About Music and Determinism

"Oh" This time he paused. And Mea was now cringing in front of him. "Mea, how long have you been transgender?" She expected a knee-jerk reaction, not a scholarly question. Yet, feeling he was right, Matthew went on "Mea, you are transgender, aren't you?" This time, Mea nodded an assent, unable to speak. "Then you are right. We do need to talk about sex some more."

His heart went out to his beloved, in front of him; he took a deep breath and pleaded "Mea, I love you but I'm already way past my prime as a lover. I have never performed either fellatio or anal sex but I trust you to guide me so we can share our love as it should be shared. I swear I will give you my all and I am yours, and all yours, if you will still have me."

"What the Fuck!?!" Of all the possible answers Matthew expected, that was not one of them. "How can to stay so calm and give me a speech like that!?!" Mea fought a losing battle to avoid shouting. "Were you not married for, what, around 30 years to a WOMAN?!? Are you not, in fact, straight?!? How can you not freak out?!? Did you actually already know or maybe expected this... you and your stupid determinism!?!"

Now Matthew panicked, feeling he was about to lose it all "Mea, my love, how can I reassure you? Would you feel better if I screamed and shouted right in front of you? All I can do is offer acceptance and love and, yet, would you rather I didn't... and too bad so sad if it pains me? Did you know my own son is gay and he never dared tell me, so in fact I learned about it, secondhand, from Lupe? But forget about that... right now, this isn't about me."

"What can I say to assuage your fears? First, Mea dear... you are, in fact, a woman. A woman I love desperately, I might add. Second, of course I am freaking out! Bewilderment, shock, curiosity, fear, gratitude, they're all in here at the same time!!!" He was pointing quickly at his heart and his head.

"Gratitude?" Mea interrupted. At least she was talking again.

"Of course, gratitude, because I'm processing this as fast as I can and I realize you actually gave me your secret as soon as a sexual relation was an eventuality. And I hope it still is, by the way! You took an enormous leap of faith instead of withholding it in fear and ambush me with a WTF moment we might have never recovered from! So, now, let's indeed talk about my silly determinism: I wish to make love to someone younger than my children! I wish to share my life with someone who lives 1 100 miles from my home, who doesn't even use the metric system for crying out loud! I would hope these certainties are challenging enough that I don't also have to worry about labels, or anatomy for that matter. Know that I have been lonely, and now on top of it I am alone. That I use to have more hugs from my son and kisses from my dog, and now they're all I have left. So what if I need you? Should I feel ashamed about it? And, on a lighter note: since I now realize we both take hormone supplements in the morning, I suggest we plan our bathroom with split cabinets because, baby, I REALLY dread a mix-up in that department..." He visibly felt more convincing as he was saying it.

Mea's heart blew up, pure and simple - figuratively speaking, of course. Not knowing how to dissipate all her tension, she grabbed a pillow and swiped Matthew broadside with it. Bracing, Matthew shouted inwardly a triumphant scream and, while grabbing the second pillow, he gave her a playful, but stern, warning.

"Mea darling, if you want to do this, I warn you in all fairness: being a dweeb in a Jesuit dormitory has led me, by necessity, to acquire formidable pillow fighting skills."

"And I was raised with two older macho brothers so bring it on, hotshot!"

Mea learned that Matthew indeed did not boast in vain. As soon as he got a good feel for the pillow's center of gravity, he swung from left to right, easily flipping over her parry and her head, reversing the pillow from right to left, swiping her off balance. Using the rest of the pillow's momentum and now swinging from left to front, he connected straight at her jaw with the pillow equivalent of an uppercut. Mea was seeing stars, teetering. The contest was over, in one and a half swing, practically before it had started.

Matthew then discarded the pillow to try wrestling her down on the bed, which proved a strategic mistake of epic proportion. Matthew, having almost 80 pounds on Mea, took obvious pains to hold back his grapple, while Mea felt obligated by no similar compunction. There ensued a loving wrestling match, more like full-contact cuddling, as they laughingly, lovingly, rolled from the bed to the floor, back up on the couch and back on the floor again.

More importantly to Mea, in addition to the fun and the loving, there was an intimacy to it that she did not expect. Hair was pulled, breasts were groped, buttocks and thighs were pinned down, crotches were rubbed, all without a single flinch or hesitation from Matthew. Or her, for that matter.

(Can he really be SO good? Do I dare believe? Oh I wish it so much...)

By the time Mea gave in to her desire, she was spooning Matthew facing his back, both grappling on their side and trying to climb back on the bed. She clamped her legs around his, mauled his chest with her hands and licked, bit and sucked furiously the side and back of Matthew's neck. The assault on his senses was overwhelming and immediate. "Mmmmmghhhh ... oh ... Meeeeaaaaa ..... aaaaAAAAAHHHHH!"

(He tastes GOOD! ... ooooh and that's going to leave a mark...)

Mea eventually released her grip, allowing Matthew to face her, his face flushed with desire and eyes burning with lust. She was startled by both his feral gaze and the pressure of their burgeoning crotches. "Matthew baby... please take me... please be good to me" she panted, struggling to get out of her dress while still lying on the floor.

Matthew heeded her request, picking her up while righting himself up and gently lowering her on the bed. He briefly inspected the dress, suddenly feeling guilty for the scuffle and hoping it wasn't damaged, but Mea was on another agenda and was undressing. He followed suit, swallowing hard and breathing harder, and by the time both were in their underwear, Matthew managed a last-ditch effort of fatherly caring. "Mea... are you sure? I want this so much but..."

Mea lunged her arms forward, caught Matthew by the neck and lowered him on the bed beside her, where she proceeded to answer with a smoldering kiss that left nothing to the imagination, so full of energy was the assault of her tongue on his own, not wasting any fraction of it in exploration or discovery: it was pure passion. All the while, with one free hand she unclasped her bra and then sat up on the bed to offer herself to her lover, her gaze full of hope.

"Oh my... Mea, you are so magnificent... and your breasts are absolutely spectacular..." He was already cupping them gently with his palms, his thumbs caressing her nipples "...tell me, are they sensitive?"

"Baby, your hands feel nice... but don't worry, you can be harder on them... go on, please yourself, I'm all yours..."

Matthew felt his heart melt and, though he heard his angel, he just couldn't bring himself to tighten his grasp. Instead he started kissing relentlessly her nipples while lowering his hands, caressing her smooth navel region, lowering to her thighs and finally reaching her panties. Mea lifted herself to silently comply.

(Amazing... he's really going there, he WANTS to go there... oh thank you, thank you, thank you my beautiful Matthew)

And so Matthew, at last, was gazing intently at her penis. He figured it looked quite a bit like his, hers maybe a trifle longer but his with a tad more girth. Neither was circumcised. And, while he was figuring out how to try to please her, he heard a soft complaint. "No fair baby... I want to see too" she whispered.

Off went his briefs, in one quick motion. Now, although he heard Mea gasp, he realized she sat motionless, expectantly. In a sense, this was a watershed moment for both of them and Matthew was determined not to disappoint

He gently stroked her, pulling the prepuce back and making sure, oddly enough, that it would not behave differently than his. Watching the first drippings of fluids, his instincts took over and he lowered himself on her. He kissed the glans and licked it clean, the proceeded to lick her organ all along its length, one side at a time, each time stopping to appreciate the effect of his attention.

After reaching the base for the first time, he proceeded to lick her testicles and gently massaged them with his hand from that point on. Mea was glowing, experiencing at the same time astonishment, ecstasy and frustration, so she cheered him on. "Matthew, my dear love, you're amazing... this feels so good... mmmhhh! keep going please, you can take it, you can suuuuuck it... pleaaaaaaseeeee!"

Suck it he did. He coated the entire glans with his lips, tasting it, feeling it, and when he felt ready, he lowered himself, taking in her sex more and more. By the time his mouth reached her testicles, it dawned upon him her crotch was clean shaven. He was silently thankful he could take her without undue pressure on his throat. Emboldened, he began raising and lowering his lips, all the while caressing the glans and the underside with his tongue. And he was enjoying it.

"Wow!! Ohhhhh Baby Wow wow wowowow! Oh I'm going to cum so fast!!! Fuck! What are you doing to meeeeee?"

Now was not the time to develop finesse or stamina and Matthew kept at it, even increasing his steady rhythm, amazed and thrilled he could please her so.

"Baby careful... I'm going to cuuum!"

Matthew just clamped down his lips, fondled her balls and waited... not for long. Jets of cum filled his mouth and, after experiencing the texture, he reminded himself to swallow. Weary of the taste, he held his breath doing so but he found his fear unwarranted. All in all, he felt well pleased with himself, but he still needed validation as he looked up to her. "How was..."

As soon as his mouth was free, Mea kissed him furiously, her tongue in essence replacing her penis and trying to project inwards the full extent of her love, pleasure and appreciation. Opening his eyes, Matthew saw her flushed cheeks and her eyes, lustful and moist.

"You... are one of a kind, baby. I can't believe that was your first time. It was so fantastic! Wow! and you did it again!!!"

"Flutter?"

"Oh hell yeaaah... very good flutter!" She was absolutely beaming now.

"Just tender loving care... for your personal use only." Saying that, he started kissing her, all over, with a very obvious path towards her nice little sphincter.

"Hold on baby! You make me so happy right now, you really have NO idea ... but before we take that step, we need to get clean back there ... so, see you in the shower?"

"After you, honey."

"I love you". Matthew heard her and he didn't care if it was heartfelt or infatuation... he froze. "Follow me, baby..." Mea giggled. "Anal hygiene 101 awaits"

In all fairness, it was cramped in the small shower but Matthew hardly needed an excuse to cuddle and grope his beloved. They both soaped each other lovingly and even tried frottage a little, which was a wild new experience for Matthew and quickly excited Mea again. But she was expecting better things so she proceeded teaching Matthew the basics of anal hygiene. While being attentive, Matthew suddenly became withdrawn, which surprised Mea, then he spoke.

"Mea, I think you should go first. Teach me what to do and how to do it. I know about the prostate and all, but to tell you the truth, I don't have fond memories of my rectal exams. Also, I meant what I said earlier about being passed my prime, and I didn't take any Viagra, so... well... I love you and I really want you to cum and... "

"ssshhht, baby... I told you... you're one of a kind. It will be perfect. And remember: doctors don't try to make you come." She had a warm, benevolent, reassuring smile. "Now lie on your back baby, and for now you will be more comfortable with a pillow under your beautiful butt."

When he was set, Mea proceed to introduce herself to his anus, kissing, licking all around and finally penetrating it with her tongue. The texture, combined with the soft pressure, made Matthew wild and filled him with trepidation for what was to come. When he finally saw Mea's loving gaze again, she was coating her fingers with a glycerin lubricant.

"Ready baby? ... just relax and let doctor Mea do her exam" she said with her husky, hungry smile. In fact, she was more worried than she let on, as she wanted to return the bliss he gave her so naturally. So she just lovingly caressed the sphincter with her lubricated fingers first, all the while caressing his face with her other hand and whispering sweet nothings of affection and love. There was nothing sudden in her gesture, as she prepared him by leaving a finger in front of the orifice and pressing softly.

"Relax... here we go..."

Doctor Mea had a unique touch, and she instinctively stopped probing as soon as she figured Matthew needed to take in the pressure and fight the urge to expel her finger. She would not leave his gaze for a single second, for once challenging his usual intensity, and kept reaffirming love and encouragement. And Matthew, taking it all in, felt good. And happy. And loved. When his smile broadened, she gently pushed her lubed finger all in and slowly aimed for his cock from the inside. "This, baby love, is your prostate".

The jolt was overwhelming and Matthew flinched, gasped and lost all bearing with his universe. "Eeeeeaaaaahhhhh! Ohhh! Meeeeaaaaaa!"

And Mea kept gently rubbing and began a slow in-and-out rhythm. She was relieved because of her success but also fully aware she was being offered an anal cherry in a relationship barely 36 hours old. Flabbergasted by the intensity of both their feelings, she was somewhat struggling to remain in control, to remain the partner and teacher he had asked her to be. And yet she couldn't wait, so she whispered, with a husky tone "Matthew baby, you seem to enjoy this and, since my cock is not that big, I think you're ready for the main event... do you still want me to make love to you?" Her moist eyes were full of hope and lust and Matthew was lost in her loving gaze.

"Oh my God yes, Mea... I love you so much... please love me back..."

She briefly wondered how they always seemed to be able to elevate the romantic intensity in their declarations and gestures. She was frightened to admit she didn't know just how high they could take it. But her desire took over again and she slowly aligned her penis and pressed the glans on the sphincter. "Ready? I love you." No matter her opinion on penis size, Matthew was, well, shocked... in all senses of the word. Mea stopped with about 3 inches in to let him adjust. "Baby, you're doing great... I'm halfway in and it will feel better very soon. Trust me..."

Matthew was panting, eyes closed. "I dddo trussst youuHOUou... mmphhh..."

And Mea pushed herself all the way in her beloved Matthew. The pressure on his prostate and the tightness of his ass were a mutual source of uncompromising pleasure and Matthew managed to open his eyes to find once more her grateful gaze where he had left it.

"Oh Baby that is faaaantastic! You are making me craaaazy with that tight ass of youuuurs"

"Damned riiight it's fantaaastic! Baby you're the bbbest! Ohgodohgodohgodoh GOD!"

Mea couldn't help but giggle, as she taught her Matthew just didn't swear, and that motivated her more to blow his mind. She started pumping... slowly, as she still had to keep control of herself. "Baby, baby, your ass is so hhhoootttt! I'm so not going to laaaast"

"Oh yeah?" And Matthew, with a now mischievous smile, tried clenching is colon muscles.

"MMwwwaaaagh!!! You BAD BOY! ouggghhhh!" and Mea, knowing that surge would surely bring her to orgasm, furiously pumped her dick until, a couple of strokes later, she erupted incessantly and coated his guts with cum.

Matthew, all the while, reached up, grabbed his Mea and pulled her down to his chest, pressing her on him and whispering incoherently his love. "lovyou...lovyou...lovyou...lovyou...lovyouuuuuuu"

After who knows how long, their panting gave way to regular breathing and Mea's cock was expelled from its feel-good place.

"Fantastic... forever ... bathroom." Mea was almost tempted to try to pin him on the bed but, laughing longingly, relented. She realized she was hoping Matthew would be able and willing to reciprocate and debated about it inwardly, wondering if it was not too much too soon. Then again, she wanted to be a woman, a real woman, to him. As soon as he came back, she pleaded, now on all fours, wiggling her tushy and looking back to him.

"Matthew honeeeeey, look what I have for you... JUSSSST for you!"

To his credit, Matthew had regained enough sense to understand her wish. To her amazement, he returned the courtesy of licking her anus without skipping a heartbeat.

(Why do I get him? I KNOW I don't deserve him... I will make it up to him forever)

"Oh Baby I love you SO... I know what my ass can take, honey... I'm ready for you! Just lube your beautiful cock and put it in there, where it BELONGS!!!"

Matthew knew full well his average penis was not a thing of beauty or awe, yet the compliment did ignite a spark in his heart. He would not dare break the mood and argue this while coating his penis with lubricant. When he was ready, he slowly, and silently, penetrated her, fully focused on his goal of projecting endless love.

"Oooohhhh baby, it feels good in there, please fuck me, baby give to me... baby?"

It was not meant to be. Soon after his third stroke in her, Matthew felt his erection falter and his penis was soon expelled by Mea, despite her best efforts. Both were heartbroken and Mea knew she had to help him recover quickly.

"Mea, I'm so sorry... I told you I wasn't..." he was sighing, verging on sobbing.

"Not another word honey!!! Don't you dare sell yourself short. I have NEVER been so well loved and you made me come TWICE in almost no time! It didn't work tonight, who gives a fuck!!! we're going to try again and if you want to fuck my ass, you get to try every hour, on the hour, if you want! I am yours and you have been ALL you have promised me you would be. Now we get to share this moment... and I want this for you, so hush and let me make you cum!"

Mea did not let him object, or even react, and she knelt in from of him and quickly proceed to massage his prostate with two fingers, all the while stroking his reinvigorated cock and shouting encouragement. "Come on, stud!!! Let me at that cum! Paint me! Mark me!"

"Wow! oh wow! I love youuuu! how do you dooooo ..." He didn't get to finish the question and he came. No jets, no ropes, just a steady drizzle of cum, that Mea was spreading all over her breasts, shaking and stroking her ever grateful partner. "WhouhouHOU! you better stop, angel of mine... ouch!"

"sooorry... guess I got little carried away". Both were laughing now and Mea was so relieved. She would work on him, she thought, and he was so much worth any effort it would take. That thought froze dead in its track, as Mea felt a tongue on her. She simply could not believe it: Matthew was licking her clean. She was so mesmerized by this, she just... let him.

"I know it's not a contest, sweetheart, but you taste better. This being said, thank you, this has been the most erotic moment in my life."

"Ooooh, mine too, baby! You are good to me beyond words! And we will be better."

"I believe you... and I'm a little scared of you. Now, enough fun and games... I suppose you work tomorrow, so any chores I can help you with before bedtime?"