Abuse Addict

Early on at the beginning of our separation, it wasn't long before I realized that with my then soon-to-be ex-wife no longer coming home to where I lived, I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Other than the actual location of where I lived, my life hadn't really changed. But the habit of calling Linda, the anticipation of wondering if or when she would come in the door, wondering what mood to expect, and even seeing the continuous flow of bag after bag of more of her new purchases dropped in the kitchen were all now missing from my life. Decades of conditioning my reactions to her behavior left a void in my life.

This felt a lot like I did years ago when I quit smoking. After a week of no nicotine, I knew the physical addiction was gone. But the anticipation of holding one of those disgusting cancer sticks between my fingers would drive me to pour another cup of coffee or open a can of beer, which only served to make it worse, since a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other went together!

So, sitting at a bar, missing the anticipation of waiting for Linda to possibly join me was driving me to drink more. And even knowing that Linda would never be coming there didn't stop that anxious feeling.

I was conditioned by my ex-wife's abusive behavior! Even though I was now free to do whatever I wanted; the bar seemed the same. I was addicted to being used by that bitch! Women were like cigarettes! Once you get comfortable with one, they're addictive!

Something had to change in my habits to break this cycle, or I would end up sitting in a bar every night as the local drunk! I needed to find another woman, one who wouldn't let me down by denying me sex or emotionally abuse me like this.

The Lifestyle

I still wanted sex (with a woman), so I found a website for swingers and set up a profile as a single, straight male. Of course, there were too many single males on that site, far outnumbering the single females. But it was an interesting experience.

I soon found some parties which were open to anyone who showed up. And I attended a few swinger "meet ups" at restaurants, bars, or dance clubs. I even explored a few swinger clubs in the larger metro areas near cities. Those swinger clubs limit the number of single guys they allow on any night. But I soon made some friends among the married wives to join them in threesomes going to a club. And I received a few invites to attend private couples' house parties. It was at one of those private parties where I met Judy.

She's a tall, brunette, at five-foot nine with a lithe figure and an ample chest. At the house party where we met, she was wearing a "little black dress" with nothing else and going barefoot the whole evening. I didn't get to spend time with her at first, as she went off with the party host husband and another guy. A half hour later, when I passed the room where they disappeared, the door was open, and I stopped to watch her on her hands and knees, as the host was finishing pumping his load into her open mouth.

Standing at the door enjoying their show, I watched as the host pulled his pants on and left, leaving her still being fucked from behind by the other guy. When Judy saw me at the door, she beckoned me in saying "My mouth is open now, and you look over dressed."

Ms Right

After obliging the woman by fucking her mouth, she even cheerfully swallowed, then Judy and I talked afterwards over a glass of wine. (She had to rinse that cum taste out of her mouth before I'd kiss her.) She said it would be easier for both of us in the Lifestyle if we go together as a couple, because some swingers are leery of single males or females. The married ones don't want the potential emotional connections of a single swinger trying to get closer to their spouse, trying to get them to meet outside of house parties. So, we agreed to start dating.

After our second date, Judy pointed out how much she enjoys sex and said she wanted to spend more time with me. It wasn't long before we were sleeping together at one of our apartments, enjoying sex together almost every night. And at swinger parties, we'd have same-room sex, where I would fuck other women, while Judy's having other men on the bed right beside me. She would often look over at me to see that I was watching her, and if I wasn't, she'd reach with a finger to turn my chin toward her, locking eyes with me and smiling.

I thought that was an interesting dynamic, turning toward her to see another guy's cock pounding into my girlfriend, or seeing her with his cock in her mouth. Later after cleaning up and going to bed together, she would insist on talking about it. She'd ask if I had a good view of those cocks going into her. She said she loved the idea of her boyfriend watching her sucking and fucking other guys.

We both continued with some of our previous routines, with me disappearing on Sunday mornings for my usual eighteen holes of golf, keeping me busy for five hours. After I retired from the Army, I found golf to be a relaxing sport, focusing on preparing myself as the machine to trigger the ball toward its target, then having a drink afterwards. The routines felt familiar, ... comforting.

Judy would sometimes have her "girl's night out" with her girlfriends or visit her grown daughter, who lived a two-hour drive away. But otherwise, we began spending almost all of our free time together.

Ours was almost like a love-at-first-sight story (well, at least a love at first suck!) After the years of sexual neglect from my bitch ex-wife, Judy seemed to be the girl of my dreams.

****

We Need To Talk

We had been dating exclusively with each other (except for the fuck parties) for about three months. Then one evening when we met for drinks after work, Judy said if we were going to continue together, it was about time for me to meet her daughter. But first we needed to talk a little more about our pasts. She said there were things she wanted to know about me, and probably some things I should know about her.

I hadn't discussed my ex-wife with Judy, and she never pressed me for any details. And the same went for her ex-husband. I felt she'd tell me what I needed to know if it was important. But I wanted to look ahead in our relationship, not dwell on the past.

Mentioning that we needed to know more of our pasts, she asked if I was really enjoying the house parties with her as my date, and did I ever do things like that with my first wife?

"No, we were monogamous," I said.

Judy said she and her first husband started that way as monogamous when they married. But after the first few years and after their daughter was born, she was the one who brought up the idea of swinging. At first, her husband agreed. But the tensions and jealousy crept in, and their swinging lifestyle didn't last. They stopped after two years. Judy said she had trouble adjusting to the monogamous sex again, and she missed some of the fun they had at the parties. So, she kept bringing up the possibility of getting back into the lifestyle.

"In hindsight," Judy said, "that's probably what pushed him over the edge. We'd be watching a girl in a porn video sucking cock, and my husband would start getting hard. Then I'd ask him if he remembered seeing me blowing another guy's cock like that. And I think it opened old wounds in him."

"So, when our daughter was about ten years old, he filed for divorce. He just couldn't handle the memories of that time of our life anymore, or the images in his mind of seeing me with other men. He was still jealous having seen me with those guys and enjoying myself at the house parties."

"Well, I'm enjoying the parties," I said. "I think it's hot seeing you fucking other guys."

"There's something I need to ask you though," Judy began, her voice sounding serious. "Are you REALLY comfortable watching me with those other guys? My first husband couldn't handle it. What if we go to a party sometime, and you don't find another woman you want there? Would you be jealous of me still going off with another guy?"

"If we're going together with other couples, it's rather balanced with men and women there. It's not like the clubs, where there are a lot of single guys. So, I'm sure I can find another woman to keep me busy."

"You're still somewhat new to this lifestyle with just a year or two in it. It doesn't always work out that way. There are a lot of wives out there who are at a party to explore more of their Bi side, looking for other women. Just because they arrive as a husband and wife doesn't mean the wife is looking for other husbands as her playmates. I know when Jake and Melissa show up at a party, Melissa doesn't even pretend to hide it. She wouldn't be looking to you. She's more interested in ME! So, there might be a time when you find yourself as 'the odd man out.' Could you still handle watching your date having fun with the other guys?"

"Yeah, I think so. After all, you'd fuck them anyway if I had another woman with me, so what's the difference?"

"I was hoping you'd see it that way. ... There's something I'd like you to do for me. ... I haven't found any guy who can keep up with my needs. And that's not to say you can't please me. You do. But some women can handle more sex than any one guy can give her. You've seen me take two or three at those house parties. ... Sometimes I need more."

"Oh?" I asked, now wondering where she's going with this.

"About once a month, I like four or more guys at the same time. And I don't want my husband ... or now my boyfriend to be one of them. But I'd like to see you there watching me. And I've been missing that, having you watch me when I'm getting it."

I sat there speechless for a few seconds as she studied my face, looking for my reaction. But I was maintaining a blank expression as I thought about what she just said. Then I pointed out "You've been missing me ... watching. You? ... in a gangbang! ... When were you doing this?"

"My friend, Carla organized several guys to come over to my place two times during your golf games. But she's having trouble getting them that early on a Sunday morning. And I'd really like more, with you being there."

"... Wow! You just expect me to sit there and watch you, as a bunch of guys take turns fucking you?" I asked in an incredulous tone. "And I guess you'd expect me to clean you afterwards to complete the humiliation," I added, my tone now sounding a little angry.

"NO!" she insisted, shaking her head. "I won't ask you to do that," and she sounded apologetic. "I don't want to humiliate you. I just miss you being with me, like when we're at the house parties and you look over at me when I'm with another guy. You've watched me do it, and you said you're not jealous."

She was right with that; I did say I wasn't jealous and that I did like seeing her being fucked. But to sit there and just watch and do nothing? ... It might be like watching a live action porn show.

I sat back in my chair, relaxing after trying to think it through and wondering what the objective would be. "Why?" I asked. "Why would you want me to just watch you with other guys?"

"I don't know," Judy said in a dejected tone. "... Maybe it started with a time in college, ... when my boyfriend caught me ... I didn't cheat on him! ... He saw me with another guy who was trying to hug me, so he thought I did and jealously stormed off. Then with my husband's judgmental issues and jealousy ... I need to know you're stronger than them."

"So, I have to prove it to you."

I thought back to those times with Linda and her going out to lunch with a co-worker, my suspicions, and her repeatedly standing me up. I tried talking to her about it, but always got the "there's nothing going on" refrain with no changes to her bad behavior or any explanation of what she expected from me.... At least Judy is being clear about what she needs.

"... If you can watch, do this for me, just watch me, I promise you that you'll never go without sex. I want you to take me any time, anyway you want, and wherever you want, ... except for the day of my gangbangs. Then you have to go without sex that day each month and the three to five hours when I get my way, until I'm done ... And you have to watch! Afterwards, you get whatever you want. ... I'm hoping you'll eventually take over interviewing and selecting the guys for me, to schedule the session."

I took a deep breath and calmed, remembering the fun we've had over the last few months, ... the times when I'd finish shooting my load in another wife as I continued watching Judy with two other guys. After I'm spent from fucking another woman, it is ... interesting? ... erotic? to see Judy with a cock in her mouth while she's being fucked. If I just look at this as her asking me to delay my own gratification and release until later, ... maybe it won't be so bad.

"I guess we can try it," I said with only a hint of reluctance. "So, what now?"

"Now you're ready to meet my twenty-four-year-old daughter," she said with a sigh of relief. "After our divorce, my ex-husband made sure she knew all about my needs. So, she'll probably ask if you're ready to be a cuckold for your gangbang slut. And 'Yes', she'll use those terms; to her, you're my cuckold and I'm your slut. But she's still my daughter, so you'll need to get used to it."

*****

'Cuckold?' I thought about Judy's immature and brainwashed daughter. I know who I am and fuck the judgmental 'armchair pussies' like her! It's just another job, all about planning, and weighing the risk and reward.

I refilled the glass of bourbon (my third) on the dresser beside my easy chair. Glancing at the video camera on the tripod, I adjusted it to zoom out a little.

They were all told to keep her in a position where she could see me sitting here, watching her from the side so I'd get the best view of their cocks going into her. The camera caught at least a minute of close-up with the masked Black guy pounding into her ass as she rocked back on him and the one she was riding of the White guy beneath her. I shifted the camera to center her cum-covered face in the view as the third guy managed to shoot his spunk into her open mouth. When he was done shooting his load, he wiped the last drop from the tip onto her bottom lip, and she closed her mouth to swallow. Then my girlfriend turned her head to look at me and smiled. She ducked her head down as she concentrated on rocking backward onto the two Viagra-enhanced dicks still buried in her cunt and ass.

My cellphone pinged and I read the incoming text from Carla. 'Judy asked me to remind you: if you're a good boy, I'm supposed to suck you dry while she cleans up later.'

God DAMN those cigarettes! They always felt so good!!!

Four of the guys already left, and at least one of them probably reported to Carla. And these last three shouldn't last more than another hour until Judy wears them out. So, if I can just hold it together a little longer ... Patience!

'Yes, still watching.' I replied.

Hearing the cellphone ping, Judy looked back at me, and I picked up my bourbon, raising it in salute, as I gave her a somewhat tight, strained smile. Then I looked at my drink glass and set it back down to distract myself with the video camera, trying to break another bad habit.

Epilogue

Judy and I were at the latest house party. Near the end of the evening, she was wiping away the third cum shot from her pussy as I finished fucking the hostess, Maggie.

Dan and Maggie are a somewhat unique couple with their own kink. When we left the bedroom, Maggie made a point of letting my cum run down her thigh to show her husband. Apparently, she had done that several times to him throughout the evening. Dan told his wife he'd give her ten minutes to clean herself, then she'd better be ready in her face down, ass up position for her spanking.

Maggie just smiled and cooed coyly, saying "Yes, Sir!" as she turned to head toward their master bedroom.

Dan turned to me, saying "I'm looking forward to next weekend. Judy said you lined up nine others this time."

"Yeah, I have a few of my golf buddies coming over. And don't forget your Viagra or your mask," I reminded him. "I'm hoping each of you can last longer with her and get it up again for a second or third round. I'm looking for the right mix of guys to wear her out until she says 'I've had enough!'"

***

I look at each of these sessions like the old days in the Army, standing in a foxhole and mud or lying patiently in a hide and waiting for the shot, looking up at the rain and thinking 'embrace the suck, this too shall pass.'

I went from one extreme to the other, from waiting for the frigid bitch to now being with the gangbang slut. Reflecting on this latest version of abuse I'm taking from the woman in my life, I thought, 'At least Judy's not leaving me sitting alone in a bar. And focusing on the videos is more fun than drinking.'

... Tomorrow starts my turn again. Maybe I'll tell my slut she has to come into my office, to kneel under my desk, sucking me off during another Monday morning project meeting. Or I wonder if she'd watch as her daughter ...

*****

Lyrics:

"Talkin' 'bout people usin' people,

It all depends on what you do.

It ain't too bad the way you're usin' me,

'Cause I sure am usin' you, to do the things you do."

The End

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