All Comments on 'Add It Up'

A couple of plot holes but clever.

Unfortunately the audience here as a whole don't reward clever. Noli illigitimi carborundum. Don't let the bastards grind you down. Keep writing.

I looked BlackKnight up to read more of his stories only to discover this is his first submission! Congratulations on an outstanding first effort!

Ah you trollin' son of a bitch!!! Ya got me!

Not buying the bullshit myself but it was good for a laugh.

4* for stupid over the top humor.

You added a negative 3 ending.

Stellar

@by silentsound 04/18/20

I agree - a four at best and only because I was pre-disposed

Nice twist

Heading for 5 stars until the last page.

Loved the humour.

You had me going until the end!

Great story...

Hilarious!

That line about unloading her on some other poor bastard in a yard sale made me snort. The ending with the not swallowing was hilarious, too. Full marks from me for this little farce

I gave this 4 because the writing was solid, the lines were good, sharp and humorous and it was a tongue in cheek tale after all

This was a first attempt and not bad at all.

The timing was absolutely off and a couple of details still don't add up to work but if taken as a joke, it isn't important.

The problem was the emotional impact was written all too real with everything being cleared up as a joke.

Their marriage still probably wouldn't survive regardless of the reasons in a more real setting but the ending warped reality into the realm of the unreal. That did leave a bad taste.

One detail that still doesn't add up was his sister in law being told about the affair and how good Battey was in the sack and how much larger his dick was than Tom's.

Regardless of the very real flaws, this was still good work and a great first effort.

Coffee all over the place. Good job.

Dump her!

I was going to give 3 stars, but the twist at the end bumped it up to 5. Nicely done.

Well written a decent plot and itvreally zips along with Pretty good rational sounding Dialog

This reminds of HDK's earlier works.

Very good story, great twist at the end!

Good first effort.

I would echo Vandemonium1's comments. Keep at it!

Loved it until the end. Completely spoiled the entire story. 5* became 1*

With all the wit he had been showing through the entire story, it should have ended in 1 of 2 ways imo, 1 was him asking the agents to confirm, on record, that they are indeed agents, and thus they asked the wife to do this, in which case he could sue those agencies for breaking up his marriage, or calling the cops for falsely identifying them as government agents.

The ending just does not add up to the entire story, regardless of who asked it, she cheated on him, and he made it very clear throughout the story that there is no excuse for that.

Please write another in the same type. You have a wonderful way of writing.

...and that is high praise indeed.

Quite wacky, and very entertaining. But if she slept with Battey for national security reasons, why wait until the last page of the story to say so? I know...sometimes you can't let plausibility get in the way of the tale.

I enjoyed it! Thanks, ohio

Spent a lot of time setting up the joke. Than it went over like a turd in the punch bowl. I did give it a 3 why I don't know.

Baffled by the ending.Can someone explain it to me?.

They just can’t take a joke. 5 *

Excellent writing in the tongue-in-cheek style. Super plot twist at the end didn't ring true even in humor fantasy. BK_ was too successful at painting Smith & Wesson as poor actors for them to be anything but fools on a fool's mission. Keep 'em comin'!

I loved some of your choices: Pyracantha, Harvey Wall Bangers, Smith & Wesson

They cracked me up!

I still think the ending is just outside of what is funny. It's cute, but the wife is a moron right up until the last few paragraphs and then all of a sudden she seems clever? No.

You had me going right to the end! Well done!

Laughed my ass off, Hope you write some more. With the mess we're in we could use some more humor.

This story was funny as hell

Now I'm laughing as hard as the kids were during the story.

Thank you!

It was very funny, until the shooting. That pushed it over the edge from funny, to incredibly stupid.

Giving up your ass for America is as patriotic as it gets.

Men laugh. Men bellow. Shit I cackled. Embarrassing. Go to hell.

Way? No!

jtwheels

My wife's pussy was a National Treasure. Everyone got to see it. Hahaha

Well there's ten minutes of my life I won't get back.....

Just_Words gets it, most of the rest of you have a lot of opinions but not one story between the lot of you. I read a lot but a writer I'm not. Till I have something to offer story wise, I will only offer positive feedback and my thanks to BlackKnight for an enjoyable, humorous read. I look forward to seeing your second story!

somewhere east of Omaha

Oh man....I'm still laughing. Thanks!

Started good but then it became clear that you are a misogynist as ever woman was essentially worthless except the daughters.

This little gem made me wonder if you were going to go the humorous route of the over the top "I dont understand or know women or other humans at all" .........She was rocked. "But Patrick, if you loved me as much as I love you, you would want me to be fulfilled, you would be willing to make sacrifices for my happiness. How can you think your needs should come before mine? I'm not something you own. I have the freedom to make my own choices that I need to make me complete as a person.

It didnt go the humorous route. This mess gave me a headache.

the ending screwed it up for me... what was a veryy very beautifully humourously written story... 5 plus for the story sans the last part..that part gets a minus 5

Was shaping up to be a great farce, but dropped the ball hard at the end. Always better when you can keep the reins on the zaniness and let it work for you, instead of allowing it to take over.

It was a great read till the last para - then.. poof!

Man this was hysterical to read, so many one zinger line in there, but i guess the ending was the authors final joke on the readers.

Funny

very funny

Who cares if she swallowed? Divorce her anyway.

needed a good laugh, excellent

Great!!!!!

Patriotic slut...

Interesting twist ....

But not acceptable... At least, to me

HIlarious! And as long as she never swallowed, all's well, isn't it?

Hilarious story until the last few paragraphs....then you shit the bed.

5* Still the most hilarious LW story. Patriotic BJs and Ass-work! Gotta love it!

Nope!

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking glad you were a one hit wonder...without the hit.

Ha!

"Well, yes, but it turned out that their indiscretions weren't all that discrete, or discreet,"

Amazing to see somebody on this platform use those two words correctly. (I would hazard that 70% of the time, Lit authors use "discrete" when "discreet" is the intended word. Just like complementary and complimentary. Screwed up more than 50% of the time.

funny

Dumb as fuck.

I can't one-star this often enough. The dumbness is overpowering.

Funny

LOL, great until the hostage situation and the very end. Just divorce her, take the kids. Lots of funny conversations, kids names

... stupid ending. Remove page 3 and it'll be a five star effort.

Will he get his money back on the new lease? Funny story, I loved the two girls sense of humor. Reminded me of some of the students I used to teach.

This looks to be a tribute piece by Randi Black aka blackrandl in homage to her mentor harddaysknight, penned in the humorous style of HDK’s spoofy pieces like Not Guilty. This story is full of Randi’s trademark tics and tells, from her idiosyncratic use of the hip-hop insult “ratchet” to her usual Greek chorus of two adorable precocious daughters. The clincher is the author handle used just for this single piece — BlackKnight_ — a mashup of Randi’s and HDK’s names.

Yeah the thing at work was also an acting job...also if he had a pistol why did he let the MC completely emasculate him and throw him into a bush...nonsense

good story until the ending ruined it gave it 2 *.

5***** Hilarious story with ka-boom ending! Write On!

I am on page one. I was gratified to see somebody who understands the difference between discrete and discreet. 90 percent of writers in LW misuse discrete. Bravo. Back to the story.

I just made the comments about discrete. Five stars. JPB

Hilarious!

A laugh a minute with a twist at the end….Bravo!

Ok. This was hilarious.

Loved it. Great twist

Loved it, well done

Twist

BUT I am old school and even fot national security

NO!!

Have agents trained for that

Seriously?

Not even good as a comedy situation

B...shit

Bye bye bitch.

Fun story! Thanks!

Loved the finish!

The dumb ending ruined it.

The ending ruined it

That ending was a joke. But not in the way the writer intended...and, like Alicia, it sucked

Well that sucked.

Man so smart, woman so stupid. “I need to go fuck other men ‘cuz you fucked other women before we were married. You’ll let me do this ‘cuz you love me.”

Literally, no woman has ever said this. Ever. In all of human history. A woman might DO it. Many have, and many will. But THEY WILL NEVER SAY IT!!!” Because any human being that has managed to grow up in the world knows that that argument will not fly.

Can you imagine your wife saying the following: “Honey, we should sell the house and give all the money to this guy I know.” Or how about this: “Baby, could we sell the kids?”

I have no idea why so many authors on this site constantly come up with that same, stupid, impossible request from a wife, said, with a perfectly straight face, as if it were reasonable, “Honey, can I go fuck another guy?“

Wretched.

Wow. Funny as hell. What an unexpected ending. Your humor really made me laugh, especially her last statement. Very, very good writing. 5-😊😊😊😊😊’s

L O L

Good comedy writing. Very enjoyable using all the cliques from the typical LW stories and having fun with it.

Still 5***** on my second read through. Absolutely hilarious!!! The ending was a jaw dropping andout of the blue stunner. Please write more!!!!!

Why ruin it with a stupid ending?

"That's what being married means." Wow - what a concept...

That was one of the best and funniest works I've read on this site - until that brain dead ending. That piece of garbage was the literary equivalent of self cucking.

I had so much rich praise to heap on both story and author, including bemoaning the fact he only posted one story and that was over three years ago but that ending took the wind completely out of my sails, leaving me feeling like I just had a giant strap-on rammed up my butt without warning. From laughing helplessly at "Your mom never swallowed" to "WTF just happened there?" In a matter of moments, from 5+ to 1-. I really hate it when authors pull shit like that on readers and I'm glad this author's brief career appears to be over.

The ending sucked but I'm afraid I wasn't able to swallow it!

That stage blood sure does make a mess! Good thing it comes out easy. It's really a shame that the MC has no manners. He should of at least offered the agents a couple of cold Colt .45's. Even though, being on duty they would have to refuse, it is still the thought that counts. BTW was Tom the director of the Our Town play? Well all's good now that the story is confirmed and the MC has been assured that his wife didn't swallow. On the other hand doesn't that make her kind of a half-hearted patriot? “extremism in defense of liberty is no vice” Barry Goldwater.

That certainly indicates that something as mild as a blowjob without swallowing is no vice. What's the MC's problem anyway?

Funny and original. 5 stars.

So Alicia got Tom on the cover story too. I am sure I could never guess what she used for payment.

Ummm well I didn't quite expect that ending... and I'm not exactly sure what it was. But uhhh yea that was a good read however you look at it

Wtf? One of the dumbest endings in the history of fake bullshit endings.