All Comments on 'Acting Out Ch. 02'

It seems like you wrote this, edited it, rewrote it, re-edited it, and some of the time you were writing it in the first person, sometimes in the second person, and sometimes in the third person. AND your first person narrative changed without explanation or notice. So, to put it kindly, it was pretty hard to follow. "Jayne slapped her face at this and a bolt of sharp pain shot through my cheek." WHO is narrating? Was it sympathetic pain that the boyfriend imagined? Was it the Katie's cheek or Jayne's? Don't just edit for spelling (although you needed it), or for grammar (although you needed that too), but also for context and consistency. And if you edit and rewrite on the fly, go back when you're finished and read it through again, SLOWLY, to look for mistakes like you've made in this story.

The fiance needs to step up and pleasure both of the women. To hell with going to work this day, they have a very serious relationship to work out, that can give both women so much pleasure while sharing their man.

Really hot and erotic, and I'll be watching for the next chapter.