Accidental Bull

I caught the inkling of a smile in her voice with some relief.

"I talked to Frank this morning. He really does love you and we're both concerned about you."

"You two don't have to be concerned. I'm actually dealing with it pretty well, considering. I'm really lucky to have two great guys concerned about me. Most women would kill for that."

"Well, you don't have to kill for it with us. We'll give it to you for free because we both care about you."

"Jim that's so sweet. And do you know what? I know you both do care for me and that gives me a really warm and protected feeling. That's what's pulling me through now. You both still care for me even though I've let you both down."

"Damn it Judy. You have not let either one of us down. You gave it your best try. What else can anybody ask for? In point of fact, I'm the one who let you down. I'm the one who should have noticed early on that you weren't Domme material. But my ego wouldn't let me see it. I was bound and determined to prove I could train you. So it's I who owe you an apology."

"You don't owe me an apology."

"Okay. I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me and we both can forgive Frank and when we catch up to him we'll both demand he forgive us. Then everybody will be forgiven and we can stop this mea culpa bullshit and get on with things. Deal?"

She actually laughed out loud. "You've got yourself a deal, Sweetie." Then more seriously, "But before we move on can I ask one more serious question about BDSM and will you give me an honest answer?"

When people ask for an honest answer, I get nervous. It's usually some question like, "Do these pants make me look fat?" But against my better judgment I said, "Of course."

She asked, "Do you think I'm a sub?"

That completely blindsided me so I answered with this sage response, "Huh?"

"Weren't expecting that were you?" she laughed. "But it's obvious to everybody involved, especially me that I'm not a Domme. So does that make me a sub?"

I made a quick recovery and responded, "Not necessarily. Most people are neither. Just because you're not a Domme doesn't automatically make you a sub. You could be neither one. In fact, odds are you're not either one. But in the final analysis, you're the only one who can ultimately answer that question. By the way, where in the hell did that question come from?"

"Oh I don't know," she mused. "It just kinda drifted through my mind as I was falling asleep last night."

"Well, why don't we discuss it sometime after you're feeling better?" I didn't know why but I was dodging her. Did I want her to be a sub or not? This could get pretty tangled up if we weren't careful.

Not giving her a chance to respond, I changed the subject. "By the way. I'm actually gonna be in your town next month for a week on a business trip. We need to get the three of us together to have dinner. I'll buy."

"Oh Jim, I'd love that! she squealed. It was good to hear the deadness lift from her voice

We ended up just visiting for the next 30 minutes about nothing and everything and when we hung I felt we were back on solid ground.

The Other Shoe Drops

For the next week Judy and I stayed in touch by email. Her notes to me were upbeat and she seemed to be back to her old self. Yet I was still nervous. She had dropped a shoe when she asked me if she was a sub and I had postponed discussing it for reasons I didn't fully understand. I knew at some point the other shoe was going to drop with a line in one of her emails that would read something as follows: "Well, I'm feeling better now. So can we discuss whether I'm a sub? You promised."

Yes I had and I knew I had to deliver when the time came.

Well, the other shoe finally dropped but it wasn't Judy who dropped it.

Sissyboy33: Sir, this is frank, may I approach?

Shaman325: Hello Frank, you don't have to approach me as sub.

Sissyboy33: Thank you Sir for that permission, but please allow me to treat you as a Dom while we're online. Judy and I talked it over and I'm gonna be a cyber slut. It's not quite the same but at least I get to act on my submissive nature here.

Shaman325: Fine. So did you drop by to swish for me?

Sissyboy33: (blush) No Sir, but thank you for noticing. I actually think I need to tell you about a conversation that Judy and I had last night. I think you'll find it interesting to say the least.

I was involved in two other IM conversations and another conversation in the chat room I was in.

Shaman325: OK. Set up a private room and let me know where to find you. I've gotta shut down a couple of more conversations and I don't want us to be interrupted.

He agreed and I began ending my conversation with the other three people. He sent me the information on the private room, so I entered the information and joined him.

Shaman325: So what's up?

Sissyboy33: Well Sir, since the other night Judy has been asking me a lot of questions about submission. But particularly she's been asking me what drew me to it. She wanted to know what the turn-on was and how it made me feel and things like that.

I thought I could see the direction this was going but was getting curious about the details.

Shaman325: Go on

Sissyboy33: Well Sir. Being the sweet gal that she is I thought these were informational questions from her and that she was trying to understand where I was coming from so she could relate to her perverted husband better.

Shaman325: But that wasn't it?

Sissyboy33: No Sir. That turned out to be part of it, but she leveled me last night. We got to a lull in the conversation and then all of a sudden she announced that the reason she couldn't Domme me was that she was a sub too! What do you think of that?

I just sat there looking at the screen.

Sissyboy33: Sir?

Sissyboy33: Sir?

Sissyboy33: Sir, did I offend you in someway or did you get booted or something?

Shaman325: No to both questions. So how do you feel about that?

Sissyboy33: At first I was just shocked. Then I remembered you and me talking about her wanting to serve and it started to make sense to me. I was happy for two reasons then. The first reason was that she seemed to be so comfortable with it and was happy with having made the decision. The second one was more selfish. I thought that now maybe she would really understand me better.

Shaman325: So what happened then?

Sissyboy33: I told her that if she was sure she was a sub she should find a Dom for herself.

Shaman325: And how did she respond to that?

Sissyboy33: She said she wouldn't even consider it unless I was willing to look for a Domme also.

Shaman325: So is that what the two of you agreed to?

Sissyboy33: No Sir. I told her I didn't want to serve any other woman but her and I would serve her in my own way even if she wasn't a Domme. I begged her to think hard about getting herself a Dom because I wanted her to be happy. But she just was adamant. She said an emphatic NO. So I told her she should convince you to be her Master.

Shaman325: And?

Sissyboy33: She gave me this kind of funny look then got up and told me she was going to bed.

Shaman325: And that was the end of the conversation?

Sissyboy325: Yes Sir. She went straight to bed. But she didn't say no. So Sir would you please take Judy as your sub?

Shaman325: Judy and I both deserve more respect than having you pimp her out to me.

Sissyboy33: Sir, please. You misunderstand what I'm trying to do. My intent is to show both of you the greatest respect I can. I'm doing this for Judy. I want her to be happy and I know she'll never be fully happy if I'm the only man in her life because I can't give her what she needs. This is my act of ultimate submission to her. I'm submitting totally to her needs by giving her the freedom to be happy even if it's with another man. And Sir. I'm showing my respect for you because I'm showing my trust in you to take care of the person I love more than life itself.

He was right on all counts. I couldn't argue with him at all. I knew he loved her deeply and was sacrificing his own submission to her needs for submission. I gained a new respect for Frank at that moment. I also knew he was right about something else. He could trust me.

However, it wasn't as simple as saying abracadabra and POOF! She was my sub and we all lived happily ever after. I'd seen too many times when the reality of BDSM was much different from the idealized visions that people had made of it, especially when spouses were aware but not directly involved. One thing I did know. I didn't want to be a party to anything negative happening to the very loving relationship that Judy and Frank shared. I had been around long enough to know how rare that is. So I knew I had to make this decision as hard as possible for both of them.

Shaman325: Frank, I'm honored by your trust. But let's simply start off with some simply general questions. Do you think you could look across the breakfast table at her on the morning after she has willingly been a total slut the night before with another man?

Sissyboy33: Sir, I'm a sub and I know how a sub thinks. If my Mistress asked me to behave like a slut, I would unquestioningly do it and do it not only willingly, but happily as well because it was pleasing to her for me to do that. Since Judy's a sub also, how could I hold her to a different standard? Besides, I would be too happy for her happiness to not be happy myself.

Shaman325: What about jealousy?

Sissyboy33: If I were jealous, it would be of her not of her Master.

Shaman325: Wouldn't you be afraid of losing her to her Master?

Sissyboy33: I've thought about that. I'd be heartbroken. But if leaving me made her happier I would willingly relinquish her. Not happily, but willingly. So will you take her Sir?

Shaman325: That's a moot point, Frank. You're not in a position to act as her agent and she has not expressed to me any interest in being my sub.

Sissyboy33: Can't you call her up, Sir and ask her? I know she would say yes.

Shaman325: No. I don't do that. If a sub wants to have a relationship with me as their Dom they have to take the initiative to ask.

Sissyboy33: So if she asks you'll take her?

Shaman325: I didn't say that. All I said was that it wouldn't happen if she doesn't ask.

I knew in my heart of hearts that if she asked I'd probably take her. But I also knew that she'd have to convince me first that she knew what she was getting herself in for and that she truly wanted it.

Frank did a little more whining but basically our conversation was over. When he finally accepted that fact, I got this from him:

Sissyboy33: Okay. I give up. So I better head for bed. I have to work tomorrow. But I could probably be persuaded to stay up a little longer for a cyber session with a strong, manly Dom (hint, hint) <eg>

Shaman325: Jesus Christ, Frank! Have you gone faggot on me? You really have turned into a slut haven't you? (I knew that response would make him cream his sub jeans)

Sissyboy33: Oh thank you Sir for noticing. Talk dirty to me, please Sir. Tell me what you would do to me if you were here and let me jerk off while you do.

Shaman325: I'd probably cut your balls off and feed them to you. Good night Frank.

Two days later Judy called.

The Negotiations

Most people outside the BDSM community don't realize that the process for a Dom and a sub connecting for more than a single session is not as simple as a sub saying, "Will you be my Master?" and the Dom saying, "Sure." There is a pretty involved process of interviewing, testing, and negotiating that takes place. There is a broad continuum of BDSM that stretches from Bondage and Discipline to Sado-Masochism and all points in between. Both the Dom and the sub need to fall somewhere close to one another on that continuum. Then there are all kinds of other things including agreement on limits that have to be negotiated and agreed to by both parties. So when Judy called, the process began.

"Hi, Jim it's me."

"Hi, Judy how are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine, except I'm embarrassed. It seems like I've been embarrassed more times with you than the entire rest of my life."

"Embarrassed?"

"Yes. I was embarrassed the first two times I IMed you. I was embarrassed when I was telling you all about Frank's and my sex life. I was embarrassed when you told me to masturbate on the phone and I did. I was embarrassed when I couldn't dominate Frank and here I am embarrassed again."

"Why are you embarrassed now?"

"Well..." she giggled nervously. "I'm sure you have figured out that Frank told me about your conversation online the other night."

I remained silent knowing that she wanted me to take the lead in the conversation at this point.

"You're not going to make this easy are you?"

"No." I answered sternly.

Another nervous giggle. "Well Frank convinced me that I should be your sub."

"And?"

"What do you think?"

"So you want me to be your Master?"

"Yes Sir."

"Then the place to start is by asking me."

She responded very softly, "I want you to be my Master, Sir."

"Then ask me."

"I thought I did, Sir."

"No. You made a statement. Asking requires a question."

"I'm sorry, Sir." She paused while formulating her question.

"Sir, would you please accept me as your sub?"

"That's better. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?"

She giggled now, sounding more relieved. "Harder than you know, Sir."

"You do remember that I'm a humiliation Dom don't you?"

"Yes Sir.

"And so you want to be my humiliation slut?"

"Yes Sir."

"Then ask me."

"Please Sir. Let me serve you as your loving humiliation slut."

"You're not used to using words like that are you?"

"No Sir."

"How does it make you feel?"

"Embarrassed and aroused Sir."

"Good. So you're sure you want to go through with this?"

"Yes Sir, I'm sure."

"Masturbate for me."

"Yes Sir."

"Talk to me while you do and tell me what you're doing. And don't cum without permission. Ask me for permission when you get there."

"Yes Sir."

"Are you lying or sitting."

"I'm on my back on my bed, Sir."

"Were you already wet?"

"Very wet Sir."

"How wet?"

A groan escaped her lips. "It's running out of me, Sir."

"Where is it running?"

(Whimper) "Down to my... um rectum, Sir."

"OK. Now tell me what you're doing."

"I'm getting my fingers wet for lubrication, Sir."

I could now hear her breath coming in short ragged bursts. Moans were coming closer together.

"Keep talking."

"I'm rubbing my clitoris now, Sir." she whimpered.

"Keep talking."

"I'm putting three fingers inside me."

"Inside what?"

"My vagina, Sir."

(Note to self: change her language from clinical to slut)

"Are they good and wet now?"

"Yes Sir."

"Then reach farther down and place one of your fingers in your asshole."

"I've never done that, Sir."

"Did I ask for your masturbation resume?"

"No Sir."

"Then do it!"

"Yes Sir."

I could hear her straining to reach and insert her finger. Her ragged breath, moans and straining sounds were getting my cock hard. I could have stuck a match on it.

"I'm in Sir," she gasped.

"How deep?"

"I can't tell, Sir."

"Wiggle your finger around. Are you past the sphincter muscle and inside your ass?"

"Yes Sir."

"Then finger fuck your ass."

"Yes Sir," she groaned.

"Do you like this?"

"If it pleases you, Sir, I love it," she giggled.

That's sub-speak for no. This girl is a fast learner.

"Alright, it's time to take it on home. Do what you have to do to get off. Just tell me what you're doing and don't forget to ask permission to cum."

"Yes Sir," she whimpered. "I'm putting two fingers in my vagina and rubbing my clitoris with my thumb."

(Note to self: God! Make sure she learns to talk like a slut)

"Then you go girl. Cum for me!"

Her moans, groans and whimpers got louder and her breath was coming in machinegun-like bursts. I could tell she was getting close. I unzipped my pant and released my now painful cock from its confines.

"Please, uh, uh, Sir. May uh I uh, uh climax?"

(Climax? Shudder)

"You think you're ready?"

"Oh God yes!" she actually screamed.

"Then I guess you better do it. Cum for me slut!"

The scream that came over the phone lines was louder, longer and more shrill than the first time I had heard it.

(Note to self: Make appointment with audiologist to check for hearing loss)

I sat silently as her orgasm subsided. I could hear her aftershocks as they continued for almost two minutes. Obviously her orgasm had been massive. "This is a good sign," I thought to myself.

Finally she giggled nervously and said, "Thank you Sir. That was one of the biggest climaxes I've ever had."

"It seems you like being told what to do."

"Yes Sir. But I think when you called me a slut it pushed me farther over the edge."

"So being a slut excites you?"

"Yes Sir. But being called one excites me even more."

"Good slut," I made a kissing sound over the phone.

"So have you decided to allow me to be your slut?"

"I haven't made the final decision yet. You're off to a good start but there are a lot of things that must be worked out first.

"What kind of things, Sir?"

"First. When I told you to stick your finger up your ass, you hesitated and almost argued with me. I won't tolerate that. When I give you directions, you're to follow them immediately with no hesitation. Is that fully understood?"

"Yes Sir. I understand and I'm sorry I didn't do that."

"Nonetheless. I'm going to punish you for that so you understand how serious I am."

"Yes Sir"

"Since I'm not there to enforce it, I'm gonna have to depend on you to do what I say. Can I trust you to follow my instructions?"

"I'll do anything you say, Sir. I swear to you I will."

"I believe you."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Okay. Do you have an electric fan of some kind?"

"Yes Sir. We have an outdoor one out on our patio."

"Can you bring it inside?"

"Yes Sir."

"Do you have a shower?"

"Yes Sir. We have both a tub and a separate shower stall."

"OK. Here's what I want you to do. Take the fan into your bathroom. Point it at the shower stall and turn it on high. Step into the shower leaving the door open. Turn on nothing but the cold water. Then I want you to remain in the shower under the cold stream for 15 minutes. Not a minute less. Then turn off the shower and step out staying in the wind from the fan for one minute. Then turn off the fan. Don't dry yourself off. Remain naked and go about your regular routine until you are completely dry, including your hair. Then and only then can you put clothes on. Do you have any questions?"

"No Sir. That's very clear."

"Good. There are a couple of other things also. I want you to wait until Frank gets home tonight to do this. You will greet him naked. You will tell him that you disappointed me today and that you are being punished and he is to monitor you for me. Got that?

"Yes Sir."

"After you've gotten completely dry I want you to seduce Frank. OK?"

"Yes Sir."

"Then after he's cum in you, you will demand that he clean your cunt out with his mouth and eat his own cum. Do you understand?"

"Did you say 'demand' Sir?"

"Yes I did"

"Then that's what I'll do Sir."

"Then after he finishes tell him to call me and tell me everything that's happened since he's been home."

"Yes Sir."

"You will also send me an email after he finishes talking to me with a written apology for disappointing me."

"Yes Sir. I'll begin composing it right away."

"Are you still wet?"

"Yes Sir."

"Well I'm hard as a rock so I'm gonna get my current trainee to take care of it for me. So hold on for just a few minutes."

"You have a trainee already Sir?"

"Yes I do." I didn't tell her that tomorrow I would turn her over to her Master because her training would be ending.