought back memories of my mother who did all of those things.

I think you have a very good start here.

I’ll give you time and see where you take this story. You have some writing ability, please don’t take the idiot’s cop out with a cuck story.

so far your mandy is the likable person not my type but seems original unlike others.. keep trying

I love it.

Good mechanic of characterization, and well-executed. We readers have a great start on knowing these folks.

Needs more erotic content!

I hope you enjoyed writing it, and I look forward to any future installments you present!

Good story, Five for you.

How could someone able to write quality stories choose such a ridiculous pen name like TrainerOfBimbos? Anyway, thanks for an interesting first installment.

Why not just pull her passport out and demand she explain the 2 international trips?

.

4 ****

I loved that Mark is taking the time to figure out what Andrea is up to before he goes and does something stupid. I also love that Mandy is in fact a devoted wife and not the bimbo she plays on the internet! Can't wait for chapter 2.

Sorry. I could never relate to finding out and just sitting for a year on the evidence and pretending she wasn't a hypocritical lying company whore. And I'd never be able to look at her skanky cunt of a friend again without telling her she was a lying cunt to her face.

Sorry. Just can't see anyone I know being capable of playing babysitter and happy cuckold to a sociopath for the better part of a year in order to "get her good". No way any real man could accept sloppy seconds and risk STDs or her getting pregnant by another man and pretend everything was fine. Btw...why didn't he immediately check the DNA of the two kids? It's the first thing I would have thought of when I got the evidence of the affair

So for me? It was "meh". Decent writing. But in this genre I want to be able to relate to the characters. And I couldn't.

Great start looking forward to where this all goes in Ch. 2.

3 stars for a so-so start.

I am a firm believer of the ONCE&DONE type of cheating consequences. This is a pretty good example of multiple episodes of cheating, and there is absolutely NO possibility for a RAAC. Once the TRUST & RESPECT vanish, the marriage is toast. The SLUT is just a toxic cum bucket.

I think this husband should show up at the airport to pick up his wife - with both him and his kids in plastic HAZMAT suits. Not only would this demonstrate his feelings about her infidelity, BUT it should create the shock and awe required to show this SLUT that her behavior is just not acceptable. The added local media attention would heap a great deal of shame on her, the ASSHOLE and their company. HAHAHA

Really nice job. If you're rusty, then you were the bomb years ago. Your craft is terrific. I had the same pit in my stomach while reading that I'm sure Mark had. And THANK you for not making him a military operative with biker gang friends or catching the eye of a hot little sister. The pit in my stomach and I are excited to see where this goes. All the best!

Not a single decent character within the story. Mandy is certainly the worst, even more so than Andrea. Camgirls and Onlyfan's girls are pathetic. And with all of that surgery she's had done on her body, she's easily the ugliest woman in the story. Who wants a fake woman? 1*

Solid start.

A 4 from me.

Great start. Looking forward to the next chapters. Thank

OI think your doing a great job. its a relief these days to read a story and not a confession to being a sissy cuck thats hurting the loving wives section. looking forward to continuing reading you. thank you for a story worth reading

TOB write on bro! Absolutely loved the story & can’t wait for the next chapter. The dialogue and banter btwn Mark’s brother Jake & Jake’s wife Mandy in Chicago was absolutely hilarious! I lmfao & love those 2 characters you created. Great job! 5 big ones ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Actually, it's a Chinese curse, that's what makes it a "Fuck you."

Wow, what a convoluted mess. All he had to do was pull her passport out of her purse before she left. Everything implodes when she can't leave the country and he has proof of her two previous trips to Mexico and Australia. Sure, it doesn't take 3 pages and multiple chapters when you cut out the stupidity...

So far, So good. 5 stars. Looking foreword to the next chapter.

As someone who travels internationally from North America, you lost me at the casual trip to Australia.

NA to Australia is a looooong haul and to do so, she'd need to come up with some justification for a long trip (because I'd need to be longer than a few days that you imply her trips are), the serious jetlag she'd have and how she'd have faked the calls while being 12-13 hours ahead (especially if she's whoring, it would be tougher to match family call times).

Nice start to the story. Really enjoyed getting the various POV's including Andrea.

I don't mark part way through stories, but I'm avidly looking forward to where this is going.

Please hurry and get the next installment. This is a great start.And I can hardly wait to see what he does.

Great start to a good story. Looking forward to chp2. Take your time.amd making as sweet ad the first chapter

Way to slow

Well you certainly painted a "true" picture of Mark as a weak and pathetic, beta type male. It is the very way he presents himself that allowed Andrea to disrespect him. To treat him like a doormat. Mark has no real backbone so Andrea felt entitled to get her "fun" by cheating. Yes, the situation seems a tad strange and we may find that she is a Corporate whore for her Company, organised by Paul. His mention of "we" indicates Andrea is the "party Girl" at Sales conferences, normally held offshore. That would explain, Mexico, Australia and Canada.

Don’t be concerned about being rusty. This story is excellent in all respects. I can’t wait to see the next installment.

5 Stars

I never like, or find believable, story's where the cheated on husband waits for months and months before doing anything. There aren't many who would, knowing what he already knows, sit around and wait before confrontation. Shit, hire a PI and be done with her.

It's OK, just don't drag it out too long. No more than two more installments. Otherwise it will quickly become tedious and boring

A good start, even though a bit loaded with insignificant details.

You write well and you give us a fresh and good different story line.

Nearly perfect, I must say.

But, and this is a big BUT:

You promise to end this story, but you have not even written the installments?

So we will not see the next chapter tomorrow (which I would highly appreciate)?

Please do not make the mistake many others do here: Write your story completely and then submit mit. Preferably in one piece, but consecutive days are ok if each chapter is 3 pages long.

Too much pontificating, but apart from that, an interesting tale.

It has been a good read looking forward to the part.

There's no need to be self effacing about this story. It worked from the beginning. Characters, plot,

locales all work. Human dynamics and their interplay are faultless. Thr only tense issues I can see

are the ones you have created by you in your apologiea. I look forward to reading your concluding

chspters.

Master piece ....Not rush Had depth please do not make us wait long brother ...Good Job

Brother nice work i would say a master piece ....not rush right amount of story that had depth....please brother do not make us wait for long.Really Good Job

so there is no bimbo

and it sound like you are going to stretch this story out long enough for the cuck to keep fucking the whore for a few months making him a cuck and cucks get one star

so I will wait to vote until that happens or not

You left it hanging

I like the tone of this and hope you keep it going:)

The shifts in perspectives are a little clumsy but that might be just in this first part (4 character introductions and exposition messed up the flow a little bit;)...

Looking forward to the next chapter...

Loved your story so far. Keep it going.

This really is a good start to what reads like a great story. Definitely looking forward to your next installment.

I like that the cheating wife has a bit more depth to her than the normal "I accidentally married a nymphomaniac moron because she's hot and I can't believe she cheated on me!"

The characterizations really make this come alive. Love it! Looking forward to more. Keep 'em coming!

Thanks,

Alextaasy

Great start, looking forward to the remainder. Following.

Great story so far! Thank you for taking the time to write and share it with us.

I think it's a great start on what you have described as your goal. Looking forward to the rest.