All Comments on 'Action, Reaction and Consequences Ch. 09'

This story was too long.

I loved the first part but it went down from there.

You do write well but the story needs to be more compact.

Regards

Hi Mightyheart thank you for your comments throughout. It's an equation of 2 parts- I enjoy writing, don't forget, it's simply a hobby for me, so I wanted to write something fairly complicated and take more than a few left turns along the way.

The bonus, is Lit let's me publish my work. If one other individual gains some enjoyment from the read , then

two of us enjoyed ourselves.

I've a fair bit written up roughly along with storyboard stock, so keep an eye out, I hope to put out some fun stuff.

The last, short part of this series should go out in next couple days, I have a "full fat" version of "20 in 750' to follow behind INKENT

Love the details in your story which defines the characters and their actions, well done!

Nasty56 thanks for comments. The character development was something I tried hard to develop. It's not to everybody's taste, even I like the odd quick and dirty read.

Final part should be up by end of the week hopefully meets expectations of those that have stayed the course.

INKENT

Meh! Cliffhanger endings were popularized by shitty writers who knew their writing wasn’t good enough to bring people back for the next instalment of the story. Have more confidence in your writing as you clearly have too much talent to use such a cheap plot device. You really don’t need it.

LNRAstro, appreciate your comment, let's just say I'm old skool and brought up expecting a hook for the next part.

I could have extended this to add the fairly short final chapter, but I chose not to for a simple reason. There are multiple ways that this tale can take to round it off, I've taken one path.

I genuinely would like to see whatever permutations others can concoct to finish this saga off so this point is the ideal place to do it.

I have a fair amount of material after this, in most parts they'll be posted as you appear to like them. Complete, and in one hit.

INKENT

Wow! Nice job Inkent tying it all together. I only hope Mr. Smith gets his comeuppance and the PM gets exposed for this cluster &!$@ and all the loss of needless lives. 5* sir. Well done!

Nice to see another part, but I have no idea what to think about it..........

It was expected to have Matt survive, but his reunion with Ann went a bit too quickly, I guess. I know it's a story but such quick rekindling of feelings after years of separation seems....tricky.

We FINALLY got some tips of what infos were on SD Card. While exact details are unknown, one could guess what is this......awaiting for confirmation ;)

One of two things I didn't like was Graham's death. One of the few righteous men in story finished off like that...wasn't cool, Man.... :(

Second thing were some details of final firefight. Jones should suffer more, maybe even lose some body parts for all of his perverse actions. Would it hurt to stretch story a bit more, when it's stretched so much ? But to be honest, we don't even know for sure that this f..ker is dead- let's hope that he is..... Mickey was mauled a bit more. Excluding injury and incoming arrest, he'll spend the rest of his life with knowledge that he killed his own (in his mind) kids. Still, Matt should harm him more.

Overally, half of bad guys were dealt off with. All that's left is Smith, plus maybe wimpy PM who authorized this whole fiasco. It would be a bit poetic justice if MCs made a deal with Government, or even Royals: captured infos for Smith's head, who'd be then executed by Tanya. Who was, without doubt, a biggest loser of whole story. We don't even know will she survive, and her kid's chances are even smaller.

I'd give 3,5/5 but I can't, so I'll round it.......don't know up or down yet ;)

What kind of secret agency recruits a person to go undercover under a different name when there’s literally photos of them at a police award event listing them as an officer? Also, there’s photos of them showing them as a married different person? If they’re going to use her and photos like that exist it needs to be part of the cover story. Finally, why wouldn’t this agency just use someone unknown out of a spy school? I’m sure there’s a British version of Quantico. The entire plot is just spy agency does things that make no sense just to crap on Matt. Overall, it’s poorly thought out and too over the top.

This is truly interesting. Love this genre breaking

Clusterfuck till doomsday!

Could see you trying to have Tanya do something to redeem her shitty actions a mile away. Unfortunately using the excuse of dissociative identity disorder and her sacrificing herself and her children doesn't make me feel she's any less of a cunt. One because dissociative identity disorder doesn't affect people the way you said it did Tanya and if it did she'd have never got anywhere near a job in the police. Two because no matter what she did to try to redeem herself it's never going to make up for what she did to feed her own ego and vanity. Yeah she's paid the price but she walked into the job knowing what may happen and threw Matt under the bus anyway.

Can’t wait for the final chapter

5 ⭐️

Definitely enjoying this series. Brings out lots of emotions in the readers and that's always a plus. Looking forward to how you wrap this up

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Closed his eyes when gun was pointed at him??? Really, afireman faces death every time they enter a burning building with their eyes WIDE open. With his hatred of Maickey, he would have been staring at him with his eyes open. Other than this minor character error, not bad. But again, author can shape their characters anyway they choose, even if it does not make sense in the end.

I really don't see how they come back from this whole series, I mean if she lives she's now a silicone stuffed tatted and pierced whore of a mobster and double-agent with some weird split personality, though there's I guess doubts on who the father of the kids could be. So this is about as fucked as possible, so why would Matt want her back, unless the government can magically undo everything done to her?

I'll hold any further critique until I see how this plays out.

Excellent writing. Congratulations!

Still, some room for improvement (from my humble point of view):

- How can a psychiatrist extract all those top secret details in such short time - and without the patient‘s knowledge?

- Too many actors in government agencies and all are working against each other.

- Role of the Albanians (or was it Romanians)?

- Too much time between chapters (at least I tend to forget half until the next story).

- I have read about split personalities - but doubt that Dr Jekyll / Mr Hide extremes exist in reality. Especially when you described Tanya/Tammi before as being aware of her conflicting life goals and only shifts priorities.

- Having experienced several serious wounds myself, i must state that nearly all your characters are super heroes. Fast recovery, full fight after gunshot wounds - incredible.

Apart from these minor points, I enjoyed reading your stories - especially as they improved from chapter to chapter.

Keep on writing and thank you for sharing!

Miraculous ressurections do not a drama make.

Do a DNA test on both fetuses as each may have had a different father.

What an effort, your work and talent are evident; thanks.

Childhood trauma is a powerful motivator, be it consciously or subconsciously. Very good portrayal of that aspect. So as per the foreshadowing from the psychiatrist, does she impode or the does the dominant personality take over and thus ending the mental split? To bad the last person she has sex with is not her husband (in her warped mind) but the target. The minority personality will regret that when she passes on. Looking forward to see how accurate my guesses are.

Great. 5. Interesting story. Perhaps better in Novels-Novellas.

So many players, who is who is now clouded with the publishing lag. Matt is an idiot, how many times can one guy get jumped before he gets smarter

Let me guess! Matt and Ann stay together. They end up adopting Mickey's bastard twins since Tanya's gut shot kills her, but not before the meat wagon hauls her stupid ass to the hospital just in time to save the kids. I mean, they COULD be Matt's kids, but the way this story has gone...

Absolutely loved the plot and character development. On the edge of the seat all the way through. Hope there is more coming...I would like to see a more complete ending, If not a full chapter, at least an Epilog. Just too many questions and lose ends that need to be tidied up. Please, PLEASE keep writing!!

Here is a kick in the pants.......... what if all 5 parties die at the shootout and then the author picks up the story weeks or months later. That would be a twist the writer might pull on us interested parties.just a weird thought out of no where.

Apologies all, personal life has t-boned me unexpectedly, final piece should be submitted next couple of days INKENT

WOW! That was almost worth the price of admission alone.

Final part now submitted, hopefully up in a couple of days INKENT

Loved the ending, it was well worth 5/5 just by itself.

It has been 5 days since you released the final chapter to the site, but Literotica.com has yet to post. Your last chapter only took 3 days to post. Do you, as the author, happen to know what is taking them so long???

Anonymous, sorry, no idea, still showing as pending. It's the longest I've had to wait, even where I've had stuff kicked back. Hopefully it may surface tomorrow, guess a lot of submissions going in. I have my next story ready to go, but don't want a log jam! INKENT

Matt is just a fuck up. No matter what he tries to do, he gets his ass kicked and gets others brutally injured or killed. He never should have been there, he obviously has no skills for such an operation and the emotions he injects puts those that do at risk. He hasn't made one successful move since this story began.

OK... you've set up Part 10, and we now know that Mikey is dead, Jones is dead, Tanya and the twins are dead or dying, the SD card is now in the hands of the 'good' guys, and it contains info of some sort that is a disaster for the Royal Family...

...here we go to the final Part. 5 stars for this Part.

Overall score after Part 10